Would you be offended if your dh wasn’t sure he wanted you there at a medical appointment

[Lardlizard]

Not said no just that he would think about it

It’s a back appointment so nothing too personal

I hate this crap. Why did you not come out straight in your first post ???

It wouldn't occur to me to go with DH to a doctors appointment just like it wouldn't occur to him to come with me. Just not something we've ever done. Though we've both probably only been 2 or 3 times in 20+ years so it doesn't really come up.

Definitely wouldn't be offended if he didn't want me there.

Do you think there's a reason why he wouldn't be able to cope or deal with the appointment on his own?

Is he usually controlling?

Does he have form for being controlling? Is he concerned you're making up an excuse about seeing the GP for your back, but might disclose something else to them? There has to be more of a backstory here. I'd be hard pushed to drag DH to a Drs appointment with me, even if I wanted him there.

@nimbuscloud

I hate this crap. Why did you not come out straight in your first post ???

That's what I was wondering.

Depends on what the appointment is for...

Of its Arin of the mill check up/blood test/whatever... then there's no need.

Of its finding out big news, then I would like to think DH would want me there for moral support.

But then again, his wishes would trump my personal feelings over the matter

OK, the update changes my response slightly. Why did he offer to come? Is he worried about you? Or thinks that you won't remember what you're told, or will forget to tell the doc something? Or is he worried you won't tell him everything that happens in the appointment or has trust issues and thinks you're not being completely truthful?

At the moment I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be allowed in to any appointment with you anyway so you don't really have to think about anything at all.

What a strange thread. Why would any adult go to another adult's medical appointment with them unless it was about something where a lot of support might be needed.

@nimbuscloud

I hate this crap. Why did you not come out straight in your first post ???

Yes this. What difference do you think it makes OP? It's manipulative and annoying.

The answers would be the same. No adult needs to be accompanied to a medical appointment unless a) they've asked or b) they need help (and have asked for it).

OK then putting aside the silly way of asking the question why do you need to think about it?

@SunshineOnATrainToday

What a strange thread. Why would any adult go to another adult's medical appointment with them unless it was about something where a lot of support might be needed.

Well ... You've answered your own question...

I recently asked to go with DP to an appointment and he reluctantly agreed, we knew he was going to be told he had cancer and I knew he wouldn't take everything on board when he was given the information. Afterwards he told me he was very glad I was there as the minute they said the words "pancreatic cancer" everything else went over his head. I retained far more of what was said than he did so yes, there are times I would want to accompany someone I love to a medical appointment.

He sounds clingy, which is annoying. Is he always this way?

Why couldn't you just say that? Either way, no, but why did he offer? DH came with me when I went to the breast clinic for a suspicious lump. Because I needed him there. Otherwise, only if I need someone to drive me there or back. Mostly, I cope better on my own.

I doubt he’d be allowed in with COVID restrictions. I’d imagine it would be the patient present only unless they have a carer

I've only ever been to oe if my dh's appointment in 30 years and I insisted. To be fair he didn't put up ant resistance. He was clearly suffering g from depression, not sleeping, eating well etc . As a family we were walking on eggshells. I wanted to go to make sure the doctor got the full story rather than him putting on a brave face.
Other than that it would never occur to me to go for something like a bad back.

The only medical appointments that I have attended with my husband or he has attended with me was the one where he was diagnosed with cancer and the vast majority of the hundreds of appointments since then. We knew that they were checking for cancer at the first one.

Apart from situations where an upsetting diagnosis might be made, I see no reason for spouses to tag along. In some situations it might be considered controlling, but only you know if that is a possibility op.

No, that wouldn't offend me. Nor would I have expected my husband to be with me at medical appointments.

My husband had type ll diabetes and I did go with him to his first diabetic eye clinic appointment, he wanted me to so I could pick up on things that he didn't. It was quite interesting. Other than that, no, not that either of us ever had many medical appointments.

@throwaway100000

I doubt he’d be allowed in with COVID restrictions. I’d imagine it would be the patient present only unless they have a carer

Another great point. My adult daughter had to go to A and E and her dad had to drive her. He wasn't allowed in to the hospital.

I've only been to one appointment with DH and that was because his doctor asked me to attend too. DH has never attended one of my medical appointments and I wouldn't want him too.
But if he offered (or vice versa) we'd be able to answer the question when it was asked without having to go away to think about it. Your coy prevarication would annoy me.

Why did you need to think about it? Just say yes or no.

Is there a specific reason he wants to be there?

It would never occur to me to have anyone with me for any medical appointment unless it was results from a biopsy or a baby scan.

I don't think he necessarily sounds clingy. Some families wouldn't dream of letting a member of that family go to a medical appointment alone, whereas I really prefer to go by myself.

He’s offered his support to you, and you’ve rejected it. That’s what he is possibly offended by, not the appointment per se.

I’ve supported my dh on his hospital appointments in the past, and he me. Not all of them, but some, both more serious and less serious.

He probably wouldn't even be able to go at the moment blame covid-19.
My dc has been transferred to adult services at 16. I had to get a little firm with the staff in order to enable me to accompany him to some tests a few weeks ago, he also has asd and going somewhere new would freak him out without invasive tests too.