Would you put a 1 yr old into nursery if you didn’t have to?

[FightMilkTM]

No judgement here on what people do with their own children, just looking for opinions.
My one yr old (13 month) has just started nursery two mornings a week whilst I work. There have been no tears at drop off; nothing ‘negative’ to report at drop off; all of the updates have been positive and the nursery has an excellent reputation... but I just have a nagging feeling that she’s too young. She’s there for five hours per session, so ten hours per week.
I don’t love my job, nor is it a ‘career’ that I wouldn’t be able to get back into. We could survive on my husbands wage (things would definitely be tighter) and I have my own financial interests if things were to go tits up between us (but nothing that could provide a regular income right now).
I’m tempted to quit my job and stay at home for at least another year but I’m not sure if it’s in my child’s best interests. She’s only in two mornings a week and her social life isn’t exactly packed with Covid; we probably meet up with other mums and babies once or twice a week on average.
I’m also a bit worried that the nursery will ‘blacklist’ us if we pull her out, we were lucky to get a spot and I’m doubtful that we would ‘get back in’ for three year funding etc....

I think a 1 year old is a bit young to go, if you don't need to. My dd started nursery just after she turned 2 - I don't need the childcare as I don't work, but I wanted her to have the social interaction opportunities, especially during lockdown. (If it weren't for lockdown, I would have waited until she was closer to 2.5).

On the other hand, lockdowns/restrictions means that for us, nursery is the best place for dc to interact and play 'normally' right now (they make no attempts to make the toddler socially distance). When dd was 1 I took her to loads of classes, museums, day trips and toddler groups and I think they were enough to keep her stimulated, and it was lovely to share that time with her. But although the classes have started back up, there is much less interaction allowed between the children and it feels less relaxed, and they are more likely to be stopped if restrictions come in. So if it were me, I'd consider keeping a nursery place as a consistent place to go to play (I think nurseries would be one of the last places to close in a lockdown, because parents need it to work and keep the economy going). But I might consider making her sessions even shorter, maybe just 3 hours.

I think nursery can benefit the child and the parent. 10 hours a week is nothing at 13 months. Some ppl have their children in nursery much younger, and for longer hours. I think whatever is best for your family you should go with.

No. I wouldn’t. If I was working then yes but as I am a sahm there is no need.

I know not a popular thought for some but if you have nobody who takes a baby for the odd day then the nursery is a good thing.

I do not have anyone to take my baby for the day. Ever. But i still would not. Each to their own, and what suits one doesn’t suit another, and as much as I would want to, I still would not.

I worked in a number of nurseries and visited many more as a prospective employee.

If it’s not essential to send her, keep her home.

Yes, children come in happily, but that does not mean it is the best for them. They accept most things as they have no other choice.

At this age they have no ability to ‘socialise’. They play near to other children by default due to the set up.

Staff turn over is generally high, the children aren’t given the love they would do at home, although their needs are met and the staff mostly tend to care about them (on the whole). Sadly not always, in my experience.

Times such as going outside, coming in, preparing for meals, eating etc are all rushed, noisy and chaotic and the quieter ones can really struggle. At this age, children are totally focused inwards on themselves and a more timid child can be swept along without having the time to sit, assess, feel confident.

Nursery can be beneficial to older children, but not at this age. They need a nurturing, constant adult presence, time to quietly just ‘be’ and take things in and time to explore and make sense of their surroundings.

@Spanielmadness perhaps the staff turnover thing is specific to the individual nursery... the one my dd is at has not had any staff leave or any new staff in the 2 years she’s been there... that’s across baby room, 2-3yr room and preschool room. Quite a few staff have gone on or returned from mat leave though.

I think as long as your child gets at least a year of engagement with other children (ie 2-3 mornings a week) before starting then it's fine to keep them at home, it's up to you, perhaps keep your child in for now and look for a job you would be happier with? Ie homeworking ect, or ask work temporarily if you can halve your hours at work til Christmas and your child only goes into nursery one day a week? I think if you're going to keep your child home maybe spend time thinking about a career path you genuinely want to take

If I didnt want or need to work at all I wouldn't put a 1 year old in nursery. But you have a job, career or not it is good to have a little financial independence and some buffer money in your household. So, I think you should keep working and put your DC in nursery.

All 3 of mine went at 11 months.
DS is nearly 1 and in his second week. Still settling so not entirely happy yet but yup, I work and he does 3 full days. Nursery is great for them if you find a place you love. I know he will love it in time like his sisters did.

No, I wouldn’t (and didn’t). Not at 1, and not a nursery.

As a PP said, one-year olds don’t need socialisation. Three + year olds? Sure, but not 1YOs.

I agree with GeorginatheGiant - do you really want to give up work? What happens if your husband is made redundant and can't find anything else? What if he has an affair and leaves you? I would never not want to be financially independent. Plus I would find it quite dull at home all the time on my own - by the end of my my mat leave I was getting bored, and way too interested in housework

I felt like my son was too little at 12 months but he had to go 4 days anyway as I worked. Now he's 18 months and absolutely loves nursery, he grins when we get there. 10 hours a week is nothing.

Both of mine did 2 days with a childminder from the age of 14 months & then went to preschool the term after they turned 3. I work p/t & TTO so feel I spend enough time with them but also like some time to myself so still use some childcare over the holidays.

Two mornings a week is a tiny portion of her week. You will also be a better parent for it, having less financial stress and a little grown up time.

So difficult. I would love to not be able to work. I'm currently trying to figure out if I could reduce my days to 3 or 4 days a week on a temporary basis.
I'm not a career woman and I dont earn a huge amount but I'm conscious that if I stop working now I'll feel the financial implications for years far beyond the couple we spend at home. I want to keep my toe in the water so to speak so that when DS starts school/becomes more independent etc I'm not starting at the bottom of the ladder. My sector is low paying but I'm on a graded scale. Every year I work, even if it's on a part time basis, means I'm going up that scale.
Its totally your decision and I'd love to be in your position as I cant imagine being separated from DS right now but think of the big picture too. Will it be easy for you to rejoin the workforce once your LO is in school? Nothing wrong with staying at a SAHM then either, I just know we couldn't afford it. The reality of things being tighter is a lot more difficult than people imagine. For years I felt like I had a constant weight on shoulders. Could never fully relax, money and making ends meet were always on my mind.

I would only do something I didn't need to do if I wanted to do it.

It is neither in nor not in your child's interests at 1 to be in nursery.

No.

Mine went at 13 months because I went back to work. The research is clear that is it not a positive thing for the child until 3 years but it was a positive for our family at that time due to the money I earn enabling us to move house etc..

I removed him from nursery for a while before he went to pre-school which I think was absolutely in his best interests. I feel guilty about the nursery time still but it was what it was.

Number 2 doesn’t go but I’m at home now.

I could never be a SAHM and would never want to rely on my husband completely financially so it’s a no brainer- good childcare is good for everyone. I can’t even contemplate being with my kids 24/7 especially having done it over lockdown etc- adore my kids but I need spade to be an adult/professional/myself!!

@PamDemic With all due respect I'm not sure I agree 100% with this part...

I don't believe all of the "oh she gets so much out of it" " oh it's making her so sociable" stuff and much prefer 121 care.

DS was a very very clingy baby before going to nursery, he didn't much like going to other people and if I was ever in the room he would cry for me if anyone else tried to pick him up and cuddle him. A few weeks at nursery and he was a completely different baby! Lockdown hit, and once again he was at home with me all day every day, back to clingy - if not worse as he was older then, but back to nursery he went and once again he's a sociable child. He runs to my sisters / mum / dad etc whenever he sees them, sometimes he'll even bypass me to get to other people which I could never have imagined a few months ago. It's also huuugely helped his eating - I can list 2 foods he won't eat. Of course fussiness comes in stages, as does clinginess, but I'm confident that although I am a SAHM and he doesn't need to go to nursery, that 1 day a week does have huge benefits for him.

He also gets an opportunity to do lots of painting / messy play that quite frankly, I don't have the stamina or patience for at home 🤣

No. I didn't have to so I didn't.

I had the good luck to be able to wait for the free hours and even then did the minimum sessions.

They're small for such a short time and at school full time so young. I wanted to maximise our time together.

Yes. Childcare is good. My twins go to their gps once a week, I don't work. Oh, but I do. I look after dts all week.

Yes I would & did, my DS went to a CM once a week, and to the crèche at the gym, both to give him time to socialise with other DC (he is an only DC) and to give me some time to myself (I was a SAHM) & then did nursery/play school two full days plus three mornings a week, he loved it.

Why is there so much guilt levelled against women who use childcare ... I have no doubt that time spent with professional, trained childcare professionals is, in many cases, just as good (or better) than being with mum 24/7. No one would comment on the fact that a dad isn't with their DC 24/7.

My DS is 19 now, outgoing, sociable and confident - I really don't think the childcare decisions I made all those years ago will have had any adverse effect on his life at all. .

Both of mine did 3 full days (8-5) from then- in my social circle, this was actually unusual and most of my friends have their kids in from 8/9 months, five days a week 8-6.

We both earn enough that we could live on either salary but both doing 4 days a week suits us.

I think my kids did form much closer friendships at nursery than at groups on our days off - on here everyone seems convinced that kids only play together from the age of 3/4 but mine were definitely starting to play with other kids (not just parallel play). But I don't think that's necessarily a reason to do it if you enjoy being at home with them.

I think what you want is really important, not just what your kids want - my younger DS probably would have preferred to be home with me for longer but I really enjoy my job and I wouldn't enjoy being a SAHM in the slightest so I never even considered the idea.

I suspect we are more influenced by our peer group than we realise too. I don't know any SAHMs my age - only women my mother's age - but there seem to be loads on here! I am sure that plays a role in why it never occurred to me as an optjon

@FightMilkTM
I felt the same way as you when my son was that age and in nursery 2 days a week. He spends way longer there too, like 7am till 4pm. Now a few months down the line he is super confident generally which I put down to nursery, and has socialisation options I just can't provide due to toddler classes still being cancelled. Even if they are open where you are now, no guarantee they will be in 2 months, etc. I've really struggled getting him socialising opportunities outside of nursery.
I also think he benefits from the novelty. E g. Singing the same song as at home but with his fav nursery lady.

100% would put him in for two days even if I didn't have to.

My daughter started one full day a week at 14months when I re started working. I honestly do believe a few hours a week gives them the variety of being with other children and adults and can be easier to adjust to at this stage than later at 3/4 years old.

I would struggle to have a child in everyday that age but 10hours seems perfect.