I'm a crap parent

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I've been on MN for years but I've only just realised that I'm actually crap.

DS is 2, DD 4 weeks. I'm rubbish at it:

All the sleep threads are divided between 'we co slept, I loved it, got loads of sleep' and 'I did Gina Ford from the beginning and it worked brilliantly'.
Well I I cosleep because she doesnt sleep otherwise. I'm touched out and exhausted from having my baby attached to me 24 hours a day. Even a shower is a mad dash
With my son I spent al day every day trying to.get him to sleep. A 2hr daily drive was normal for a while.

Playing. Just read someone saying that at 6 months they were having whole days of Netflix. I've never managed that. I've probably ruined my son because it looks like I've never let him be. But at the same time I never have any of the brilliant activity ideas people talk about. I spend most of my time trying to escape on my phone.

Days out - I am wedded to a routine so DS naps in his cot, day trips are out the question. Our life is the park and a few friends.

I just cant do it. I'm just rubbish and it's made me sad.

Hope today is a better day sleep wise. One of mine loved being swaddled with white noise on (the other two bloody hated it).

Morning (still just about morning!), OP

I asked because I had an impression of you being on your own. Does your DH know how you’re feeling? I’m sure he could spare a bit of time through the day just so you feel a little better supported and not alone with it all. (I have a five-weeker and a WfH DP too, so I understand not wanting to disturb the working day, but even a few minutes helps with the overwhelm.)

Yes he knows how I'm feeling. He is great when the proverbial hits - e.g. I havent worked out how I get DS dressed to go outside (I.e. salopettes, coat wellies) with DD in the sling, so he has been helping me get out the house.

Wish she would go in the pram - just so I could be by myself for a little.bit.

Ahhh this is bringing back all the memories, it’s sooooo tough. Slings are great but sometimes you just want your body to yourself and it’s an absolute bloody mare manhandling a toddler into sallopetes and wellies with a baby in a sling 😭😭

I think the only way to do it solo is to sort the toddler out and strap them in buggy while the baby cries in the bouncy chair, then get yourself and the baby slinged up while the toddler cries in the buggy 😭 by which point you also want to cry! It’s just rubbish. Sending virtual hugs. (Though I’d often find that once we stepped outside the crying often miraculously stopped. Aaaaargh but making it out the door!!!)

Also totally related to the freezing when they both cry at the same time not knowing who to deal with first.

Those days are sooooo tough.

Did the baby sleep at all today? How has your day been?

Ah, getting out of the house... Feels like it takes longer to get a baby and a child/children out of the house than you actually spend out of the house. Much worse in cold/wet weather too with all the layers, gloves, raincovers etc. Just have to tough it out until spring and it’ll get way easier!

And there’s something about opening the front door that makes a nappy wearer want to make use of their nappy. Or maybe that’s just my DC

Aw, you sound like me when I had a newborn and nearly 2 year old. I remember all three of us crying on my bed & me thinking WTF have I done. I remember reading threads where going from 1 to 2 was easier than 0 to 1 and I was like eh?! This is fucking awful.

They are 5 & 3 now - it’s loads easier so much so that I’m having another. Hopefully 2 to 3 is a breeze

Also, when they said being pregnant with a toddler was harder then a newborn and toddler. No, no, no. My newborn cried constantly for 8 weeks, it was so much harder!

Hopefully 2 to 3 is a breeze

Make sure the older ones are in school five days a week. School run is a hassle but you get a few hours of relative calm.

Hi everyone. Sorry for the delay in replying

@HumphreyCobblers thanks so much for checking up on me, I really appreciate it.

Things are going ok, baby has gone back to napping properly which is a relief. One thing that makes life harder is DS has a digestive issue which means he poos 4 times a day - its exhausting!

I've 2 issues that I need to work out:

1. Not sure if DD is normal or not with digestion. She is sick a lot after feeds though not every time. She is happy sleeping on her back. She gets hiccups a lot too. Last night she woke.up at 9.30pm and I didnt get her back off til 1am, she had periods of being happy, periods of being very unhappy and periods of feeding. I dont know if this is normal newborn behaviour or if its reflux which needs medication, or.if my position or feeding technique could be improved.

1. I'm feeling a bit restricted having her in the sling all the time- at the moment she is there if she isnt feeding. I'm trying to make sure she has frequent sleeps because she can be awakenfir hours even with me trying really hard to get her to sleep. I wonder if getting her to sleep in a seeing then transferring her would work. She doesnt tend to fall asleep feeding so she needs rocking or movement, which is easier in the sling but I feel for DS - reading him a story can be uncomfortable and things like nappy changes take for ever.

Any advice?

@Slat3 hope that transition is easier - congratulations!

Good to hear the napping is restored - long may it last!

The lactation consultant we saw for my tongue-tied newborn said hiccups are a thing. Might be worth trying to see someone to rule out a tie (or one that’s causing functional problems at least) and get advice on feeding positions.

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. I might give the HV a call first

So glad you have a few better naps. Definitely see if you can get someone to check again for tongue tie - after snipping my ds’s anterior tie the private midwife assured me he didn’t have a posterior tie but he did, a really bad one! The upper lip tie was a big clue, they tend to go together. TT could definitely cause windy feeding issues or hiccups IMO.

Well the midwife checked for it but it was pretty quick and she said DD had a small tongue...?!

Do you have an infant feeding team you could contact,OP? My DS was borderline TT but made such a difference when it was cut. How are you doing otherwise? Are you able to access any support groups in your area? A few near me are still able to run during lockdown,do you think something like that might help?

@sausagerole no one has ever mentioned one- who might run one - would it be an HV?

I'm feeling much better in myself, I just hate not knowing if this is normal or not!

So glad you are feeling a bit better.

I accessed ours through the hospital I gave birth at, they were based there. Our HV team also had a separate infant feeding team, both were invaluable and so supportive. FB groups have also been really helpful - if you want me to send you a link to the one I'm part of then PM me and I happily will.

Thank you, please do!

DS goes to childcare tomorrow so I'll be able to call them.

Hi Seahorse, saw you on another thread (felt like world's most pointless waste of time but I digress) and wondered how you are doing?