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Original poster

DS said he was called a “Paki” at school today. How to handle with school?

134 replies

Usernamealreadyexists · 28/10/2020 19:47

DS (9) came home quite upset today as he said a boy in his class called him a “Paki” on the way to a lesson. He told a teacher who dismissed what he said by saying it was probably a misunderstanding and to put it behind him. The boy denied it and said he called him the name of a moon. Nobody else heard it. I said it’s possible the boy didn’t know what it meant or that DS misunderstood. He’s a tough one and very little phases him but he was genuinely angry. I don’t want to minimize how he is feeling (as the teacher did) but I’m not sure how to approach it with school given that there were no witnesses. He attends a prep, which isn’t very hot on discussing/acknowledging issues of diversity.

OP posts:
mammato5 · 28/10/2020 20:56

Thats what they always say to minimise it. As though youre in the wrong for having a problem with this child who has 'issues'.The child having behaviour issues does not excuse his racist comment.

MissEliza · 28/10/2020 21:04

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mineofuselessinformation · 28/10/2020 21:04

I'm a teacher.
As PPs have said, schools have a duty to record and report racist incidents, so I'm shocked that a teacher tried to brush it off.
The incident is absolutely unacceptable and you need to take it further.
My advice is to raise it with the headteacher unless the school has a head of year.
I'm sorry your ds had to hear that. Thanks

TheRuleofStix · 28/10/2020 21:08

Another teacher saying this has to be reported - tell school and make sure it is. They’re not allowed to minimise this stuff anymore Shock

CraftyGin · 28/10/2020 21:08

@Usernamealreadyexists

DS (9) came home quite upset today as he said a boy in his class called him a “Paki” on the way to a lesson. He told a teacher who dismissed what he said by saying it was probably a misunderstanding and to put it behind him. The boy denied it and said he called him the name of a moon. Nobody else heard it. I said it’s possible the boy didn’t know what it meant or that DS misunderstood. He’s a tough one and very little phases him but he was genuinely angry. I don’t want to minimize how he is feeling (as the teacher did) but I’m not sure how to approach it with school given that there were no witnesses. He attends a prep, which isn’t very hot on discussing/acknowledging issues of diversity.
Report to the HT as you have described it here - as factually as you know.

All schools have to keep a racism log, and it is important that all incidents are reported.

DougRossIsTheBoss · 28/10/2020 21:10

I'm also struggling with which name of a moon sounds like P**i

Shame on that teacher to dismiss and minimise it when your son was upset. What really are the chances that he somehow misheard that??

I agree take it to the head.

Onceuponatimethen · 28/10/2020 21:13

Also I was a school governor and we took incidents like this very seriously - there was a standing item on our agenda and they were reported to us if any

I’m so sorry op

inchyra · 28/10/2020 21:14

100% report it and leave the head in no doubt that it will be escalated if not appropriately dealt with.

Use language such as “This is totally unacceptable” rather than “I’m unhappy”. Racism is not subjective or personal; it harms us all.

timeforanewstart · 28/10/2020 21:14

Def speak to teacher ok there might not be proof but nothing to stop them having a general chat about racism and how does the teacher know noone else heard of she didn't ask 9 year olds don't always speak up

CraftyGin · 28/10/2020 21:15

@DougRossIsTheBoss

I'm also struggling with which name of a moon sounds like P**i

Shame on that teacher to dismiss and minimise it when your son was upset. What really are the chances that he somehow misheard that??

I agree take it to the head.

TBF, the teacher may have already passed it up without making a fuss.
CraftyGin · 28/10/2020 21:17

@inchyra

100% report it and leave the head in no doubt that it will be escalated if not appropriately dealt with.

Use language such as “This is totally unacceptable” rather than “I’m unhappy”. Racism is not subjective or personal; it harms us all.

There’s no need to add judgmental commentary. The facts are sufficient.
justanotherneighinparadise · 28/10/2020 21:19

@mammato5

It was as part of black history month.the child were read a story about an african folklore tale. Said book has now been removed from school.
My god that’s just reminded me of a similar kind of tale that was told to us in the 80s of black people washing themselves white in some special water. A lake or river or something. I can remember I genuinely believed it for a long while after. Can’t believe this shit is still being peddled to the kids!!!!
MissEliza · 28/10/2020 21:19

Op I'm sorry as well that your ds had to hear that. It's so depressing that this is still happening in 2020.

DougRossIsTheBoss · 28/10/2020 21:24

But CraftyGin OP's son was distressed and felt not listened to and not believed so that means the teacher did not handle it well.
They might well not have wanted to 'make a fuss' but this resulted in the victim feeling dismissed so can't be the right way to handle it.
I would want to complain both about the incident itself and about its handling by the teacher.

blueangel19 · 28/10/2020 21:41

I think the teacher de escalated this because they are children. In my experience the teachers address things like this by doing a general talk to the class. You do not know if the teacher contacted the child parents.

Pikachubaby · 28/10/2020 21:45

Contact the HoY

DH is a HoY and deals with this kind of stuff, and a decent school takes this kind of thing very seriously and would have a chat with the kid who said it and the parent too

The teacher responded badly IMO

Original poster
Usernamealreadyexists · 28/10/2020 22:19

Just caught up with the rest of the repossessed. Thank you all so much.
Before bed, DS, said that he already thought that the boy may not know what it meant so he asked other boys in his class if they knew what it meant and apparently they did. I’m surprised kids this young have heard the term living in C London.

OP posts:
Guineapigbridge · 28/10/2020 23:07

Can't you just teach him to be proud of being Pakistani? I'd tell him to say, "yes, my heritage is Pakistani, did you know I can speak two languages?" or "I'm proud of my culture" or "what's up your arse, are you jealous" Or whatever.

It's not shameful to have Pakistani heritage. Tell him to own it.

Guineapigbridge · 28/10/2020 23:08

I don't think narking to the school is that helpful to kids. Teach them some come backs, teach them how to stick up for themselves.

Guineapigbridge · 28/10/2020 23:10

It's so depressing that this is still happening in 2020.

Kids have said stupid stuff since the world began. What's happening now, in 2020, is that we're teaching them to be victims. What ever happened to sticks and stones will break my bones? We're teaching our kids to buckle instead of be reslient.

MaxNormal · 28/10/2020 23:17

Guineapigbridge the word is a racial slur.
Would you say the same to a black person who was called the n word?

Trailing1 · 28/10/2020 23:20

My Dd's classmate told her she didn't like DD because "your skin is brown'. I have never experienced racism myself so I must admit I was taken aback with how to deal with it. I hope your son is ok.

Onceuponatimethen · 28/10/2020 23:30

@Guineapigbridge are you from a BAME background yourself?

Toontown · 28/10/2020 23:40

@Guineapigbridge a 9 year old should not have to try and reclaim a word that had been used for decades as a racist slur. Fuck that.
The school should have done a lot more. I would be going in heavy handed. It should be addressed by going to the parents. A child in my DSs class used the n word and school came down hard on the child, the parents and did a whole school program around racism which to be fair they do lots of anyway. Quite pleasingly my DD is 10 had never heard the P or N word before it was raised in a lesson. Out if her best friends of five 2 are Asian heritage, 1 is black and 2 are white but none of them have come across it directly before.

KurriKawari · 28/10/2020 23:50

@Guineapigbridge I am 40 and still remember teacher telling us not to "tell tales" when we were called racist names.
Racist kids grow up to be racist adults. Enough with the victim blaming.