Parents of secondary kids

[MrsJunglelow]

How troublesome are their schools?

Mine is in a state school with one of the best reputations in the area.
It’s an ‘average’ area, not massively rich and not deprived.

In the short few months DS has been there I’ve been blown away, and not in a good way, by the behaviour I’m both witnessing and hearing about.

Multiple fights, one witnessed by me just today with all the teachers crowded around, kids getting picked on and hit by other children either unprovoked or for very, very minor things both in school grounds and outside.
All filmed and circulated round social media.

Appalling language, lots of fucking this and fucking that, a kid a couple of days ago shouting at another child that they were wanted to suck off someones dick.

Conversations overheard about fighting and homophobic language.

Someone DS knows allegedly had a knife pulled on him (in school grounds)

What with this and the seemingly increasing violent crimes; knife crime mostly being reported in my area, honestly, I’m feeling really uncomfortable.
I’ve told DH I think I want to move but he says it’s like this everywhere now?
That gang culture has filtered down and I’d present everywhere?

Wow, no. Absolutely NOT like this in my dd's mixed intake school. All girls if that makes a difference.

Sounds quite normal. My Dd's go to the top school in our area and there are fights every day. One child brought a gun in to show everyone. They are regularly offered drugs. It's sad.

Gosh I don't recognise any of this. DC both went / go to single sex schools and they're not like that.

Just asked DD and apparently there is a bit of snobbery from very wealthy girls but no racism, homophobia or bullying.

No knives, gangs or such at DS's school as far as we knew.

However there are obviously some with knives locally as one boy was stabbed to death by one of his 'friends' last year. Known to be trouble and expelled from numerous schools though.

my eldest is at a state school and my middle both girls is at a different system school.
both average areas.. mixed areas .
eldest has rarely mentioned and behaviour.
middle child constantly telling us about fights and bad behaviour.
I initially thought it was th3 school... but eldest said she sees it but doesn't feel the need to tell us or be bothered by it .
so for us it's the different personalities

This sounds very typical of the secondary schools in my town and the one my two DS went to. I think it was worse in the 80s/90s though when I was at secondary school.

You've summed up why I've scrimped for 10 years to send DS to a small independent school.

I went to a small state school where no-one was bullied, no fists, no knives, extreme swearing warranted suspension. I couldn't find a small decent state school in our area, so we'll do it this way and I'll work an extra 5 years if that's what it takes.

Oh yes forgot, one child knocked another one out the other week, he was carted off to hospital.

For various reasons her sibling is currently at a local prep school , I now call it the 'land of milk and honey'

There are fight videos posted almost weekly (Pre Covid) online from our closest Comprehensive school

My DS is Y7 at a very popular mixed comprehensive school (no grammars here), most of the intake are fairly middle class with a few from the neighbouring less affluent area (where there have been a lot of issues with teens causing trouble, including lighting cars on fire).

DS is tiny but says he feels safe at school. He says the bigger ones barge into each other and swear, but it's more banter than fights. He hasn't seen fights since he's been there, and I haven't heard of issues from friends with older children there. I see lots of the children walking to and from school and they seem pretty well behaved in the main.

M

My dses go to a very bog standard comp in a distinctly average area and haven't experienced anything like that.

I don't think I've been living under a rock, I am certain there are trouble makers and kids that mess in classes but nothing significant or serious. This is the local school that is always written off based on its reputation of 10 years ago but I actually think it's a pretty good school.

DD's school seems to be fairly peaceful - small incidents like someone setting fire to paper in a loo bin, and one case of a kid (friend of DDs) leaving due to bad bullying in Y7. Never heard of any weapons or physical violence there. State school, intake is mixed, it's right on the border where a very affluent area meets an underprivileged one.

My DC is at a spectacularly average state comp, in terms of size, demographics, results etc. I'm aware that this means it's the kind of school from which most MNers would run screaming. Urban location in the north of England.

I don't on the whole hear swearing at chucking out time - I have to walk through the crowds to pick up my younger DC from another school. The majority of kids are quite mindful of budging up on the pavement. No weapons that I've heard of. When my DC was in Yr 7/8 there were no fights, but for some reasons in Yr9 the testosterone has been flowing and there was a small flurry of them before half term. Nothing since. My DC feels safe at school.

My DC does report lots of homophobic language being used though. Racism appears to be picked up on quickly, homophobia no so much.

Absolutely nothing like my boys' state school. Good behaviour on the whole, really nice kids and a positive environment.

I’m from Finland and nothing like this was going on in my city centre outstanding rated state school . I must have lived in a bubble in the 90 s there ! In those days you could smoke when you were 16 and there actually was a designated smoking area in school grounds around the corner of the building in the courtyard! I never smoked at school though just at parties sometimes . We did have house parties and drank beers on the beach in the summer etc but I never run into drugs ,knives let alone guns , gangs , saw fights etc . Felt fairly safe .
Now I have two kids in big city centre private schools one little one at a mixed non selective in a nice middle class area with a very cozy atmosphere and emphasis on old fashioned manners etc . They used to all shake headmasters hand coming in and another teachers hand going out every single day before Covid ! And this was well over 300 kids . No tolerance for any kind of bad behaviour bullying etc .
My older one is at one of top prep schools in the country and other than some bad language and stupid teenage antics ( they’ve had people bring in vapes of course even there so clear outs of lockers etc ) nothing ever happens . There’s zero tolerance for any of this and they’re strict which I’m happy about . I’m still worried for them living in the big city these days . My DS was already mugged at 13 with a friend one of the first times I let him go anyone other than a friends house or similar . I live in fear of the violence ( my husband has been attacked 3 times when he was younger but he used his martial arts skills ) and other than now for worrying about the virus I’m happy that he goes to school and back in the school bus . We’re moving out a bit in a while though and then he’ll be in public transport part of the way at least and I’ll worry again I’m sure but in a few years he’s out there in the world at university and I can’t be there saving him so he has to learn to be street smart and fend for himself . The mugging although no physical violence towards him but his friend and no weapons shown must have scarred him . He said he used to fear and be profiling groups of kids on bus stops ,the high street etc in the middle of the day in a nice area I hope he’s not so fearful anymore ! It’s not ok to have to live in fear . Makes me so sad for our kids , my little one is still so innocent and unaware of these things having lived in a bit of a bubble in her nice safe school in a nice area ( although mugging , burglaries etc happen here too and gangs are around I’m sure being in a big city ). Totally different world than in my childhood in Finland ...

[quote Saladfingersscaresme]@52andblue your post reduced me to tears, my son is 14 and has Down Syndrome, to think anybody could pick on somebody with such innocence shocks me to the core. Poor lad. It’s sickening.
Op, I hear horror stories about our local academy and the high schools in the nearest city, the catholic and free schools in my area have the best reputations.[/quote]
Hi @Saladfingersscaresme
I am sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.
The young person in question is a girl. Her parents are wonderful.
She is at a different school now.
My ds has Autism. He is such a kind gentle lad. He's been through hell at 2 different schools in 2 different counties in 2 different countries.

Kids can be vile. Teachers and parents need to teach them better.

Bloody hell OP. My DD's at a comprehensive and the behaviour there is good. She's never reported any concerns and I've never witnessed any bad behaviour, though I understand that there has been some deterioration in behaviour over this Covid period.

@52andblue oh no, don’t apologise, I imagined my son in that situation and how scared and confused he would be. I’m happy to hear she has moved to another school and I’m sorry your son has had such a hard time at 2 schools, our children have enough on their plate without having to cope with bullying or worse.
Yes, kids can be vile, you are right about the parents and teachers need to be vigilant to SEN kids being bullied, they can’t or won’t speak up and suffer in silence.

My kids go to the local mixed state secondary which is classed as outstanding (outer London). Behaviour is generally very good, respectful, kind, tolerant. There is some swearing but there is zero tolerance for bullying, homophobia or racist remarks, and bad behaviour is dealt with effectively. My kids are very happy and feel 100 per cent safe. So please don't worry that all secondary schools are scary places, they aren't.

Not all state schools, Secondary or Primary are like this at all. I have worked in both in a very deprived area 50% of children are Pupil Premium and behaviour is outstanding. Any issues are promptly dealt with and not allowed to escalate. The majority of our children have poor home lives and need school to be a safe-haven where they are nurtured, listened to and can learn effectively. Our attendance is constantly above 97% throughout the whole school and that speaks volumes, children actually love coming to school. A good strong leadership team and robust policies that are firmly adhered to needs to be in place. It’s really upsetting to hear of so many schools that have the issues being discussed here.

My eldest is in year 7, I don't hear anything regarding fights from her, but they are all still in year group bubbles. However, the fire alarm has been set off twice in the first half term and there was a class WhatsApp group which had some utterly vile language and links to porn on it (at 11 years old FFS).
DD is not the most observant child so I don't know what else is flying under her radar.

The school is in a village, but it is huge and covers a large catchment. Gangs, I wouldn't know, but I wouldn't be surprised. There was a big campaign in schools recently to raise awareness of county lines. I've talked to my child about it so at least she's aware that these things go on. And the location is between two cities.

I went to a state secondary and I think it's worse than mine. Mine had zero pregnancies that lead to babies, no swearing in class, no rogue fire alarms and few fights in 7 years. Usual bullying and some sex on school grounds existed though.

DS is in a state academy, market town in a rural county. When fights happen, he tells me- mainly about the lightning fast response of SLT (and his fond hope that there may be tasers involved one day ). It’s rare, maybe once a half term.
He had an issue with bullying in yr7. It was sorted out and the other child is still kept away from DS (although DS now feels that things have shifted a lot and he feels pity for his former friend and then bully).
There is bad language among the pupils, never in class. Very rarely is uncontrolled behaviour seen. The head is a wonderful example of balancing firm control and approachability.
There are drugs, anyone claiming there aren’t any in their children’s school is deluded.
DS is happy there and has just applied for a place in the sixth form.

My DCs (year 8 and year 10) go to a state secondary with a good local reputation and I'm shocked reading some of these posts. I don't think it's like that at all at their school.

My son goes to a super selective grammar. I'm not boasting, but I see a couple of comments along the lines of, if you don't get into the grammars, you're fucked. I have been shocked at the behaviour! Some of it is low level stuff. Some of it is completely outrageous. No knives that I'm aware of, but brand new fancy glass windows were shattered within a week of being installed. A bus had its top windows pushed out while it was moving, a child drank a whole bottle of spirits and the head teacher had to phone an ambulance and accompany the child to A&E, food is thrown, bottles of pop thrown over kids, I could go on.

Part of me thinks the ethos of the school is not to crush the spirit of tomorrow's leaders. Which I hate. Luckily ds gets his head down and keeps himself to himself. But honestly, I can't wait till we're finished with secondary education!

Not here!

Ds left an all boys state grammar this year. The behaviour there was appalling. He suffered terrible bullying and the school had a really significant problem with drugs. They are rated outstanding by Ofsted but have not been inspected since 2011.