Gifted deposit, help

[Imanidiot20]

Had offer accepted on a house. Got money from house sale and parents also said that they would give me a sum of money towards the deposit too if I needed it as they didn't give me much for wedding.

My head's been all over the place with house stuff, working long hours and stressful family health worries. Lots of back and forth on how much to offer and how much deposit to put down. My parents also had to get a letter saying it's a gift and give identity documents and bank statements so it's been stressful for them too, which they could have done without. I didn't realise they had to do all that. I'm clueless about all this stuff.

I'm waiting for some of my deposit money to go back into my account after I'd applied to put it in premium bonds. The whole process has been so stressful - was intending on waiting a while before buying again before we saw this house but plans changed and it's been full on juggling work and house buying. Then it turned out that I actually didn't need all that money (at least not the full amount) from my parents. So they've given me this money as a gift but I didn't need it all. I feel awful and also stressed out that I won't get the mortgage because I had more money in my account. Also worried about the delay in getting the rest of my deposit back it's supposed to be next week but what if it takes longer. I spent much of yesterday in tears about all this and a family member has given me strong words and said I better give parents back the money. My parents are ok about it said to stay calm and just get the house purchase sorted but I'm worried all this will count against me.

I'm just upset about my stupidity and if I'm successful getting this house I'm never doing it again. What a mess.

As long as they say it’s a gift not a loan it’s fine. Relatives of ours had a gifted deposit.

Why would you keep quiet about any of this? This all normal life stuff that can be discussed outside the family.

Not doing things the way somebody else claims they would have done them doesn't necessarily mean you're doing them wrong OP.

It sounds like you've bought into the narrative that your brother is a clever and capable man with a good head on his shoulders and you're a ditzy girl who doesn't know up from down.

The reality is, he sounds very jealous and is probably an insufferable arsehole with an estate agent's turn of phrase. And it would do you the world of good to try doing stuff without his "help" and undermining. I'm sure you'd find out that you're actually perfectly capable. And that even if you do encounter a hiccup, you're perfectly capable of dealing with that too. You just breathe deeply, count to 10 and work your way through things, calmly.

Take him at his word. Don't contact him. Get the house purchase finished on your own. And do not speak to him at all about what happens to the leftover money afterwards. It's none of his business at this stage.

You don't need his help to organise insurance or to choose a carpet fitter etc etc either. You are perfectly capable.

Deposit - mostly this is covered by others. Premium bonds they are pretty efficient but a nightmare at answering the phone - I would ring them and be persistent hanging on - get a coffee and a cross word or book and put the phone on speaker!!! I had to claim back some bonds as part of an estate recently (like this month) and they have been quietly efficient in sorting it. It certainly won'''t take a month so don't worry about that. And IF there really is a problem arrange a temp overdraft to cover you just in case.

The extra money. There is always SOMETHING that needs a bit of money thrown at it when you move - if its not the boiler, it might be electrics/carpets/furniture etc so personally I would keep sme just in case. The other extra if your parents don't want it back add it to what you want to deposit on the house (I would split it 3k to keep 5k extra on the house) reason being if you think of the interest you will save yourself if you take an extra 5k off your mortgage for 20 yrs, it could save you easily as much again even at todays rates.

Your deposit will need to be cleared at the solicitors so allow a good clear 3 working days to ensure its all clear and accessible for them to wire to other parties.

Lastly stop being a worry wart, let your brother get on with his sulk. When its all settled send him some flowers and a thank you and sorry for being a pain. He might have behaved like a 15 yr old but frankly you do actually sound close so I would beat him up about calling you horrible things and then give him a hug as you won't be getting any more brothers anytime.

Your parents sound kind and vulnerable - hope your brother is not mucking them around too. Is it his comments that's been making them stressed, as well as you?

Your plans to buy alone because of your OH's situation show that you're very sensible and a good planner. Really, stop telling people you have no common sense. You clearly have very high expectations of yourself - far too high; you don't have to sound professional etc. Whereas your brother thinks he's God's gift to mankind, very likely as he is less conscientious and just bluffs his way through with his confidence. Practice rolling your eyes about him in the mirror!

Get your arrogant mouth-running hypocritical idiot of a brother out of all this.

If he's said you're on your own, GREAT. He doesn't sound clever, just pushy and twatty.

'Thanks but I'd rather you stay out of it now. You've got a different approach to me, not a better one it seems. I'm done with your bullying, and for the record what a bloody hypocrite you are, having a go at me about M&D's finances when you pushed for much more money for your wedding than they spent on me despite being better off. Wow, no more words needed from you I think - look to yourself first.'

OP doesn't need to apologise to her brother. She has done nothing wrong; he's at fault. Apologising would just feed his Trump-sized ego.

I agree with everyone else. You're doing fine, everything is going as it should, you just need to trust yourself.

I would worry about what you've said about your husband. Have you had some advice on how to protect your assets if you split? Because you're at risk of him getting 50% of your house including your parents investment and you not being able to get anything from the house abroad or mysterious stocks.

In no way will having extra money in your account matter at all to the mortgage bank or the solicitor. They won’t know. And what do you think, that they expect a balance of £0.00 at the end?! Of course not, it’s up to you how much cash you have left in your account at the end of the process.

You have two choices:

• increase your deposit by that £8k (although you should keep some savings in case of emergency eg if something goes wrong in your new house). This also means you’ll need to contact the bank or your mortgage broker and it may add a few days to the process. But it will save you money in the long term from taking a smaller mortgage.
• Give that money back to your parents once everything is all done and dusted

You really need to calm down though, and contact your bank, solicitor or mortgage broker if worried, they are professionals that need to guide you through the process. But there is no risk at all in the situation you described, breathe.

House buying is stressful. It sounds like someone may be trying to say because you have been gifted some money your family would have a claim on the house but this isn’t true if your parents have had to write a letter advising it’s a gift this may have been to satisfy the mortgage lender and or money laundering regulations. Ultimately It’s what’s on the title deeds when you complete that counts about who owns the property. Your solicitor will advise on this. Premium bonds withdrawal is about 2 working days so if you have a date to exchange all you need is the deposit your solicitor will tell you how much. It is good to give yourself buffer for time scale so if you need the money in two weeks get it before so your sure if won’t delay the exchange. The full sale balance will probably come from your mortgage offer in full or partial (topping it up with monies you have) again your solicitor will advise the amount as you should have already received the mortgage offer. Mortgage companies offer based on a property value the mortgage company won’t change the offer unless it expires once you have received it and had a valuation on the house) If you have roughly calculated you have been gifted more money than needed for the deposit/ sale once the full house is bought and completed offer to return it to your parents don’t involve anyone else in this and don’t worry about inheritance tax as sounds like non issue with the low amount transactions involved. If in doubt ask your solicitor it’s what you pay them for.

Op you need to get a grip on your anxiety and stop putting yourself down. Just because you have little experience of this doesn't mean that you are not capable of learning.

Stop sabotaging yourself with how stupid you are etc, that is draining and untrue. (and a very female thing to do, often caused by men undermining us)

Make a pledge to yourself to STOP the negative comments having an impact on your focus, if anyone is negative or unhelpful, ask yourself does that really matter in the bigger scheme of things?...
followed by are they right or wrong?.... stop assuming that YOU are automatically in the wrong !

Op l am sure thay without the anxiety causing you such stress you are perfectly capable, if you don't know the processes, spend some time googling and making notes. Find out the facts for yourself and speak to your solicitor with a list of questions. Remember they work for you.

Remind yourself that you are a capable adult and methodically tackle on issue at a time. You can do this calmly.

If your relationship is wobbly and if you go ahead and even use a bit of the money that your parents have gifted you, your solicitor should suggest ring fencing the gift money.

But as PP have said, don't worry, you are doing fine. Don't let your brother bully you!

As your parents have gifted you the money, you will need to get all the legal stuff sorted. If they die after 7 years of the gift, the money is no longer part of their estate & IHT will no longer be necessary. Think of it as an advance on any future inheritance.
And don't worry! Your family member is being an arse.

Jesus the drama. You're able to buy a house and you have a job and living parents and your problem is you have too much money. Time to chill out and realise how well you have it compared to many these days. You're making problems where there aren't any.

This is all highly confusing and sounds downright crazy!
Your family member does not sound like they're helping at all - stop letting them be involved!
And you really need to become more financially aware. There is an endless supply of information online or in books about buying property - please read up and get more confident. If you can't deal with these things, you're just going to end up stressed, like you are.

That is the trouble, when someone else claims to be an expert and takes it over, you don't read those books and look for that information - and you never get that knowledge and experience, and you're even more convinced you're useless, while the "expert" has now got even more knowledge, and potentially more of a hold over you.

OP, have you told your brother that you are only getting from your parents THE SAME amount which he received for his wedding, so what's his problem exactly?

If your relationship with your husband is wobbly I would worry about him getting half of your house. He not have citizenship yet suggests that it is still early days and your relationship is wobbly? Being married he is entitled to it regardless of his name being on the deeds or not.

You're paying your solicitor, she should be able to explain anything you're not sure about. Mine did for me when I was a clueless first time buyer. Your emails don't have to be mega professional because in this situation you aren't the professional - again you're paying for her professional expertise and part of the job for her is understanding what you, as a non-legal expert, are asking. People buy with gifted deposits all the time so I highly doubt there's any aspect of this she hasn't seen before and can't advise you on.

If you want to give some of the money back to your parents and you're sure that's what they want too, you can sort that after you've sorted the house. One thing at a time.

OP - if you will not be exchanging until next month why do you need the actual cash in your bank account next week? You need the deposit when you exchange. The mortgage co should be happy to see that you have ownership of and access to the funds.

I agree, the quicker you can get the premium bond money the better, but it doesn't necessarily need to be in your solicitor's account until the day before exchange.

If you are married and things are not rocks solid, I think you are v wise to have the house only in your name. Have you discussed with your solicitor the potential for your DH to claim a share of the house in a divorce?

I thought showing my broker the money going into my account and then out to the premium bonds company would be sufficient (also got receipt of transaction I could have shown) but I was told that they need to see the full amount of deposit in my bank account... So it will need to wait until I get the money back. This needs to be in place before the mortgage is applied for.

The mortgage supplier is fine with parental gift just need to specify how much and they had to complete a letter. I didn't realise I had to tell the broker that before. Just thought saying X deposit was fine, not that a portion of it is from parents.

I updated my solicitor about needing to wait to get the money back and she said that's fine just let her know when it's sorted. So hopefully it all goes through ok.

I look for info online sometimes but most of it pertains to English property procedure, not Scottish. It's done differently up here.

DH has AS, we get on well enough most of the time but communication issues and misunderstandings etc. He basically told me he didn't really want to buy somewhere with me in case we split and I got left with a mortgage I couldn't pay.

I'm not sure if DB was given the same amount for his wedding as I was given for the house. I don't know how much he was given so maybe I was given more and he's not happy - no idea. But I think it's mostly me not noticing that I already had the funds in my own account and not needing to get it from my parents (he basically suggested that this had depleted their savings quite a bit) I think that's why he's angry.

Heard nothing from DB today, he's probably cooling off after his rant. I'm going to try to have an early night, didn't sleep much last night for worrying. Just feel like this has stopped the excitement I had about the house.

Don’t let it spoil your excitement, and don’t let him have so much involvement either.

Marriages have ups and downs. It’s just life.

I'm confused how you didn't know how much money you had before you started to buy a house!

OP, are you saying that you dont need any of the money from your parents?
Just using your own money, do you have enough to pay the deposit? If yes, then give the money back to your parents and just use your own money. Or, keep the money and have a larger deposit.

There really is no need at all for the drama you are creating. You havent actually sorted the mortgage yet, so waiting for your investment money to come back isnt a big deal. A week or 2 wont make a difference to your house purchase. There is no need for drama.

If you do not have enough using your own money then use your money plus whatever portion of your parents' gift that you need and return the remainder. Again, there is no need for the drama.

I am with your brother on one point; you say you didnt actually disclose the amount of money you actually had access to (through your investment cashing out) so your parents felt they needed to help. Had you actually been upfront with the figures then your parents wouldn't have had to gift this large sum, and they seem to have been a but stressed by it. On that point only, you should perhaps apologise but the rest of it is not something to get so worked up about.

We were throwing different figures around or rather DB was suggesting I offer X amount and then that was upped and then I got the deposit from my house sale in my account and it was removed. And then it was ok put down X as a deposit put down 20% no 25% going on about LTV etc etc and tbh I don't even know what day it is. It's been a really stressful couple of weeks worrying about major surgery and houses and my workload keeps getting increased I can't keep up with all the email chains and new projects and I just can't concentrate on anything. So I've dropped the ball on this money. Last night I worked on until 9pm to try and catch up and take my mind off things, couldn't even eat dinner I just sat there working. I did make a dent in it but it's just so busy now I'm wfh. I'm trying to work out what I actually need now. I'm thinking I need some of it but not all. Like I said it's a mess and I feel awful. I don't know if I should even say all this to the broker if he's going to wonder why I have more money than I said I did?

The broker wont care. Why would they care? You realise that people dont use every penny they have for deposits.

Say you have 20k in the bank. You decide you can afford 15k for the deposit since you want to keep 5k because you know, you might need some money for stuff. Do you think a broker would look and say "you've got 5k sitting in your account. Why would you say you only had 15 available?"

They wont. The amount you pay into your deposit is your choice, as long as it is at least the minimum. It doeant matter how much money you physically have; you dont need to use it all. Buying a house does not mean you arent allowed to keep some savings aside for your own use.

If you have the minimum deposit required and you will be approved for the mortgage then that's all that matters. If you want to pay a large deposit then go ahead but no one cares.