Police called bf arrested

[pinkmonkey123]

My boyfriend is kind and loving 90% of the time . Cooks, cleans , irons , listens to me , great dad to his kids , liked by my family .

I can be difficult - I have issues with mental health but I work full time and believe I am loving too but realise I can be hard work .

My boyfriend has a short temper and has called me names when arguing - slut/ bitch /cu*t

He apologised and as a result we decided to go to couples councilling which we had yesterday.

Last night after we got home we had a few drinks and an argument. I was cross as he admitted he has actually had cheated on his ex ! I Kept saying - now I understand why you are so kind to her ! You have disappointed me etc ! I did go abit crazy !

He stated shouting and threw things around the bedroom - furniture and then got me in a corner . I got into a ball and he was shaking me and calling me names . He didn’t beat me but I thought he might . He just kept shaking me and I think pulled me around . I kept screaming - help .

I Managed to lock myself in the bathroom . He was kicking the door down and screaming . I had my phone so said I am
Ringing 999 but I hung up.

I said he had to leave the house but he wouldn’t and he was trying to get into the bathroom and screaming .

There was a knock at the door and it was the police .
They then questioned me and I explained the situation and they arrested my partner and he is now gone .

We are engaged , have just signed a new tenancy for 1 year on a property which I would really struggle to pay alone ?
We are meant to be getting married in Feb .

I am so confused and mortified that my neighbour called the police . Also , I can’t belive my partner has been arrested? He will have to come back here as he lives here . He have no kids . I don’t know that we would hit me but I know I am scared or could happen potentially.

I don’t know what to think ? Will this wake us up ? Should I leave ? What about this tenancy? I don’t know want to wreck my credit score ? I love my partner but it has gotten out of control - I know I play a part in it too and we drink and argue . What do you think ? I’m concerned he will have thought I called the police- but I didn’t and wouldn’t have.


I am 30 and childless And before meeting my partner I was miserable . Now I am happy 90 percent

[Gin4thewin]

Im almost certain the police arrived because you called 999 not your neighbour. If you call 999 and hang up, BT atomatically send poloce the recorded call. We attend abandoned 999 calls where disturbances are heard, we check multiple systems for a trace of your address or number and get a rough location from the pylon your call connected to, so i doubt it was your neighbour.

[buggeroffvirus]

Men like this home in on vulnerable women.
Please respect yourself, there is someone out there for you who will truly love you.

[nettytree]

Go round and thank your neighbour, then pack your bags and get the hell out off there.

[dottiedodah]

Just seen your update .Well done ,and at 30 you are very young and have plenty of time to meet someone nice .Also you have nothing to be ashamed about! Your BF should be ashamed not you. Incidentally if he tries to contact you again ,please dont let him back whatever you do .He has shown his true colours and 100 % wont change.

[FortunesFave]

Calling you a slut is a very specific kind of abuse...it's not like calling you a cow or a dickhead...both of which are awful but calling you a slut is a sexual thing. It's worse. Highly personal and designed to shame...don't stay with him. He will do worse....he'll punch you next.

[LittleTiger007]

I don’t know if you grew up in a household or area where this kind of behaviour is normal, but believe me it isn’t. Tv makes it look normal with characters screaming at each other on eastenders etc, but in real life you should not under any circumstances accept this as ok. As someone suggested above, drink changes a person and maybe you both need to accept that and drink less. Don’t take him back simply to pay the rent or keep you 90%happy. You need to feel 100%safe and the rest will follow.

Your neighbours might not have rung the police btw, you rang 999 and hung up, they may have traced the call and thought you were in danger.

[ConquestEmpireHungerPlague]

Your update was very cheering, but I really would encourage you to tell your family so that they can support you over the coming months. If you were planning to marry this man, it's not going to be nothing just to walk away, however clear it is that you must. If you have a wobble, or if he puts a lot of pressure on you to get back together, it will be difficult if you don't have anyone who understands how vital it is that you stay away from each other.

[MoonSauce]

Rang the police for our upstairs neighbour on sun eve because she very clearly sounded like she was being beaten up, was screaming 'stop it' over and over and the things on the floor sounded like a person being thrown onto the floor.

It was the right thing to do. We don't know what's actually happening behind your door. It is also quite frightening for neighbours. My kids were really upset and again this morning because the shouting and screaming has been happening again.

It's hard to know when to ignore.

[user147425843578]

They said they will tell him I am not pressing charges

Either you're not in the UK or they were really shit police officers because "pressing charges" is not a thing here and is not how domestic violence is handled.

[AliceAforethought]

The truth is that this relationship is deteriorating and we don’t bring out the best In each other and we deserve more than this

we deserve more than this ??

YOU deserve more than this. He deserves nothing behaving like that.
He will do this to his next partner, too. He is entirely to blame; please stop excusing this behaviour and claiming any responsibility. You did not make him behave like this.

[LEELULUMPKIN]

What a Prince OP!

A man would call me those names just once.

Fuck. Him. Off.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Please be honest with your family. They will support you.

[Duanphen]

In a normal, healthy relationship, you'd have ended it when he called you names. Names such as those escalate into violence.

I hope you get some counselling and support to try to highlight to you that none of this is normal. I've seen some women have the view that "everyone's partner slaps them sometimes" or "this is what it's like behind closed doors." They cannot conceive of pleasant relationships because they've never seen them, never had one and their friends don't have them either. It's a vicious circle to break.

[BefuddledPerson]

@GalOopNorth

Leave. This is just the start.

Do NOT have children with this man.

Can't sum it up better than this. Please get out now before you are more trapped. Your neighbour was right to.call the police.

for you. Please speak to specialists.

[Thecobwebsarewinning]

@Disfordarkchocolate

Please be honest with your family. They will support you.

I agree that if you think your family would get it then you should tell them but not every family is supportive. You know your own family best so can judge what is the best way to proceed.

It seems unbelievable but some families are not helpful in these situations. I worked with someone whose sister regularly turned up on the doorstep because the husband was hitting her. My colleague would grudgingly take her in but drive her back to the husband the next day because they just didn’t believe that such a lovely man would do the things she said. Even after she was hospitalised and her and the kids were living in a refuge my colleague still insisted she was a drama queen and making something out of nothing. Her sister eventually went NC with her and she was most put out at her ingratitude.

[RedWine123]

This is not normal op. Please don’t go on to bring children into this toxic environment. Even if it is 10% of the time.

As to why your neighbour called the police it’s probably because they were worried about you. A good neighbour would do this.

The best step you could take is to end the relationship and just work on yourself for a while. I know it’s daunting and easier said than done. But it’s possible and trust me it will be such a positive step.

All the best op but please think about weather this is what you want forever.

[ThirstyGhost]

If I said to you that most of every month my partner is nice to me but once a month he gets drunk, comes home, kicks the shit out of me, breaks my ribs and I end up in hospital, what would you advise me to do?

This was the life of a friend of mine who used to say, "he has a heart of gold really". She got engaged to him after the first time he put her in hospital. Eventually she got out, but she could have died. This is where you are headed.

I don’t know what to think ?

You are in an abusive relationship.

Will this wake us up ?

No. He'll act alright for a while and then it WILL happen again.

Should I leave ?

Yes

What about this tenancy?

There are no tenancies when you are dead

I don’t know want to wreck my credit score ?

You won't have a credit score to wreck when you are dead.

I love my partner but it has gotten out of control - I know I play a part in it too and we drink and argue . What do you think ?

I think you're justifying his abusive, violent behaviour here and you mustn't. There is no excuse.

I’m concerned he will have thought I called the police- but I didn’t and wouldn’t have.

The police were needed. You could have been killed. It doesn't matter who called them.

[tara66]

Regarding the Lease - your landlord will probably give you both notice when he finds out about this incident and definitely will if you DP has caused damage - as in the bathroom door.

[marveloustimeruiningeverything]

FFS. Get him out of your life! Ask the police for help keeping him away from you. You are in violent relationship, and as you have just experienced, it will escalate!

Stop worrying about your credit score, be grateful you don't have children to tie you to this abusive twat, and get away from him!

continue on with counselling for yourself so you can try to figure out why you are turning yourself into a pretzel justifying why you should stay with an abusive twat rather than thinking you're worth more.

You are worth more. Believe in yourself.

[Gilead]

Get out and stop blaming yourself for his bad behaviour.

[LindaEllen]

Of course your neighbour called the police! They heard a young woman next door screaming 'help' over and over again, and probably other noises, too. I've phoned the police for less, and I'm glad I did as the lady thanked me months later (she wasn't grateful at the time but she was clouded).

This is your chance to get out. Have the locks changed while he's gone, or even move in with a friend or family member if you're able.

Do NOT share another night with that man.

I spent 6 years in an abusive relationship, and he'd always say sorry, he'd always say he was going to change, and he WOULD change, for just about long enough for me to be head over heels with him again. But every time he flipped back, he flipped back worse than the time before.

I nearly died.

Don't be like me, you have the chance to get out, so take it.

[afewvindako]

Please call Women's Aid immediately. They can help you and they can also advise on managing your tenancy.

Please seek therapy for yourself as an individual to understand why you have a pattern of tolerating unacceptable behaviour from partners.

Please note: it's probably due to your own upbringing and it wasn't your fault. But it IS now your responsibility to fix this and learn to create healthy boundaries. If you want to be a Mum you owe it to your unborn children to seek therapy for yourself and become healthy before bringing them into the world. If you had children in this situation they'd only grow up to be victims or abusers themselves.

[SunShinesStill]

Honestly, 100% happiness is the norm.
Well done for seeing what he is truly like and getting out whilst you still can. Huge well done for your neighbours.

[cretelover]

Will this wake us up?
I hope so. I hope it wakes you up to the fact that this man is nothing but a nasty bully and you deserve better. This is nothing close to a normal relationship. You're only 30, you have loads of time to have children and find a man who respects you. Get to hell out.

[acerred]

The police didn't arrest him because he is loving 90% of the time, that 90% doesn't carry any weight. They arrested him because he is abusive, unpleasant piece of shit who has no respect for you. If you have children with this man then boys will grow up thinking that it's the acceptable way to behave and girls will grow thinking that it's a normal relationship.

Is there anywhere else you can go? Personally if i was in your situation with no children I'd be arranging a van hire and self storage as quickly as humanly possible and getting the hell out of there.At the least get out and stay with family so you are not there when he gets back, even if you are in tier 3 this is surely going to be an acceptable reason to go to family - you'd have the support of the police for starters.