Would you be with someone less educated than you?

[tt3t]

I was talking to a friend, and she mentioned that a male in our friend group said he liked me but wouldn't want to be in a relationship as I didn't go to university. I thought if you like someone and get on well, that shouldn't matter.

Does this matter to you? Would/did you consider this when choosing a partner?

Our relationship is like @coffeeandgin26 and her fiancé’s. I’m educated and he is not. He is intelligent though, just lack of encouragement from his deadbeat family meant he grew up to believe he was stupid. He’s really really not. He’s hardworking and passionate and brave which has all worked well for him and he’s now got his own business.

I couldn’t be with someone who is much less intelligent, or who has no ambition.

But education doesn’t equate intelligence.

I Have a pretty senior job and earn a good salary, and I do find that men are put off by this. Apparently I am intimidating🤷🏼‍♀️. I went on a date a couple of years ago and they guy kept referencing my job and money, wasn’t nice.

So I need someone who is secure - I have absolutely no issue with someone who earns less than me, but I don’t want someone who has a problem with this.

My boyfriend has a degree. I barely scraped through my GCSEs and got a quite useless BTEC at college. I don't think I'm thick though. I have recently been diagnosed with autism and suspect I also have ADHD, which explains why I didn't do well at school.

We enjoy watching quiz shows together and though I don't get as many questions right (don't ask me maths questions!) as him I certainly know plenty.

There's a big difference between education and intelligence.

Intelligence is more important than formal education. I'd still want someone who was generally educated about the world, knew what was going on etc, but you don't need a degree for that.

Of course educational achievement doesn’t equate to intelligence, but no, I wouldn’t, I’d want someone who prioritised education, and who put his intelligence to use academically. DH and I both have doctorates, a.though he’s switched fields.

I come from a not so good background but have a Phd. My husband comes from a far better background and has a honours degree. Matters nothing between us but I find it allows me to get on in an upper class world. Education can transcend class.

@TuesdaysWell

Of course educational achievement doesn’t equate to intelligence, but no, I wouldn’t, I’d want someone who prioritised education, and who put his intelligence to use academically. DH and I both have doctorates, a.though he’s switched fields.

The problem is prioritising education isn’t possible for everyone.

My brother in law is probably more intelligent than all my siblings. In our family you went to university. It was never questioned. Our parents funded undergraduate and post graduate degrees. Hey sacrificed a lot to make sure we had an education.

His parents were wealthy, but had a big family business. The boys left school at 16 to work in the business, never encouraged to try hard at school, never given that path.

Education isn’t easy for everyone. I can’t imagine ever rejecting someone simply because they didn’t have as many opportunities as I did.

That's an awful comment for him to make
I have the same educational background as dh and I do think we have a lot in common

But I wouldn't chose someone based on their qualifications at all

That said, I once dated a man who couldn't read a menu or even the door sign 'welcome' and I did find if off putting. This was also due to the fact he still lived at home and I used to wonder how he sent texts or was his mother helping

Yes. DP never finished uni and I just finished my masters and I am due to start my PHD. However he is intelligent and has a good job and aspirations.

I broke up with my ex as he didn’t go to university, dropped out of college and was ultimately happy stuck in his minimum wage job forever and that was a deal breaker for me.

Education doesn’t matter too much as long as they have goals in life.

He sounds like a keeper. Not.

What an absolute snobby up himself dickhead he is!
His loss. Snobby wee git

I think there are lots of different types of education.
There are also people who are great readers, or really interested in watching documentaries about a wide variety of subjects who learn lots of facts but might not like reading. There are people I love to walk with, because the can tell me things about rock formations we see, or about the birds we hear, etc. There are other people who know all there is to know about one particular interest or hobby. On the other hand, there are some incredibly intelligent people who find conversation with others quite difficult.

I think most of us need to be with similar-ish people in terms of conversation, more than in terms of when you stopped your formal education.

Yes

Agree totally with those who say that the there's not much correlation.

I was surprised that it was a man saying that though- I thought it was going to be the other way around. For s variety of reasons men seem to sometimes even prefer feeling very cleverer etc.

Anyway he sounds like a prick so no.

I married for brains and money but the marriage died because of lack of sex and romance. I would quite happily be with someone less intelligent if he was smoking hot and I wanted to have sex with him.

Well that’s rude... you dodged a bullet, OP. As other pp’s have said, it’s not as simple as higher education = more intelligent.

Anyway, I’m quite surprised to hear that from a man too
I’m pretty sure research has shown women are more likely to find intelligence as an attractive trait. Whereas I don’t think being a well educated female is likely to change your attractiveness to men.

I would, but I have a masters so a BA would be “less educated” I’m quite a “nerdy” person so I’d struggle to connect with someone who isn’t as well read and interested in continuing to learn throughout life.

Marriage and partnership aren’t just about who you like, there can be values people want to pass onto their DCs about education and there’s nothing wrong if that’s a priority for this man. There’s someone else for you.

@RebeccaGillies

I think similar levels of intelligence is best but not necessarily the same level of education as that can depend on opportunities or choices of job etc

This

Turniton do you believe that academic qualifications are the only indicator that a person is intelligent, well read, and interested in learning stuff?

Probably not, but it does depend on where they stopped. These days it's so common to have a degree, it's almost expected.

I've not met many people who only have GCSEs who I have much common ground with. And it's not from a lack of trying, I went to a school where a grand total of 4 people in my year went to university! Similar thing with just college/A-levels, I've had more misses than hits.

@NiceGerbil

Turniton do you believe that academic qualifications are the only indicator that a person is intelligent, well read, and interested in learning stuff?

No but it’s a good starting point. I wouldn’t be with a graduate who is otherwise uneducated either.

This is an interesting thread.

I know loads of people with less formal education who are clever.

And loads of supposedly educated people who are not that much cop.

Some of the cleverest most successful people i know didn't get past a handful of GCSEs. Or a levels max.

Employers are starting to recognise this looking at things other than formal qualifications.

You can tell if someone is clever or not by having a few conversations with them. This thread is odd to me.

No it's not a good starting point.

At all.

If you're actually talking about intelligence rather than degrees etc being a proxy for something else...

@turnitonagain

I would, but I have a masters so a BA would be “less educated” I’m quite a “nerdy” person so I’d struggle to connect with someone who isn’t as well read and interested in continuing to learn throughout life.

Marriage and partnership aren’t just about who you like, there can be values people want to pass onto their DCs about education and there’s nothing wrong if that’s a priority for this man. There’s someone else for you.

@turnitonagain. Being “ interested in continuing to learn throughout life” is a must for me as well. I know some highly educated people who are somewhat stuck( perhaps obsessed?) in their niches and don’t really look beyond them.

My DH is always learning new things, reading new books, etc. I find that far more interesting than his degrees.

@NiceGerbil

No it's not a good starting point.

At all.

If you're actually talking about intelligence rather than degrees etc being a proxy for something else...

Are you trying to date me? Sorry I’m already married

Not sure why you care what I value in a partner so much!

As someone else said, your (formal) education level is not an indicator of your intelligence. Any fool can go to university.

My husband has a Masters degree now but when I met him he had 1 A-level at grade E or something like that. I consider him as smart as I am and I have lots of academic qualifications.

@AmICrazyorWhat2 I’m not interested in degrees. But from experience, I’ve not meshed well with men who are not on my level of intellectual curiosity and I decided quite young not to marry anyone who wasn’t a match in that area. There are most likely non degree holders who could meet that standard, but I never met any because my career requires a degree so my work and social networks were all degree holders. And I met DH through university friends.