Parents of secondary kids

[MrsJunglelow]

How troublesome are their schools?

Mine is in a state school with one of the best reputations in the area.
It’s an ‘average’ area, not massively rich and not deprived.

In the short few months DS has been there I’ve been blown away, and not in a good way, by the behaviour I’m both witnessing and hearing about.

Multiple fights, one witnessed by me just today with all the teachers crowded around, kids getting picked on and hit by other children either unprovoked or for very, very minor things both in school grounds and outside.
All filmed and circulated round social media.

Appalling language, lots of fucking this and fucking that, a kid a couple of days ago shouting at another child that they were wanted to suck off someones dick.

Conversations overheard about fighting and homophobic language.

Someone DS knows allegedly had a knife pulled on him (in school grounds)

What with this and the seemingly increasing violent crimes; knife crime mostly being reported in my area, honestly, I’m feeling really uncomfortable.
I’ve told DH I think I want to move but he says it’s like this everywhere now?
That gang culture has filtered down and I’d present everywhere?

Sounds like my school days I was hoping things would’ve improved. I have a six year old son

Kids language is appalling when they think they are not observed/overheard. Big fights happen, but they should be rare and the culprits given an exclusion for a few days and their return carefully managed.

The knife is a worry. Is this in a city area or country out of interest?

Yep there are fights at dds school too.

Knives in primary school occasionally round here too

Honestly the school DS goes to is in a pretty deprived area but we have never had any problems with these types of things (maybe other kids have). When I went to schoolnon the 90s the violence and bullying was a lot worse than it seems to be for DS.

not normal at all. Yes move if you can

My ds is at an Academy in a deprived area and its awful.
He has told Caamhs that he 'feels unsafe 80% of the time'.
His best friend goes to the other posher state school 15 miles away.
Parents move to the area to get in. His friend is bullied relentlessly.
A child I know there with Down's syndrome was beaten so badly the Police were involved.
It's horrible.

Also... Mine at a state school with one of the best reputations in the area. I suppose the town is mildly prosperous but region is not. Rural area.

No word of fights or knives, very occasional (like once every 3 yrs) talk of something inappropriate on social media. Language can be bad (but not as bad as when I was a teen). No word of gangs & I believe few drugs (the kids don't have money for them).

Vibrant, genuine Institutional & student body tradition of support for LBGQT kids.

So basically everyone is largely in agreement with my DH then?
That’s it’s shit everywhere?
God this is so depressing.

1 kid in a large local comp...south birmingham-it’s dire.
1 kid at a Birmingham grammar school...very good although language is flowery to say the least! I can see why the middle class parents of Birmingham start tutoring their kids from year 3 for the eleven plus.
1 kid due to start another local not quite so big comp next September-it doesn’t have the greatest of reputation either.

So to summarise-unless you are top 5% and get a grammar school place round here then the choice of comps is basically the bad, the worse and the ugly (there are 3 which we fall into catchment for).

Ours seems quite strict. One was suspended for swearing in class. For a week. Another expelled for posting something online. They get sent out of class after a warning.

My DD goes to supposedly one of the best schools in the county.

I think it's a bit of a zoo :
They all look really scruffy, very short skirts, caked in make up, dyed hair
Last week a teacher was late, my DD told me they were throwing chairs round the classroom
Homophobia is rife and also anti-semitic jokes which really shocked meand have given my DD nightmares about concentration camps
A boy in my DD class has brought in a hammer and has threatened to bring in a steak knife
My DD has food thrown at her this week and called a lesbian by the person who threw the food at her and her trainers trashed last week, not to mention the toxic atmosphere and constant low level verbal bullying
Yr 8's running round the yr 7 bubble and not challenged by teachers
A lot of unruly behaviour going on either due to lack of adult supervision or behaviour not being challenged by teachers
Girls from yr 10 or 11 smoking weed just outside school
My DD is year 8, so we are yet to encounter the sex, drugs and alcohol of the older years !

I would have pulled her out, but I know that there is nothing better out there, this is supposed to be an outstanding school. So yes it is depressing to think that this type of lowest common denominator education is all that available to the majority of our children

I should add it's a faith school and children are bussed in from all over the country , which costs parents at least £1000 per year per child

County not country ! Now that would be an amazing school !

cannot

Until you said faith school i wondered if our kids went to the same school...dd had food thrown over her recently too

And comments about whether she's going to summon up a demon... ( she likes the coolur black and tries to look like abby from.ncis)

Some minor bullying at my DC school but nothing physical. Very low tolerance for bad language or bad behaviour. Homophobia, racism and misogyny is dealt with
My DC are completely safe there

None of this would ever happen in our school. I am reluctant to say it is private but it is. No one swears (I imagine they do alone) we have never had one fight in all the time we have been there ( 8 years or so) Of course no knives and well behaved, committed students. They would be out of the school in seconds if they were caught doing any of the things you describe.

My friend's dd goes to a good state school locally, and is having a similar experience.

I definitely think you should move! Be forensic about your research.
I could not let my child stay in a school like that - I would sooner home school, it sounds like my old school which was a living hell of violence - I would be worried sick every day.

They would be out of the school in seconds if they were caught doing any of the things you describe.

This is essentially the issue. There is little state schools can do.

Ah yes, one of the posts has just reminded me!
The stench of weed being smoked as they are walking into/out of school and students bringing vapes in aswell

Don't recognise that here either. Some bad language but not everywhere. There are fights but more likely scuffles between individuals. Bad fights are rare and broken up quickly. No issues with knives. And it's a very large comprehensive so realistically the trouble only involves a very small proportion of the school.

It's wrong to say there is little state schools can do - they can and do send pupils out, suspend and expel here.

I'm a teacher, I used to work at the "best" Secondary school in the city I lived in, in a lovely affluent and leafy area with an outstanding Ofsted report. Behaviour there was absolutely shocking. Huge amounts of bullying, racism and a huge amount of gang crime similar to what you described. Teachers had no control over the kids. The reason they were the best was because all the millionaire's kids hired private tutors (the local private school got worse results than the one I worked in).

I moved jobs a couple of years ago to a town that is classed as deprived. The progress 8 score when I joined was negative, Ofsted was good but nothing spectacular. I enjoy my job 10000 x more there. The kids are respectful, well mannered, keen and inquisitive. They all look out for each other and is a highly diverse culture.

Speaking to other schools, it seems schools that are in the centre/close to the centre of cities and towns have seen a big increase in gang culture. Those in more rural areas don't seem to have any problems at all

If you can, I'd recommend transferring schools. It's NOT like this everywhere. I can 100% vouch for that.

@52andblue your post reduced me to tears, my son is 14 and has Down Syndrome, to think anybody could pick on somebody with such innocence shocks me to the core. Poor lad. It’s sickening.
Op, I hear horror stories about our local academy and the high schools in the nearest city, the catholic and free schools in my area have the best reputations.

Yes sounds much like the incidents that happened when eldest ds was in secondary twenty years ago and nothing much improved and plenty was worse when dd was in secondary only a couple of years ago as well. Ds's school wasn't well regarded but dd's was considered best in area. On the inside behaviour wise there didn't seem to be much to choose between them tbh

DD was at an outstanding school which sounds very familiar to your experience. Moved her after 1 year to a 'good' school and thankfully don't experience anything like this apart from language used between themselves. In 2 years there have been 2 fights, isolated cases dealt with very effectively. Would not want to repeat teenage years for anything