Friend who I’m staying with- had her family member threaten to assault me

[Tinyandpetite]

Hello, before everybody thinks it, I swear I’m a genuine poster who is going through this- not a troll. I’ve been living with a person for the past 6 months, who no thought was a friend. I’d been through quite a rough time during lockdown, I had a mental breakdown. My daughter went to stay with my mum, I came to stay with my friend. My daughter came over today, we went shopping for craft items, cake back and started making them. I had a phone call from a withhold number to say she was friends sister in law and they were going to shove me and my dog and belongings in a transit van and dump me in the middle of Manchester. I can honestly say I have no idea what this is over. I knocked on her door and asked what I’d done and do did my daughter, I haven’t had a single word on the subject. My mum and brother came to get my daughter who was hysterical at hearing the phone call ( she’s 11) sadly neither have room for me, or I’d be with them. My brother is ex police and told me to log the threat with the 111 I think it is number. I had 2 more missed calls from the withheld number. At that point my brother shouted that the call would be logged and threats of kidnap are a crime.,I’ve had no calls since. I did call the number and the policeman was lovely, he’s involved with housing and gave me his work number to call tomorrow to try and find me a place to go. I’m hiding in the room with draws by the door shaking and crying. I honestly don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. It’s not the first time she’s turned on me or my daughter, but it will be the last time. Not sure why I’m posting other than I’m feeling pretty alone and Could do with a bit of support. Thanks for reading x

Surely sharing a room with your DD at your mums' would be better than this?

Had your friend already asked you to leave?

Also interested to hear if you paid rent etc. I honestly can't think of anyone outside of really close family (at a push) that I would want to have stay for half a year, much less this year.

This is bizarre. Unless it is a house share why on earth are you still there?

I agree it is extraordinary that your mum and your bother can’t put you up and have left you on his situation, particularly as you are vulnerable.

You need to leave, it isn’t safe. You need to re-examine your relationships.

If there is space for your daughter at your mum’s then presumably there is space for you in the same room? Share a bed with her until you get a plan? Sleep on pillows on the floor?

OP this sounds truly awful and you need to get out. I’m confused as to why you didn’t leave after the first incident really, but never mind - you need to leave now.

I'd like to hear the friend's side of the story.

Surely if your daughter is at your mum's you can be there? All sounds weird.

Isnt there anywhere else you can go tonight? Sleep on a sofa or floor at someone elses house? I wouldn't want to stay with such a weirdo whose family are issuing kidnap threats against you.

So has this friend asked you to leave at all ?
It sounds very much like she wants you out but you won't go , the phone call I get was over the top but it's not a threat of kidnap a get rid of you attempt . A kidnapping does not involve taking your belongings and your dog .
I think you massively played this situation to your advantage but I get why you have no where to go . Your not helping the situation by saying you are being threatened with kidnapping. you need to sort accommodation out tomorrow and go .

There is no excuse for the phone call. I mean if she is worried about confrontation she could have written a letter or, even if she had gotten someone else to speak to you, they could have just told you you need to move not threaten to kidnap you. Very bizarre.

I think you have to go in the morning. Present yourself as homeless to the council, I imagine it will be a hostel but you will be in the system. Where about a in the U.K. are you? Do you know how bad housing is there?

Has the friend asked you about leaving before this incident?

So your parent observed you having a break down, with an 11 year old girl in tow and says her space is full?

You should leave.
No-one needs drama like this in their lives.

Leave. Your friend clearly doesn't want you there. You have overstayed your welcome and now it's not safe.

Can you bunk up at your mum's tonight and call emergency housing through your local authority either now or first thing in the morning as homeless or threatened with homelessness.

Sounds to me like she must have asked you to leave already, you’ve ignored or refused and she’s had to get other people involved to push the message home. If she’s locked herself in her room it sounds like she might be afraid of you, or she would be sorting it out herself. If I was your mum or brother I would be taking you away from there, not getting into altercations on the phone and appearing to condone you remaining there against the homeowners’ wishes.

If you don’t go yourself you are going to come home one day to changed locks and your stuff in bin bags. I am sorry about the dog but you are not in a position to look after it just now.

There must be an awful lot of back story here you aren't telling us.

I think if your family is unwilling then perhaps maybe a substance abuse or something.

You're clearly not staying somewhere that is healthy for you or going to help you in future to get on your feet and be with your daughter. Poor thing must be terrified.

I agree with packing up your things now and going to get some help. You need to take the steps to get yourself back in charge of your life.

Wishing you the best. X

Can you not share a room with your daughter temporarily?

How long was the initial plan for you to stay there? Six months is a long time for even a really good friend to be around, especially one with mental health issues and a dog... Where were you living before?

I really think you need to find somewhere else and very quickly. Like tonight! As others have said, sleep on your mum's sofa or share with your daughter for one night. There is obviously something else going on as it seems odd that your friend would lock herself in her bedroom and not talk to you, without some backstory. Is there anything you can think of?

I agree with PPs. You need to leave. They're basically telling you that they want you out of the flat and since it isn't your flat, it's time to go. If they think the threat was serious enough to log with the police, surely your brother or mum can let you sleep on their floor or couch until you find somewhere else?

You took your dog, left your child with a grandparent and moved into someone else's house for many months?

I would like to hear the other side of this if I'm honest. Threatening to dump you in the middle of nowhere is extreme and indicates a large backstory.

She sounds crazy, but I wouldnt have stayed with her after the first incident, could your 'friend' be on drugs, tosay they are going to kidnap you and dump you in Manchester is bizarre, even if you have outstayed your welcome, there are other ways to ask you to leave.

Why on earth are you still there ? Tbh you should have left a week ago when she started blanking you.

Your mum or your brother surely would have you sleep on your sofa if you've had a kidnap threat.

Do you still have access to wherever you and dd lived before ?

OP it sounds a lot like you’ve really overstated your welcome, and either she has already told you to leave and now got someone involved to help, or is too scared/nervous to do it herself? Either way, you need to leave right away and you are more of your family’s responsibility than hers. It sounds like there is quite a bit of backstory here, I’m really sorry for your situation however your friend clealry no longer wants you living there

I’m supposed that ex police brother hasn’t been more helpful. You shouldn’t be there tonight.