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Original poster

Mum in final few hours of pancreatic cancer

84 replies

top2patooties · 26/08/2020 08:06

Scared for the day ahead, my lovely mum has been ravaged by this disgusting disease during the last 3 months....how will I find the strength to cope with losing her in the cruelest of ways? :(

OP posts:

SassenachWitch · 26/08/2020 08:08

I’m so sorry OP, offering a handhold for today xx

Ginfordinner · 26/08/2020 08:15

Thinking of you

BluePaintSample · 26/08/2020 08:15

It is truly shit isn't it?

I coped by knowing she wasn't going to be in pain anymore, no more chemo appointments, no more morphine and us swabbing her dry mouth. That she would finally be in peace.

Focus on all the good memories you have of her, talk to her about them now, even if she can't respond to you.

Depending on your beliefs, she will be reunited with her parents and grandparents soon.

BarbedBloom · 26/08/2020 08:17

I am so sorry. I am sitting by my dads bed in hospital right now as he is dying so have my hand to hold.

toomanyspiderplants · 26/08/2020 08:22

It's cruel. 4 years ago I sat and held my dad's hand as he died (bowel cancer). at least he had family near him and was finally free of the pain. have my hand.

bossyboo · 26/08/2020 08:23

So very sorry for you to be going through this.
What I would say is just say the things you need to say and you just being there maybe stroking her head or arm and helping her feel more comfortable will be so so lovely for your mum at this time. All the love and time our mums gave us as babies it's almost a privilege to be able to care and love them at the end.
You will get through this. Much love

Octopus37 · 26/08/2020 08:29

So sorry you are going through this. Sending you lots of love and a handhold

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 26/08/2020 08:29

3 went through this with my mum 12 years ago. Pancreatic cancer is such a cruel disease.

It's a relief in the end, my mum was kept sedated and wasn't in any pain. As far as deaths go I can honestly say I feel she had a good one, she waited until all her children and grandchildren had gone into the garden for a breather then she passed. I like to think she could hear us as she left.

CD28 · 26/08/2020 08:31

Original poster

top2patooties · 26/08/2020 08:32

Thanks everyone. I just feel so lost today, it's so final. And I have been traumatised by the last 48hours because she has had terminal agitation and it has been very distressing. I do want it to be over for her as she has suffered too much, I do believe she will be reunited with my Dad and I hope today is peaceful for her.

OP posts:

Howallergic · 26/08/2020 08:33

That's hard to bear. I wish her a peaceful passing. I hope she is pain free.

emmaluggs · 26/08/2020 08:33

I lost my dad 2nd September last year due to cancer we didn’t know until the week before he died, but that week was so fraught and heart wrenching so I know what your going through. Just take comfort in the fact you are there for the end and she’s not alone, I’m a year own and it’s just as painful but it’s just less often I feel the pain. Although this week is tough as it’s approaching the first anniversary, some days it feels like yesterday and some days it feels a lifetime ago.

It’s tough and horrible and I have your hand, and sorry you are going through this x

Original poster

top2patooties · 26/08/2020 08:34

@BarbedBloom so sorry for you too, sending you strength today as we both sit beside our loved ones :(

OP posts:

Benjispruce2 · 26/08/2020 08:34

Talk to her, hold her hand, tell her you love her, sing a favourite song. I spent the last few hours with DM. She was sleepy on morphine and I sang her an Irish lullaby that she liked, told her she’d been the best mum in the world.I combed her hair(she was very stylish). I’m so sorry, it’s all so very final.

Lemming20 · 26/08/2020 08:38

Hand hold xx

Rupertpenrysmistress · 26/08/2020 08:38

Hi op I am so sorry to hear about your mum, I hope she is a bit more settled today, the terminal restlessness is hard to watch but, she will likely be unaware of this so should hopefully not cause her any distress, it's just so tough for others to see.

Echo what others have said don't expect anything of yourself, don't place any expectations on yourself. You are doing the last kind thing for your lovely mum. I wish you lots of strength.

FallonsTeaRoom · 26/08/2020 08:40

I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you for what you're going through.

Shedpaint · 26/08/2020 08:42

Lean on those around you OP. Is she at home or hospice/hospital?

Hopefully the staff can get her TA under control and her final hours will be more peaceful.
Keep talking to her, hold her hand.
And don’t forget to eat and drink and take breaks.
Sending strength

Trixie18 · 26/08/2020 08:47

I'm so sorry, 8 years today I was exactly where you are now, watching as mum passed of bowel cancer. There's nothing I can say that will make you feel better but I'll be thinking of you and yours today xxx

OddestSock · 26/08/2020 08:52

Hand hold here too xx

KunekuneKristmasCake · 26/08/2020 08:56

Thinking of you

LumiPear · 26/08/2020 08:58

Sending strength and love to those who need it today.

TryAnotherNickname · 26/08/2020 09:01

Oh I am so sorry. My own mother went from the same a few months back. Have you got hospice help for yourself as well as her? I hope it’s peaceful and that it comes soon x

FenellaMaxwell · 26/08/2020 09:05

5 years out here, since we lost my dad the same way. It’s the most horrific illness, I’m so sorry.

They say that the hearing is your last thing to go, so even if you don’t think she can understand or hear you, talk to her. Tell her the things you don’t want to leave unsaid. Tell her stories of when you were little. Sing if you can’t think of what to say.

Thinking of you.

iswhois · 26/08/2020 09:05

So sorry to hear about your mum OP

I hope it's peaceful.

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