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Original poster

Do you ever do stuff with other families... that aren’t relatives?

86 replies

Dorobie · 22/08/2020 17:32

Just that really?

I never do it, mostly because DH in his words ‘can’t stand other people’s kids’ 🤣...

So he thinks meeting up for walks or lunch or days out with other families is more stress than it’s worth as you often have to wait around or be there during a tantrum etc.

But I’m sociable, and so are my kids who are now 7 & 11. When they were tiny I’d meet other mums for coffee or soft play 🤢 but as they’ve got older I tend to either do stuff alone with the kids or with DH when he’s here.

Does anyone else think like this?

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 22/08/2020 17:35

Yes with very close friends occasionally. Such as parents of our God children. More often than not though would meet up with other mums and their dc - the ones who also had workaholic dh's.

Trevorina · 22/08/2020 17:38

Yes, we are friends with a few couples who have DC's the same age as ours and we're each friends with each part of the couple which I think helps. However, our DC's are quite young - I'm not sure if this will continue when our DC's are around the same age as yours and we refuse to holiday with any of them as some of the DC's do annoy us 😬

TrufflePioneer · 22/08/2020 17:39

Yeah, we do that a lot - we don't have any children of our own (DH's are all in their 20s from a previous, I didn't want any). But as we are in our late 40s, our friends all have children of various ages between 6 and 14.

We meet up for dinner or lunch, we even met our friends on our respective holidays recently for fish and chips on the beach 300 miles from home! We are godparents to one of the older children from the other family.

We enjoy it, the kids are generally well behaved and we have fun (DH is great with them, me not so much). In fact, sometimes DH's older kids join us, and they are great with the younger ones too!

The odd tantrum doesn't bother us, it never lasts long.

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Luckingfovely · 22/08/2020 17:41

All the time, at least on a weekly basis, with various different groups of friends and different age kids.

I don't understand not doing it - how else do you socialise, and how do the kids learn to get along with other people and other age groups?

totallyyesno · 22/08/2020 17:41

Yes. In fact this is mainly what we do. We don't have any family near us and if it weren't for friends I don't think we would have much of a social life! (My eldest is a teenager and it is the only reason he still comes out with us!)

audweb · 22/08/2020 17:44

I’m a single parent so not sure if that changes things but I certainly do things with other families, especially close friends who have kids. Otherwise, life would be a bit lonely and boring. I appreciate my friends who open up their families in that way

FYI I don’t always love other people’s kids but it’s a fair trade off for fun days out.

reluctantbrit · 22/08/2020 17:45

Yes, we are a group of friends who met when the children all started nursery together. We often spend NYE at one house, go for picnics or days out, not necessarily all but 2-3 families together. How am I supposed to survive a theme park otherwise?

I wouldn't do a holiday as we all have very different approaches to holidays.

Original poster
Dorobie · 22/08/2020 18:14

No I feel like I'm missing out!

We only really ever do family stuff, particularly on the weekends and holidays.

I don't think it helps that DH has ZERO friends!! He works away, so when he's away I tend to mostly do thing on my own, or the occasional 'play date' where I invite one of DC's friends to come and spend the day with us (both in the house ad out on a trip of some sort),

But when he's here, it's just us! He's been off for a few months recently and I've been off for the whole summer holidays and it's been a little stifling!
I've met up with friends of my own a few times, and I've had my family here, or have met another mum/child for the afternoon, leaving my dh at home.

But he just can't be bothered with other people's kids!

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 22/08/2020 18:23

We do quite a bit otherwise it’s tricky to see friends and we’d always be doing things separately. It’s true that you might have to wait around but then they have to do the same for you so it doesn’t bother me.

Original poster
Dorobie · 22/08/2020 18:25

DH just prefers his own little unit.... we can just go and do the things that we want to do, know the abilities of our kids and can't get frustrated at other parent's parenting techniques.

OP posts:
CatRamsey · 22/08/2020 18:29

I don't have kids but when I was with my ex I became good friends with his brother's girlfriend who had an older daughter, and they had two children together. Even though I'm not longer with my ex I still see my friend and her kids, they still call me their auntie and they're my nieces and nephews. I love kids so I like playing with them and helping out my friend when needed. I do find it exhausting though, as expected!

HowFastIsTooFast · 22/08/2020 18:31

All the time (despite not yet having our own kids). Probably different in that where I live there are loads of ex-pats so not many actually have family here to hang out with, most have met through work or hobbies and then met each other's friends through social occasions.

Some of the DC are hard work but overall it's still worth it to spend time with people who've grown to feel like a big family over the years.

SendHelp30 · 22/08/2020 18:33

We meet up with various friends and their children a few times a month. Me and the other mums & children met weekly pre covid for Playgroup’s, parks, walks, lunches etc
Once a month we all tend to get together as a group of 10 adults & 9 kids at one of our homes for takeaway & drinks

Whattodo121 · 22/08/2020 18:33

God that sounds boring! DH isn’t very good at arranging things with other families, With our close friends with kids the wives tend to organise things but he will happily attend. In the last two weeks we’ve met up with DS’s cousins and two sets of university friends with their kids for lunches and walks and I’ve taken DS separately to see two sets of my old work friends and their kids for coffee/play dates at their houses. I wouldn’t bother taking DH with me to those ones because he doesn’t know the people so it would be a bit odd. I do draw the line at going to expensive and busy places like legoland with other families - it’s too stressful trying to manage all the different things that all the kids want to do all the time. I’d much rather go and do something free/cheap and low stress in larger groups.

SendHelp30 · 22/08/2020 18:34

DH and I also see our own friends separately

SpangleBug · 22/08/2020 18:36

I'm with your DH. I'd sooner chew my limbs off. I don't really understand the appeal of doing things in family groups, with the possible exception of relatives. Surely you can meet them without him?

Original poster
Dorobie · 22/08/2020 18:41

I do @SpangleBug, when he's at work. But because he works away he is always under this impression that when he's home we should do everything together. It's stifling!!

OP posts:
WhatamessIgotinto · 22/08/2020 18:41

We used to all the time. Days out etc. Now most of our DCs are mid teens and would rather do anything than a day out with another family. They used to all play together really nicely when they were young and although they all get on, they're not super friends or anything. They kind of do their own thing now which means, in normal circumstances, we all have a bit more freedom.

museumum · 22/08/2020 18:41

We have a group of four families from pre-children who meet up 3/4 tines a year for a long weekend away, Christmas meet up, new year. Kids are now 5 to 12 and one couple divorced but they’re still good friends even though our meets aren’t often.

I’ve a group of three other mum friends from baby days even though dc now 7. Two of those dh likes the dhs and we meet up every couple of months, the other dh he just doesn’t know as they moved away and had more babies so couldn’t meet up as easily.

So we don’t do stuff with other families weekly, or even monthly but definitely a couple of times a season.

Original poster
Dorobie · 22/08/2020 18:42

Plus, we only have one car, so if I did go and do something without DH, then he would be left without transport and we live in the arse end of knowhere.

OP posts:
SpangleBug · 22/08/2020 18:43

I do @SpangleBug, when he's at work. But because he works away he is always under this impression that when he's home we should do everything together. It's stifling!!

I'd have to be very firm about that. You need space even if he works AFH. And if you want to join the family events then it isn't fair for him to stop you.

SpangleBug · 22/08/2020 18:44

Plus, we only have one car, so if I did go and do something without DH, then he would be left without transport and we live in the arse end of knowhere.

He can't occupy himself at home for one day?

SimonJT · 22/08/2020 18:48

No, I don’t like children, thankfully none of my friends have children and are unlikely to so I can easily dodge playdates.

DDIJ · 22/08/2020 18:49

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IamPickleRick · 22/08/2020 18:50

Only with a couple of very close old friends whose kids I like. I feel like my friends kids are also my friends.