Would you be with someone less educated than you?

[tt3t]

I was talking to a friend, and she mentioned that a male in our friend group said he liked me but wouldn't want to be in a relationship as I didn't go to university. I thought if you like someone and get on well, that shouldn't matter.

Does this matter to you? Would/did you consider this when choosing a partner?

Yes.

My DP is less 'educated' than myself but he is super smart, has way better general knowledge than me and is emotionally intelligent.

Our insighful conversations are what most attracted him to me.

So many more meaningful things than how long somebody stayed in formal education!
Similar outlook on life, curiosity about the world, desire to learn new things, ability to express and justify an opinion (doesn’t have to be the same opinion as me!) willingness to see beyond the confines of their own experience...
Mind you, I’m still single and nearly 43!

I am more intelligent than DH, as well as being more educated. This is an acknowledged fact in our house in the same way as we acknowledge grass is green, it’s not done in an I’m better than you way. He is not thick by any stretch, but I am one of those annoying people who absorb things like a sponge.

We have been married 12 years and perfectly happy with the mismatch in intelligence level!

Our core values match, we both enjoy travel, we believe the kids should be raised the same way, he did not enjoy education at all but is constantly at the children to strive to do their best in school.

I think ruling out a life partner just because they can’t spell or do maths well is ridiculous.

Yes and I am. He's still very well educated but I just pop him to the post. It's more about natural intelligence and good company than formal education. They also need to be resourceful and have a good work ethic. The rest is just semantics.

I am, but we have very similar IQ's and he's smarter than me in the things he's interested in.

Well, I would struggle to find many people less educated than me.

Hm, I would say it's not wrong. Although most of my dearest friends and all of my family are university educated - my best friend is a professor and so are my sisters - I do think it sameifies people a bit. A certain way of thinking, of speaking, of looking at the world is produced by the university experience and if you're not like that, it can feel a little...obtuse. There's a class dynamic too - of course - universities are in the business of producing elites to some extent - but it's not just class. It's an institutionalised mindset. I must reiterate that I love and value people who went to university! I'm just saying it's not wrong to say we think differently; that we approach the world differently. That can matter in a partner, I think. I think it's ok for that to matter.

Less educated but not less intelligent. For me, the work ethic is more important than the education as I wouldn’t want to carry a partner financially.

He can’t be that bright if he is basing relationships on whether someone went to university or not.

DH has less formal education than me but he probably has more hands on experience. His chosen path has been less academic because of the nature of his employment.

Education is not as important as intelligence. But being with someone less intelligent is draining - missing out stimulating and challenging conversation, being accused of snobbery when wanting to do intellectual activities, and feeling like you are solely responsible for teaching your children critical thinking skills and having proper conversations with them.

@maddy68

Yes. Being more educated doesn't equate to more intelligent, however equal intelligence is important to me as otherwise conversation would be very limited

This basically.

Yes, my husband is much less educated. He has an incredible job and makes 3x what I do

Agree with @jojomolo about the class/institutional outlook bit.

Intelligence is really important to me, but even more importance is being widely read, and an inquisitive mind which is always learning, debating etc. I couldn't have a relationship with someone only interested in cars or football, I want to discuss the latest thing I've found out about octopus life, or how trees communicate, or his thoughts on whether Bletchley was as important as its been made out in the end of WW2. Then I can put up with DH droning on about test match cricket!

I thought not, but my foray into online dating was revealing, I had very negative experiences from guys who weren't university educated, was called posh (I'm not) and criticised for using long words aka normal language! My dp is slightly less educated because I have a masters but very successful. My experience is men are intimidated by women who know more than them alas

I have a BA and a MA, and the last three relationships I've had have been with men who dropped out of university halfway through their degrees. From each one I have suffered snidey comments about my qualifications and endless attempts at intellectual one upmanship. Fuck that shit, and point me to the postgraduates!

Formal education isn't a dealbreaker; I have a higher degree and professional qualifications, my DP left school at 16. He's easily as intelligent as me although our minds work slightly differently. He works in IT and is basically self taught, but incredibly good at what he does (as evidenced by the fact he outearns me by some way!).

I have had relationships with people who were not particularly intelligent (some of those did have degrees, though mostly not) and they were just painful. I found I had to dumb myself down, make my slightly flowery vocab more basic, and be content with conversations that were never more than superficial. I found it quite depressing!

As a flip side to the OP's post, when I was younger a lot of guys I knew said they wouldn't consider dating someone who had a degree/ worked in a profession, as they would feel intimidated. So I guess it cuts both ways.

It’s intelligence that matters, not education.

@Bagelsandbrie

I think it’s actually so embarrassing when people come out with things like “I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t have a degree”. It shows complete lack of life experience and emotional maturity. Plenty of people didn’t go to university for all kinds of reasons - it doesn’t mean they’re less intelligent than anyone else who has a degree. You can’t always use academic success as an indication of how intelligent someone is.

I was accepted into Oxford. I never went because my Gran - who I lived with and adored after she “rescued” me from my schizophrenic and alcoholic mother- got terminal bowel cancer so I nursed her at home instead. I never went to university.

People are just showing themselves to be stupid by excluding people with a degree.

This. While it shouldn’t be (and lots of people who have had the opportunity to access it don’t realise or think it is) education is a luxury and a privilege that is just not afforded to all. If you were one of the lucky ones to have been living a life that allowed you to be healthy enough and supported enough to gain education past basic school don’t then think that makes you better than or somehow it makes people who didn’t lazy or less than.

I didn’t get the chance to even apply to university (so no idea what universities would have accepted me) because by the time I would have been getting ready to go I was homeless (and had to drop out of high school) due to long term severe emotional and sexual childhood abuse. I then within months had a massive mental breakdown which is common once you escape trauma and while still recovering became physically disabled all while being in a violent relationship with a person who I had started a relationship with while at school who completely squashed any ability for me to access education in the next couple of years even if I had been well enough to do so.

In the years since my health has never recovered and the circumstances laid the groundwork that means I’m unlikely to ever be able to gain a degree while support myself (ie pay bills and not lose my home) and balance that with my ill health and disabilities.

but I’m not stupid, If circumstances had been different I very well could have been educated to a high level and had a completely different life but they weren’t and this attitude that seems so common that people who aren’t educated are stupid or lazy or lack ambition (they seem quite content in their dead end job, etc) makes people like me feel like absolute crap.