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Original poster

What advice would you give to a woman in her late 30s?

103 replies

Inthetropics · 19/10/2020 04:16

Anything that you feel would help make her 40s, 50s and future in general a little better.

I am 36 now and have been feeling like time is passing very fast. When i was in my 20s i received some advice that made a big diference in my life. Some i wish i had taken more seriously!

OP posts:
Esindi · 19/10/2020 11:34

Get a good financial advisor, they pay for themselves. Have a child alone if you haven’t already and travel as much as possible. I’ve done all these things (apart from the child alone but had a child) in my late 30s: I’m looking to retire at 50 and travelled all through mat leave (it was fabulous) and will do as soon as our borders open again.

MadCatLady71 · 19/10/2020 11:39

Don’t waste any more time worrying about what other people think. Do what will make you happy. And learn to say no to things - large and small - that you don’t really want to do.

WomenAndVulvas · 19/10/2020 11:41

Pension pension pension. Get good advice so you don't end up ripped off like me
Can you give any concrete advice? I don't know where to start!

OhioOhioOhio · 19/10/2020 11:42

Don't waste money on tat. If you are in a bad relationship end it fast.

silverbubbles · 19/10/2020 11:46

Invest in/ expand your friendships and friendship groups
Go on some exciting eye opening holidays / trips
If you are wondering about doing something life changing - do it!
Get rid of your partner if he/she is not making you happy

if you are not happy in your career/job -make a change now.
You really do have time to retrain now if you want

Pelvic floor exercises should be taken seriously
Tackle your debts seriously and sort out your pension.

whatswithtodaytoday · 19/10/2020 11:49

Following - and these are excellent tips so far, thank you!

calamityjam · 19/10/2020 11:50

Find out who you are as a person. I had kids very young. This meant that everything I did revolved around them and I never figured out who I was as an adult. I'm 43 now and my children are mostly adults. I'm only now starting to discover myself, what I like to do, what my beliefs and opinions are. Also stop giving a fuck what other people's opinions on you are. It really doesn't matter, it only matters what you think about yourself

zafferana · 19/10/2020 11:59

Give your finances an MOT. If you're in debt - sort it out. If you don't have a pension - start one. If you waste money, live on credit, or paycheck to paycheck, you need to stop doing that and make some long-term financial plans. Do you know someone who is good with money? Go and have a chat with them.

If you don't take good care of your health start right now. Aim to get 7 hours sleep a night. Give up smoking. Cut back on drinking. Stop using drugs. Use an SPF every day (even in winter). Maintain a healthy weight. Eat a balanced diet. Find some exercise you enjoy and do it regularly.

If you have poor MH, low self esteem, depression or anxiety do something about it now.

Be kind to yourself and choose to spend time with people who make you feel good. Don't be afraid to cull people from your life who bring you down, use or manipulate you.

If you gave up a hobby that you used to love it might be worth starting it up again. So many of us give up things in our 20s when we start working FT that we loved doing. Rediscovering that thing and other like-minded souls can be amazing.

zafferana · 19/10/2020 12:02

One more thing - don't think 'I'm too old to do that', whatever it is. You'll never be younger than you are today and 10 years from now you'll look back and go 'I was so young then! Why didn't I just go for it?'

SarahAndQuack · 19/10/2020 13:15

I thought egg freezing had very low chances of success compared to freezing embryos?

I'm watching with interest as I'm also 36.

The advice here is getting me down too.

Titsywoo · 19/10/2020 13:32

There's many great things about your 40's!

I feel much more confident in myself, worked hard in my 30's to get over my mental health issues, I have lots more time to myself now the kids are teens and actually do things I enjoy sometimes, my relationship with DH is better now the kids are older and we have made a better work-life balance.

I guess since OP asked for tips she is hearing the things to do to stop your 40's/50's being shit which can sound depressing but it's also realistic! Mine are also look after your teeth and gums (I've never had tooth problems but never bothered flossing much and am paying the price now at 42 so I take good care of my oral hygiene as being in pain etc affects your life so much). I am guilty of not having a pension but DH and I have investments instead but we do need to look into it - the more you save the easier your life will be and the more freedom you will have to travel etc so that is positive. I would just say spend time doing the things that make you happy - I feel best pottering at home - cleaning, gardening, hanging out with my family (other people say don't waste time cleaning but I enjoy it!). Keeping healthy is also very important. I'm losing weight as even though I'm happy with my body I know for health reasons I should be thinner as I want to be fit and able for as long as possible!

Endlesscoathunt · 19/10/2020 13:47

I’m (kind of) glad it’s not just me who’s finding some of this advice a bit depressing! It feels like pre -old age advice! Maybe I’m just in denial... I was kind of hoping 40s might be the best decade yet Confused

nosswith · 19/10/2020 13:50

You will never have Boris Johnson or Donald Trump or Silvio Berlusconi take any interest in you (or Mick Jagger as well).

zafferana · 19/10/2020 14:49

I was kind of hoping 40s might be the best decade yet

They may well be! But if you want to look and feel good it helps if you get into some good habits in your late 30s. There's a reason why so many 40-somethings get into cycling, marathons, triathlons, whatever - and that's because things start to go south in your 40s if you don't take good care of them. That goes for your teeth, your pelvic floor and your finances too!

crochetmonkey74 · 19/10/2020 14:52

Build a life for yourself that you love, whoever you do or don't live it with- buy what you love, wear what you love, treat yourself nicely- take yourself out for dates- write your own private rest time into your diary when you need it. Essentially put yourself first- this changed my life

bettybyebye · 19/10/2020 15:00

37 and reading with interest Smile

MissConductUS · 19/10/2020 15:06

Live like a student and buy appreciating assets like shares or property. Take care of your health and manage your risk factors - weight, alcohol, exercise, etc.

Watch out for the cocklodgers. Grin

HappyHedgehog247 · 19/10/2020 15:09

If you even might possibly want children and don’t yet have them please sort this now. I was advised to egg freeze and didn’t. Was lucky enough to have 1 but too late to conceive 2nd.

DasPepe · 19/10/2020 15:19

I agree with all of the above though I wish people had some more specific ones too (which might or might not fit).
My specific one? After a year of deliberating and just after lockdown, I bought a rowing machine. OMG! I wish I had bought it sooner, in my 20s. Of course I didn’t have the money then really but I also wasted it on gym membership - which I then never used. It’s always been the only gym equipment I enjoyed. The one we bought can be stored upright and it’s water based - which I also never used in a gym but was converted in the sports shop. I’m not here to advocate just spending money - but if my thinking had been different in my 20s I would have saved money and been much much fitter as a result.

user1471538283 · 19/10/2020 16:05

Start saving even a little bit because it soon adds up and you've got it if you need it. Money gives you choices (where to live, who to leave with, when you can leave) but also enjoy your life. You are young

SarahAndQuack · 19/10/2020 16:24

I am so sorry, I am being a bit of a dick and please excuse that because I've had a truly horrible day, but ... all of you people saying 'save up' 'buy property' or 'live like a student' ... do you actually have any relevant advice for anyone who's in their late 30s and living in a pandemic, a recession, and can't twat around pretending to be a student because they have normal life responsibilities (like children)?

Endlesscoathunt · 19/10/2020 16:46

Yes I see where you are coming from @SarahAndQuack!

Some of this advice has been fantastic, and I don't mean to be ungrateful - maybe it's just hard to generalise? People are at such different points in their lives in late 30s...

SarahAndQuack · 19/10/2020 16:49

YY, I don't want to be ungrateful either, I just feel ... how many women in their late 30s can realistically live like students?

supercee · 19/10/2020 17:01

Exactly @SarahAndQuack

I want a different job/career. Currently in admin. To have a much wanted career change I'd need to do a degree or a 2 year course at least I'm guessing. Both of which cost. I don't have a partner to support me whilst I do this (luckily no kids to feed) but it just doesn't seem like a realistic option. I still need to pay my rent/bills and whilst I'm all for retraining, how can I feasibly live like a student for the next few years going into my 40's.

Or am I being defeatist?

user18594 · 19/10/2020 17:07

Watching this with interest! Hmm