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Original poster

My 2.5 year old with ASD climbed out the window and ran away. My nerves are shot to pieces.

125 replies

Devastatedm · 19/08/2020 14:00

I've name changed for this.

I'm not sure what I want from posting really, I just need to get this off my chest as I'm absolutely gutted and I'm so upset with myself.

I live in a ground floor flat which is all on one level. It's opposite an old police station which is mainly used as a PSCO hub now.

This afternoon my DS who is 2.5 and has autism was laying in my bed watching videos on his tablet, he was perfectly settled and engrossed in his tablet.

My bedroom window has two openings, a small one at the top left hand corner and a large one which opens outwards that runs horizontally down the whole right hand side.

I wasn't far from the bedroom but the Hoover masked the sound of him rustling the blinds and climbing out. I was out of the room for a matter of minutes and when I went back in he had gone.

The bedroom window opens out into a large driveway / alley which leads to further flats at the back, then at the front of the alley is there is junction leading to three different streets so I didn't know which way he had gone.

I'm running back and forth screaming his name when cars start beeping at the end of the road, I looked and caught a glimpse of his yellow shorts at the end of the block.

The traffic had stopped and people were getting out of their cars.

A kind man managed to catch him and hold him until I could catch up and if he hadn't he would have almost certainly been run over as he would have ran into the road. He has no concept of danger and no understanding Sad

This is a main road where I live and there has been 4 or 5 accidents down here in the period since I moved in so it couldn't have happened at a worse place.

I got him home and he's laughing like he's had a great time, a few minutes later the police arrive to see if I'm ok and what's happened as they could hear me screaming and didn't know what was happening.

I feel like the worst mother I've ever known. Who doesn't get child safety locks for windows for fuck sake?

My only defence, which isn't even a valid defence, is that he hadn't shown any interest in escaping before, but I should have pre empted it. It's basic parenting isn't it.

My nerves are shot to pieces.

I remember seeing something similar on TV once, a toddler escaped and ran away before being picked up by the police, yet I had the gall to judge the parents.

Has anything like this happened to anybody else?

I'm prepared to be flamed. I deserve nothing less.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 19/08/2020 14:03

You’ve had a dreadful fright but there’s no harm done. Put it behind you and get some locks now.

Original poster
Devastatedm · 19/08/2020 14:05

My lovely neighbour came round immediately to put short chains on the windows. I'm so thankful for humanity today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Devastatedm · 19/08/2020 14:06

Ordering extra child safety locks right now Sad

OP posts:
Pearsapiece · 19/08/2020 14:08

I'm surprised youve received an ASD diagnosis so young. I say this because I don't want another parent to read this and think "that child had ASD and mine doesn't so they won't try and do that".
I'm sorry this happened to you op but I thank you for sharing, because it reminds us all to stay on our toes.
My windows open really wide and we are 2 floors up. My son is nearly 2. This just confirms my gut feeling to never leave him alone in the room with the window open. You're lucky you are ground floor

itchyfinger · 19/08/2020 14:11

God how terrifying. Kids and windows are such a dangerous mix, and unavoidable! On my first night in my new house my next door neighbour rushed over to say my 3yo was trying to climb out of the top floor window and his leg was hanging out. Luckily I had already put restrictors on but they probably wouldn't hold the full weight of a child. Now I have 2 sets on every window.

Have a cup of tea and forgive yourself, small children always find a way of scaring the shit out of you (oh, and keep the chain on the front door as soon as he is old enough to reach the latch - speaking from experience)

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 19/08/2020 14:12

You've had an awful scare but the main thing is that he's fine. It's completely normal to freak out about a near-miss though. I lost DS in a huge park once - he scooted too far ahead and toddler DD kept stopping to look at things and he was gone. The police locked down the park and he was brought back to me in a patrol car, a bit scared but more miffed because he was just about to have a free ice cream from the cafe when the police arrived to collect him. I cried myself to sleep that night over 'what if' scenarios.

I have two DC and don't have child locks on the windows. Not having them doesn't make you a terrible parent.

Have a cup of hot chocolate or sugary tea, give your DC a hug and don't beat yourself up.

Original poster
Devastatedm · 19/08/2020 14:14

I agree we were very lucky to have been given a diagnosis so early, it has been priceless in accessing the help he needs such as his special needs nursery, SALT and OT.

In our case it was very obvious from early on as both DH and DSC have a diagnosis of ASD so they knew it ran in the family, and we knew what to look out for.

I dread to think what could have happened today.

Yes I definitely urge other parents to make sure they have safety locks. ASD or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Devastatedm · 19/08/2020 14:16

Thank you ladies

I have two DC and don't have child locks on the windows. Not having them doesn't make you a terrible parent.

Thank you for this too. The first thing I did was berate myself for not having them.

OP posts:
wildcherries · 19/08/2020 14:16

How terrifying. So glad he's OK. Take deep breaths and have lots of tea Flowers

Alexandernevermind · 19/08/2020 14:17

So sorry you went through this. Your son is safe and well, that's the main thing. He'll probably grow up to be an adventurer!
If it makes you feel better absolutely no one I know has child window locks! A toddler escaping from a window would be the last thing I would have thought of. At least now you know what the little monkey is capable of so you can take the necessary steps with no real harm done - except for to your nerves!

RainbowDash101 · 19/08/2020 14:18

Thank goodness he’s ok. My mum used to tell a story that she looked out of the upstairs window and I was going across the road on one of those little wooden trikes! I think she’d left me and my brother playing in the front garden with the gate shut( early seventies !)

LovingLola · 19/08/2020 14:20

My windows open really wide and we are 2 floors up. My son is nearly 2. This just confirms my gut feeling to never leave him alone in the room with the window open. You're lucky you are ground floor

Get window locks ASAP !!!!

foamrolling · 19/08/2020 14:21

We can't really pre-empt everything though, we'd drive ourselves mad trying to do that! I kept my keys in the locked front door - until I caught my then 4 year old ushering her brother outside to play. We lived on a busy main road.

I didn't think she'd do anything like that - until she did.

Bless you, you must have had such a fright. Don't beat yourself up over it, this stuff really can happen to us all. And if it can't then perhaps we'd be over cautious and cause damage that way!

Jessicabrassica · 19/08/2020 14:21

Poor you. What a terrifying experience. I don't know if it helps, but you are not alone. I'm aware of a number of little people with ASD who like to run. There's one near where I work who is well known for being able to escape.
It's probably worth talking to your OT/slt team about this to see if they can help at all.

elliejjtiny · 19/08/2020 14:21

You poor thing. My 6 year old has ASD and he managed to climb out of a window that we thought was locked but the key must have not been turned far enough. We keep all windows locked all the time now, even in a heatwave, much to MIL's annoyance.

Namechangeforthis88 · 19/08/2020 14:22

We had someone banging our door when DS was 6, people in the flats opposite could see DS apparently trying to climb out of a second floor flat window. I don't think it was his intention to climb right out but it was scary nonetheless and he could have fallen by accident. We thought he was tucked up in bed. DH put screws in window cases so you can only open them out 6 inches now.

HumphreyCobblers · 19/08/2020 14:22

My youngest was once found cavorting on the roof. He had been there a while judging from the moss he had dislodged. He had climbed out the bathroom window. We got a lock that afternoon but it hadn’t occurred to us this was a danger before.

Don’t be hard on yourself, really.

SandieCheeks · 19/08/2020 14:23

One day (maybe a long time from now!) you will retell this as a funny story.

borntohula · 19/08/2020 14:23

Good god, you poor thing! My child has ASD too and windows are the bane of my life. He's ok - breathe.

lljkk · 19/08/2020 14:24

I was in police custody 3x in 1970. Age 2-3, I kept sneaking out. Grand adventure. I had cleverly figured out how to hide my escape methods so my parents took a while to understand how I was getting out.
Best part: my mother was a social worker. She begged the police not to make her lose her job.

Try not to feel bad. ps: I don't have ASD. But am pretty adventurous, so...

pps: just thinking one time about 12 yrs ago I took home a little boy roughly age 2.5 who was trying to drag the (escaped out on the road) family dog back home. Luckily the little lad knew what house he lived in.

pinkbalconyrailing · 19/08/2020 14:25

what a shock.
I glad your little one is ok and didn't get injured.
in addition to window locks, look at cat netting. we had that instead of locks when living on the 3rd floor and the landlord not allowing us to install locks.

Cheesewiz · 19/08/2020 14:26

Just want to say that I have been there soooo many times, my 7 year old ASD son has no safety/danger awareness. We have to keep our windows and doors locked and hide keys. You can also buy magnetic alarms which will sound if door/window is opened

Original poster
Devastatedm · 19/08/2020 14:27

I'm very grateful for these replies, they are helping. I felt like an absolute failure as a parent when it happened.

Flowers to those of you whos children have also given you the fright of your lives. They really are like little Houdini's!

I've taken your advice and made myself a cup of hot tea.

OP posts:
pinkbalconyrailing · 19/08/2020 14:27

ps I'm a toddler catcher. if I see one bolting or getting into danger I intervene. glad you encountered one as well.

IncrediblySadToo · 19/08/2020 14:28

You need a HUG, not a flaming 🌷

Look after yourself, you've had a huge fright.

I know very few people who have window restricters and those that do only have them because their children were the climbing up & out variety.

It's good that not everyone has become too scared to touch someone else's child! Well done that man!!

You've secured the windows now, so be kind to yourself, you didn't do anything wrong, you just underestimated DS's adventurous streak & ability!

As someone else said, make sure your front door is secure at all times, because they go from no interest/too small to running up the road remarkably quickly!

Ps. No parent makes it through their childrens entire upbringing without a 'fuck' moment

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