Starting a full time job & leaving DC 11 & 14 home alone after school

[lechatnoir]

I'm about to start a full time job with pretty long hours and even with a bit of juggling shifts with DH, there 3 days the DC will be coming home from school and on their own until 6:45 at the earliest. I'm keen for them to take responsibility for the evening meal on at least one of those days.

Those with kids that fend for themselves after school, how do they find it? am I being realistic/fair to ask this of them and any meal ideas very welcome. (and will I ever stop worrying they are going to sever a limb or burn the house down in my absence ). Do they actually do their homework without the usual nagging? I'm hoping this is a good opportunity for me to cut the apron strings a bit as I do pretty much everything for them (or spend a lot of time nagging them to do stuff!) and my eldest is frankly quite lazy and ungrateful but worry that 11 is still very young to be left to your own devices so much. Can you tell I'm slightly panicking about it

I do it twice a week with my 14 and 12 year old and they love it.
One day they oven cook pizzas for themselves and one day I do some type of casserole in the slow cooker and buy in some crusty bread for them so it's a v easy prep they just have to turn it off at the wall after they're done.
They sometimes do homework before I get in sometimes later on. They like the peace I think whilst cheerfully ignoring each other most probably

Assuming they are otherwise sensible, they'll be fine and probably love it. I was doing the same from about 10, but every day. By 13, I was home on my own for up to 3 days at a time when my mum had to travel for work (single parent, no family support, she couldn't just pull me out of school to come with her). I managed just fine. I used to cook for myself many nights or start dinner for both of us. I think I tended to do homework later in the evening anyway, but I probably started in in the afternoon (or just watched tv), I'd put some washing on, etc. I really enjoyed the quiet in the house and the independence.

Thank you both that's really what I was hoping (and what they're telling me!) I think it's just the guilt of going from being at home full-time to work full time and probably underestimating their abilities. Like the idea of slow cooker so can definitely do that one night and then as you say other nights it's pizza, something and chips that they can bung in the oven with minimal thought.

I used to one home and be on my own. Never needed to cook,just re-heated things.

In terms of meals, pizza, sausages, fish fingers or pasta with ready made sauce is easy. I’d keep a stock of frozen veg that’s easy to boil too.

I think the 11 year old is too young to be left that long.

Mine are a little bit older now but they have arrived back to an empty home from a similar age. They always got home hungry so I made sure there were lots of snacks in.

In the early days I would leave a prepped meal for them to pop in the oven, now I can leave DD in charge of cooking. DS is still less keen on cooking but will help his sister and surprisingly they get along better when we're not there.

@ExclamationPerfume I do feel a bit uneasy about leaving an 11 year (albeit with 14 nearly 15 year old sibling) but don't really have a choice - no childcare for his age and in the current climate I couldn't afford to turn down the job. What do
Others with younger secondary school Children do?

@lechatnoir Do you have a neighbour or someone nearby you could rely on if they needed help? I'm probably overprotective but I would worry too much at that age.

Unfortunately no we only moved here last month so literally don't know anyone and from what I can tell it's mainly professionals as I rarely see people around in the day

This was my situation growing up and I was the eldest and very sensible.

Looking back there were a few hairy situations tho, so personally I’d wait maybe one or two more years.

I had this situation as a child. My sister and I used to fight mainly although i can't remember what about.I was in charge of things like turning potatoes or pans on which mum had left prepared and once managed to boil a beef stew away to nothing. I suspect I was a dickhead though and slowcookers are invented now. So long as your kids get on it will be fine.

Do they get on, or do they fight?
If they get on they should be fine. I think I'd try to give them a call on the house phone when they are meant to be in from school and probably buzz them again as you leave work.
Note I said house phone, they can't deny where they are.

I started leaving mine last year when they were 11 and 17 (17 year old has learning difficulties). Day one they locked themselves out of the house and let their phone batteries die! Since then it’s got better and they like their days at home. Youngest does all her homework without nagging, but they don’t cook as I get home about 6 and cook then. It’ll be fine!

Yes I would do it, I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

I would have strict written rules for them though, including checking in with you or your partner via text confirming they are home & ok each day.
Not having anyone in the house, take it in turns to sort tea & to sort dishes etc.

Just curious about what you will do for school holidays though?

(I was left at about 12 years old to cook & care for 3 Younger siblings 5 days a week. From 3.30-6ish I was forced into being sensible & adult).

The 11 year old is with a nearly 15 year old, they’ll be fine.

Me and my sister were left alone from around 10 and 12 (I was year 6 she was year 8) for about 2/3 every day after school as mother worked. It was fine no major incidents. To start with my mother asked that we call when we started and finished cooking to make sure the oven was off etc and she always called when we should have just got in. Only big incidents were when we found a spider! I think it’s good. Helps them grow up and take responsibility

I think they will be fine. I'll be in a similar situation in a couple of years. It's only 3 days so it's not the whole week

I would suggest getting a ring doorbell so you can check in on them returning home.

Mine are 11 and 12 and I do this, I agree with pickpolly I message or phone mine depending how busy work is or my DH does. Mine get on fine together it's like a collective protection thing. My DH gets home earlier though at anywhere between 4-6 depending where he is. They just have snacks though don't cook.

I felt torn about increasing my hours but, as long as it is not every evening you are still there for them. Mine sometimes do homework. But definitely get some rules in place, you know your DC, things like basic first aid, how and who to call for help. Make sure they know how to use the landline!! Mine didn't. No going out, answering the door, no friends over. If my DC worry about something they WhatsApp my DM.

I would leave them but wouldn't allow any cooking on the hob. I would only allow pizza in the oven, or warming up a tub of something I'd previously cooked in the microwave, or slow cooker and turning it off after. Something could easily go wrong if they got into an argument and so on. Does your new job have any work from home potential?

I think it’s fine to leave them - they need to learn and at 11&15 they’re old enough. I would try and set some ground rules before all this starts. As a teen I would have probably pushed my luck a bit. I think it depends a bit on how responsible they are as to what you expect over evening meals. If they’ve never cooked or prep I would either try a few lessons with you first or really rethink what you can make in advance that requires minimum input from them? Loads of suggestions already but if it’s for all of you pre-made Bolognase that they just have to finish defrosting and put pasta on. Same with stew or slow cooker meals that they can just ‘finish off’. Alternatively easy meals they can do for themselves and you eat later? Pizzas, beans on toast, pasta and a sauce

Good god, I’m shocked by this.

How does the 11 year old get home?

Totally reasonably

BUT give them 6 months or so before expecting them to prepare the evening meal. Instead leave them food you have prepared that they just beee to reheat - stews, Bologese etc

My 13 yo DS has had to be home after school alone till 6pm 3 days a week since he was 11.

Hes always been fine with it, gets himself a snack, goes on his xbox, does his homework.

I don't ask him to cook though, he is a bit absent minded and I'd worry he'd leave the job on or burn himself .

I do a quick tea when I get in.

It's absolutely fine.

I caught the bus at that age and still had a mile or so to walk home afterwards. I was then home for a couple of hours everyday before my parents got in. I had no older siblings or neighbours to look out for me and this wasn't all that long ago. Early noughties.

I watched TV, messed about on the computer (playing the Sims mostly), read, made a snack and did homework.