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Which child gets the second ensuite?

131 replies

Camdina · 14/10/2020 22:29

Yes, another first world problem...anyway...

DH and I have 4 DCs - DTs11, DS8, DD5. Currently in a 5-bed house with 1 ensuite and 1 family bathroom.

Need to move house for DHs job. Found a house we like and are proceeding with. 5 bedrooms again so all kiddos still get their own room. Great. Master bedroom with ensuite for DH and I. Lovely. Then 4 more bedrooms. Bedroom 2 is the largest of those and also has it's own ensuite. Bedrooms 3 and 4 are similar sized to each other, and bedroom 5 is pretty tiny. And then a very small family bathroom.

So who goes where? Who gets the large 'premium room' with it's own ensuite?! Can't even take the easy option and just give it to the oldest, since they are twins (unless you start counting the 2 minute difference in birth time..)

So what would you do and who would you put in which room?!

OP posts:
movingonup20 · 15/10/2020 09:31

I'd put the youngest in there but she has to give it up when you have visitors no moaning (plus potentially have your younger Ds's stuff in her room if it doesn't fit eg extra wardrobe)

isthismylifenow · 15/10/2020 09:33

Being the only girl with 3 brothers I would say let have dd have the en suite room. I always had to fit in with the boys, and I would have loved nothing more than to have my own bathroom without pee on the seat, underpants on the floor etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2020 09:49

@allthedamnvampires

DD gets ensuite, no discussion about swapping in X years or allowing others to use it, you don't want DS8 to establish rights to using it as could be hard to re-establish rules when she hits puberty. You'll have another three toilets? 1 downstairs, your ensuite and the main bathroom (I assume) so no hardship to give DD her own personal space.
Does a 5 yo need her personal space more than anyone else? It's there any reason she's expected to not spend equal time on the den playing computer games with her siblings?

I could understand in a few years but at 5 surely she's barely in her room? It's not like she's having to share as an alternative, she's still getting a double she just needs to cross the landing to use the loo.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2020 09:56

@Itisbetter

I love the way people assume the twins should share because they are twins Grin. Wow
Or just because they're the closest in age. Of they were 12, 11 and 8 in think you'd get the same replies, or 11, 8 and 7
mrsm43s · 15/10/2020 09:58

Because the twins are the only two of the appropriate age/gender to share (nothing to do with them being twins!), I'd have them share the master bedroom with ensuite. If its big enough to partition either properly or with Kallax etc then even better.

Mum and Dad in second bedroom with ensuite.

Other two children in decent sized non-ensuite bedrooms.

Box room set up either as a study space or gaming space (I'd prefer the former, 11 year old boys would probably prefer the latter!) for the twins to use so they can spend time apart from each other if they wish.

Letsgetgoing123 · 15/10/2020 10:02

@Camdina

Let us know what you decide OP!!!!!

ForTheLoveOfDoughtnuts · 15/10/2020 10:06

Does the layer out allow for the possibility of turning it into a jack and Jill bathroom? One twin in each getting access?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/10/2020 10:09

I would give it to my favourite Wink, or the best behaved.

AlwaysCheddar · 15/10/2020 10:32

Twins have en-suite room to sleep in and you make a bedroom a hang out lounge?

WildCherryBlossom · 15/10/2020 10:40

If there is only one girl I would let her have the en suite and then the boys can share a bathroom. When she gets older she will appreciate the privacy.

BlueBirdGreenFence · 15/10/2020 10:49

I would tell the twins they can share or flip a coin for it.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 15/10/2020 10:55

I think I'd give the twins the biggest and smallest rooms to share. Up to them how they divide them ! But they'd also have to keep the en-suite clean (ie no pee on the seat, wipe the sink. I'd give it a proper clean weekly)

Actually they more i think about it the more I think bunk-beds in the smaller room and the bigger room as a hangout/gaming space would be best. Biggest room could have a sofa bed for visitors.

Velvian · 15/10/2020 11:04

Would it be easy to make the ensuite accessible from the landing and close off the bedroom?

A 2nd bathroom for all would be a godsend.

user27378 · 15/10/2020 11:39

I generally aim to give smallest room to the oldest- because they just have tech rather than large toys, and if they have friends round they are old enough to sleep on sofa bed downstairs. So I'd give it to dd5, because she probably still has quite big toys and friends round to play, and she won't mind the older ones coming in her room and using the bathroom. Plus she probably still needs help washing and drying her hair and getting ready for bed etc so it's handy to have it in her room. It will keep any bath toys out of the main bathroom too.

user27378 · 15/10/2020 11:40

But I'd also consider turning one en suite into a laundry room. I've always wanted an upstairs laundry room more than an ensuite.

ODFOx · 15/10/2020 11:48

When we had exactly the same problem we spent a little money to have one of the en-suite opening on to the landing. Thus a bathroom and a shower room for all the DC to share. A double with en-suite for us.
It worked for us because one of the en-suite sis had a back wall against the landing so all we had to do was move the door and reroute the shower drain. Depends on your layout as to whether this is feasible.
Otherwise I'd put your DD in the room with en-suite on the grounds that she'll have to move if you have guests, and she's the only girl. The one with the tiny room gets the coolest high bed though.

longcoffee · 15/10/2020 12:15

Don't know if this is possible, but we have a house with an en-suite which wasn't on the master bedroom (?!)

Big size difference between master and es room. Teenage DSD had the es room, we had the master. We studded the wall that had the door into her room, and opened a door into the hall. Gave us a second bathroom for the family, and no arguments.

With two DSDs, my DH and I, a second bathroom is massively helpful, and there's no debate over rooms. Could that work?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 15/10/2020 12:18

The twins share the en-suite, the other two have normal bedrooms and then you have a spare room/snug/study.

It's kind of insulting to make children share (unless they're tiny and/or desperately want to) when you have enough rooms for one each. Spare bedrooms/studies are very nice to have, if you have capacity, but they don't usually go with the territory of having four children.

As for those saying that it's only because the twins are the closest in age that they're being asked to share and not just because they're twins, erm, how do you think they ended up being the closest in age?! It's a circular argument. Absolutely not getting at OP at all, as loads of people would instinctively do the same, but she said 'DTs11, DS8, DD5' - putting the twins as one entity, to the detriment of mentioning their sex, which is very relevant here - and not 'DS11, DS11, DS8, DD5'.

I'm not a twin, but it must really be annoying to be constantly grouped in with one of your siblings (or your only one) as if you came as a pair. That comes later, as an adult, if you choose to share your life with somebody and not just by default because you happened to share a uterus with somebody before you were born.

I don't know how old the house is, but I'm incredulous at how house developers design properties just to look good on a spec sheet for sale rather than to be practical to live in long term. Fair enough that you'll get some families with one or two children wanting a large house with good sized bedrooms for use as such and also one or two smaller rooms for studies/storage/guests etc - but it seems completely beyond the wit of developers to consider that a lot of people buying a 5-bed house will be families with four children, so they might just want a master bedroom with en-suite and then four others of an equal size and maybe an extra family bathroom, so you still have the option to assign bathrooms according to need irrespective of the bedrooms, if you choose. Otherwise, one child gets a big room and an en-suite whilst another just gets a tiny little box room - to the extent that, as in this thread, people propose two children sharing one room whilst another goes largely unused. What if OP had triplets or even quads?!

An awful lot of family houses seem to be designed with two rooms for adults and then just slotting the children in wherever. Yes, some will want that - HMOs, grandparents living with you or one much older child than the others - but I wouldn't have thought that would be the majority.

Seriously, it should be the house planned to suit the occupants, not the occupants rearranging themselves to suit the apparently unalterable layout of a standard house.

Frenchfancy · 15/10/2020 12:21

Youngest in ensuite room, but lock the ensuite. If you have guests youngest gives up her room and you unlock the ensuite.

FrangipaniBlue · 15/10/2020 12:42

@FrangipaniBlue

I was going to say DTs as then that's a bathroom between the 2 of them and the other 2 get a bedroom each and share the family bathroom with box room used for something else?

That was each bathroom is shared between 2 people but the youngest while not having an en-suite get a bedroom of their own so swings and roundabouts?

I think I stand by this but make the box room into an "extra" living space for the DTs that way they kind of only have to sleep together and if they have friends round they have an extra room to use for gaming or whatever?
Itisbetter · 15/10/2020 13:09

Twins have to share everything. Birthdays, first day of school, often presents, classrooms and clubs/activities. If they share bedrooms they can’t have their own space ever.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 15/10/2020 20:18

By the time the 5 yo Dd would appreciate privacy - in 7 years when aged 12, the oldest 2 will be 18 and heading for Uni.

How tiny is the smallest room?

Babababababybelll · 15/10/2020 21:06

Put your husband in it.

That way , you get a room and bathroom to yourself.

Bliss.

You are welcome ha

ArnieLinson · 15/10/2020 21:15

@Babababababybelll

Put your husband in it.

That way , you get a room and bathroom to yourself.

Bliss.

You are welcome ha

This.

Or, is there a way to make the ensuite a jack and jill?

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 15/10/2020 21:22

@Smellbellina

8yr old in the en-suite (has to be some perks to being the middle child), twins in the 2 similar rooms, youngest in the tiny one. Or, twins share en-suite room.
This.

My mum always said we all had a special place, the oldest, the youngest and the girl. The implication being that middle children don’t have a special place.

With yours being the oldest AND the twins, the youngest AND the girl, it would be nice for your DS to get something special to make sure he doesn’t feel left out. Stitching him up with the smallest room (or the shed! Grin ) would just reaffirm that he doesn’t have a special place in the family.