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How old is too old to breastfeed?

244 replies

mrspoisson · 14/09/2020 18:08

I won't share how old my child is (still classed as toddler) but just wondering when it becomes wrong to keep breastfeeding?

It's starting to feel gross now, but it sometimes works as a great comforter for DD when getting to sleep, when sick or upset. Doesn't have it to replace food though. Eats 3 meals a day plus snacks.

What age would you say could potentially cause psychological damage/hinder development?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 16/09/2020 20:56

If you were forcing the child to only take breastmilk as a drink, and only drink from the breast, and never allowing them to take any other drink (maybe even food too!) at all then I would agree it would be harmful and treating a child like a baby.

Breastfeeding past infancy is so unlike this, though, that I can only assume that people who argue against it in theoretical terms like this don't know what they are talking about, and I would suggest that if you feel that strongly you should probably try and find out more about the thing that you hold such a strong opinion on Confused

It's just weird. It is like objecting to cars because people using cars aren't being allowed to use their legs and are being treated like a disabled person, and ignoring the fact that most people using cars also walk and run and may participate in sports as well as sometimes being a driver or a passenger of a car.

Why do people argue so passionately over things they have no experience of? Confused I don't get it. It just seems like moral panic and symbolic pearl clutching.

CatteStreet · 16/09/2020 20:58

'It is like objecting to cars because people using cars aren't being allowed to use their legs and are being treated like a disabled person, and ignoring the fact that most people using cars also walk and run and may participate in sports as well as sometimes being a driver or a passenger of a car.'

This analogy is spot on Grin

mylittlesandwich · 16/09/2020 21:02

I think if they're using it to cure a hangover then they're probably too old.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

shesgonebatshitagain · 16/09/2020 21:07

[quote Brieminewine]@shesgonebatshitagain because it’s treating a child who is able to communicate it’s need for food and drink, and able to independently feed itself, in the same way as a newborn who is a dependent.

If you’re happy to breastfeed your school child that’s entirely you’re prerogative, as I said earlier, your body your choice. I find it strange and think it’s treating a child like a baby but that my opinion.[/quote]
No
Ironically you are confusing choosing to stop breastfeeding because of societal or cultural diktats not because your two year old has necessarily self weaned. Extended breastfeeding isn’t about mollycoddling or imposing your own breastfeeding agenda. Neither is it about being held hostage by a demanding baby child who grabs at your clothes for mummy milk in the school playground. Those analogies are entirely inaccurate and insulting, particularly to the child.

Extended breastfeeding is a mutually respectful choice and journey. I follow my daughter’s lead. She has refined and modified her preferences and I know she won’t want to breastfeed for a great deal longer. When she makes that choice I won’t cry or want my baby back I will feel so happy that we shared this special time in our lives together.

@CatteStreet and @BertieBotts have summed it up beautifully.

Trust me I am not forcing my daughter to breastfeed or treating her like a baby. I am continuing to allow her to exercise what is becoming a dwindling preference and respecting her choice.

MsEllany · 16/09/2020 21:25

It's just weird. It is like objecting to cars because people using cars aren't being allowed to use their legs and are being treated like a disabled person, and ignoring the fact that most people using cars also walk and run and may participate in sports as well as sometimes being a driver or a passenger of a car

Personally I’d say it’s more like forcing a four year old into a buggy because then you don’t have to deal with them moaning their legs ache after 2 minutes walking, even though you know they can walk and run quite a significant distance. And your journey is less than five minutes.

Not sure why it’s considered ‘arguing’ just because those of us that wouldn’t do it don’t agree with those that do. It’s been said several times, do what you like, but I’m entitled to a different opinion.

@shesgonebatshitagain I can’t be arsed typing it all out again but I posted earlier on about a child whose mother breastfed her in the school playground, which nearly 40 years later is all I can remember about her, well that and that she was bullied for it. I suspect your argument will either be ‘well I don’t do it for an audience’ or ‘it’s not the BF that caused the bullying’ and to that I’d say you’re being disingenuous, it’s not all about YOU and that’s it our job to think about how our actions might affect our children.

But whatever. I said I’d step away but I keep coming back for more!

CatteStreet · 16/09/2020 21:33

'forcing a four year old into a buggy'

Not for the first time, you can't force a child to breastfeed.

rayoflightboy · 16/09/2020 21:36

@shesgonebatshitagain my comment was in answer to someone else.It was tongue in cheek.

shesgonebatshitagain · 16/09/2020 21:38

@MsEllany

It's just weird. It is like objecting to cars because people using cars aren't being allowed to use their legs and are being treated like a disabled person, and ignoring the fact that most people using cars also walk and run and may participate in sports as well as sometimes being a driver or a passenger of a car

Personally I’d say it’s more like forcing a four year old into a buggy because then you don’t have to deal with them moaning their legs ache after 2 minutes walking, even though you know they can walk and run quite a significant distance. And your journey is less than five minutes.

Not sure why it’s considered ‘arguing’ just because those of us that wouldn’t do it don’t agree with those that do. It’s been said several times, do what you like, but I’m entitled to a different opinion.

@shesgonebatshitagain I can’t be arsed typing it all out again but I posted earlier on about a child whose mother breastfed her in the school playground, which nearly 40 years later is all I can remember about her, well that and that she was bullied for it. I suspect your argument will either be ‘well I don’t do it for an audience’ or ‘it’s not the BF that caused the bullying’ and to that I’d say you’re being disingenuous, it’s not all about YOU and that’s it our job to think about how our actions might affect our children.

But whatever. I said I’d step away but I keep coming back for more!

It’s not my “argument” It’s my and most importantly my daughter’s choice.

If your friend was bullied for that all those years ago then the bullies parents should be ashamed. Nobody else.

So it’s not for everyone but I don’t think a four year old child would ask for a breastfed if they didn’t want one.

Stop making this all about the mother

shesgonebatshitagain · 16/09/2020 21:39

[quote rayoflightboy]@shesgonebatshitagain my comment was in answer to someone else.It was tongue in cheek.[/quote]
Thank f for that

chardonm · 16/09/2020 21:51

[quote MamTDM]@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander - my DS came up with the name 'mambo' for BF (it was one of his first words - no idea where he got it from!) and christened my boobs Big Mambo and Slow Mambo Grin[/quote]
Mum boob if I had to guess

MsEllany · 16/09/2020 22:01

@CatteStreet ok substitute ‘allowing’ for ‘forcing’.

@shesgonebatshitagain le sigh. Yes I know that. But condemning the parents doesn’t make the CHILD this girl was feel any better that she’s being picked on does it?

And yes, I do think it’s about the mother - my third son would have easily continued breastfeeding till he was 5 if I’d let him. He’d also eat ice cream till he was sick if I let him. Sometimes we say no to our children. We disagree about when it’s appropriate in terms of breastfeeding. You can’t change my mind and I can’t change yours.

I don’t care what you do. I don’t know you. It makes no difference to me and clearly your situation is not what I describe with the child I knew. But yes, I think it’s more for the mothers benefit than the child’s benefit when they get to 4/5/6/7.

(I did say over 2 is odd, but actually I’m revising to over 3. MY OPINION)

shesgonebatshitagain · 16/09/2020 22:19

[quote MsEllany]@CatteStreet ok substitute ‘allowing’ for ‘forcing’.

@shesgonebatshitagain le sigh. Yes I know that. But condemning the parents doesn’t make the CHILD this girl was feel any better that she’s being picked on does it?

And yes, I do think it’s about the mother - my third son would have easily continued breastfeeding till he was 5 if I’d let him. He’d also eat ice cream till he was sick if I let him. Sometimes we say no to our children. We disagree about when it’s appropriate in terms of breastfeeding. You can’t change my mind and I can’t change yours.

I don’t care what you do. I don’t know you. It makes no difference to me and clearly your situation is not what I describe with the child I knew. But yes, I think it’s more for the mothers benefit than the child’s benefit when they get to 4/5/6/7.

(I did say over 2 is odd, but actually I’m revising to over 3. MY OPINION)[/quote]
Again you are just impliedly criticising others by virtue of your own choices.
Saying no to ice cream is not the same as you and your child both continuing extended breastfeeding. It’s just another nonsensical
and patronising anecdote. Don’t extend your refusal to suspecting other “weak” choices on mine or my child’s part.

If you wanted to say no to carrying on breastfeeding I don’t judge you so why are you those who say yes?

It’s actually very sad

BertieBotts · 16/09/2020 22:51

Letting them use a buggy at 4 is a good analogy actually.

I think it works well and illustrates both sides - perhaps this is the place where we find common ground?

If you have a 4yo who is often using breastfeeding (or a buggy) in a way that you as the parent feel is probably not quite right but you're giving in for an easy life, then I agree that parent probably needs to work on being more comfortable with giving boundaries. I have been that parent on occasion, and I can recognise that it is a chronic issue in some mother-child relationships. And there's no reason breastfeeding would magically be exempt from that, and so perhaps when some people say they don't think breastfeeding is right after a certain age, they are thinking about this kind of relationship, and assuming that it's a symptom of it, whereas I don't think it always is.

OTOH, some 4yos are more able to walk long distances than others. Some may be hypermobile and need to use a buggy, even for short distances, longer than most children would - this could be compared to a child who is perhaps more emotionally sensitive, has allergies, or needs the regulating effect of BF longer than most children would. (Because BF is not only food, there is an emotional aspect to it as well, there always is, it is not a case of "linking food to comfort", it's to do with the release of oxytocin and is present right from newborn.) OK, that need might be able to be met another way, but it's still a need which the parent has identified and a method of meeting it which works for both. So why stop?

Some children might need due to their parents' preferences or necessity, or perhaps a one off situation like a holiday, big day out, political protest - to walk much further than most 4yos need to walk. In this case allowing them to use a buggy for some of that walking may be a kindness. And likewise some 4yos dealing with difficult life situations or perhaps a lack of nutrition (more likely in poorer countries than the UK) may have a pressing need for BF that other 4yos don't have. Or they may rely on it for one situation only (e.g. bedtime) or want it on bad days but on other days they are just fine without. Many 3yos, 4yos and older are not feeding every single day.

Some children completely eschew buggies at the age of two, insist on walking everywhere, are never tired, and simply don't need it - and that's fine too, if children can reach other developmental milestones early and late and this is not a problem, why not weaning from the breast?

In my experience, it's not as though you pick a date in advance and decide "I'm not going to use the buggy any more from X date" - you generally find there are more and more outings where you don't consider it necessary and it's more hassle to bring it than it's worth, and then one day you realise you haven't used it in ages and you might as well pass it on to your cousin or put it in the loft in case you have any more children later. Letting a toddler self wean is not entirely unlike this! There are times they want it and you say no because it's inconvenient, there are times they want it and you say yes, there are times you think it might be useful but it ends up not being needed, and the times that you both say yes become less and less frequent until one day you just aren't doing it any more.

Sometimes the decision might be a bit more final - you might need to move the buggy on to a relative or just decide that you've had enough and you're going to remove temptation to give in - and again same with weaning, some people decide they've had enough or they want nights back or they need to return to work or want to TTC or something.

CatteStreet · 17/09/2020 06:18

'Letting a toddler self wean is not entirely unlike this! There are times they want it and you say no because it's inconvenient, there are times they want it and you say yes, there are times you think it might be useful but it ends up not being needed, and the times that you both say yes become less and less frequent until one day you just aren't doing it any more.'

Yes, this.
Another of the ways I knew the writing was on the wall with the eldest was when he refused a bf when ill and feverish.
I can't pinpoint the day or even week I stopped with any of mine - only the general period of a few weeks in which it happened.

MsEllany · 17/09/2020 11:18

@shesgonebatshitagain I don’t give even half a shit what you do or don’t do. If you take that as criticism or judgement that’s on you, not me.

I am allowed a different opinion.

shesgonebatshitagain · 17/09/2020 11:25

[quote MsEllany]@shesgonebatshitagain I don’t give even half a shit what you do or don’t do. If you take that as criticism or judgement that’s on you, not me.

I am allowed a different opinion.[/quote]
Opinions are like ..... well I figure you know the missing wordWink

If when giving an opinion you impliedly criticise someone or a group for doing something you don’t agree with / seek to en distinguished from then expect to get a response

I have also repeatedly said this isn’t about justifying my own or my child’s choices but responding to some of the hogwash and denigration that’s been spouted on this thread.

Even if I didn’t undertake extended breastfeeding my views would be exactly the same. That’s because I can understand and appreciate why people might do it and not feel compelled to make comparisons or really insulting comments about it.

MsEllany · 17/09/2020 11:41

Your reaction to my comments is yours to own.

MsEllany · 17/09/2020 11:45

@MsEllany

Much past 2 years I find odd tbh. It might be helpful to soothe but it’s also helpful to teach kids to soothe with other methods.

Sorry yes if I saw a child aged over 4 breastfeeding I’d think it very odd and at 7 sorry just weird and borderline abusive to the child, as it indicates the mother doesn’t want them to grow up and is keeping them a baby for her own benefit.

I’d feel a lot less weird about it if I lived in a developing country where other food is available. But for British people my opinion is that the extended breastfeeding is entirely for the benefit of the mother.

This was my original comment. My follow ups were in response to other comments, including my ‘insulting anecdotes’.

You’ll note it actually doesn’t apply to your circumstances.

shesgonebatshitagain · 17/09/2020 11:55

@MsEllany
Yes it does apply to me because my daughter is over 4

I do own my reaction to your comments. Talk about stating the obvious.

I don’t agree with you
You don’t agree with me

Just leave it at that but that also means stop lobbing expressions like “weird” “borderline abusive” and linking being bullied to one incident of a child you saw being breastfed years ago and other ridiculous analogies such as limiting excessive ice cream consumption in a I think it was a five year old and saying no to a breastfeeding child in much the same way.

Or we can keep having this discussion

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