Would you put a 1 yr old into nursery if you didn’t have to?

[FightMilkTM]

No judgement here on what people do with their own children, just looking for opinions.
My one yr old (13 month) has just started nursery two mornings a week whilst I work. There have been no tears at drop off; nothing ‘negative’ to report at drop off; all of the updates have been positive and the nursery has an excellent reputation... but I just have a nagging feeling that she’s too young. She’s there for five hours per session, so ten hours per week.
I don’t love my job, nor is it a ‘career’ that I wouldn’t be able to get back into. We could survive on my husbands wage (things would definitely be tighter) and I have my own financial interests if things were to go tits up between us (but nothing that could provide a regular income right now).
I’m tempted to quit my job and stay at home for at least another year but I’m not sure if it’s in my child’s best interests. She’s only in two mornings a week and her social life isn’t exactly packed with Covid; we probably meet up with other mums and babies once or twice a week on average.
I’m also a bit worried that the nursery will ‘blacklist’ us if we pull her out, we were lucky to get a spot and I’m doubtful that we would ‘get back in’ for three year funding etc....

I'd never put non verbal child into any child care setting if I could help it. Appreciate many have too.

If you do stop work you will be taking her yourself to toddler groups, soft play etc...

Do you have any other help? Anyone else to watch her? If not I'd be tempted to have her in one day a week for a break.
On the other hand... These years go so very quickly.....

For me it would depend on other helpful available

Spaniel there is much research on how dc have to conform and are simply forced into it.

That's their reality, they don't know there are other choices, it's just the way it is.

Nurseries are vital, many people do genuinely need them, even op for a small break even as a sahm but I dislike this sort of automatic nursery default option...

I just hope people really think and do research before putting them in when they do have other choices.
Dc usually get gentle age ready socialisation at play grounds, toddler groups, classes, clubs etc.

Having just watched my own dc at toddler groups you would be astonished at what goes on and other adults are chatting and busy and don't see!!

Always one child causing harm to others and quite crafty too! I was able to keep my dd safe but many dp or nannies didn't notice!
Or the child snatching off another repeatedly, usually the care giver turns up with child snatches back then gets told off!! 😂

All sorts of mixed messages and chaos 😂.

Agree with previous posters that this dilemma is more about whether to go back to work. To be honest with two mornings a week I'd be more concerned that this isn't enough time / frequent enough for your child to settle in.

My DC went to nursery four days a week from ten months so my DH and I could both work. I would never say that was the absolute optimal solution for our child. However, whilst DH and I were both keen to be parents, enjoy our child and look forward to hopefully having a long relationship with them as they grow up, being a stay at home parent wouldn't have worked for either of us.

We're also trying to play the long game - two sets of pension contributions, being able to manage if one of us lost our jobs etc. And lovely as my DH is (and he's great), I would rather not depend on him financially or erode my own earning potential. But I do appreciate that others' situations are different and therefore the trade-offs will be different.

My DC (I had 2 under 2 and an older one) all went to playgroups twice a week and we used to do a sensory class and a messy play group as well. I’d also meet with my friends and they’d get closer one on one time with their children. I felt like that was the best for us really, some time with other children where I was still there with them not actively involved with their play but still there should they need me. I realise that as a SAHM I was lucky enough to be able to do it that way.

I remember with the older one when I was thinking about going back to work I favoured a childminder who looked after another child so that it was more of the same sort of set up we had at home and they’d still form close relationships with someone a bit more permanent than nursery staff. Once they get their free hours at 3, thats plenty of time for learning lunch times and rotas before school starts.

Yes. My view is that it is good for both you and baby to not be together 24/7. Though some are fine, many (both parent and child) find it very difficult to separate if they don’t do it until they start school or pre-school.

But equally if you would prefer not to and you and DH agree then that is fine to.

Mine were in nursery 3 days per week from 9/10 months. I had to work. For many reasons, including financial.

I genuinely feel like they got the best of both worlds. We had plenty of time together but they loved nursery and would bounce in quite happily. They are bright and happy and sociable and we have a wonderful bond.

My youngest is still at nursery (preschool year) and she’s still happy to go. Its just what she does. No tears at the door, she has her little group of friends, good relationships with the women who work there. I have also found that her behaviour has been much better since she started back after lockdown (she was becoming a holy terror in the house).

My mum was a SAHM but there was 4 of us & we often had a nanny. My mum spent a lot of her time running the house, there was no such thing as online deliveries & baby sensory/baby yoga, which she wouldn't have had time for.
My gran was a SAHM but had 7 kids & no washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, microwave, etc so my mum & her siblings were left to it.
It seems to be a fairly modern & western concept that mothers (& generally it is mothers) should not only be the sole charge every day of their dc but watch & interact with them all day.

No, just a baby. I would enjoy the time with my baby - its over too quickly as it is! I would until they were older and could socialise properly - so the child is getting something out of it.

I doubt there are many people outside mumsnet who are sahm’s and can afford a nanny. And lots don’t have grans at all to help. The concept of mother’s being with their children is probably a modern way of life and financial result, rather than an active choice to never let your children be looked after by anyone else. As I said, I have plenty of time where I am looking after them from afar, or they play independently under the safety of my gaze at baby groups and stay and plays and at friends houses. So it is not really a binary choice of having 3 children strapped to your back all day vs child in nursery as soon it opens its eyes. Everyone falls somewhere in the middle.

We're talking about a one year old, not a three year old. I get why you might have to and it won't harm them, but there's no evidence it's any good for them until they are at least 18 months.

@Mymycherrypie

I never said SAHMs & nannies were normal, I said I'm not sure SAHMs in the past spent lots of their time in baby groups constantly. Families have less children now and are likely to not live so close to their own families & historically we didn't have so many modern conveniences.
My dad walked to school by himself at 6 & like I said my mum was pretty much out of the house all day with her siblings.
Do you think those experiences were abnormal? There are constant threads on here where people talk about things their parents did in the past which would be seen as neglectful now. So kids didn't play out alone in the past?

So it is not really a binary choice of having 3 children strapped to your back all day vs child in nursery as soon it opens its eyes

Did I say that? My point was throughout the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s I'm not sure how normal it was for mothers to regularly attend stay & play groups & keep their dc in the house &/or under their eye all day.
Plus the thread is an OP about a 2 yr old going for 2 morning sessions a week. I'm not sure why you are equating that with putting a newborn in nursery.

If you aren't fussed on the job and can manage financially, I'd just leave and enjoy the time with your little one. I ended up leaving my job for a while when mine was little, then she did a couple of days with her grandparents while I worked part time.

She went to nursery at 3 no problem, it doesn't seem to have held her back at all.

No I wouldn't. Enjoy your little one.

Church play groups have existed since church’s existed I would imagine. My mother herself went to a church playgroup in the 60’s. That doesn’t even include the community ones, the children’s centre facilities, the paid classes, the meet a mum groups and everything else you can do for socialisation if that’s what you want. Nursery is not the only way a child can be socialised.

And again, we are taking about a 1 year old. Not a 6yo walking to school or playing out on their own. That is kind of a tangent and not relevant to me or the question OP is asking.

@Mymycherrypie
That really depends on what area you live in. I'm trying my hardest to socialize my one year old, but nursery is his only way so far. There are no baby groups, paid or unpaid, church or dance or football or mums at a library, or anything at all open yet near me sadly.

I think a couple of mornings a week is absolutely fine if she's happy. My 2 boys had to go to nursery at 4 and 5 months old for a similar amount of time. I do feel sad for babies that go all week though.

No, nor any non-verbal child if I didn't have to.

It depends on the child, but I think if she's happy going then 2x 5hr sessions is great.

My dd is 19 months now and has just upped to a 1.5 days (from 7months till lockdown it was just one morning a week, necessary for my work). Part of me feels guilty for valuing the time without her - I work evenings so have very little time to myself otherwise. I parent better when I'm not wiped out, she's a very attention-demanding toddler.

Besides that, nursery gives her so many more experiences - sensory play, craft, painting, messy play, physical play, etc - that is different to what I can offer at home, and I think they're really valuable for her development.

I'm happy with it, as is she. If you're not, and would rather be at home with her, then that is what you should do if you're able. It's a personal decision.

Elskerdeg Wow, you must live very remotely. Most towns have a church or a community hall. I would speak to your health visitor. They usually have a list of groups, they are at schools sometimes too.

@Mymycherrypie
Leicester centre! Still in Lockdown conditions for a lot of things, sadly. Even soft play has only just been given the go ahead to open later on this week!
It's been really hard not being able to socialize my toddler. Thanks for the idea, but I've asked my health visitor regularly and even Google search everyday.

That’s shocking! The health visitor is supposed to give you a list in your pack. The council usually produce a list too.

families.leicester.gov.uk/childrens-centres/timetables-and-activities/stay-and-play/

www.babysensory.com/leicester-east/

www.netmums.com/local/leicester/baby-activities

See if you can find something.

@Mymycherrypie
Thanks that's really nice of you to link those .
The stay and play and other groups aren't open yet face to face, sadly. Although the second on your list is planning to open in the next month, so that's good to know, fingers crossed and thanks.
The health visitor said she was hoping groups would start up in 2021! Other than that, she advised me to keep an eye out to see if paid events were opening up (which I was already doing). She really wasn't helpful!

The playgrounds only opened up in the last 2 weeks or so, so we've been going there a lot hoping to find someone of a similar age...

Our church group was just starting to open up in their garden but it’s had to close again. I know these 6 months have been difficult but the benefit of local groups is that you make friends there and take your group of friends with you. So we have a lovely group of parents who have been able to meet at the park or boating lake here and there when measures allowed.

A lot of people think SAHM means literally staying AT HOME and that their children don’t go anywhere or see anyone all day but there is always something on. The kids are part of a litter picking mini team and we do a craft activity that’s been on outside. One year old is just perfect for some of these groups (obviously not the one requiring walking) but the sensory and yoga, tumble tots etc. Nursery isn’t the only way. Although admittedly in lockdown it has been harder. Good luck