What advice would you give to a woman in her late 30s?

[Inthetropics]

Anything that you feel would help make her 40s, 50s and future in general a little better.

I am 36 now and have been feeling like time is passing very fast. When i was in my 20s i received some advice that made a big diference in my life. Some i wish i had taken more seriously!

1 Look after your teeth and health
2 Plan for your future financially
3 Keep your contacts and don't burn bridges

One thing I regret and I realise not everyone would find this relevant, I wish I had talked and listened more to my mum. Woman to woman I mean. I was a stroppy teenager and I think I often acted that way as I got older. I lost my mum when I was forty. I wish I had listened more when she talked about her life. I wish I had asked her about health, menopause, being a single mum, advice. Etc.

You'll regret things you never do, far more than you will regret things you do.

have kids before you leave your 30's, its exhausting after.
Agree with the weight, its so much harder to shift in your 40's
I saw a definite shift in skin tone when I hit 37, starts to sag.
read up on perimenopause , you won't think you're going crazy when it happens.

Don't put on more than 3lbs without losing it straight away.
Dump any useless man. You'll be fine on your own.
Travel, travel and more travel - your knees/hips give up before your brain does.
Make sure you have pension to enable above.
Never put off anything fun that you can do today.
Keep learning new things.
If you haven't learned to say no and mean it, now is the time. A middle-aged people pleaser is a martyr.

Lose weight now if you need to. Body positivity ain’t all that. In a few years’ time it will start to pile on and will be harder to lose (physiologically, not your fault) and you will really benefit from being a normal BMI and above all not having to think about losing several stones in your mid forties.

Don't keep shoes and clothes for good. Especially expensive ones.

Exercise so that your bones are strong, take vitamins to make sure you're not deficient in things like iron - as soon as I turned 40 I lost hair and I developed arthritis because I was long-term deficient in calcium Vit D and iron unwittingly in my 30s and it all catches up with you in your 40s!

Also (depending on what you want out of life) if I had the chance again I'd make sure to try my hardest to meet someone and hopefully have a baby before 40, because tiredness really catches up with you!! Also your fertility drops in your 40s by quite a bit.

Finally, start savings (if you haven't already)!! You'll really appreciate having a bit of a cushion when you're older, it can make life just that little bit more comfortable, especially in these times when everything is so crap.

No matter how huge your dream is, it's always worth taking the first step towards it (and then the next...) The route might not be what you expect, but it doesn't mean you won't get there - for those wanting concrete examples, I was widowed before 30 but still wanted to be a parent. In my 30s, not wanting another partner, I thought I had no options. My adopted child has the TV on far too loud just in the next room

Stay in touch with the people who matter, whether that's family or friends, even if you only have five minutes to ping them a message or send them a postcard. Connections are important. And with good friends, it means they send you mail in return, which is cheering.

You're not too old or too young to give something a try. Although the ship may have sailed on selection for the olympics

I'm late thirties but this is my plan.

I want to spend the next decade building rich friendships. I'm currently single and a good relationship would be wonderful but that's one part of life. I think really close female friendships bring so much joy in their own right. I have some very close friends already but am greedy for more. I am MUCH more picky about who I let into my life these days and much more able to let people go where there isn't a connection - I think friendships need a spark almost like romantic relationships do. I plan on finding more friendships by doing really connecting things like singing with other people, once the pandemic is over and choirs start up again. I am very determined that the rest of my life will be full of connection and love, after the beginning of my life was missing that in a big way. It is more important than anything else, I think. I am starting a business soon which will help people and that is a huge priority in terms of my time and attention. I want to make a difference and I think helping people helps build connections too.

I have done a massive declutter and hope to move forward remembering stuff doesn't make you happy. Frittering money doesn't feel good. I have pared down my things to the possessions that bring me joy, Marie Kondo style and I hope to spend more time enjoying them (wool stash and knitting needles in particular). It's funny how that does take attention - it's so easy to drift and spend too much time online, for example, instead of actively doing things that make me happy. Or you just drift into buying more crap without realising you're doing it and it affects your mood without you realising it.

I will be making a big effort to spend more time outdoors. I know I need to make an effort to do it or else I get lazy and don't make the most of my free weekends. I used to think my passion was travelling abroad - the pandemic has made me realise I am content exploring the UK. There are so many beautiful places and I really don't want to spend ££££ on short trips and using planes. I don't want to get to 80 and think, 'I wish I'd made myself do so much more and had made more memories.' Plus more time outdoors = better health and good health is everything. I was very unwell as a child and believe me, you do not want to be sitting tied to a hospital bed if you can be fit and well instead. So many people drift slowly into bad health not realising how awful and limiting it can be. I have done my years of being ill at the opposite end of life to most and honestly when I am 80, if at all possible, I am still going to be fit and well and working hard at keeping myself that way. Small bad decisions can end up with you being unwell so they need to be monitored. I think things like sugar and alcohol and exercise levels all make a difference to overall health.

I'm sure I have a ton more things but I won't witter on! I fully expect life to speed up and that scares me. I think overall with this pandemic having happened, I just want to squeeze the joy out of life where I can in the future, finances permitting.

Ask parents about their childhood.

Consider Shared Ownership to get on the property ladder.

Don't be afraid to ask for benefits like flexible hours/home working.

Sunblock, look after your teeth. Don’t waste your time on knobs. Be proud of your achievements as a woman.

@TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair - I love your post! And your plans. What a great way to look at it.

Great thread! I'm 37 and reading with interest. I so wish I had not spent so much money on alcohol and scented candles/other miscellaneous etc in my 20s!

Noted to lose that 20lbs that I'm still carrying! Other than that, I'm doing ok.

@Endlesscoathunt

I’m (kind of) glad it’s not just me who’s finding some of this advice a bit depressing! It feels like pre -old age advice! Maybe I’m just in denial... I was kind of hoping 40s might be the best decade yet

I don't understand why this is depressing? I have found my 40's the best decade so far. But the OP asked for advice not inspirational stories!

Thank you @SarahandQuack

Teeth, body, pelvic floor, finances as someone said above. Therapy maybe? Someone once told me that if you don’t take care of your issues before you hit 40 they will take care of you.

Great thread. Really grateful to all those who have contributed

On the Pension topic,
Take up a workplace pension when offered,
Keep paying into any private pension you had, and start one if you dont
If you have kids and husband continues to work, get money paid into the private pension in your name..
It’s compound interest that is your friend

Look at your Mother, recognise what you dont like in her , or what is wrong for her now, health wealth etc. and change it in yourself, see what she got right and do more of it for yourself.

It's interesting seeing common threads in so many posts. It reminds me of some things I read recently about how across cultures there is often ideas of a great lift tied with meaning, interesting, and pleasure more than pain combined with with vitality, connection, and contribution.

It feels like pre -old age advice! To me, most of this has read like things we tell teens that they often ignore, and then gets said to people in their twenties which is often ignored...

Wear all the lovely trendy sexy clothes you can. At 36 you are still young and should flaunt it. When you are 49, like me, you can look back fondly at your life wearing lovely little dresses and beautiful shoes etc.

Also, for non-pandemic times, go out loads. Loads. Every new cool wine or cocktail place, just go, go, go. Even if you have children and a busy job, keep your social life and sense of adventure alive.

late 30s top..great thread!

@DingleDangleCrow

I have just turned 37 and feel depressed about it. Really need to give myself a shake but the advice here is helping.

Well I'm 20 years ahead of you and I feel great! You're in the prime of your life. I would advise you to weed out any negative people in your life and cultivate your relationships with positive energy people. Keep learning! It's really important to be open to new ideas, new skills and hobbies. Live and learn is my motto. Don't complicate life - take pleasure in simple things, for me it's nature. Understand that being materialistic is a slippery slope to dissatisfaction and lack of fulfilment. Volunteer - doing something for others or for your community is guaranteed to make you feel good. Make plans/set goals - you've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream etc etc. Take up yoga! Oh and look after your teeth 😄

Don't over pluck your eyebrows. They look great at the time but by the time your in your 50s they'll be thin with long stragglers and bald patches. (IMO)

Justmuddlin, God has invented Rivitalash Advanced, works on eyebrows too