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Original poster

Do you ever do stuff with other families... that aren’t relatives?

86 replies

Dorobie · 22/08/2020 17:32

Just that really?

I never do it, mostly because DH in his words ‘can’t stand other people’s kids’ 🤣...

So he thinks meeting up for walks or lunch or days out with other families is more stress than it’s worth as you often have to wait around or be there during a tantrum etc.

But I’m sociable, and so are my kids who are now 7 & 11. When they were tiny I’d meet other mums for coffee or soft play 🤢 but as they’ve got older I tend to either do stuff alone with the kids or with DH when he’s here.

Does anyone else think like this?

OP posts:
Minimumstandard · 22/08/2020 18:50

It seems a lot of people can't stand other people's children. Biological instincts must play a large role in this because it can't always be the case that our children are the angels and the other family's children are badly-behaved and badly-parented (the usual excuse given for not liking them).

DH and I will meet his old friends with their children, but I mostly meet my own mum or other friends on my own with DS. I love seeing all DS's little friends and seeing them develop and grow really makes me smile Smile. DH's only experience of young children is our confident, boisterous DS and this shows - while he's fairly tolerant of other outgoing energetic children and their mischief, he has nothing to say to the ones he characterises as "whiny" and "clingy" and makes no attempt to draw them out or engage with them, which irritates me.

Carouselfish · 22/08/2020 18:57

Yes but with people who were my friends before we both had kids.
People who are friends with you because you both have kids are a total drain to me. We generally have nothing in common so more than a playdate would be torture.

whereorwhere · 22/08/2020 19:04

We have friends from when we were kids that now have kids a we see that group a lot and go on hols. We have another group from Uni and another group who are parents of my sons friends. I thought everyone did this. Tbh I prefer some of their kids to some of my nieces and nephews (although we see them lot too)

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1forAll74 · 22/08/2020 19:05

I never did things with any other families when my children were young.
And like your Husband, I don't wish to be with other peoples children, or their parents either !

nevernotstruggling · 22/08/2020 19:13

I have always spent time with other families. I am a lone parent. So is my best friend. Our children grew up together.

My exh was a massive twat about this issue. My divorce was the biggest gift I could give my children.

I go on holiday with other families I love it!

Original poster
Dorobie · 22/08/2020 19:21

@Minimumstandard

It seems a lot of people can't stand other people's children. Biological instincts must play a large role in this because it can't always be the case that our children are the angels and the other family's children are badly-behaved and badly-parented (the usual excuse given for not liking them).

DH and I will meet his old friends with their children, but I mostly meet my own mum or other friends on my own with DS. I love seeing all DS's little friends and seeing them develop and grow really makes me smile Smile. DH's only experience of young children is our confident, boisterous DS and this shows - while he's fairly tolerant of other outgoing energetic children and their mischief, he has nothing to say to the ones he characterises as "whiny" and "clingy" and makes no attempt to draw them out or engage with them, which irritates me.

Sounds like my DH.

I do agree with you that there must be some biological instinct, as I am sure other people will find my children annoying at some point, or my parenting frustrating.... But you know your dc better than anyone, and how to deal with them. Which is why my DH enjoys spending time with his own DC but not other peoples.... and I do understand it to a certain extent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dorobie · 22/08/2020 19:26

@Carouselfish

Yes but with people who were my friends before we both had kids. People who are friends with you because you both have kids are a total drain to me. We generally have nothing in common so more than a playdate would be torture.
Haha, I actually have to agree with this! Particularly as the babies turned in to toddlers, then children.

When they're babies you can just about tolerate coffee and cake.

DH and I do have a couple of mutual friends from pre children, who he is happy to meet up with every now and again but not for long periods now they have children.... as their kids annoy them! He'll happily meet the adults seperately for an activity though

OP posts:
Minimumstandard · 22/08/2020 19:59

@Dorobie. I do agree with you that there must be some biological instinct, as I am sure other people will find my children annoying at some point, or my parenting frustrating.... But you know your dc better than anyone, and how to deal with them. Which is why my DH enjoys spending time with his own DC but not other peoples.... and I do understand it to a certain extent.

I'm not criticising your DH at all (he sounds very similar to mine). However, as I've told my DH many times, it does make it easier if they'd occasionally be willing to "play nice" and just go for a walk or meal with your good friends and their children and pretend to take an interest.

What cracks me up though are the different views on what constitutes "good" parenting (often from people who do very little of it...). I do at least 90% of the parenting here (and 99% of the bit that involves DS socialising with other children). Yet DH feels qualified to express an opinion on other parents' parenting styles...Grin. For instance, we went out for a picnic a few weeks ago with some friends with a 3 year old DS (eight months older than our son). He preferred to sit in his buggy most of the time and wouldn't leave his mum and dad to go and play on the playground. DH found having him there constantly very irritating and had a lot to say about his parents spoiling and mollycoddling him when we left. He didn't say anything, however, about me yelling at and chasing our DS merrily scootering towards the busy road at the park entrance and going up the big slide even though I'd told him repeatedly not to. I suspect the other parents don't think they're the the ones with the parenting issues...!

Mwnci123 · 22/08/2020 21:08

All the time.

ForeverBubblegum · 22/08/2020 21:18

Occasionally with old friends who had kids at about the same time we did. I think the fact they are mutual friends helps, I can't imagine DH wanting to tag along if I I organised to meet with newer "mum friends" and their family.

PegasusReturns · 22/08/2020 21:30

Crikey some people are missing the point!

I don’t spend time with other families because I like their children, I spend time with other families because I like adult company and hanging out with adults dilutes night he intensity of all our children Grin

Minimumstandard · 22/08/2020 21:40

@PegasusReturns. And there's a certain fairness to it... If you're going to inflict your DC on the people you hang out with, it makes you feel less guilty if they're also lumbered with children.

PegasusReturns · 22/08/2020 21:41

@Minimumstandard exactly!

We’ve had some fab holidays with other families - I’m defo a fan.

MadauntofA · 22/08/2020 21:58

We are the same here - I'm much more sociable than DH, he has few friends who's DPs are even more unsociable, so we never meet up with them. Very occasionally we have been out with another family on my instigation, but it is so much easier going out without him when meeting up with my friends and their kids as I can see he is uncomfortable.
DH loves spending time with us, but he has so little patience for other people generally, never mind their kids! In the past, it had made me a little sad when seeing other families socialising, but family life is good otherwise, so I just enjoy days out with friends.

BogRollBOGOF · 22/08/2020 22:12

We have a pair of friends from pre-children who happened to have DCs within months of ours, of the same sex and overlapping interests. Children playing together is good as it improves your chances of sustaining an adult conversation.

It also helps that our boundaries and parenting style is broadly similar and we can address each others' children's behaviour. That makes a big difference!

Immigrantsong · 22/08/2020 22:14

Yes when we manage to organise a mutually convenient date and time. I have missed it actually due to Covid.

howlathebees · 22/08/2020 22:15

Yes with our friends

SueEllenMishke · 22/08/2020 22:20

Yes and it's great. We have friends with kids and we go away at least twice a year and do loads of stuff together..... and we meet at least once a week. The group also includes others who either don't have kids or have grown up children.
In fact we consider ourselves family now.

There are also a couple of other families we meet up with maybe once a year.

RaisinGhost · 22/08/2020 22:21

I do but just me and the kids. If they are my friends, I wouldn't ask DH to come. The kids can play together and I can catch up with my friends. DH would love to have a day alone. I would as well but DH doesn't have any friends so the reverse never happens. We don't have any mutual friends.

It really depends on the group, sometimes you get a group where them and all their DPs are really social and love meeting new people. Other groups where the friends get on, but if invited their partners just sit there quietly and awkwardly. I'm the second type.

Grrretel · 22/08/2020 22:23

I do things with other mums and children quite often, but rarely with husbands. DH isn't that interested.

SexyGiraffe · 22/08/2020 22:25

Yes! We meet up with other families a lot. We have a smallish group of friends who have kids similar ages and we often do trips out or meet up at each other's houses. The men are there more often than not!

SueEllenMishke · 22/08/2020 22:33

In our group the men will often take the kids somewhere ( the current hobby is fishing ) leaving the women to drink in peace!

We're also each other's babysitters which is great - the kids are like cousins and love a sleepover. They're happy to be left with any of us. It's great for my only child.

katy1213 · 22/08/2020 22:36

It sounds awful, I don't blame him. Can't you go on your own and let him have the car next day?

hopeishere · 22/08/2020 22:47

Never. We don't have many friends and the ones we do have don't have kids the same age. DH would hate it anyway.

JulesM73 · 23/08/2020 09:18

Nope, neither with family or friends. Can’t understand families that go away on holiday with other families, my idea of hell.