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Original poster

How old is too old to breastfeed?

244 replies

mrspoisson · 14/09/2020 18:08

I won't share how old my child is (still classed as toddler) but just wondering when it becomes wrong to keep breastfeeding?

It's starting to feel gross now, but it sometimes works as a great comforter for DD when getting to sleep, when sick or upset. Doesn't have it to replace food though. Eats 3 meals a day plus snacks.

What age would you say could potentially cause psychological damage/hinder development?

OP posts:
Besom · 15/09/2020 08:06

@Breadandroses1

When one of you wants to stop. That's all.
This ^
ivfbeenbusy · 15/09/2020 08:16

When they get teeth and can talk to you

movingmuddle · 15/09/2020 08:26

@ivfbeenbusy

When they get teeth and can talk to you
On what basis? Breastmilk and the very act of breastfeeding are beneficial to children long after they get teeth or start talking.

My sister said I should stop when my DC start talking, and I've puzzled over it a lot.

I suspect this is about sexualising breasts - seeing sex as their primary function and they're just loaned to babies while they're too innocent to understand how "dirty" breasts are - when in fact it's the other way round. Nature designed breasts for babies and children primarily.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
HavelockVetinari · 15/09/2020 08:31

DS self-weaned at 2y8m, I was very happy to feed him as long as he wanted it. It was a really handy way of calming/comforting him!

OddestSock · 15/09/2020 09:28

The thing is, breastfeeding a 3/4/5 year old is not the same as breastfeeding a baby. It isn't their sole source of nutrition, they're not generally feeding several times a day for long periods.

My youngest was 3 when she stopped. I did gently encourage it as I felt ready, but she ultimately decided. By then though, it was just a few minutes at bedtime. No one else saw it, because it wasn't anyone else's business!

NerrSnerr · 15/09/2020 09:33

My youngest is 3.5 and we're starting the process of stopping now. My eldest stopped at 2. If you feel you're ready to stop OP then that's fine.

MamTDM · 15/09/2020 09:47

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander - my DS came up with the name 'mambo' for BF (it was one of his first words - no idea where he got it from!) and christened my boobs Big Mambo and Slow Mambo Grin

FlappyGoLucky · 15/09/2020 10:03

I stopped November 2019 - my periods had been slightly irregular and I realised that since November 2013 I’d either been pregnant, breastfeeding or both. I just wanted my body to find its natural rhythm again, and wanted to sit down without DD climbing on me for a feed. I’m very happy I was able to feed both my DC until they were 2.5 but I’d definitely had enough. DD is 3 now and combi-feeds her dolls Grin

Unfortunately my periods didn’t settle and actually got heavier when I stopped feeding, so I had to have that investigated (thankfully everything was fine) so ended up with a coil fitted.

ivfbeenbusy · 15/09/2020 10:14

@movingmuddle

Because breastfeeding a child who is able to hold a conversation with you and clearly doesn't require it for nourishment only comfort i'd find uncomfortable

But we are all entitled to our opinions- it's fine for you believe it's a wonderful thing to breastfeed a toddler/pre schooler and it's fine for me to believe it's a bit icky

Original poster
mrspoisson · 15/09/2020 10:15

Thanks for the responses. I just wanted to know if I was causing any harm by continuing to breastfeeding my daughter at her age and if anyone else went beyond the age that my daughter still asks for boob.

I only have a few drops of milk left, so I know that it has to stop even of she does it once a week/fortnight. She's been asking for it suddenly, but I think she is anxious/insecure about something.

She had a massive teenage-like strop yesterday when I refused to give it to her whilst cuddling on the sofa. She threatened to never talk to me again. I think that's a good indicator to stop once and for all.

OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 15/09/2020 10:18

When one of you wants to stop it's time to stop. Mine were 2, 2.5 and 3 when I weaned and none of them wanted to, but I was done. I don't think it's remotely 'icky' to feed a child past babyhood, I don't think it's heartless and unnatural not to. Are you happy? Is your kid happy? Then you're winning, and I'm happy for you.

BertieBotts · 15/09/2020 10:46

@TheSeedsOfADream

It's interesting how Mumsnet has changed in the last decade or so.

It would have been hard to find such nasty comments about extended breastfeeding back in the days of Tiktok and the MNer who went onto GMTV to tell "Dr" Hilary that he was giving mothers incorrect information about breastfeeding.

I can assure you they were here! In fact I've noticed a shift the opposite way - today posters are generally OK with it until about 2 or 3 before the "icky" "weird" "just for the mum" comments start to come out. Back in the day the dissenters didn't like it past 9-12 months!

There has always been support for natural term breastfeeding on MN as well though which I value.

VirginiaWolverine · 15/09/2020 10:47

I was still breastfeeding both of mine when they started primary school. They are now teens/tweens. I don't know what sort of problems you think they might have, but unless you are concerned that breastfeeding a talking child with teeth leads to a strong interest in Minecraft and TikTok, I can probably reassure you, and if it does, there are clearly a lot of children around who breastfed for too long Grin

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 15/09/2020 10:48
BertieBotts · 15/09/2020 10:51

Correct, there is no society known if where children routinely nurse until 7, but that's because 7 is the very end cut off point - it would be like saying it's wrong for children to learn to walk at age 2 because most children learn earlier than this. They do, but age 2 is still OK and developmentally normal, just at the far end of the scale.

Most children left to decide for themselves stop somewhere between 2 and 7 and the average is in the middle of that period, around 4.

Anecdotally I've only heard of children who have some form of additional needs still feeding past 6 or so. It's rare, which doesn't make it wrong or outside of normal. Those are different things.

gigi556 · 15/09/2020 13:02

I'm all for extended breastfeeding if that's what both parties want. I fed my son to 17 months and it was my decision to stop. I never liked breastfeeding but stuck it out Confused my son is 3 and if were up to him, I imagine he'd still be feeding. I think to me anything past 4 is probably unusual but none of my business.

There was a woman still BF her 5 year old at a LL meeting I went to and although I didn't particularly care, she was complaining about her daughter hurting her nipples now she was pregnant and I thought... she's 5. Tell her you don't like it anymore and stop. It definitely needs to work for both parties.

BertieBotts · 15/09/2020 17:45

Yes, but people complain about their 1yo hurting their nipples while feeding during pregnancy too and you wouldn't say that the solution would be to stop? I think she was likely just letting off steam about something she was aware would be a temporary issue.

Weirdly, OP, I felt most self conscious about "still" BFing my DS1 when he was 2 and 3 years old. Once he had finished (he stopped at 4 years 3 months) I found I was totally confident and relaxed to just state the fact that I'd fed him until 4. I think because at the time I was having these conversations (when he was 5 or 6) it was completely clear that he was a totally normal child and my BFing him to "such an age" hadn't caused anything weird in the slightest.

Whereas when I was still doing it I felt like letting people know would be weird and they would be constantly watching him looking for some signs that he was psychologically messed up or something Confused

I do not feel in the slightest bit self conscious about mentioning that DS2 is still breastfed at 2, though, perhaps it's being older, being a second time mum or just being in a country where it's relatively normal.

AriesTheRam · 15/09/2020 17:54

When they get teeth

qwertypie · 15/09/2020 18:06

[quote SBTLove]@qwertypie
unnecessary comment, not everyone can bf.

A school age child does not need to bf, they should be able to self soothe, no need to be a 24/7 martyr to kids, plus they don’t need it nutritionally[/quote]
I didn't say everyone could. It's not about that. The person I quoted seemed to be saying that WHO guidelines are really only for those in developing countries without access to sanitary conditions to prepare formula. This is not the case. Not breastfeeding at all carries risks, particularly at population level, no matter where you live. We are just fortunate to have access to high quality healthcare.

Public health frames breastfeeding as being "beneficial" in order to provide a positive message that doesn't incite shame, but in reality, any deviation from what is normal for our species (i.e. breastfeeding) carries risks. Saying that bf lowers the risk of gastrointestinal infections in infants, for example, implies that formula is the default. It's not.

There's a lot of misinformation around breastfeeding and very negative attitudes towards breastfeeding any child who can possibly talk or walk... We need to normalise it in our society because it IS normal. We are mammals.

ShinyGreenElephant · 15/09/2020 18:54

@AriesTheRam so babies born with teeth shouldn't breastfeed? How ridiculous.

@qwertypie totally agree. Nothing wrong with FF at all but it shouldn't be the norm while breastfeeding past about 6 months is seen as an unusual choice

Breadandroses1 · 15/09/2020 19:03

The idea that you're some sort of 24/7 slave to the child as well is just nonsense. DC1 fed til 2.5 (I was pregnant) and DC2 still going at almost 4 although very slowly self weaning. I've always travelled loads for work and you can very easily pause for a week or so while you're away. It's not like feeding a newborn at all. Breastfeeding is really resilient when well established and I can safely say I've never turned down a night out for that reason.

vintageyoda · 15/09/2020 19:09

Actually WHO says:: “Optimal infant and young child feeding is exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, and continued breastfeeding for at least 1 and up to 2 years or longer, with age-appropriate complementary feeding.”

Lazypuppy · 15/09/2020 19:34

There isn't a right/wrong age to stop.

For me, its when they change from being a 'baby' to a proper 'toddler'...there's a noticable change.

But if you are both happy then carry on, once 1 of you isn't then stop

strappedup · 15/09/2020 20:22

dc stopped at just over 1. My choice, I was sick of it. As far as other women go, I don’t care. As long as they want 🤷🏽‍♀️

BitGutted · 15/09/2020 20:36

My daughter self weaned at 12-13 months as she was combi fed, howevermy son Was exclusively breastfed and is 22 months.

If I'm out at work (I work 1-2 evenings a week aswell as daytimes) he's fine but he does like a bedtime feed from me but likewise manages if I'm out.

I've tried to get him off as he's a big toddler now it's not grossing me out I just think it's time he didn't do that.

It is however a personal decision and my cousin breastfeeds her 3 year old who is 4 in December