Where does one get one of those babies..

[OhToBeASeahorse]

... that have a feed, burp, lie down in the pram and fall asleep?

My first one didnt come from that variety. I ordered one for my 2nd. She is only small (10 days) but at the moment she essentially feeds ALL THE TIME and then needs to be rocked to sleep in the sling.

Does anyone know if I can exchange? The 1st one nearly killed me. I dont know if I can do this again.

I got one! Except the pram had to be moving - does that count?

I think it was because I had the pregnancy from hell, complained at length and wrote salty reviews about it, so was given an easy baby to placate me.

My youngest has ADHD and we are now 15 years into the 4th trimester. It's a good thing he's cute :-)

Congrats on your new baby OP!

I think it was because I had the pregnancy from hell, complained at length and wrote salty reviews about it, so was given an easy baby to placate me.

Stamps foot and wails about how unfair it is. I had a shocking pregnancy and now 10 months after purchasing I have the model they hid out back because it was faulty in every way possible. It doesn't sleep, eat well, nap, like cuddles, like being alone ans rarely stop screaming.

Everyone said first borns were easy as they lull you into wanting a second. I disagree strongly my models the reason that some children are ONLY children.

@Crockof

I regret ordering one like you describe, spent so long choosing the right baby behaviours that I failed to consider the teenage ones.

love this!

My ds came with faulty kidneys and slept for no more than 40 minute bursts for the first year, interspersed by hours of crying. Once he had an op to help him, slept like a dream, but that first year I thought I was the shittest mum ever - especially as half the doctors we came into contact with seemed to be unable to grasp how much it affected daily life. Funnily, his first newborn stage was easy, normal sleep and wake 3 hr cycle, but I was so amazed and over the moon after the op when he slept for pretty much a FULL night, maybe waking once or twice! After him, however, I am confident this baby will not feel as hellishly hard.

Everyone said first borns were easy as they lull you into wanting a second.

My understanding was that if you had a tough first-born you got an easy second-born, as a sort of cosmic justice. Which is why even though I'm enjoying this thread I'm also sticking my fingers in my ears and going 'nah, nah, nah I can't hear you' at the mentions of two tricky ones, because I'm 24 weeks with no. 2...

I had a crap pregnancy, a dreadful birth and still I got one of these apparently faulty babies.

If only someone could convince DH that there is nothing I can do that will turn him into a baby that sleeps all the time and never inconveniences anyone.

If you're told you can't exchange, you should go to Trading Standards. Definitely.

This probably won't fill you with joy but for me it took 3 faulty ones before I got one that did what it was supposed to.

My understanding was that if you had a tough first-born you got an easy second-born, as a sort of cosmic justice. Which is why even though I'm enjoying this thread I'm also sticking my fingers in my ears and going 'nah, nah, nah I can't hear you' at the mentions of two tricky ones, because I'm 24 weeks with no. 2...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. You're bloody brave to try again for a better model.

Personally I refuse to believe it, just remember all those people who tell you the second will be blissful cosmic justice are probably the same people who lied about easy first babies .

I take my hat off to you for trying again though, I'd honestly probably move out if I had a second as faulty as the first.

Had a very chilled first slept through from about 10 weeks until he had hand, foot and mouth at 7 months that seemed to destroy his sleep patterns and nearly broke me. He did get better again but couple weeks off baby number 2 and getting very nervous about how this will sleep/ feed etc.

If you find the return address I might be wanting it in the near future!!!

@LittleMissLockdown he turned from a faulty 0-1 year old to an absolutely lovely 1-2 year old - which I would say is proof that it was only a temporary fault BUT he stopped sleeping again as soon as I got pregnant so it seems more likely that it was some sort of deliberate and cruel ploy to trap us with two of them not sleeping. I can only assume that he would like company in his 2am misery...

Would you be interested in a deluxe, hands-free model? Much bigger, comes with its own teeth and opinions. Girlfriend attachment also available (limited stock).

Will take yours in part-exchange...

I can traipse around with 18-year-old DS and STILL! STILL, to this day, I see those babies behind Caffe Nero windows sitting upright and all pristine in their unstained pin tuck cotton blouses, quietly self-feeding while mum is across the table, on the laptop, banging out yet another successful best-seller. It still makes me glare at DS from behind and mumble, "fucking fireman's lift with shrieky you EVERYWHERE at that age, mate!" I had to keep my faulty babies in cages until they got a boiler service around the age of 5... and even then, even then, the idea of taking them somewhere, to a place void of primary colours, astroturf, and bouncy castles was high risk!
DC2...let's talk about her. I took her to church every Sunday. She was baptised the moment she drew breath. God's child. Front pew. The works. First time we put her on the phone to 'speak' to her auntie, what does she say? ONE thing, just one. And that was "Fuck!".
The pets have more etiquette.

Would you be interested in a deluxe, hands-free model? Much bigger, comes with its own teeth and opinions. Girlfriend attachment also available (limited stock).

Have you figured out how to enable 'silent mode' on yours? Can you change the 'opinions' settings because mine's currently on, "I don't think Trump's that bad," which really grinds my gears. Mine doesn't have the girlfriend attachment. I wonder if that's why mine's a bit more annoying. The girlfriend app does make them a bit quieter I've heard, less noticable.

The pets have more etiquette

This made me howl. It's so accurate. I'd honestly rather take the 2 (affectionately named) shit-mogs out for a walk than the baby. It would be a more enjoyable experience.

it seems more likely that it was some sort of deliberate and cruel ploy to trap us with two of them not sleeping. I can only assume that he would like company in his 2am misery...

That's an impressive piece of software you seem to have purchased. Hopefully the new model shows the current model how to behave in a more appealing manner.

I had the good baby’s. I was really lucky to find them in stock.
However they are now 9 and 13 and driving me potty.
Apparently to late for a refund or part exchange.

My first was the deluxe dream addition, slept through the night at 2 weeks etc, however the faulty switch stayed permanently on from 2-4 years old. Her only saving grace at the time was that she slept at night!

2nd was and of a similar quality until 8yrs then he broke, seemed to fix at 15.

3rd came from the stocks that were to be taken apart to find faults, sadly didn't sleep through once until 6, permanently awake....

However I can say that the broken ones during the younger years seem to completely redeem themselves by the teenage years 😉

I remember having my first, who was very chilled, and wondering why everyone kept saying how hard it is. I nodded along, but then my sister one day asked me whether she always just slept when I put her in her Moses basket. I said, yeah... what are they meant to do in there!? I found out when I had my son. No plonking him down whilst I got on with stuff!

I had these babies! But they don't last long! Once the 2 year warranty ran out, the babies broke. I called the helpline and they told me to go to the troubleshooting page and look at tantrums.
I thought I managed to fix them, but they keep breaking. I now have a 13 year old who seems to want to sleep during the day and stay awake through the night. She has forgotten all English and occasionally grunts! She hasn't forgotten the words 'I love you Mum' but this is always followed by 'Can I have..'

I have a 6 year old who slept all night from a week old! She is now broken in every way possible! She is currently bashing a balloon off my head. Once I have posted this I shall be getting her back with a full on balloon fight!

My 4 year old, well the company that sent her basically didn't want my custom ever again as they sent me the most dysfunctional (but funniest) child ever! I in fact think she needs shutting down and rebooting! I can't find the reset switch though!

I ordered the "classic" baby 20 years ago. It wasn't as advertised, & the delivery process was more painful than promised, although it did arrive on time.

I ordered a quieter version the second time around but they were out of stock. Again, it arrived on time (much to everyone's surprise), but the quiet model had been substituted with the same noisy, pukey version as the first.

The key was patience. Both models now go into sleep mode for incredibly long periods with absolutely no effort required, it's amazing really. It just took about 15 years.

I wouldn't swap them now although cats are easier

It's just taken me 2.5.hrs to get her to sleep.

She is definitely broken.

@OhToBeASeahorse

It's just taken me 2.5.hrs to get her to sleep.

She is definitely broken.

Mines still not asleep despite clearly being tired well over an hour ago. It's like he has a bug in his programming where I cannot possibly be right. The minute I even dare suggest he might be sleepy all he thinks is "I must stay awake at all costs and show her she knows nothing..."

We're not even a year in, he shouldn't already be assuming he knows better than his mother ffs.

I.can just hear 'awake windows' in my head and I'm pretty sure it's not 2.5 hrs for a newborn...

Sob...

Both of mine were the non faulty ones you described on the whole. With the benefit of hindsight, there was obviously a faulty wire that sometimes went a bit dodgy but then righted itself. However, the wire has now fallen out completely it appears and they just do. NOT. Sleep. Currently lying on their bedroom floor hoping to trick them to sleep!

We had a good run though, nearly 3 years. I’m definitely out of warranty now, and they’re huge (I also got a BOGOF special) so There’s no way I’m sending them back 😂