Gifted deposit, help

[Imanidiot20]

Had offer accepted on a house. Got money from house sale and parents also said that they would give me a sum of money towards the deposit too if I needed it as they didn't give me much for wedding.

My head's been all over the place with house stuff, working long hours and stressful family health worries. Lots of back and forth on how much to offer and how much deposit to put down. My parents also had to get a letter saying it's a gift and give identity documents and bank statements so it's been stressful for them too, which they could have done without. I didn't realise they had to do all that. I'm clueless about all this stuff.

I'm waiting for some of my deposit money to go back into my account after I'd applied to put it in premium bonds. The whole process has been so stressful - was intending on waiting a while before buying again before we saw this house but plans changed and it's been full on juggling work and house buying. Then it turned out that I actually didn't need all that money (at least not the full amount) from my parents. So they've given me this money as a gift but I didn't need it all. I feel awful and also stressed out that I won't get the mortgage because I had more money in my account. Also worried about the delay in getting the rest of my deposit back it's supposed to be next week but what if it takes longer. I spent much of yesterday in tears about all this and a family member has given me strong words and said I better give parents back the money. My parents are ok about it said to stay calm and just get the house purchase sorted but I'm worried all this will count against me.

I'm just upset about my stupidity and if I'm successful getting this house I'm never doing it again. What a mess.

Sounds like darling brother is jealous of the financial help you are getting.
Your parents aren't upset, why are you whipping yourself into a frenzy over this?
Buy the house, & offer to return the extra. I expect your Mum will say for you to keep it anyway. You didn't deliberately con them or lie.
You brother has sour grapes

Just take a deep breath and calm down.

1. Ditch the family member and stop listening to them, their advice is rubbish
2. Talk to your solicitor if necessary
3. You can never have to much money and it doesn’t matter if you have more than you need

4 your parents giving a letter is to do with money laundering and the mortgage company also wanting to be sure you won’t have to repay it, thus not being able to afford their payment 5 once everything is settled you can always give the surplus not required back to your parents 6 if you don’t get your deposit money out of premium bonds in time use the extra money your parents gave you

But the main thing is get rid of the family member

It south's very much like your brother is jealous . And a bit controlling. Instead of thinking that he is "helping" i see it's he is inserting himself into your affairs in order to have a certain element of control over you. Now he's found out that you got more money than him and is furious as to him that suggests he is less valued. He has totally over reacted and saying you should not contact him again is ridiculously over the top and designed to make sure that you DO give that money back in order to save your relationship with him.

I do think you are being very dramatic though OP. So you have made some mistakes with the maths. Your parents are ok and just want the house purchased. That should be enough for your brother. Tell him to buy out and take control of your own affairs. I night my very first ever protest this year and didn't need advice from anybody and I certainly wouldn't have let my sister or brother take it on as a project. In the nicest way, You need to grow up and adult.

Where is your OH in all this?

I'm really bad at doing things in an arse about tit convoluted way.
Stop putting yourself down. You're just a normal person. Buying a house is always stressful. Your brother is not a financial genius, he's unpleasant, jealous and pissed off when you don't jump to his command.

*Tell your brother to butt out. I bought my very first property this year. Stupid phone

It's is no one's business but yours and your parents , I would hazard a guess that many of us that haven't bought a house before or moved in a very long time would know what to set aside for fees .

Really don’t know what the fuss is about? You were buying a house and parents said they’d lend you money but then you didn’t buy the house in the end.

Give them their money back....! End of.

This family member has clearly got to you in a way that’s way OTT. They’ve got you stressing and panicking over absolutely nothing.

gift you not lend

House Moves are one of the most stressful things to do. I can understand why you feel overwhelmed. But I think you need to step back. There will be a few hiccups, everyone understands that and delays can occur. You are in a great position so don't stress too much.

You are doing fine. As said above the lender wants source of funds details to check you are not laundering North Korean/gangster etc money. It is no problem to have more money. I always have lots in savings ready for tax and VAT payments throughout the year for example. That does not mean I would be forced to get a smaller mortgage. Other people want a mortgage but to keep some of their savings in case they get sick etc. Don't worry about it.

On the moral issue of family helping you buy my view is parents should give exactly the same amounts to every child regardless of circumstances so if you have had more than a sibling may be suggest to your parents that this spare £8000 is given by you to the siblings if they have had less? The parents also might want to adjust the will to even it out then too so that if you had more during their life you get less when they die but it is up to them.

If the parents are very short of money and need the £8k back then they can have it back.

I can write emails fine but he's good at making it sound more businesslike and to the point stating important facts (that I wouldn't have thought about) whereas I tend to write an essay and go off on a tangent. And he knows more about house buying as he's bought and sold a few properties. My last time buying was over 10 years ago and I hadn't sold somewhere before. I really have no common sense and worry about money not having enough even though it's incredibly generous of my parents to give me this money. But I'll be giving it back.

I'm going to have to tell my solicitor about the delay in getting the mortgage sorted because I don't have the rest of my deposit back yet. She's been pressing me to get things sorted (exchange is next month) so I'm worrying about that as well. I'd been trying not to be too attached to this house in case things fell through. My own sale had its completion date delayed twice and I was worried it wouldn't happen, it was such a relief when it did.

My brother is quite over confident and does see me as a bit dense. He'd already had a go at me when I'd been unable to do something on the credit report website - I had to video myself trying to do it to show him that it was the website that wasn't working not my ineptitude. Maybe not a good idea to get advise off family members but he's been great so far and now he's told me I'm on my own.

I'm dreading the wait to get my invested money back, I hope it comes back on the day they stated and I'm not waiting any longer. I don't want the sellers pulling out.

I'm just sick of the whole process and this shitty year.

Tell your brother to do one and if he ever calls you a c*nt again that will be it as far as you're concerned. (btw if his DW is on here she can see what he's been up to and i hope she'd take your side and tell him to wind his neck in). He had the brass neck to ask them for money for a wedding? you have asked them for money for an investment, bottom line, so he can suck it up. Hoping you will lose the house is an overreaction, and it sounds as though all the legwork is done so you can walk away from him.

Your parents will be fine. They have said they will be and they will be.

When you have moved in you could always reasses and see about paying them the 8k back. Or ask them what they would prefer? Maybe they'd prefer to see you settled and with an extra 8k paid off towards your mortgage.

You can do this.

Just use the money your parents are giving you if it covers the amount of the deposit you’re waiting for.
If you have extra left over after buying then just give it back to your parents after completion. You didn’t lie to them, you didn’t realise you’d have money left over.
The letter about the gift is standard to check it’s not laundered money. You can never have too much in your account when applying for a mortgage

Let your solicitor know about the delay with premium bonds - she may be able to help and at the very least she can inform the vendors' solicitor so that they know you're not mucking them about.

Your brother sounds very controlling and jealous. He seems to have got you worked up into a frenzy. All the banks are concerned about is whether you have a deposit (and that it's not secretly a loan from somebody) and that you can pay the mortgage. The fact that you might have some extra money in your account is not a problem at all. Your solicitor is the expert and they couldn't care less what your emails look like as long as they get the information they need.

Your brother sounds like a nasty piece of work who either doesn’t understand how the process works or alternatively is deliberately lying to you.

Since you have a mortgage, there is nothing to stop you putting the rest of the gift towards mortgage payments or using it on new furniture (a new house always needs something). Alternatively, if your parents have overstretched themselves, there is nothing to stop you giving the money back - the mortgage company won’t care. They will know how much you have borrowed and know how much the property is worth. As long as you have been truthful with them about your income and the source of the deposit is legal, they won’t care about anything else.

My brother is quite over confident and does see me as a bit dense. He'd already had a go at me when I'd been unable to do something on the credit report website - I had to video myself trying to do it to show him that it was the website that wasn't working not my ineptitude. Maybe not a good idea to get advise off family members but he's been great so far and now he's told me I'm on my own.

Ok, you don't have to prove yourself to your brother. He sounds like an absolute dick tbh.

You'll be better off without someone having a go at you and making you feel dense.

That's not helpful. That's being a smug prick and putting the boot in wherever he can.

Please, for your own sake, don't accept any more of his help (because he will come back trying to pretend he's your saviour when actually you'll manage just fine without him).

Your brother is behaving a prize prick and it's no wonder you seem to lack confidence in your own abilities having someone going on at you like. It does not matter that you now have more money than you thought.

You need to start talking to your solicitor yourself and sending emails. Fuck it if they don't sound "professional". Lots of people of all kinds of different backgrounds manage to buy houses and I'm sure the majority of them do this just using normal everyday language in their emails!
Ask the solicitor and estate agents questions about the buying process if and when you need to, not your brother!

Your parents have said it's ok about the money so stop worrying about it. Once the house is sorted out you can give them back any extra money which you haven't needed.

You can stop worrying about inheritance tax immediately as well. You say they don't have much - in which case they won't be eligible for inheritance tax anyway.

Try to stop worrying so much. Ask questions of the professionals who are dealing with this. Tell your brother you are dealing it by yourself now. Good luck.

Maybe your brother is fed up not over the money but over your constant panic. Calm down. The buyers may agree to take a lower deposit if your solicitor can assure them the money will be there within days or if necessary you could borrow from a bank against the security of the premium bonds. Solicitors sort out such problems all the time, it's what you pay them for.

We gave our child money for a deposit. Had to write a letter saying where the money had come from and that we would have no interest in the house. As you've been told it's just for money laundering purposes and to convince the building society it's just you they are dealing with. It was mildly annoying as we'd given our child money over a period of some years, much easier if it's a one off sum. It was not a major thing to get worked up over and had no impact on our health. Please feel free to show your brother that.

Once you have your house sorted out feel free to tell your parents you didnt need as much as you asked for and give it back if it makes you feel better. They may tell you to keep it anyway, giving money when you are alive may avoid inheritance tax when you die.

If your parents feel they have given you more than your brother they can give you less in their will if they want to do so. I wouldnt do that for anyone treating his sister badly because he felt entitled to my money. It's my money and my choice.

Our child used a mortgage broker, perhaps you should have done that instead of letting your brother meddle. Something to consider if you need to move again.

OP, house moves are stressful but your brother seems to be making it infinitely worse. Leave him be. Work with a good independent mortgage advisor if you need, sound off to a trusted friend, but stop taking your brother’s help, whether on this matter or others.

Take a deep breath, take a day or two to collect your thoughts, and then onwards.

“ The family member who has been helping and advising me every step of the way with this (because I don't have a clue about financial matters and what to say in emails) called me a stupid c* and said he hopes that I lose the house and I can sort it all out myself now.”

You need to stop dealing with person.

Okay, you didn’t know your parents would have to undergo money laundering checks, fair enough. Maybe keep a subscription to a £ newsletter or something- many are free.

Having more money is good. You can offer it back to your parents if you like, but any communication about their money, your money, should stay between you. Don’t involve this nasty git who has upset you.

My solicitor had a leaflet with all the steps. You’re doing fine.

Im a but confused but going on what I've read to be the case. No, having money left in your account won't be an issue at all, they ask for certain documents during the process for money laundering purposes etc. Your brother sounds bitter, your parents are capable of deciding how much they are happy to give you. If you're worried about it just say to them, oh it turns out I don't need as much money for my deposit afterall, what would you like me to do? It's nought to do with your brother.

Has it ever occurred to you that your not incapable and that you don’t need his help, and that he’s actually controlling you & enjoys the sense of power this gives him?.

He was already massively overstepping boundaries getting so involved in your house purchase but then he said he hopes you lose it and called you a cunt for good measure? That’s not the sign of being a good person at all & I think he’s just pissed you’ve got your parents contribution & it’s less for him 5o inherit one day.

He’s keeping you down on purpose.

Yes I was a bit about him asking about money for the wedding because he's on a very high salary. But her parents were contributing so I guess he wanted to see if ours would do the same?

I'm married but buying the house myself. DH is here on a visa so we couldn't get a mortgage together also he has a property in his home country he pays for. Also the relationship is a bit - wobbly - I guess from time to time - so I didn't want him to be involved, plus all his extra money is tied up in shares etc so that would take time to sort.

I've not even told any of my friends about this house purchase as (or the family illness, been told to keep quiet about that) so I'm feeling quite alone in having someone to share things with - good and bad - that's outside of family. Could do with a break, I just feel like escaping for a bit but don't want to waste money on frivolous stuff.

I believe that some mortgage companies are not allowing loans where the deposit has been part-funded through the bank of mum and dad. I think you need to check with your broker for the best deal. Personally I would dump your parent contribution and your own savings into the deposit offering to any buyer. Frankly at the point where your mortgage is accepted, and you have completed sale on a property, you are paying interest in the balance of the loan. The lower the loan, the quicker it is settled.