I'm a crap parent

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I've been on MN for years but I've only just realised that I'm actually crap.

DS is 2, DD 4 weeks. I'm rubbish at it:

All the sleep threads are divided between 'we co slept, I loved it, got loads of sleep' and 'I did Gina Ford from the beginning and it worked brilliantly'.
Well I I cosleep because she doesnt sleep otherwise. I'm touched out and exhausted from having my baby attached to me 24 hours a day. Even a shower is a mad dash
With my son I spent al day every day trying to.get him to sleep. A 2hr daily drive was normal for a while.

Playing. Just read someone saying that at 6 months they were having whole days of Netflix. I've never managed that. I've probably ruined my son because it looks like I've never let him be. But at the same time I never have any of the brilliant activity ideas people talk about. I spend most of my time trying to escape on my phone.

Days out - I am wedded to a routine so DS naps in his cot, day trips are out the question. Our life is the park and a few friends.

I just cant do it. I'm just rubbish and it's made me sad.

Join me in crapness then. Your baby is 4 weeks. Give yourself a break.

Sounds like my life with my three DC OP!

You sound totally normal!!

Mom of 3 here. 3 under 4. Touched out I totally get it. My 2nd had colic my 3rd had reflux and colic. I went off my head.
Days out at the moment are a chore. Give yourself a break. Can someone take over on the evneing. Let u have a shower or a bath.
It's exhausting. I promise it does get better
You're doing amazing. I'm here if u need to talk xxx

You sound like me too! My 1 year old only naps in the cot so no day trips here either and screams if I leave her for a shower!

Your second is only four weeks, you're doing fine! Give yourself a break

2 under 2 is tough. Mine are both non--sleepers too. I once kind of bunnyhopped my car through a McDonald's drive through, moving back &forward repeatedly so that the little sleep stealers wouldn't wake up while I got fries. Soo many odd looks. I didn't give a fuck, I was exhausted and hungry.
I think they were about 3 months and 21 months at the time. It gets much much much easier. You're not crap.
My mum had 7 kids and when I had my second she said to aim for "everyone fed and nobody dead". You're achieving that, so you're winning.

I was a much better parent when I had five year olds than when they were younger. I used to count the minutes till DH came home . It was pretty stressful and not how I imagined parenting.

It got better when I got some sleep and could have a conversation with them.

Don’t feel bad - your experience sounds entirely normal to me!

It honestly gets easier. You're doing just fine. This is probably the toughest stage and you're getting by.

How long does he nap once in his cot? I would leave mine for 2 hours if I could (black out blinds and warm milk!), until she started full time nursery aged 3.5 and get a nice break in that way.

The bunny hopping at McDonalds made me laugh.

I got frustrated with my toddler today. Since DD came.along he has become more restless and flits from one thing to the other constantly. Today he cried to watch Thomas, I let him and hen he turned it off - and.cried again.

And then I feel awful because he is the sweetest boy, we went for a walk and he asked to go and see the church bells bless him .

I'm currently comforting DD because I was selfish and tried to move her into her cot. Should have just kept her with me and now I feel guilty. Again.

Give yourself a break. You’re sleep deprived, you’re recovering from giving birth and your hormones are all over the shop.

I used to feel like you do. My DCs are now 16 and 20. They are perfectly well adjusted humans!

Do what you need to do. Do what works for now. Your toddler will take time to adjust and will drive you nuts for a while.

Sending hugs, it’s so bloody hard. You’re doing a great job

Park and a few friends? That's fine isn't it, what else is there for kids this age?

Mine are nearly 3 DD and now 4 months (DS) currently refusing to settle in his cot but perfectly happy to sleep on me. I’m crap too. Especially at babies. I’ve never got one to sleep in a cot, that’s what the buggy is for surely?! I’m attending to their basic needs but mostly feel I’m neglecting them both all the time and counting down the minutes until DH can help. But I will say this - the first 6 weeks were worst. I wasn’t feeling great still from some minor C-section issues, my DD hated me for going to hospital and for not being able to pick her up. Now she’s happy as a clam even if she is watching way more tv than I’d like. Baby is very calm/easy going now. So I think we just have to hang in there and ask for help if you can! My lovely SiL came over to take DD to the park or something a few days a week when DS was tiny and that was so wonderful of her I’ll be eternally grateful I think!

I had a terrible day yesterday (my DS is a similar age) because apparently at this stage I am meant to be entertaining him constantly when he’s awake. Singing, dancing, reading, sensory etc. I read A book to him, but what I was reading said I should be talking to him constantly; tell him what I’m doing when we’re walking upstairs, when I’m changing him, song to him whilst he is feeding. I just couldn’t cope, it’s exhausting doing all that talking when you’ve had three hours sleep and still recovering from birth. Had a tiny break down and my mum said to me that it was all bollocks. She said as long as you feed them, love them and keep them clean and safe that’s all that matters at this stage and I realised she was right. He is doing fine, but I need to look after me too otherwise if I’m not okay, he won’t be okay.

Relieve the pressure on yourself otherwise you will collapse. You’re doing a great job. Don’t worry about other babies, they are all different. Also, remember that for some unknown reason, people brag about their kids. “Oh mine was reading Descartes at 6 weeks old, isn’t yours?”. No, but today he burped every time we tried and that’s a massive fucking achievement. People love to make out their kids are really intelligent and advanced and sleep great and all is rosy, but it’s just not true. As long as your children are happy and healthy then you’re doing a great job. Xx

@BullBailey I hear you. I think I do this - and I cant stop.its like I'm.on a hamster wheel and I cant get off

Cut yourself some slack!!! You've got a newborn and a toddler. The way I see it, as long as they are safe, warm, clean and fed, a parent is doing great. The rest comes later.

I genuinely believe the first 6-8 weeks are the hardest. You're halfway through that. You can do this.

Chin up, you decided to have another one so it can’t be that bad! You’re probably still a bit low after the birth.

@Babysharksmom god that's savage.
Baby DD has been very teary over the last 2 days. I think she may have reflux- there is a lot of sick.

Blimey love, give yourself a break! You've got a toddler and a new born!
My children are 20 and 15 now but I watched a poor mum the other day wrestling her toddler into its car seat and I thought' 'Jeez I remember those days'.
Hardest job in the world in my opinion.
Can your partner or family help you out to get a bit of a break?

Sounds like me OP. All my parenting was based on survival. We coslept from day one as i had no energy to do a routine and she was a crap sleeper. Tbf I also loved having her close to me.

Everything I do now she's 8 is still survival. Too much screen time, breakfast infront of tv, wearing same uniform two days running (having sometimes slept in it) etc etc. But guess what, DD seems OK, is loved and doing well at school.

Put the books away. If DC are getting a house filled with love then you're doing OK.

I had two under two and it was fucking miserable. Youngest is 1 and a half and we're actually starting to have days where they're good all day. Most days can be turned around now.

It gets so much easier when they can torment entertain each other.

I have a 2 year old and a 4 week old. I consider it an achievement that older one naps in his cot as it took me about a months of backbreaking work to teach him! I'm ok with morning trips out nearby, it's only temporary and I need the after lunch downtime to myself (obviously gone now!)
I can't co-sleep or seem to have a baby that a) sleeps or b) sleeps in a way that allows me to sleep (without grunting, straining, choking on their reflux, waking every 45 minutes) It feels like the SIDS guidelines are just there to set impossible goals and torture and sleep deprive new mums sometimes.
Play - oh I hear you. We didn't used to allow TV but I'm crap at entertaining my 2 year old now and got out of the habit due to pelvic pain in pregnancy and now post c-section and when we're playing I seem to need to have my own thing going to like phone browsing or a text convo or listening to something (but fat chance with toddler noise). It's like my brain screams for something adult but I hate that I do it.
I love my eldest so much but feel like I'm letting him down big time. Our attachment feels like it's lost since I've been less able to be mobile and playful.
It's all really hard, hard physically and hard on the heart but it sounds like your doing absolutely great to me.
Your eldest will appreciate the consistency of the routine, your youngest will appreciate the closeness of co-sleeping, you're doing what you can for both of them, I'd be proud of yourself!!

LOL not a months of backbreaking work! Months plural! Nearly a year...

@KormaKormaChameleon I think we might be the same person!

Your baby is tiny you are in the thick of things.

My dc didn't sleep well, I was in a similar situation where I co-slept as it was the best option but I was so ridiculously tired I could barely function.

All you can do is get through the best you can and be kind to yourself. You aren't a crap parent at all.

My experience was that things got much, much better when the dc slept better (although that wasn't for a while). They are 7 and 9 know and I feel like being a parent is really pleasurable.