Police called bf arrested

[pinkmonkey123]

My boyfriend is kind and loving 90% of the time . Cooks, cleans , irons , listens to me , great dad to his kids , liked by my family .

I can be difficult - I have issues with mental health but I work full time and believe I am loving too but realise I can be hard work .

My boyfriend has a short temper and has called me names when arguing - slut/ bitch /cu*t

He apologised and as a result we decided to go to couples councilling which we had yesterday.

Last night after we got home we had a few drinks and an argument. I was cross as he admitted he has actually had cheated on his ex ! I Kept saying - now I understand why you are so kind to her ! You have disappointed me etc ! I did go abit crazy !

He stated shouting and threw things around the bedroom - furniture and then got me in a corner . I got into a ball and he was shaking me and calling me names . He didn’t beat me but I thought he might . He just kept shaking me and I think pulled me around . I kept screaming - help .

I Managed to lock myself in the bathroom . He was kicking the door down and screaming . I had my phone so said I am
Ringing 999 but I hung up.

I said he had to leave the house but he wouldn’t and he was trying to get into the bathroom and screaming .

There was a knock at the door and it was the police .
They then questioned me and I explained the situation and they arrested my partner and he is now gone .

We are engaged , have just signed a new tenancy for 1 year on a property which I would really struggle to pay alone ?
We are meant to be getting married in Feb .

I am so confused and mortified that my neighbour called the police . Also , I can’t belive my partner has been arrested? He will have to come back here as he lives here . He have no kids . I don’t know that we would hit me but I know I am scared or could happen potentially.

I don’t know what to think ? Will this wake us up ? Should I leave ? What about this tenancy? I don’t know want to wreck my credit score ? I love my partner but it has gotten out of control - I know I play a part in it too and we drink and argue . What do you think ? I’m concerned he will have thought I called the police- but I didn’t and wouldn’t have.

I am 30 and childless And before meeting my partner I was miserable . Now I am happy 90 percent

Gosh how upsetting. I agree with all the posters saying this relationship is fucked. This man’s behaviour is abusive and is likely to get worse. Can you imagine subjecting children to this? Either witnessing it or on the receiving end. You mention your own part in the arguments. The solution is not to try to fix a totally fucked up relationship. The solution is to move on and spend some time with a good therapist who can help you figure out whether there are issues that need addressing and if so how. But on your own, not with this man. Really really good luck. Don’t put up with this madness

You’re starting to make excuses for this domestic abuse. That’s how victims start out when it begins - thinking you may have contributed to it, or that it doesn’t really matter because it only happens 10% of your relationship. It will slowly increase without you realising, but you will then start to accept it as the norm. Get out now while you can. Look at the situation from an outsiders POV, and what you would tell someone if they confided this to you.

90% happy and 10% grumpy/having a challenging day/generally a bit down is okay. 90% happy and 10% abusive is a world away from this and is completely unacceptable. You shouldn't be mortified that your neighbour called the police, you should be thanking them for the wake up call. I wouldn't call the police on my neighbour for just a regular argument, no way. I'd only call the police if I were genuinely concerned that harm might come to someone in the situation. Let that sink in.

Do not stay with this man and certainly do not marry him. Your credit score can be rebuilt a lot easier than your self-esteem if this goes where it's gone for countless women before you. By that I mean if the situation escalates towards violence and so many different types of abuse that you need therapy afterwards to put yourself back together.

Please understand that he doesn’t love you, your a worthless piece of crap in his eyes, and hes abusive and he WILL NOT CHANGE. LEAVE HIM. You do not deserve to be treated like this at all. Get rid.

You cannot fix this. He needs professional help to deal with his anger.
This isn’t ok. It isn’t normal.
He will have to deal with the police and his children etc. Are they safe?
You can only control what you do next. I would strongly advise you to leave and stay with a friend/your mum. DO NOT DRINK. You need to keep a clear head to deal with this and you will be happy again. Not with this guy tho :( I’m sorry

It sounds very toxic by both of you. His abuse isn’t acceptable but neither is you going crazy at him. What he said in counselling should have been respected, he was being open with you and you threw it in his face over and over, by your own account, that to me is also abuse and unacceptable. How is he supposed to trust you going forward or how is counselling going to work if he now can’t open up because he’s afraid you will use it against him.

Personally I’d call it a day until your ready to tackle your own demons which make you “hard work”, and he can control his anger.

If you want to make it work with him then maybe separate counselling for both of you on top of couples counselling. He needs to sort out his anger before he dose physically attack and you need to sort out your issues too.

Alot of abusive men don't become physically abusive until their partner is pregnant, once you have a child and become financially more dependent on him.

You emphasise the fact that you don't have children, why does that make a difference? You know the behaviour is unacceptable, you know children shouldn't witness such things which is why you've mentioned it. Why is it not ok for a child to be in that environment but it's ok for you to be? Why is your financial situation more important than your physical and mental wellbeing? You need to put yourself first, be single, fbd out what was making you miserable before you let him and fix that. It's unlikely just being single made you miserable, address the drinking, joining some clubs to get you out and about l, invest in yourself and do the Freedom Program.If a child would deserve better so do you!

Leave him. You deserve better and you must be strong but long term you will be grateful that you move on before marrying him.

*find out
*before you met him

Be grateful that you have neighbours who did the right thing.

A man who's kind and loving wouldn't call you those disgusting names, abuse you, shake you and try and kick in the bathroom door.

Leave, you deserve so much better than this abusive twat.

He was shouting, your was screaming help...and you wonder why the neighbour called the police? It’s not normal in the slightest.

If you phoned 999 then hung up that would still trigger the police turning up, in fact they probably turned up quicker because of it.
And frankly, if it was the neighbors who called and you signed a month ago to live there, they are well within their rights to contact your new landlord and you could be chucked out anyway as no doubt a violent, drunken argument culminating in police attending and your boyfriend being arrested would be a breach of tenancy.
Stop making excuses. It's frightening when you have MH struggles to leave and change things but you really must. Do not bring children into the equation.
You sound like he's controlling you, blaming you for why he calls you names and being sweetness and light in front of your family.
Even if you do have a child straight away you would be flagged to social services because there has been violence recorded between you.
You deserve better.

What do you think ve was going to do once he'd managed to kick the door down ? Sit down with a nice cup of tea for a chat ? Normal partners do not kick doors down

It will only get worse if you let him stay.

Change the locks, thank your neighbour and tell him to get lost.

Yes it will be hard to start with but you deserve a life where you are respected and treated like a human being.

If someone pissed in your cup of tea, but it was 90% tea and 'only' 10% piss, would you still drink it?

It's time to change your plans, sorry but it is.

I’d hate to be unhappy 10% of the time

Whatever happens now, you will have to tell your couples counsellor. Couples counselling is not recommended in places, where there is violence so that needed to be your last therapy session together. Go next week. Alone.

You don’t have children, you don’t have joint house, joint money or many joint belongings. Why would you settle for this situation? (Not that Im saying anyone should but it’s easy peasy to get out of this). And how on earth do you think you can bring a child into this situation if you want one? Children divide even the soundest of couples.

As for the lease, it really is the least of your issues. Maybe you can find a friend, maybe he will take the lease on, maybe your ll will let you leave early. Does the contract have a 6 month break clause?

How can you want to be with someone who calls you a slut, bitch and c*nt? This is not a good relationship and no way should you be still considering marriage. Would you really want to bring children into this relationship? If you do stay together, I’d suggest you both give up drinking for a start.
Btw, You’re lucky you have good neighbours keeping you safe.

I was in a relationship very much like this over 8 years ago. I could write a book and it’s far too long to post all details on here.
Leave!!!!!
He will not change and he WILL get worse.
You need to look after yourself, address your drinking/mental health issues (no shame whatsoever, you haven’t chosen to feel like this).
He may take some getting rid of, use the police as you need to. They take this very seriously.
This is not a healthy relationship, not all men are like this.
You will meet someone else but you have to heal first.
You deserve better than this. Xx

Your neighbour did the right thing. You are better off alone than with him. Believe me when I say this, if you stay together his behaviour will get worse. If you end up with children, you will be trapped with him for a very long time. Love and value yourself. How can you meet the right man when you're stuck with him?

I agree with all the previous posters. He is a weak, vile man.

You state that you’re worried about having signed up for a one year tenancy agreement (and your credit rating).

Tbh; we used to rent out our house when we lived overseas for many years. If I knew that a couple had signed a tenancy agreement where there were loud arguments - upsetting the neighbours, so much so that they felt cause to contact the police for your safety; the doors were going to be kicked in and perhaps holes in the walls caused by kicking or punching then I would be more than happy to rescind the contract!

Contact the agency or Landlord and explain the situation and that your partner has been arrested for domestic violence. No decent LL wants loud, violent people in their property and would be concerned that it would be trashed.

I wish you well. But this guy is dangerous for your mental and physical health.

Who told you that you are hard work? There is no excuse for what he did. There is no need for that type of temper. This will escalate and not beating you isn't a reason to ignore what happened. The police arrested him because of his behaviour towards you.

You need to leave and don't withdraw your statement because he is sorry and feels terrible.

Now I am happy 90 percent

And the other 10? Cowering in a corner in fear is not a happy way to live. The fact you have mental health issues and can sometimes be difficult to live with does not give someone an excuse to behave abusively towards you. This is not your fault.

I'm glad your neighbour called the police, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

Please contact Womens'Aid, things like credit scores are problems that can be overcome.

Oh sweetie. You need to be brave and find out how to leave him. Cancel the wedding. Find out how to get out of the tenancy.

You can do this. It sounds like this is the worst he's been so far? And that's likely because now you've signed the tenancy and got the wedding planned, he feels you're less likely to leave. If you stay, it could be worse next time. It will get worse. And what's more, the 90% will be tainted by fear, confusion, guilt and more.

I'm sorry you were miserable in the past. Being single is definitely the better option here, though.