Would you be with someone less educated than you?

[tt3t]

I was talking to a friend, and she mentioned that a male in our friend group said he liked me but wouldn't want to be in a relationship as I didn't go to university. I thought if you like someone and get on well, that shouldn't matter.

Does this matter to you? Would/did you consider this when choosing a partner?

I an and it was a wise choice because he earns shit loads more than me. Sadly not enough for me to be a lady of leisure but enough to allow me to drop some hours.

He's actually really intelligent, much more so than me, but chose not to go down the formal education route and I think in his case it was the right decision.

Formal education isn't the only type of education that matters.

I've barely got any GCSEs let alone a university degree. I do not learn well in a formal setting with exams and deadlines, it's too much pressure. I prefer learning about subjects I enjoy at my own pace in my own way.

I would happily go out with someone with no formal education. I would not go out with someone ignorant however.

I graduated from a Russell Group university - DH dropped out to go into the trades at 14.

He earns double what I do and is much better in social situations too. I suffer from severe anxiety and struggle in any job that requires face to face interactions.

Education doesn't equal intelligence, nor does it necessarily result in high earnings. There's much more to life than being well read.

I did OLD - I always put a minimum academic qualification because I found that my own suite of quals put men off. Many of them don't like it and the "you're intimidating" crap comes out. At least if the date had a degree we'd have uni experiences to chat about.
In terms of correlation though, one of the stupidest people I ever met has a PhD, same as me. I work with a lot of smart people who have got to HNC and stopped; this is purely down to lack of opportunity/family encouragement.

I have a degree and PGCE. Late Dh dropped out of uni in his home country as he couldn't afford it. We were very compatible intelligence/humour/politics wise anď it worked well.

I think you should of chosen intelligence rather than education, as there is a vast difference!

My H and I are not intellectually compatible and I kind of knew this at the beginning but I didn't think it would become such a big issue as the years went on...well, it's certainly an issue now.
He is unable to talk at dinner parties/parties/gatherings unless it's about sport. He is beyond boring at these events and adds nothing. You wouldn't notice if he was there or not.

He watches only sport and hardly reads. He's not even funny which would be a bonus!

Intelligence and education are two completely different kettles of fish. Particularly for children from impoverished backgrounds whose parents may not be engaged in their education.

I've known highly educated people who were thick as shit when it came to emotional intelligence, and uneducated people who are sharp as tacks.

Yes but not less intelligent.

I am dp barely made it through gcses I was accepted to uni (didnt go due to ds1) but it's never been an issue. He was the main bread winner and unless I went very specialist (which I didnt want to do) I wouldn't of been earning anywhere near what he could.
Just because people are intelligent doesnt mean they have common sense either.

Just to also say OP. It doesn't matter what responses you get here, it will not change the opinion of the man who doesn't want to go out with you. The naive view is that as long as you like someone, that's all that matters. Given differences in finances management is a leading cause of divorce - it should tell you, how complicated long term relationships can get.

Also, we live in a very tough economic market, and maybe he's someone who wants a partner with the option to work abroad with him someday, have the option for them to be the main earner (if he loses his job), or someone with similar earning potential. Rather than seeing it as a basis of intelligence - see it as future proofing. As much as I might disagree, a lot of jobs in this country do require a basic formal education, a lot of countries (even our European neighbours) do not hire expats without a degree.

In fact, I'd say a lot of people now do the degree not for status, but as a tickbox so they can get a job. So unless someone has an alternative technical qualification or apprenticeship (Which I consider the same as a degree), is in a very secure self employed profession, or has a very specialist skill set - I would worry about the future prospects of someone with no degree/professional qualification especially as the markets get more globalised, less secure, we move into a recession and younger people enter the pool every day. Maybe he's the same? You have no idea what his rationale is, so don't let it make you question yourself.

I have a degree and professional qualifications. My husband did an apprenticeship. We took the same length of time to qualify.

I have enough academic intelligence to do my professional job. My husband has the right level of practical intelligence to do his.

Day to day he is way more practical than me and can see how things fit together light years ahead of me. I am better at sorting out people issues.

We have stuff to talk about because we are very different. Equally we do have different values, which is where we are less compatible.

We tend to talk about the things where we don't overlap with friends and people we work with.

Some people will say things similar to “x doesn’t value education because he/she didn’t go to university” “x doesn’t value education because they don’t put school as a number one priority” no, if someone doesn’t value education they don’t value it even if they do go to university, or live near a ‘good’ school

This. I'm an academic lecturer. I see students whose love of thinking and challenging and exploring new horizons shines through everything they do. I equally see students whose love of education is dubious to be kind. They're at university not because of a love of thinking but because their parents told them people like us go to university. Some of them admit it openly.

Otoh I have family members who did not go to university but who are educated, intelligent and with a love of learning. My grandfather was like that, two of my brothers are like that. My dd is one of the most intelligent and interesting people I know but she did not go to university: she is training in physical theatre and spends her time lying on the floor sounding like an orgasmic whale.

My dh did go to uni and did a BA, but many of the people he works with didn't. I have a PhD. I don't think there's a massive intelligence gap there: we just did different things.

@Ideasplease322, I am all too well aware of lack of opportunities, but ultimately you make your opportunities by hook or by crook, if they’re not handed to you by wealth, expectation or upbringing.

DH and I met as teenagers, from very working-class families who didn’t prioritise education, or encourage us in it. None of our parents had gone to school past the age of twelve and had absorbed the idea that education, even finishing secondary school, was ‘not for the likes of us’. My parents were both functionally illiterate, and actively discouraged me when I mentioned university. None of DH’s five older siblings had gone to school past the age of fifteen. My school hardly ever sent anyone to HE. I got the forms myself, filled them out myself, researched scholarships to the local university and went and sat them, and won one. That’s how I met my husband, because we were the only obviously WC kids among the private school uniforms at the scholarship exams.

I have always envied people who went to good schools, with interested teachers who encouraged them (ours were exhausted from keeping order), and parents who didn’t continually try to talk them out of HE, but fundamentally, you make your own choices and resist familial/social expectations if they frustrate your aims. There are ways to get to university with no help.

DH and I are good together because neither of us was ever handed anything educationally but we made it happen anyway. It’s pretty lazy to assume anyone with multiple degrees comes from wealth or a background that expected HE.

And the ‘highly educated people lack common sense and/emotional intelligence’ is about as true as that other Mn old chestnut about ‘genuine upper-class people’ being courtly and charming to all, while dressing like tramps and driving ancient rattle traps.

I find this interesting like some pp because of my experience on online dating.

Initially I was on a site where you could choose level of education and there were very few men who had the same level as me but I still filtered to a similar level or slightly lower (minimum degree level).

Didn't meet anyone I felt I could relate to intellectually despite filtering.

Then moved to Tinder where there is no education filter - and met my (new) current partner who didn't go to university for health and family reasons but is genuinely one of the most intelligent people I have met (like others, I work in HE).

I'm glad I dropped that filter of formal qualifications !

But I agree that I met a lot of men who were intimidated by my level of qualification and I had to be quite careful initially to play it down a bit.

Don't have to do that with current partner who is impressed rather than intimidated by my career and education.

What an awful attitude to have about people who didn't go to Uni. It makes me sad as I know my daughter will never make it to Uni and will have done extremely well if she manages to get a couple of low grade GCSEs.

My DH is highly intelligent but didn't go to Uni because after years of being bullied at school he couldn't wait to leave so at 16 with 10 grade A O levels he started work as a junior clerk in a bank.

He then did professional exams and worked his way to the top ( director level) and is now very highly thought of in his field of expertise)

He's a published author now too.

I have many very successful and intelligent friends who left education at 16 or 18. We are all around 50 and I suppose attitudes and opportunities are different now to when we were young.

DH has a degree and is currently doing his masters. He earns six figures.

I barely made it out of secondary school, no degree, went to work at 18. I own my own business and make ten times what DH does.

Education does not equal intelligence. My DH is probably the most intelligent person I've ever met, he's breathtakingly smart but sometimes he's so stupid it brings us onto an even keel. I've got a different type of intelligence that he lacks and together we plod along quite nicely.

We never ever run out of things to talk about and we have loads in common despite the educational differences.

I’ve got two degrees (Masters & Bachelors), and several other qualifications (Associate degrees, diplomas etc) I enjoy studying DH has his professional trade qualifications, and can speak three languages (I’m stuck with hello and thank you). We enjoy a debate and can as other posters have said, articulate our points of view. I’ve dated guys who have the equivalent of just their O levels but are very successful in their areas (think national manager level of local stock exchange listed companies) and again enjoy a lively debate One half sibling is as thick as pig shit, and spent a good decade in her 20s thinking she couldn’t travel from the North Island of NZ to the South Island of NZ without a passport. Anyone of her intellect Level, I struggle with, but I do have some not-so-smart friends who have a heart of gold who I value.
I think it should be more about values, shared interests, motivations and street smart (common sense) is as valuable as book smarts. There are some very thick academics out there... (survived a decade working in higher education)

Education depends on so many things (money/ parents/interests) and only mildly correlated to intelligence!
I’d want them to be interested in the world and to think but I wouldn’t have an education level cut off! There are lots of other qualities that are important and intelligence (not education) would be one factor.

@Alexandernevermind

He sound like a stuck up dick and a snob.

this.

I think him making such a sweeping judgment shows his ignorance to be honest.

My dad didn't go to university and could debate and converse in many subject areas, often very in-depth discussions. I've other friends also who can do this, some with and some without higher education qualifications.

I've done a PhD myself, have some family members who are academic and even more who are clinical doctors and people vary. To be so short sighted says more about him than you!

@LongPauseNoAnswer

DH has a degree and is currently doing his masters. He earns six figures.

I barely made it out of secondary school, no degree, went to work at 18. I own my own business and make ten times what DH does.

Education does not equal intelligence. My DH is probably the most intelligent person I've ever met, he's breathtakingly smart but sometimes he's so stupid it brings us onto an even keel. I've got a different type of intelligence that he lacks and together we plod along quite nicely.

We never ever run out of things to talk about and we have loads in common despite the educational differences.

So you’re a millionaire? If that’s true surely you’re experience is irrelevant to most normal people

Level of education doesn't matter. Level of intelligence does. I think it would be really hard to be with someone really, really unmatched in terms of intelligence and intellect, mainly because it would constrain discussion and conversation. Same with a sense of humour, I couldn't be with someone who wasn't broadly matched on that either.

I don't think it matters on the face of it. I have a PhD and dh has an undergraduate degree and works in a field that most people probably wouldn't consider to be particularly 'prestigious' if that makes sense (like he's not a doctor or a solicitor, etc.). Actually, me personally, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone else with a PhD doing similar things as me. It's nice to have someone who is a bit more grounded and whose work is very different.

But I do think it matters that you are aiming for the same sorts of things in life. Often picking someone with a similar sort of education as you is an simple way to do this. Dh and I are both very career driven and ambitious. He works in what most people would consider a 'trade' but he is self-employed and makes significantly more than I do with all my fancy degrees, has celebrity clients, very successful at what he does. I wouldn't have dated him for long realistically if he was working the till at Tesco and never aspired for more. That's not to put down anyone who works at the till at Tesco, but we just wouldn't have had enough in common.

I am. Interests and values are way more important.

Yes. Education ≠ intelligence. As anyone with any significant life experience is very well aware.