Gifted deposit, help

[Imanidiot20]

Had offer accepted on a house. Got money from house sale and parents also said that they would give me a sum of money towards the deposit too if I needed it as they didn't give me much for wedding.

My head's been all over the place with house stuff, working long hours and stressful family health worries. Lots of back and forth on how much to offer and how much deposit to put down. My parents also had to get a letter saying it's a gift and give identity documents and bank statements so it's been stressful for them too, which they could have done without. I didn't realise they had to do all that. I'm clueless about all this stuff.

I'm waiting for some of my deposit money to go back into my account after I'd applied to put it in premium bonds. The whole process has been so stressful - was intending on waiting a while before buying again before we saw this house but plans changed and it's been full on juggling work and house buying. Then it turned out that I actually didn't need all that money (at least not the full amount) from my parents. So they've given me this money as a gift but I didn't need it all. I feel awful and also stressed out that I won't get the mortgage because I had more money in my account. Also worried about the delay in getting the rest of my deposit back it's supposed to be next week but what if it takes longer. I spent much of yesterday in tears about all this and a family member has given me strong words and said I better give parents back the money. My parents are ok about it said to stay calm and just get the house purchase sorted but I'm worried all this will count against me.

I'm just upset about my stupidity and if I'm successful getting this house I'm never doing it again. What a mess.

There's nothing to worry about here OP, Get rid of the family member. Why do you think the bank will care if you have extra money in your account?

On the 'too much money' matter, you can either just have a bigger deposit and a smaller mortgage, the deposit amount isn't fixed as long as you meet the minimum amount or they can send the overpayment back to you, and you can keep it or return it to your parents.

This happens all the time, when we bought our second house, there were various delays meaning we had paid more than initially thought off our first mortgage, so the new mortgage we'd applied for, for the new house was too much and we received back a few hundred pounds.

Are you in Scotland? In England you make the offer to the estate agent yourself and you don’t need to involve a solicitor at that stage. If you are buying through and estate agent, are using a broker and a have solicitor then you don’t need anyone else to advise you.

It sounds like your family member has been more of a hindrance than help, I don't think they have your best interests at heart.

I think he is annoyed that I've accepted this money from my parents when they don't have much money. He got more money for them for his wedding (he actually asked if they would give some), I got married abroad and didn't get as much but I don't care about weddings and felt guilty for my mum spending £100 on my dress. I think he is annoyed that I've put my parents through lots of stress when they have health worries (recent major surgery) and all this could have been avoided if I'd told them how much I had in my account. Then I wouldn't have needed as much or any of it. I just feel ill about things even though they seem ok with it and am thinking about how I go about paying it back once the dust has settled. But then it's more of a loan than a gift isn't it? I just worry about the legalities of all this too.

What's SDLT?

Any money they have given you which you use towards your new house is a gift. Giving them the excess back isn't repaying a loan, its returning a gift.

Sounds to me as though the family member is your brother and rather than give you proper impartial advice he's aggrieved that your parents are helping you out financially.

If you want to and are able to, you are allowed to pay your parents back.

They have to count it as a gift because the mortgage company make quite conservative assumptions about affordability when deciding if you can afford the mortgage and don't want you paying your parents back at the expense of paying your mortgage.

Please, stop worrying, none of what you are worrying about is an issue at all.

SDLT is stamp duty, which you probably don't have to pay because it only applies to a minority of more expensive properties and there are generous exemptions for first time buyers. But something to look out for if/when the time comes for you to move in the future.

SDLT is stamp duty land tax.

So he's had money for his wedding and all they're doing is giving you the same amount of money and in your case, it's going on a house deposit?

Sounds like he's annoyed because he spent his money in one day on a big party and you're doing something far more productive with it.

You keep saying they don't have much money, but they must have this money available? Perhaps they have saved it up over many years for the specific purpose of helping you (and your brother?) with weddings and house deposits and they don't consider it to be their money, but yours all along?

The OP isn't a first time buyer as she has money from a house sale. I don't know what the stamp duty situation is in Scotland but it's easy enough to work out how much is payable if applicable.

Can I just say to calm down? And in the nicest possibly way pull your pants up and get on with it. Buying a house is stressful yes, but you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. The first property I bought 3 years ago I had some some gifted to me, turns out I didn't need it all so once all was done I gave some back. Who cares what other people think? If your parents gave you the money it was their choice. But you don't need to be so dramatic, as you won't help yourself or the situation.

For a start I would be losing the relative who is "helping" you - they sound like a right prize. Your solicitor is the expert, leave it to them.

You need to calm down. Your parents aren't stressed so you don't need to be either. I don't understand why you think there will be a problem with your mortgage, the bank won't care that you have more money than you thought.

I just feel ill about things even though they seem ok with it and am thinking about how I go about paying it back once the dust has settled. But then it's more of a loan than a gift isn't it? I just worry about the legalities of all this too

They seem OK with it because they are OK with it.

If at the end of all this you have money left and want to give it back, that’s fine. Just do it via bank transfer or even a cheque. Don’t worry about that at this stage.

And it isn’t illegal.

The only problem would be if the money that you put into the deposit was money that you agreed to pay back to them as a loan.

It is none of the mortgage companies business what you do with the remainder of the money. But wait until after you have moved in to think about any of that.

Ok, you need to breathe. Your brother is making this worse than needed. Your parents only had to do the paperwork and ID so that the solicitors can prove it is not from laundering money. If you need to give some of this 'gift' back it is fine, there is nobody to tell or paperwork to do. It is also so that the solicitors know it wasn't a loan of money and someone will try to have a stake on the house. Your brother seems to enjoy making you think you can't cope. Be wary of him for now and future. It is all confusing but the professionals will help it is there job for it to be done correctly. And lastly your parents have said it is ok. To buy the house and sort it later. Better to have too much than got it wrong and need more.

Discuss with your parents whether they want it back or they're happy for it to be used in house. To be honest if all the gifting letter etc refer to a certain amount just hold off giving back any spare until after it's all completed.

Take a few deep breaths, this is all going the way it's supposed to, people do this everyday and you will be absolutely fine. It will all be done fairly soon and you can relax in your very own home, you got this!

Are you in Scotland or England /Wales?

family member who has been helping and advising me every step of the way with this (because I don't have a clue about financial matters and what to say in emails)
This family member seems intent on making you feel stupid. I would bet those 8k that if you sat down and did some research you'd have more of a clue about financial matters and would write a better email than him. He's just making you lose your confidence. Stop listening to this dick.

How are you going to cope owning a property?

How the heck did you cope before?

You say you don’t understand finances or how to write emails

It sounds like you need a lot of support

And I suspect your parents are fully aware of this vulnerability and won’t be least bit surprised

Wait you are married?

Your 'family member' who is undoubtedly your brother is horrid, and should never every be calling you names. I would finish the house purchase, give your parents back what they ask for having discussed it with them, and then distance yourself completely from this family member. Don't ask their advice again. Also, you can get excellent advice from financial advisors and mortgage people, as well as reading online about how to structure your finances- stop saying you are stupid or hopeless and make it your mission to get more educated about it so that you don't have to take advice from people who call you offensive names.

Good luck, it sounds like the sale is nearly done and you can get out of this dysfunctional relationship with your relative.

Stop and breathe.

We are doing this for one of our DC currently. All it requires is proof of address, some bank statements and evidence of where the money came from. It took about an hour to pull together the documentation, so not exactly stressful.. and the real point is, we were very happy to do it.

If your offer has been accepted then you have weeks before you need the deposit, which you actually have to hand so why are you stressing?
When you have completed the sale, give what you don't need back to your parents with a box of chocolates and a thank you card.

It sounds to me that you should be asking these questions of your solicitor (the one doing the conveyancing) and not your family member who clearly has an agenda and is winding you up unnecessarily.
It's a long drawn out process, but not particularly complicated or difficult, and it sounds like you are stressing about how stressful it is, when actually, it isn't.

Thanks everyone. Just talking to people here is helping. Correct on him being my brother and I'm in Scotland, just worried about outing myself in case his DW is on this board. The house selling (old property is sold) and buying thing has been like a project for him, I was unhappy in my old place and he's been advising me to leave for years but I felt stuck. He's helped with everything, he's got contacts and good advice and I couldn't have done it without him. Now he's not speaking to me.

There's no stamp duty involved with the new house and the house doesn't need anything done. It's lovely, I didn't think I could get such a nice house, I was going to go for something needing improvements because there's been so much demand for houses recently especially the nice ones. And I did worry about being able to afford it and DB had suggested making overpayments. Now he said I've not to contact him and he hopes I lose the house.

The premium bonds were applied for and money came out of my account but they needed ID and were going to give me the money back next week if I hadn't sent it. I'd also written to them to ask for it back hoping it would be quicker but now I'm worrying that the process will take longer?!

I'm really bad at doing things in an arse about tit convoluted way. I make things more difficult for myself. I just feel awful that my parents have had an awful year health wise and the last couple of weeks have been really stressful for us all and I've accepted this money when I shouldn't have.

Going to have a strong coffee soon.