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AIBU for not letting my lodger go on the council tax bill?

230 replies

Georgeoftheinternet · 01/11/2020 12:12

She’s under the assumption it will give her magical powers with regards to residency and it’s a better utility bill. I’ve already put her on the water and electric (2 by mistake) and she keeps on asking me to put her on the council tax.

She’s got an eu passport but from South America. Wants residency.

I’ve told her to get on the electoral roll as it’s good for credit checks/finding your last address etc.

I’ve given her a utility bill (was easy to add at 7pm on a Friday night and bill the next day).

She’s under the assumption that it’s going to help her open a bank account and the banks have already told her the water utility bill is fine.

I’ve lived overseas for many years and came back - so I’ve gone through this process.

She’s read that if you are in council tax arrears it can affect your permanent resident status - she’s read this as “if you don’t pay council tax” which she does, as part of her rent.

I’ve told her to get a driving licence as it’s good ID and address.

I just don’t want to feel pressurised into doing stuff because she disbelieves everything I say.

OP posts:
Georgeoftheinternet · 02/11/2020 18:10

@BiBabbles

I also don't see how a pregnancy, whatever you decide to do with it, automatically means a lodger should move unless you tell them that's what you want.

I've had ones who continued to live here throughout and for months after a pregnancy who were informed within days of us finding out and had one who moved in mid-pregnancy who was informed as part of the consideration discussion. The latter has lived with us for 9 years now (it was about a year in we decided on the bill arrangement, the prior ones weren't on any bills - still a bit of a pain when that fell apart, took months because my spouse and I were too nice & I regret that as it cost us a lot).

Is your lodger also a friend or some other connection? You seem heavily invested in their residency situation and wary of hurting her feelings. I'd working on how to move beyond this situation sharpish, don't let it fester further, it'll only make things harder.

Why would a lodger want to live with a baby. My house isn’t special or cheap, plenty houses around. Also I don’t have a spare room so baby would be going in her room.

Yes I shouldn’t think that she automatically knows this, but common sense perhaps?

OP posts:
Georgeoftheinternet · 02/11/2020 18:15

Also I’m not heavily invested in her residency. She’s not a friend, just a lodger. She annoys me with her “no I’m right all the time” attitude. Also it’s hard to talk to her and I just want an easy life. I’m actually annoyed she gets free education, health care and European passport.

She’s asked me for something. So I’m finding out the facts before I say yes/no/negotiate.

Why did it cost you to remove from bills?

OP posts:
Georgeoftheinternet · 02/11/2020 18:16

@SpongeWorthy @BiBabbles think I quoted the wrong text....

OP posts:
SpongeWorthy · 02/11/2020 18:38

Why would a lodger want to live with a baby. My house isn’t special or cheap, plenty houses around. Also I don’t have a spare room so baby would be going in her room

Why would someone want to live with a lodger who is disrespectful and causes them anxiety?

If a lodger isn't respectful, easy and pleasant - and there are plenty of lodgers to go round?

You see? You aren't acting on common sense either!

If you don't want to live with her any more (which you don't) then tell her you're giving her notice and find a new lodger!

Is the only reason you aren't doing this that you don't want the confrontation and awkwardness?

If so then you need to suck it up and get it done - it's madness to carry on an arrangement that isn't working for you when there are so many other people who could be your lodger!

MrsTwitcher · 02/11/2020 18:54

Why is the baby going in her room. Thats ridiculous. The baby stays with you in your room. Everything she does seems to annoy you. Why on earth is she still living there.

pippitysqueakity · 02/11/2020 18:56

OP, all the questions you are asking here should be directed to your lodger. We don’t know why she is doing these things, she does. We don’t know if her moving out when you have the baby is common sense to her, she does.
In a few months there will be another thread AIBU to think my lodger should give up her room for my baby, but I can’t ask her so baby and me are squashed in the smallest room because...lodger. (Who is also on the bills btw, I don’t know how or why I just let it happen because I am struck silent when she is around.)

Georgeoftheinternet · 02/11/2020 19:07

@MrsTwitcher

Why is the baby going in her room. Thats ridiculous. The baby stays with you in your room. Everything she does seems to annoy you. Why on earth is she still living there.
The baby is in my stomach until it comes out. Than I choose where it sleeps. There will be a day when it needs its own room. No reason why I wouldn’t use that room as a nursery.
OP posts:
Georgeoftheinternet · 02/11/2020 19:10

@SpongeWorthy

Why would a lodger want to live with a baby. My house isn’t special or cheap, plenty houses around. Also I don’t have a spare room so baby would be going in her room

Why would someone want to live with a lodger who is disrespectful and causes them anxiety?

If a lodger isn't respectful, easy and pleasant - and there are plenty of lodgers to go round?

You see? You aren't acting on common sense either!

If you don't want to live with her any more (which you don't) then tell her you're giving her notice and find a new lodger!

Is the only reason you aren't doing this that you don't want the confrontation and awkwardness?

If so then you need to suck it up and get it done - it's madness to carry on an arrangement that isn't working for you when there are so many other people who could be your lodger!

Life is never straight forward and I feel like there is a lot of assumptions made of my life.

Emotion:
Yes I hope she will love out one day, I haven’t been impressed with her behaviour

Rational side of brain:
Are there stresses in my life making me more sensitive. Yes. Do I often want to run away from conflict instead of trying to resolve, yes. Would this be a good time to practice skills, yes. Am I checking in on this board to see what others think and for ideas, yes. Others opinions are just that, I shouldn’t feel railroad into actions when they aren’t the ones affected by the decision.

OP posts:
Georgeoftheinternet · 02/11/2020 19:14

@pippitysqueakity

OP, all the questions you are asking here should be directed to your lodger. We don’t know why she is doing these things, she does. We don’t know if her moving out when you have the baby is common sense to her, she does. In a few months there will be another thread AIBU to think my lodger should give up her room for my baby, but I can’t ask her so baby and me are squashed in the smallest room because...lodger. (Who is also on the bills btw, I don’t know how or why I just let it happen because I am struck silent when she is around.)
Quite a lot of predicting about the future about someone who you don’t know.... Also I’ve already said no to the council tax. I will also not make a tenancy agreement either, which I now know is a bad idea.

Just for the record when I moved out of my old property my landlord did offer to put me on the bills as I was improving credit rating.

Remember we aren’t built with knowledge, we accumulate it by learning. I’m trying to learn but I’m also not going to make decisions that i don’t agree with.

OP posts:
pippitysqueakity · 02/11/2020 20:27

Um, I’d say part of your issue is you trying to predict your lodger’s reactions, eg moving out when baby here is common sense. Why not just be all to her?

pippitysqueakity · 02/11/2020 20:29

Sorry, that should read speak to her.

Georgeoftheinternet · 02/11/2020 22:07

@pippitysqueakity

Um, I’d say part of your issue is you trying to predict your lodger’s reactions, eg moving out when baby here is common sense. Why not just be all to her?
Because it’s a moot point at the moment. I have a termination book and it’s not the pressing issue - me continuing to say no to the council tax bill is
OP posts:
SpongeWorthy · 02/11/2020 22:35

OP, do you want her to move out or are you fine with her staying but want to just decide what to do re the council tax issue for now?

I think because it's so clear that your arrangement isn't working out it's hard for people to advise on one issue without linking it to the other.

Georgeoftheinternet · 03/11/2020 02:41

@SpongeWorthy

OP, do you want her to move out or are you fine with her staying but want to just decide what to do re the council tax issue for now?

I think because it's so clear that your arrangement isn't working out it's hard for people to advise on one issue without linking it to the other.

I was just wanting to know about the council tax bill thing. The surest is secondary and I’m getting sick of people thinking they know the full situation and making a lot of judgments and snide remarks.
OP posts:
User43210 · 03/11/2020 07:55

I'm not sure I'm convinced by this any more.

"She should be looking elsewhere as she knows I'm pregnant"

"She knows I may not keep it"

"I have a termination booked".

This is all contradictory. If she knows you're not likely to keep the baby then why should your pregnancy mean she should automatically be looking elsewhere if there won't be a baby.

I really hope this is genuine because if this is some sort of troll then using a baby/termination for whatever is despicable. I just can't understand all the contradictions.

SpongeWorthy · 03/11/2020 10:47

I'm sorry if you felt my comments were snide, they weren't at all but maybe that didn't translate in writing. I just think it's a shame to live with someone who is making you anxious and stressed when you could find a new lodger who doesn't make you feel that way, all just to avoid an awkward month or so. Regardless, good luck with it and I hope everything works out.

MrsBobDylan · 03/11/2020 18:38

People have been relentless in their efforts to advise you op and you have artfully avoided every single word.

I shan't add to the advice mountain which will sadly go to waste.

I have read the whole thread and still haven't a clue what you want, but I wish you all the best in finding it.

User43210 · 03/11/2020 19:16

@MrsBobDylan

People have been relentless in their efforts to advise you op and you have artfully avoided every single word.

I shan't add to the advice mountain which will sadly go to waste.

I have read the whole thread and still haven't a clue what you want, but I wish you all the best in finding it.

I don't agree about "artfully" it reads like a stroppy teen who is in the wrong whose argument doesn't even match the advice 😂 but I agree best not to waste your advice she "only wanted to know about the council tax" even though she gave all the extra info when she could have said "what are the positives and negatives of adding a lodger to council tax bill and is it required for her to claim residency?"
MrsBobDylan · 03/11/2020 20:20

Yes, I think I was being generous with the description @User43210

For every solution OP has a problem. None of the advice is the right advice and you guys have all tried to 'railroad' her cos you don't know anything about her situation, despite so many drip feeds there is a flood of biblical proportions. You useless fuckers Grin

User43210 · 03/11/2020 20:25

This is why I don’t believe the OP’s while thread. It’s contradictory and always something else.

User43210 · 03/11/2020 20:26

That should read “whole thread” @MrsBobDylan

Gwenhwyfar · 03/11/2020 20:31

"It just doesn't make sense to me. It would concern me why she was so eager. confused"

I was a lodger and totally legal, living in my own country, but couldn't open a bank account without a utilities bill. The bank kept saying 'when you get a bill...' and I kept answering 'I'm a lodger, I'll never get a bill' and it was quite a catch 22 so I can understand why OP's lodger wants to be on the bills.

Georgeoftheinternet · 03/11/2020 21:02

@Gwenhwyfar

"It just doesn't make sense to me. It would concern me why she was so eager. confused"

I was a lodger and totally legal, living in my own country, but couldn't open a bank account without a utilities bill. The bank kept saying 'when you get a bill...' and I kept answering 'I'm a lodger, I'll never get a bill' and it was quite a catch 22 so I can understand why OP's lodger wants to be on the bills.

Welcome to Mumsnet where something perfectly relational is blown up.
OP posts:
Georgeoftheinternet · 03/11/2020 21:05

@User43210

Think you are getting way to fixed on other stuff going on in my life when all I asked was about a name on the bill.

Read the thread. I don’t need to repeat myself many times.

OP posts:
Georgeoftheinternet · 03/11/2020 21:12

@User43210

I'm not sure I'm convinced by this any more.

"She should be looking elsewhere as she knows I'm pregnant"

"She knows I may not keep it"

"I have a termination booked".

This is all contradictory. If she knows you're not likely to keep the baby then why should your pregnancy mean she should automatically be looking elsewhere if there won't be a baby.

I really hope this is genuine because if this is some sort of troll then using a baby/termination for whatever is despicable. I just can't understand all the contradictions.

Think you are getting way to fixed on other stuff going on in my life when all I asked was about a name on the bill.

Read the thread.

OP posts: