Mum in final few hours of pancreatic cancer

[top2patooties]

Scared for the day ahead, my lovely mum has been ravaged by this disgusting disease during the last 3 months....how will I find the strength to cope with losing her in the cruelest of ways? :(

Handhold here OP

@BarbedBloom thinking of you handhold here

You will cope my love. And we can give you a handhold.
I lost my Mum 2 months ago today.
I think what others have said is true, you focus on the fact there will be no more pain.
I'm not religious, yet now, every day I feel her, I know she's not "out there" but she's everywhere now. It's strangely comforting. For me too, there was relief it was over. I don't mind saying that among the devastation there was relief. A lovely MNer whose name I shan't forget (I've namechanged since) held my hand on a thread and told me not to feel guilty of there was a sense of relief as well as the sadness.
for you, and everyone else.

I am no expert but I have worked in a care home with palliative patients in a similar position to your mother.
Hopefully when the time is near she will become calmer and in turn may be a calmer situation for you. Obviously it's perfectly natural to fall apart in this kind of situation though.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.

So sorry your going through this, I was in the same position a year ago to this awful disease. My mum died 3 weeks after being diagnosed, we had no idea she was ill.

So for me it was a whirlwind, how quickly she went downhill, luckily she had no pain and went in her sleep.

You will get through this, talk to her, held her hand, tell her she'll be reunited with her husband soon.

I coped by knowing she will be finally at peace. I send best wishes to you and your mum.

for you for today and the days ahead.
My dad died a year ago this coming week and I was with him at the end. It was a mix of terrible and beautiful.

Just reading your kind words is really comforting. She is in a hospice and we feel really guilty for not being able to keep her at home like she wanted, her pain and the side effects became so unmanageable. It has felt all consuming this last few months and now I just want her to fall asleep and not wake up - but it doesn't seem to be this way for mum, she is struggling.
My mum is very religious RC, and I had lost faith as a teenager but have found the routine of live streaming mass for her really comforting and have reconnected so I can think about her going to a better place. I guess anything goes at the moment.

@top2patooties

Thanks everyone. I just feel so lost today, it's so final. And I have been traumatised by the last 48hours because she has had terminal agitation and it has been very distressing. I do want it to be over for her as she has suffered too much, I do believe she will be reunited with my Dad and I hope today is peaceful for her.

Are you at home or in a hospice/hospital? Has your Mum been offered Midazolam? We found it a great help when my DF died from pancreatic cancer, it's bloody awful but you will find the strength.

Please don't feel guilty about her not being at home, you have got her to the best place for her needs at this time

Handhold from me too op x you are being very brave for your mum

Handhold here too.
Thinking of you with love 💐

Really feel for you. Lost my dad two years ago. We all made it to the hospital in time apart from my sister who had a five hour drive. The nurses told us that the last sense to go was hearing so we all sat with him talking about everything and nothing. We even laughed at funny family anecdotes. Thankfully my sister made it and when she spoke he moved his head slightly so we know he knew she was there. We then said he could rest now and we held hands as he slipped away. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through but also joyful he wasn't in pain anymore and grateful we could all be with him. Sending you a big hand hold

Sending love and a virtual handhold.

So sorry OP. Another hand to hold here

Thinking of you. Our hands are here to hold yours, my hand is here to rest on your shoulder.
Its horrible. My dad waited until we left the room.
I've heard, and I believe sometimes the suffering are waiting to be let go. Keep talking and singing to her, tell her shes allowed to go.
I'm so sorry this is happening and I wish you strength and kindness to yourself when the time comes.

My heart goes out to you. It is so difficult. It seems like you have helped and done so much for her. I know she will have appreciated that. Complications, etc. do really mean that she is in the best place right now.

You are doing brilliantly OP and it sounds like she is in the best place
We wanted my mum at home too but in the end I’m sure she would have suffered more without the hospice staff being around and able to respond quickly.
Try not to look backwards right now and just be present.
It’s so hard losing parents even if we all anticipate it.

Your poor mum, it’s a hard journey on for some - my mother was the same. Lots of love to you, there’s little comfort to take right now xxx

Handhold OP, it’s awful I know, but you can do it for your mum. It’s scary, I know. I had an elderly relative I loved dearly, his personality changed so much, I felt completely out of my depth. You’re mum knows you are there, you are strong you and will find what you need to get you through. Sending you a big hug

Much love to you. Pancreatic cancer is an absolute shitter of a disease. I lost my Mum to it in 2014. It was 8 weeks from diagnosis to her dying.

I was with her when she went and I am so glad I was. Remember she can hear you and will get so much from knowing you love her.

Be kind to yourself. It's an awful time and everyone will experience grief differently.

Talk, hold hands.... be there. They know and you will ease their passing. You will know their soul is free.. I certainly felt it, my dad is at peace. I miss him, 2 years, but that’s acceptable x

Sending love OP

Sending huge hugs... My DP passed away in our local hospice two and a half years ago... The last afternoon before he died I sat by his bed with his brother, sister and law and my mum... He was sleeping and suddenly his hands started moving and his brother said you could see he was fishing... It was his favourite pastime....💙

Hi, OP, does she have a syringe driver in place? They are very gentle, only a tiny needle in the thigh, but they can give great relief.
My DF passed away due to pancreatic cancer almost four years ago. His main aim was that he didn't want to feel scared or to feel pain. He slipped away with the help of a driver that kept him peaceful and restful until the end.
I hope for you and your very precious DM that her passing is peaceful.
I'm so sorry.