Would you be offended if your dh wasn’t sure he wanted you there at a medical appointment

[Lardlizard]

Not said no just that he would think about it

It’s a back appointment so nothing too personal

People reverse things on AIBU because there are posters who delight in being able to tell the OP they are unreasonable whether they think they actually are or not. Making other people feel miserable is a way of dealing with their own unhappiness.

Why would he assume he's welcome to go with you? Why would he want to? Weird. Is he controlling in other ways?

Nope, I'd be grateful, lol

@Trousersareoverrated

People reverse things on AIBU because there are posters who delight in being able to tell the OP they are unreasonable whether they think they actually are or not. Making other people feel miserable is a way of dealing with their own unhappiness.

Then it's better to ignore those posters than to try to control their responses by deception.

I'd never go to a hospital appointment with DH, or want him there with me, unless it were to drive as the other couldn't.

I 100% would not want him in the actual appointment with me nor would I think he would need me there. That's weird.

I only went to the doctors with DH after his cancer diagnosis because I was looking after his meds. I get irritated if DS wants me to go in with him to be honest, he's an adult and can sort his own health.

He won't be allowed in because Covid so easy answer.

It is more common to see couples together at appointments than not TBH, esp if it's something serious. The stereotype would be man coming with his wife, who remembers and organises everything - while women oddly enough don't tend to have that so much and just crack on.

Eye clinic, always in pairs as the patient can't see after they've put the drops in. Long tedious day for the two of you hanging around bitter experience

But a back appt, maybe not the most exciting day out is it?

I wouldn't accompany anyone to any sort of medical appointment, unless it was the follow up that you were getting important test results from.
My DH accompanied me when I was getting the results of a cancer investigation but it is the only time in 20 years together.

No - his appointment

I don’t know why you’d want him there??? Unless you have problems being heard or retaining information. I doubt the Dr will want to be exposed to his germs pointlessly either.

If it were a specialist appointment, especially if driving was likely to be an issue afterwards, but generally no. Was it an offer of "would you like me to..." Or an assumption that he would be coming.

Just to be clear I went to every hospital appointment with DH (at his request) but had not gone to the GP with him before. I would have been a bit surprised if he had expressed a wish to come with me for a routine appointment.

Oh god tell him to bog off.

Is he needy and huffy in general?

I've had my partner accompany me to the surgery but they've never actually come in with me - except once when I wanted my husband to witness how dismissive and horrible my then GP was with me.

Even in marriage you are entitled to some privacy.

No I wouldn't mind at all. He might feel as if he's look a bit silly to the doc having his wife there to hold his hand!

Is it possible that he doesn’t believe that you have a bad back and wants to hear what the doctor says?

I wouldn't dream of inviting myself along to someone else's medical appointment. My husband has requested me to accompany him on two occasions. At both he was expecting a lot of feedback (and in the case of a physio appointment lots of advice on exercises); essentially he wanted me there as a secretary to make notes so he didn't forget anything. That was fine. I have never had anyone present at any of my medical appointments. Not sure I'd even want a partner present if I were giving birth, to be honest, though I've never had to make that decision and never will.

For something ordinary like a routine back appointment, then no.
If it’s likely to be more serious, then I think it’s better to discuss things openly and ensure he’s aware of the prognosis.

If you’re married, then surely you are a partnership?

I only found out my DH had been diagnosed with cancer by accident when one of the nurses rang and said ‘ah Mrs B, I’m just ringing to let you know we’d like Mr B to start his chemo treatment next week’ (paraphrasing)
I pretended I knew all about it and took the message but was in total shock. I had no idea at all that DH was seriously ill with a blood cancer as DH was working and had been very dismissive about his medical appointments. He didn’t let me attend any of his chemo appointments so I couldn’t talk to the medical staff about how to support him or what to expect with the treatment.

I had no-one to talk to and none of my friends had been through any serious illnesses so I had to get on with looking after DS and DH too, as the chemo was tough on his body. There wasn’t the access to online information in those days either. He just kept saying, it will be fine.

No..I actually prefer NOT having anyone with me at medical appointments, so really wouldn't see the issue if someone else thought this way. Possibly if it was something really serious (like finding out if I had cancer) I might prefer someone with me, but thats hypothetical and I think I would still prefer being alone anyway..

Only medical things DH went with me for was stuff like scans when I was pregnant. I have only been with him once when it was a medical thing, and thats only as he was picked up in an ambulance and the kids weren't there so it felt right to go with him. I have also had multiple A&E admissions where I specifically told him to stay away as he couldn't help really and I would be back once better. Mind, when I was in a surgery ward for a fortnight, he wouldn't listen about staying away and did come in a few times (mind I was VERY ill), luckily as it turned out because they wouldn't listen to me and wanted me discharged when I felt like I was dying, but they listened to DH, got a second opinion and I got another emergency surgery..and was told if I had been discharged, I wouldn't have been back in time and would likely have died at home

For something fairly minor, I wouldn't expect to go with him or him with me. He wouldn't either.

I did go with him when he had covid because he could barely stand up or think straight.

Why would he want you there? I don't take DH to any medical appointments and I have quite a few. I would only do it if there was a possibility of me being told I have something life threatening.

Just seen that it is a reverse... The same applies. He is being daft to want to be there. Has he got a lot of spare time? I wouldn't be at all happy about the fact that he wants to accompany you even though you don't want to as it suggests he thinks you are not being truthful about something.

I really hate reverses. They just really piss me off, if you want support there are plenty of places on MN that will offer that that arent aibu. It just seems like they will only announce its reverse if everyone disagree with the original statement. Its like a way to always be right

Why does he want to go?

Thats a key factor really, is he worried about you?

Generally I dont think adults need soemone for a routine appointment unless its for something serious, or worrying where an extra pair of ears is useful. If the adult has dementia or SN where they need additional help.

Generally though if DP said 'do you want me at your Gp appointment' I wouldnt say 'no I dont need you', it would be more 'no, Ill be okay', I'll think about sounds like your giving a child permission. Maybe hes offended because it seems like you dont want his support rather than you dont need any?

DD (nearly 18) has been going in alone since she was about 13. She knows I will go in if she wants me to but I always assume she would tell me. She has been doing her own research into vaccinations since she was 12.

I wait in the waiting room and don't ask questions unless its for practical reasons booking blood tests etc. I deal with all her "admin" (at her request) because she is really bad at this. But this is something I will be reducing because she needs to learn.

Don't take it personally, our job as parents is to pretty much make ourselves redundant.

I’ve never understood why grown ups have to have company at medical appointments, which is just as well really, as my ex never came to any ante natal appointments or scans.
However, I do think if it’s something potentially concerning then company would obviously be appropriate and welcome.