AIBU for not letting my lodger go on the council tax bill?

[Georgeoftheinternet]

She’s under the assumption it will give her magical powers with regards to residency and it’s a better utility bill. I’ve already put her on the water and electric (2 by mistake) and she keeps on asking me to put her on the council tax.

She’s got an eu passport but from South America. Wants residency.

I’ve told her to get on the electoral roll as it’s good for credit checks/finding your last address etc.

I’ve given her a utility bill (was easy to add at 7pm on a Friday night and bill the next day).

She’s under the assumption that it’s going to help her open a bank account and the banks have already told her the water utility bill is fine.

I’ve lived overseas for many years and came back - so I’ve gone through this process.

She’s read that if you are in council tax arrears it can affect your permanent resident status - she’s read this as “if you don’t pay council tax” which she does, as part of her rent.

I’ve told her to get a driving licence as it’s good ID and address.

I just don’t want to feel pressurised into doing stuff because she disbelieves everything I say.

@BoggledBudgie

Get her off all bills and out your home immediately, it’s a well known scam that many South Africans perpetuate.

What? They leave South Africa, go to live in South America, then move to Europe, get an EU passport then move to the UK and demand to be put on peoples council tax bills????

The very cheek of it. I would let the DM know about it they’ll get it sorted.

@alexdgr8

i guess english is not her first language, and you mentioned a difficulty you have in communicating. the previous thread about her not appreciating the new sink, frankly i gave up reading. if people suggested you were being unreasonable maybe it sounded as if you expected her to shew appreciation of the new sink, because it was new, you'd paid for it and she got to use it. which is all irrelevant. the whole thing sounded cock-eyed and overly personal. you don't seem able to establish correct landlord/lodger roles. that is why everyone is telling you to just tell her to quit. but you don't seem to want to. so people give up. stalemate.

It’s her personality. There are certain aspects she would learn about moving to a new country such as voting etc, but she’s very dominate in everything else. Eg I wallet her use my old iPhone and she’s never used an iPhone before. I was trying to get the SIM card slot to open but didn’t have the usual pointer thing that Apple supply. She told me three times it’s the wrong hole - she’s never owned an iPhone. It was the right hole.

@alexdgr8 no the kitchen sink thing didn’t bother me, but when all these incidents happen I think back to incidents that were a bit of and you add it all together for a train of annoying events.

It’s always good to ask others if you think your behaviour needs to be checked, this is what I’m doing.

People can tell me to “quit” which I assume means ask her to leave and it doesn’t mean I have to follow their advice, they won’t pay my mortgage.

@SBTLove

It’s like talking to a brick wall!! You heard the knocking but would only have spoke if she called out?? fuck me you’re an awkward person. I’m starting to pity the lodger!!

As I said before I was resting in bed. I don’t go knocking on peoples doors in share houses unless it’s something that can’t wait. It’s my private space.

You don’t just knock on someone’s door and open it when they don’t answer.... plus why would the WiFi password be in my bedroom?

@Georgeoftheinternet it was also at a time where I am normally out of the house. So I don’t think she was really looking for the WiFi password.

@MoonJelly

she obviously pisses you off, you don't like her living there so justgive her notice and ask her to leave and you and your sister can find someone else to move in, what's the issue? surely that's the easiest thing to do.

Hate having to do that. I don’t know how to approach it.

So what do you expect to get out of this thread? Either you find a way to terminate the lodging agreement, which is something that people in your position manage to do every day simply by giving formal notice by letter, or you carry on putting up with all the stuff you resent including being pestered about the council tax nonsense.

I was asking if I was being unreasonable for not wanting to add her to the council tax bill. Which the answer is I’m not unreasonable and I need to be careful. I wanted to know if there was any validity in what she was saying, which there isn’t.

Since you want to keep her for the money what more can people say ?

Silly to agree to anything you didn't want to.

Which EU country issued her "EU Passport"?

@QuinionsRainbow was trying to keep an on but I’ve said enough lol. Itaiky. Why?

@SunshineCake

Since you want to keep her for the money what more can people say ?

Silly to agree to anything you didn't want to.

At this moment in time yes I want to keep her money and I’m not mentally prepared to kick her out. Doesn’t mean people can’t give advice and I can weigh up what is best for me at the time .

If you can’t manage lodgers in your home, taking the decision to protect your home etc (you allude that she was trying to come into your room for some bad reason)

Then she goes.

If you can’t take the right decisions, you’re not the right person to be a landlord

You don't need her money, you just need money.

Tell her you don't feel it's working anymore and that you're going to look for someone else to live there in (for example) January so she has fair notice but is clear she needs to move out.

You can't put off making the right decision just for the sake of an awkward conversation. That could last forever and the longer it does the more difficult the conversation will be.

It's your home. It's madness to be living with someone who makes you uncomfortable and anxious when there are plenty of other people who could live with you instead.

And sorry if this sounds rude but you aren't struggling with being confrontational on this thread! So channel that when you speak to her about this.

It's crazy to continue this. It isn't working. That's clear and you have the power to change that. So do!

@MzHz

If you can’t manage lodgers in your home, taking the decision to protect your home etc (you allude that she was trying to come into your room for some bad reason)

Then she goes.

If you can’t take the right decisions, you’re not the right person to be a landlord

No I didn’t. It was the issue that she came into my room when I didn’t answer the door. That’s the issue. If I want to shut myself away because of work/emotions/she’s just a lodger, I think I should be able to. If she thought I wasn’t in my room she could have called me on my phone.

@SpongeWorthy

You don't need her money, you just need money.

Tell her you don't feel it's working anymore and that you're going to look for someone else to live there in (for example) January so she has fair notice but is clear she needs to move out.

You can't put off making the right decision just for the sake of an awkward conversation. That could last forever and the longer it does the more difficult the conversation will be.

It's your home. It's madness to be living with someone who makes you uncomfortable and anxious when there are plenty of other people who could live with you instead.

And sorry if this sounds rude but you aren't struggling with being confrontational on this thread! So channel that when you speak to her about this.

It's crazy to continue this. It isn't working. That's clear and you have the power to change that. So do!

Bad timing at the moment though. I also don’t want the discomfort of the next couple of months knowing she’s leaving. I’ve kicked someone out before, wasn’t nice.

I’m also pregnant so she should be looking for somewhere else anyway.

But you're always going to have a month or two of awkwardness while she looks for somewhere else and you find a new lodger.

What's the alternative - you never kick her out because you don't want the awkwardness of her notice period?

You say she should be looking for somewhere else because you're pregnant? Do you mean you're expecting her to proactively be looking for new places just because she knows your pregnant?! Why do you expect her to do this proactively without a clear conversation about it?

You're being so passive in 'real life' despite seeming to be fairly confrontational and assured on here. Use that in real life and just have a conversation saying what will be happening - she needs to look for a new place because you're pregnant and want your space. You don't even need to tell her you're going to replace her - it's not like you're going to be mates?! Get her out and move someone in the following week so there isn't a crossover. Job done.

If you’re going to have a lodger you need to be able to be honest and upfront with them about your rules, and be able to ask them to leave if it isn’t working. As PP said you’re being stupidly passive and expecting her to read your mind. Grow up and be honest with the woman. And maybe if you need the money so badly you shouldn’t have bought a house where the mortgage would be unaffordable without a lodger.

You can just ask her to leave, smoking weed is reason enough. The situation will not improve.

@namechangeforfriday

If you’re going to have a lodger you need to be able to be honest and upfront with them about your rules, and be able to ask them to leave if it isn’t working. As PP said you’re being stupidly passive and expecting her to read your mind. Grow up and be honest with the woman. And maybe if you need the money so badly you shouldn’t have bought a house where the mortgage would be unaffordable without a lodger.

“Shouldn’t have bought a house where the mortgage would be unaffordable without a lodger” you mean I shouldn’t have lost my job?

The issue was that she wanted to be on your ct bill. She doesnt need to be on any of your bills. Money for bills in included in her rent. Thats it. You dont want her there, you dont have the courage to ask her to leave. Do you want to keep dragging this conversation on indefintely.

@namechangeforfriday

If you’re going to have a lodger you need to be able to be honest and upfront with them about your rules, and be able to ask them to leave if it isn’t working. As PP said you’re being stupidly passive and expecting her to read your mind. Grow up and be honest with the woman. And maybe if you need the money so badly you shouldn’t have bought a house where the mortgage would be unaffordable without a lodger.

Aren't you the judgy one.

My dh is Australian and doesn't have a British or an EU passport or citizenship and he is in the electoral roll.

Commonwealth citizens can also be on the electoral roll but it obviously wasn't relevant here so don't know why you are adding this?

But you're always going to have a month or two of awkwardness while she looks for somewhere else and you find a new lodger.

What's the alternative - you never kick her out because you don't want the awkwardness of her notice period?

You say she should be looking for somewhere else because you're pregnant? Do you mean you're expecting her to proactively be looking for new places just because she knows your pregnant?! Why do you expect her to do this proactively without a clear conversation about it?

You're being so passive in 'real life' despite seeming to be fairly confrontational and assured on here. Use that in real life and just have a conversation saying what will be happening - she needs to look for a new place because you're pregnant and want your space. You don't even need to tell her you're going to replace her - it's not like you're going to be mates?! Get her out and move someone in the following week so there isn't a crossover. Job done.

@SpongeWorthy

But you're always going to have a month or two of awkwardness while she looks for somewhere else and you find a new lodger.

What's the alternative - you never kick her out because you don't want the awkwardness of her notice period?

You say she should be looking for somewhere else because you're pregnant? Do you mean you're expecting her to proactively be looking for new places just because she knows your pregnant?! Why do you expect her to do this proactively without a clear conversation about it?

You're being so passive in 'real life' despite seeming to be fairly confrontational and assured on here. Use that in real life and just have a conversation saying what will be happening - she needs to look for a new place because you're pregnant and want your space. You don't even need to tell her you're going to replace her - it's not like you're going to be mates?! Get her out and move someone in the following week so there isn't a crossover. Job done.

I’m not decided on keeping the baby yet and she knows this.

But you said that she should be looking for somewhere else because you're pregnant? I just don't see how that naturally follows if you haven't had a conversation about her moving out... surely it's clear she won't be doing anything proactively?

Aside from that stuff I hope you're ok as I know making a decision about pregnancy is stressful at the best of times

I also don't see how a pregnancy, whatever you decide to do with it, automatically means a lodger should move unless you tell them that's what you want.

I've had ones who continued to live here throughout and for months after a pregnancy who were informed within days of us finding out and had one who moved in mid-pregnancy who was informed as part of the consideration discussion. The latter has lived with us for 9 years now (it was about a year in we decided on the bill arrangement, the prior ones weren't on any bills - still a bit of a pain when that fell apart, took months because my spouse and I were too nice & I regret that as it cost us a lot).

Is your lodger also a friend or some other connection? You seem heavily invested in their residency situation and wary of hurting her feelings. I'd working on how to move beyond this situation sharpish, don't let it fester further, it'll only make things harder.