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Original poster

Would you put a 1 yr old into nursery if you didn’t have to?

123 replies

FightMilkTM · 12/09/2020 18:07

No judgement here on what people do with their own children, just looking for opinions.
My one yr old (13 month) has just started nursery two mornings a week whilst I work. There have been no tears at drop off; nothing ‘negative’ to report at drop off; all of the updates have been positive and the nursery has an excellent reputation... but I just have a nagging feeling that she’s too young. She’s there for five hours per session, so ten hours per week.
I don’t love my job, nor is it a ‘career’ that I wouldn’t be able to get back into. We could survive on my husbands wage (things would definitely be tighter) and I have my own financial interests if things were to go tits up between us (but nothing that could provide a regular income right now).
I’m tempted to quit my job and stay at home for at least another year but I’m not sure if it’s in my child’s best interests. She’s only in two mornings a week and her social life isn’t exactly packed with Covid; we probably meet up with other mums and babies once or twice a week on average.
I’m also a bit worried that the nursery will ‘blacklist’ us if we pull her out, we were lucky to get a spot and I’m doubtful that we would ‘get back in’ for three year funding etc....

OP posts:
OhToBeASeahorse · 12/09/2020 20:05

I might prefer a childminder setting to a nursery for that age but I dont think 2 x 5.hours is going to do her any harm at all, if she is happy going I think it's a.good balance.

The question is are you happy? If you want to be at home with her, and you can afford to do so, then do it. If you either need to work or want to, and your daughter is happy going to that setting, then it sounds to me like a perfect set up.

Hardbackwriter · 12/09/2020 20:05

I find the comments about how OP should 'choose to spend time with her child' or 'you won't get this time back' quite weird when we're talking about so little time a week - I just don't see how they apply when we're talking about OP spending 158 hours a week rather than 168 with her child.

Basically, OP, you don't fancy working any more. And that's fine, since you say that you can afford not to and there aren't longer term prospects to staying, but that's what the choice is actually about.

OhToBeASeahorse · 12/09/2020 20:06

P.s. OP just remember that this is the kind of topic where you will get a lot of projection or defensive replies, on both sides.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Childcare & nursery Families
Reader1984 · 12/09/2020 20:08

Yes I think it's good for their development and it gives you space and time to do what you want, work or other. Win win.

MilaRos · 12/09/2020 20:11

I wouldn't if I didn't have too!

Lalanbaba · 12/09/2020 20:15

Doing it right now. She goes full time nursery, although some days we do alternative activities. Park, pyo farm, visit friends, walks.
More than anything for our mental health. We live very rural and do not know a lot of people with kids. Closest family at 2h drive. I feel bad for her as she doesn't get to play with other kids if not going to nursery and to be honest I'm a crap entertainer for a 2 yo.

SallySeven · 12/09/2020 20:15

I don't think the child does need it at that age (and as has been said I'd choose a childminder at that age personally) but it is usually positive for the parents!

CurlsandCurves · 12/09/2020 20:20

Yes. My eldest went for an 8-3 day once a week from 9 months old. I wasn’t back at work yet.

Helped my mental health (recovering from pnd) so much. Just those few hours to have some space at home to clean, or go out or rest made a huge difference.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/09/2020 20:22

Given that she’s doing well at nursery and the current state of the economy, I’d keep her there and keep working. Even though you could manage on your DH’s salary, things are so uncertain right now that I’d keep your job as you never know what’s around the corner.

She’s happy and you have ample time with her during the rest of the week.

Viviennemary · 12/09/2020 20:23

I think it sounds fine. If she was unhappy then probably not.

Redraptor · 12/09/2020 20:28

I wouldnt. I stopped working and stayed home until my dd was 2, then she went two mornings a week until she was 3 then 3 days while I worked until school. IMO no job was worth the extra time we got to spend together

ncqtime · 12/09/2020 20:30

For a handful of hours, yes.

b0redb0redb0red · 12/09/2020 20:32

I’m not convinced that nursery vs no nursery makes an awful lot of difference in the great scheme of things. Even less so if we’re talking ten hours a week. Do what you feel is best for your family and don’t feel guilty either way!

Personally, I couldn’t afford to send DD to any kind of formal childcare until I got my free 15 hours, and then she went to preschool. My friend went back to work more or less full-time after maternity leave, so her DD has been doing full days at nursery since she was about 11 months. They’re both happy, chatty kids who love their mums. The only slight difference that I can see is that friend’s DC is maybe a marginally less fussy eater.

My friend is a consistent, reliable and affectionate parent when she’s home from work so her kids have an incredibly secure base. My mother was a SAHM until I left home, but she was inconsistent, prone to guilt-tripping and often cold. My sibling and I have had years of counselling between us and frankly suck at personal relationships. None of that is anything to do with my mother being a SAHM, obviously - my point is that how you parent when you’re with your child is far more important than the hours game.

Bourbonbiccy · 12/09/2020 20:44

No i wouldn't. The time with them is just priceless IMO.

Retrovibe89 · 12/09/2020 20:52

My dd went 3 days per week from 10 months. It was hard then but I had to go back to work. She had no issues going and I know older children who get separation anxiety when they started nursery. She’s now 20 months and loves going so much she cries at home time and talks about nursery all the time. I’m sure it has helped her development and speech being around other children too, I’m so glad she goes now and it was absolutely the right thing

Rustyspanners · 12/09/2020 21:06

My DS started nursery 2 full days a week at 9 months old when I was working. I found it too much and quit.

Then I found being at home all day everyday too much and went extreme and for several months at 18 months old, he went 5 full days a week whilst I worked full time.

I also then found this too much! So then I quit my job and DS just went for 2 mornings a week.

He's 2 now and is starting four mornings a week from tomorrow. It was really difficult trying to find the right balance for me and for him. But having recently sought help for my MH problems, we've decided that the best thing all round is for DS to go for four morning sessions a week. He doesn't need to go for childcare reasons but he needs to go for my MH and for him. He loves it and enjoys himself and I get the rest I need to be the best parent I can be when he's with me.

Rtmhwales · 12/09/2020 21:08

Is your PT job out of the house or work from home? For me that would be the deciding factor - if I worked from home and could pick her up and keep her home if she was off sick, that would be fine. But if I worked out of the house and would struggle to be off with her every time she was sick (especially with covid going on, and the extra concern for the sniffles), I would reconsider working as I wouldn't want to look flaky to work.

Pipandmum · 12/09/2020 21:13

Yes. I had my eldest in daycare from five months when I went back to work, and though I have up work after my second child, she went two days a week when she was one, and my son was going three days. It gave me a break, they had fun with the other kids and it made the transition to school a breeze. They did so much more and experienced so much more than they would have at hone. I would have gone mad if I had them all day every day.

arcof · 12/09/2020 21:15

No. There is no benefit at this age. If you don't have to, don't do it. I have to, so I do.

sherbetlemony · 12/09/2020 21:19

I don't believe that children benefit from nursery until at least 3 but if you need childcare and she enjoys it I can't see the harm.

Dc1 went at 2 as we needed childcare and was absolutely fine although she didn't desperately want to go in, just went as she knew she had to. Dc2 went at 3.5 as she wasn't ready and we didn't need the childcare.

Every child is different but it sounds as if yours is fine and for the sake of keeping your job there's no need to take her out.

powkin · 12/09/2020 21:33

My DD is 19 months now, and I have to say it is absolutely EXHAUSTING. Once they are on the go full time, all day, everyday and are into the emotional rollercoaster of toddlerdom having a bit of time out is extremely helpful for your own mental health.

Mine went to a childminder 1 day per week from 6 months for my study, then 2 days from 9 months when I went back to work and then quickly 3 days from there as I wasn’t coping (I have a physical disability and had severe PND). I really like having a childminder as it is just her and her husband and it’s a really family feel, so less daunting to me than a nursery. I think she’d enjoy nursery as she’s very outgoing but because I’m a huge introvert and she started so young I wasn’t keen.

I think so much depends on how many groups you have in your area (here it is NONE right now) and especially over the winter it will get harder and harder if they don’t start up again and as your little one needs more and more stimulation (I’m not an amazing crafty sort of person so struggle to keep things interesting at home.), and how many friends you have nearby with similar age kids on similar sleep schedules. I don’t have many so it’s hard day after day.

Do what’s right for you but 10 hours a week sounds like a nice amount for them to do something and see something different, and on those days/weeks/months when one or both of you have slept badly you may really appreciate it... but then I’d pay for it even if I wasn’t working if I could afford to, so maybe I’m not the person to ask!

emwithme · 12/09/2020 21:35

DD started at nursery a few weeks ago at 20 months. She is an only, we don't have family close by, and so for about 5 months she had had hardly any interaction with other children. Our plan initially had been for me to be a SAHM until her free hours kicked in at 3, then get a job that fitted around pre-school. And then baby groups - which we did most days - stopped and it was just us (and DH, when he wasn't working).

She LOVES nursery. Goes in with hardly a backwards glance, has such a lovely bond with her key worker, gets upset when it's home time, is invariably filthy because they do painting and have a mud kitchen and use glitter, and eats things she wouldn't at home.

She settled in so well I started looking for work and should be starting a new job within the next month or so, so she'll be increasing her hours in the near future.

powkin · 12/09/2020 21:38

@Rustyspanners - the MH aspect was the crucial one for me too. I’m glad you are getting support and finding the right balance for you. I wish I could do half days but it doesn’t work at all with my paid work, and I procrastinate so badly I’d get nothing done before it was time to pick her up again 😂

Megan2018 · 12/09/2020 21:43

NoI wouldn’t.

My 1 year old starts nursery soon, 4 days as I have to work (main earner). DH and I would desperately love for her to stay home until she is 3 but needs must in our case.

If one of us could give up work instead we would.

I have a great career but would actually jack it all in if I could-14 months off has made me realise it’s all bollocks!

reluctantbrit · 12/09/2020 21:55

Yes, DD went at 9 months instead of 12 so I could breath and think of myself.

I know not a popular thought for some but if you have nobody who takes a baby for the odd day then the nursery is a good thing.

DD’s first keyworker was young but so invested in her childre. She may not have had every qualification under the sun but it was lovely seeing her with them.