Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

7yo and 5yo don’t play with toys anymore - normal?

99 replies

BotBotticelli · 27/10/2020 11:21

I have two boys age 7 and 5 (Y1 and Y3). They are not interested in toys at all anymore- the only things they want to do at home are computer games - either Roblox on the iPad or PS4 games including Fortnite.

They are great outdoors and we do lots of outdoors stuff together as a family on weekends: bike rides, long yomps through parks, day trips to the beach etc (tier 1!). The older one does Beavers, swimming lessons and athletics club weekly. We are trying to get the little one into a dance or gymnastics class as he’s expressed an interest. And in the summer they would happily spend a while playing in the garden on swings/in paddling pool etc (but obvs that’s out now with this weather).

But in the house it’s screens or nothing. They’re not really even interested in watching films anymore - just games. We have a house rule which says no iPads until after lunch because I think Roblox is awful - but then in the morning (if we are at home) they’ll flit between TV and PS4 and bare chest wrestling/sofa jumping 🙄

I feel quite anxious about it, like I’m failing as a mum in some way, and they should be sitting at the table crafting or making lego models or playing board games together or something....but the truth is DH and I both work in very stressful full time jobs (both from home since Feb) so I’m actually quite glad they’ll play quietly on their screens after school for a couple of hours, allowing me to finish my working day and then get the dinner on.

DH tells me not to stress and says loads of kids must be like this these days. But I can’t shake the weird guilts about it. In case it matters they’re both doing well at school - they’re well behaved in class, do their school reading with us and do their homework...they know how to be polite (don’t always do it with us tho...!) and love normal kids treats like trips to farms, zoos, funfairs etc so they’re not complete gaming zombies...

Does this sound like anyone else’s family life? Please tel me if you’re in the same boat!

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 27/10/2020 11:29

How many hours per day are they on screens? I do think it's a bit...imbalanced if they're not playing at all...with actual toys.

I mean...there are skills which are learned through playing with toys alone or in a group.

Social and physical. Smaller toys like lego or other construction toys help them with their fine motor skills. Crafting and painting does too. Then imaginary games with toys will help them in other ways. I'd try to find an hour per day when they have to paint or draw or do lego or play with cars or castles or whatever most interests them.

Original poster
BotBotticelli · 27/10/2020 11:42

On a school day it will be between 1-2 hours playing computer games in total.

On the weekend it might be more like 3 - 4 hours in total....but they wake up at 0630 and go to bed at 2000 so it’s not a huge chunk of their day, and it’s in little chunks...45 mins whilst I make lunch, an hour or so after lunch, and an hour or so before dinner in the evening.

In between those times, for the remaining 10 hours or so, they’ll be helping me at Tesco’s, riding their bikes to the park, playing football in the garden on a dry day, visiting family playing with cousins (not on screens - outdoors only these days), swimming, visiting museums/farms/country parks/beaches etc as occasional treats....

So on one hand it seems to me like part of a pretty balanced day...but you’re right those fine motor skills/imaginary games etc are missing. But they’re just not interested at all. They’ve never done crafts or shown any interest in drawing/painting (we had all the stuff when they were younger but long since gave up trying to encourage them to craft).

They both used to love playing imaginary games with their little figures/soldiers/castles and bases but from about the age of 5 (big one) and 4 (younger one) they’ve just stopped and aren’t keen at all.

Partial disclaimer: they go to after school club twice per week and are always coming home from there with loom bands they’ve made and such, so they are doing something with their hands from time to time...

OP posts:
LetsSplashMummy · 27/10/2020 11:44

I think your instincts are right and that your DHs argument isn't relevant - even if lots of kids are like this, that doesn't make it a good thing.

It's not your fault you have got into this position, lockdown has forced a lot of people to make parenting decisions that they wouldn't normally make. However, it will be your fault to let it continue like this now they are back at school. Would they normally be in an after school club, if you both work full time?

Can you perhaps move them gradually away - so looking at lego builds on the iPad then trying to make them IRL? Writing comics and making them into iMovies? Or distraction - keep them out of the house more, going straight to the park with a football after school? Are playdates allowed in your area?

They could earn screen time, by helping round the house or completing little projects?

I also think you should adjust your hours a little, so you and DH both take 1hr after school to interact with the kids, either taking them out or doing something non-screen with them.

Good luck!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds 7 year olds Behaviour & development Families
LetsSplashMummy · 27/10/2020 11:45

BTW your weekends sound great!

Camomila · 27/10/2020 11:46

That seems really early, especially for the 5 year old - DS1 is 4.5 and there are lots of toys he's only just starting to enjoy (eg, proper lego as opposed to duplo).

He doesn't have an ipad though, we used to have a family one (wedding present) but it broke during lockdown and I'm not planning on buying another one until he's much older. Unless they need it for homework I would be tempted to say it broke and send it off to the repair shop for a few months (ie, hide it in a cupboard).

Simonfromharlow · 27/10/2020 11:52

I have children similar age to you. I find the younger one has skipped a lot of the toys that the older one had at the same age as he just wants to do what the older one is doing. I find if I get some lego or a board game out and sit and play Witt it then they will both come and join me. Then I can leave them too it. I have found myself in a similar position to you after lockdown though. As hard as it is we just have to re train their minds I think!

Newpuppymummy · 27/10/2020 11:52

I haven’t read all the replies but I think your problem here is the screens. They are made to be addictive. Get rid of them a couple of nights a week and your children will probably play with the toys again. As you already worried about this I’m sure you know how important play is to young children. Two of my children are teenagers and I am so glad that they missed the screenS at such a young age generation. I think we are looking at major issues coming with this generation of children who have missed out on play opportunities. I know it’s hard to resist when all of their friends use screens so much too

Thesearmsofmine · 27/10/2020 11:56

I think some screen time is great but it really can take over from other types of play and they are still so little.

In our house playing on iPads/Xbox isn’t an every day thing. Maybe 3 or 4 days a week for 45mins- an hour after dinner. Other days we use that time to play board games or some other kind of activity.

What do they do if you say no?

YerAWizardHarry · 27/10/2020 11:59

DS is almost 8 and DSS is almost 5. Given the choice DS would absolutely pick iPad/console over toys but he doesn't always get the choice! He still really likes toys, especially his step brothers "younger" stuff like Playmobil etc

MessAllOver · 27/10/2020 12:06

That's too young for that much screen time. They're going to miss out on learning so many skills through imaginative play. I can see how you got into this situation (many of us did over lockdown!) but honestly it sounds a bit like they're addicted. Trust your instincts!

It's a difficult one to deal with, but could you maybe keep screens just for Friday and the weekend. Maybe buy a couple of exciting new toys or organise some activities at first and then slowly start slipping away and leaving them to it.

RuthW · 27/10/2020 12:14

My dd had outgrown all toys by about 5. She was only into craft and games by then. She's 24 now though

nosswith · 27/10/2020 12:15

I'd be concerned about the screen time to be honest, nothing else. Even if you don't get new toys, reduce the screen time.

Bigkingdom · 27/10/2020 12:20

My girls are 5 and 7, they have kindles but barely use them recently. They play with barbies, lego, LOLs, sylvanian families and love to draw.

OneMoreForExtra · 27/10/2020 12:22

Ours (4 and 9) would be identical. My draconian response to the guilty feelings plus a sequence of monstrous bedtimes (screen hangover = behaviour collapse in our house) was to ban screens on schooldays. Miraculously they are interested in and play with toys/their own projects when they know no amount of nagging will negotiate a screen Mon-Thurs.

They have tablets, games and TV Fri-Sunday with a set time limit on their devices.

m0therofdragons · 27/10/2020 12:26

Fortnite being played at age 5 is usually a sign of the “naughty” dc. I have 3dds ages 9-12 and they still all play with toys, board games, craft. They do play minecraft but once or twice a week, not daily.

m0therofdragons · 27/10/2020 12:29

Dd1 was awful when she first got a phone and we confiscated it (for something she’d done - can’t remember now but I’ve only done that once) and even she realised how’s much happier she was without it. She has it back but uses it a lot less and engages with family life again. I think dc do need limits and activities suggested as computers are just easy to play and switch off from life.

Bargebill19 · 27/10/2020 12:34

Substitute computer/laptop/phone for books and that was me as a child. I’ve no advice other than perhaps some children just do not engage with toys. ?

swannin · 27/10/2020 12:41

I would find that odd, mine are 7 and 5 and they play with Lego, kennex,board games, card games, arts and crafts.

Do they have any of that stuff OP? If it's not there then no they won't play with them!

Bitbusyattheminute · 27/10/2020 12:49

Dd was never as into toys as her brother. She's not as imaginative as him though. He's a reader and a player, but given unfettered access to xbox, he will live on it. Didn't get an xbox until he was 9 though.

Ynwa12345 · 27/10/2020 12:56

My kids sound like yours OP. Altho the ipad broke pre lockdown and we never replaced it for the 7 yo but he's got an old phone which doesn't do an awful lot. The little one has stopped ipad time on his own. He'd rather do puzzles and play with other things now. He's 4 but before he was staring at the screen copying his older brother. They are also great outdoors 7yo is so into his footie he cries when he misses a match or training etc. I don't think it's a big thing tbh and with both of you working full time sounds like you need an electronic babysitter from time to time!

MintyMabel · 27/10/2020 12:57

Even before she had screens, DD never really "did" toys. When she doesn't have screens, she reads. Toys are just dull to her.

Devilesko · 27/10/2020 13:02

One of ours didn't play with her toys at all, and no screens.
As much as we tried she wasn't interested.
The other two had screens and toys and were fine, but dd just wouldn't play, at all.

Rubixed · 27/10/2020 13:03

Mine have to play because they don't have any Tech. So its either toys/ board games or reading in the week. We go outside a lot at weekends. Lack of Tech is a cost issue not a moral one but seems to work well so far for the kids (age 7 & 4).

burglarbettybaby · 27/10/2020 13:05

I would cut down on the screen time. Maybe no ipads during the week or an hour from 5-6 or something. I'd trust my instincts as said above. Mine are exactly the same age and wish were as much into the outdoors as your dc. That is fantastic.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/10/2020 13:06

I think it probably is typical but that doesn't mean it's ideal. However lockdown WFH and homeschooling are a horrific combination so be kind to yourself.

I think like a pp I'd try and put some days in that are computer free and see what they do instead