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Original poster

DD just walked in on us 😭

124 replies

Vdubcampa · 27/08/2020 01:14

As said, she woke up and threw our door open while we were dtd 😳. She’s almost 10 and said “I know what you’re doing!” I explained to her me and DH love each other very much and this is how she was made and she seemed ok but I feel like the worst person in the world right now. Did I explain it properly? I thought screaming and chasing her was the worst reaction. Be kind I feel so bad

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 27/08/2020 11:06

@Rhine

It’s alright saying she should have knocked, but in families where there are no healthy boundaries knocking just isn’t the done thing. It was never encouraged by my parents and my DM continued to barge into my room until I was a grown adult. We weren’t allowed locks and when my brother installed a lock on his door she forced her way in.

My parents used to have very noisy sexy as well. With no consideration for DB and I. It’s perfectly possible to have sex quietly. And to the poster who says her 12 year old should ‘go to sleep earlier’, no love you should stop shrieking like a sea lion.

@Rhine, That is so bad. My stepmum would regularly go through my stuff too...And brother's things- and it was so invasive.

We weren't allowed locks {small brass bolts} either.

When DS was older, I never would have barged in without knocking, and definitely wouldn't snoop. I fitted a lock to his bedroom door, but not sure if he ever used it, as I never went in without knocking.

Rhine · 27/08/2020 11:06

Yes Oakleaffy DB was a lot more forthright than me and actually commented on it once in a joking way when we teens, and my DM shot him down with a ‘well where do you think you came from then?’. Basically they didn’t care and we were expected to put up with it. Selfish in the extreme.

I’d be bloody mortified if anyone heard me having sex, never mind my kids, that would be unthinkable to me.

Obviously this is not the same as the OP’s situation though.

DrDreReturns · 27/08/2020 11:06

DD walked in on us many years ago, she must have been about 6. Nothing to worry about.

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lyralalala · 27/08/2020 11:10

@iknowiknowimab1tch

OMG, totally being attacked, If you knew my child then you would understand that she makes a mountain out of a molehill and has only heard us the once but will exaggerate it all for the attention. It is something we are dealing with. Im sorry i spoke now, should have known that you cant be honest on here without someone trying to make you feel like a shit mother when they dont know you or your children

Ok you win i will go back in my box and spend the rest of the day worrying if i have scarred my children for their life while just trying to live mine.

You're the one who said you assume she's asleep.

Other people are simply replying with their honest opinions to your post.

PollyannaWhittier · 27/08/2020 11:10

She's ten years old, and by the sound of it was pretty proud of the fact she knew 'what you were doing'. I'd be pointing out that if she knew that she should also know that the appropriate response would have been 'oops, sorry !' and walk straight back out (obviously better would be to knock and not just walk in and invade mum and dad's privacy in the first place !).

lyralalala · 27/08/2020 11:12

A one-off won't scar her. She'll remember it, but it won't scar her.

A good time to remind her about knocking and privacy.

oakleaffy · 27/08/2020 11:17

@Rhine

Yes Oakleaffy DB was a lot more forthright than me and actually commented on it once in a joking way when we teens, and my DM shot him down with a ‘well where do you think you came from then?’. Basically they didn’t care and we were expected to put up with it. Selfish in the extreme.

I’d be bloody mortified if anyone heard me having sex, never mind my kids, that would be unthinkable to me.

Obviously this is not the same as the OP’s situation though.

I think my Stepmum's/dad's openness towards sex and nudity had an opposite effect on me ..As in, I'd be mortified if anyone heard, too.

Our parents didn't care, they would have known we could have heard them.

It still makes me feel 'ugh' even now, remembering it.

Agree that OP's situation is very different, and she has nothing to
worry about.

A College friend said as a child she heard ''a noise'' and went to see, and saw her parents DTD on the floor- She was very upset by it.
Again, noise was the alarming thing.
Had her Dp's been quiet, she would never have anxiously gone in to see if they were ''OK''.

NearToCompletion · 27/08/2020 11:18

I find some of the attitudes here really odd, like sex is some guilty secret to be hidden away and ashamed of and apologised profusely if anyone innocent finds out you do it. For very young children, they wouldn't understand anyway. And for older ones, they are old enough to a)learn life lessons about creating boundaries and privacy in a shared living space which will be useful as they go on to university halls, houseshares etc. b) learn that sex CAN equate to love and relationship security and mean that their parents are happy together. You have to share your home and lives, you need as a couple to be able to enjoy each other so long as you aren't being so loud or kinky it's completely cringy for anyone who may hear. As others have said, it's totally possible to hit the spot without being super loud.

OLGADEEPOLGA · 27/08/2020 11:20

Get a lock on the door and stop being ridiculous by saying you hope she forgives you. She saw you having sex, not cutting up a dead body.

OceanSounds123 · 27/08/2020 11:22

Get yourself a door wedge.👍

notacooldad · 27/08/2020 11:22

At 10 i wouldn't have bothered with the "we love each other very much " speech.
One of mine walked in when he was 17. To be fair he thought we were out as planned and had gone into the room to borrow something.
He just muttered something like " oh for Chris sake" and I just shouted "get you, you knob" 🤣🤣
It did kill the moment!

notacooldad · 27/08/2020 11:24

Hopefully she forgives me!
Stop being so wet!

oakleaffy · 27/08/2020 11:30

@OceanSounds123

Get yourself a door wedge.👍
That's a good idea.. The 1950's looking rubbery ones work much better than fancy hardwood ones, that tend to slip when the door is wedged back.

Never thought of using one to keep a door closed.

BiBabbles · 27/08/2020 11:40

Very awkward, but it will fade with time. I agree with rediscussing privacy and getting a lock.

We have like a chain lock, because no other kind would work on our wonky doors (we tried), and a hook I hang my robe on to keep them so they can't do fling the door open or peek in and the wind can't blow the door open (very awkward wonky doors at times). The chain link has had the added benefit that they can open it enough that they could talk to us if there is an issue, but can't see anything as long as they don't squat down to peek under the robe (once when it wasn't locked but pushed closed, I say my youngest squatting down to see under the robe to see if I was in my bedroom. I reminded him knocking and asking is better). We can only do our best in these things.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 27/08/2020 11:43

I'm cringing for you - but then i'm a bit of a prude.
I have a lock on my bedroom door for this very reason - I wouldn't have said 'this is how you were made' - or anything actually. get a lock and say nothing more about it.

Alwaysinpain · 27/08/2020 11:43

I explained to her me and DH love each other very much and this is how she was made

Oh PLEASE tell me you didn't really say this????? 🤦🏼‍♀️

jessstan2 · 27/08/2020 11:43

@Vdubcampa

Thank you. I still feel awful, was so sure she was asleep! I will have a talk with her about privacy and not barging in. I’m just mortified!
Oh bless you. It happens sometimes! What you said was quite right. Others have suggested you emphasise knocking on bedroom doors (you knock on hers too), and not barge in.

I understand your embarrassment but that will pass, you're handling it well and lots of us have had the same experience.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 27/08/2020 11:47

For very young children, they wouldn't understand anyway. And for older ones, they are old enough to a)learn life lessons about creating boundaries and privacy in a shared living space which will be useful as they go on to university halls, houseshares etc
Yes but op's child was in between not understanding and totally understanding - i feel your pain op.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 27/08/2020 11:47

To be fair - even the lock wont stop kids cringing. We used to cringe that the door was locked because it meant they were having sex. A bit like jn Modern Family when the kids can then hear the lock every time the parents use it! We definitely weren't scarred though. Like others, I think it's actually a good sign for a parental relationship.

despairingandunhappy · 27/08/2020 11:54

I used to deliberately get up at night when my mum and dad were at it 😂
asking for drinks of water or pretending i felt sick, they were only meant to do it once to make me so there was no need for them to carry on, she won’t be scarred she’ll be fine

beautifulmonument · 27/08/2020 11:54

This happened to us once Sad
You should apologise to her, say "I'm sorry. We should have made sure the door was locked". Take the blame. Don't leave her feeling like she's done something wrong.

4cats2kids · 27/08/2020 11:59

She will always remember to knock on bedroom doors now! Grin

Don’t worry, it happens!

AvoidingRealHumans · 27/08/2020 12:16

I agree about the knocking before barging in, especially at 10 but if the wind woke her up she may have been scared, as she said she knew what you were doing I expect that you actually woke her up.

I don't get the "hopefully you were under the covers" comments, who actually has sex under the covers?
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it at all, sort a lock or wedge for your door and maybe be a bit more quiet next time 😉

NettleTea · 27/08/2020 12:17

my 14 year old son came to me the other morning to tell me that the bed squeaking from his big sisters room had woken him up.

He wasnt sure if I knew that she was having sex or not.

I asked him if he was Ok, and he said 'Im just happy she is having a nice time' He had got up and put his headphones on and turned on the computer.

I did have a work with her about it, and she was apologetic about waking him, and is going to look at changing her bed. She wasnt 'noisy' in any kind of vocal way and was at least trying to be discreet

ballsdeep · 27/08/2020 12:18

@notacooldad

Hopefully she forgives me! Stop being so wet!
I bet her husband wasn't saying that
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