My 2.5 year old with ASD climbed out the window and ran away. My nerves are shot to pieces.

[Devastatedm]

I've name changed for this.

I'm not sure what I want from posting really, I just need to get this off my chest as I'm absolutely gutted and I'm so upset with myself.

I live in a ground floor flat which is all on one level. It's opposite an old police station which is mainly used as a PSCO hub now.

This afternoon my DS who is 2.5 and has autism was laying in my bed watching videos on his tablet, he was perfectly settled and engrossed in his tablet.

My bedroom window has two openings, a small one at the top left hand corner and a large one which opens outwards that runs horizontally down the whole right hand side.

I wasn't far from the bedroom but the Hoover masked the sound of him rustling the blinds and climbing out. I was out of the room for a matter of minutes and when I went back in he had gone.

The bedroom window opens out into a large driveway / alley which leads to further flats at the back, then at the front of the alley is there is junction leading to three different streets so I didn't know which way he had gone.

I'm running back and forth screaming his name when cars start beeping at the end of the road, I looked and caught a glimpse of his yellow shorts at the end of the block.

The traffic had stopped and people were getting out of their cars.

A kind man managed to catch him and hold him until I could catch up and if he hadn't he would have almost certainly been run over as he would have ran into the road. He has no concept of danger and no understanding

This is a main road where I live and there has been 4 or 5 accidents down here in the period since I moved in so it couldn't have happened at a worse place.

I got him home and he's laughing like he's had a great time, a few minutes later the police arrive to see if I'm ok and what's happened as they could hear me screaming and didn't know what was happening.

I feel like the worst mother I've ever known. Who doesn't get child safety locks for windows for fuck sake?

My only defence, which isn't even a valid defence, is that he hadn't shown any interest in escaping before, but I should have pre empted it. It's basic parenting isn't it.

My nerves are shot to pieces.

I remember seeing something similar on TV once, a toddler escaped and ran away before being picked up by the police, yet I had the gall to judge the parents.

Has anything like this happened to anybody else?

I'm prepared to be flamed. I deserve nothing less.

I remember my sister escaping in the middle of the night because she wanted to go to nursey, she was about 4yo. She got herself dressed and managed to drag a kitchen chair to the front door to undo the high up chain.

Poor you OP. Sympathies. My DS would totally have done that sort of thing at that age. He let himself out of the front door as soon as he could reach (dh had left the chain off and I wasn't there!). I couldn't take my eyes off him for a second, he was always trying to do something independently. It has turned me into a bit of a paranoid mum, I admit! I know family always thought I worried too much but it frustrated me as I had absolute cause for concern... I wasn't being OTT but they didn't really understand as their children were so unlike mine. I am astounded when I see the situations they leave their children in unattended for long chunks of time, without the kids trying to escape or doing something risky etc! It is extra hard for you OP, so don't blame yourself.

We used to live in a house where the front door handle was really low and easy to open. When ds1 was 2 I had a friend and her (much more adventurous) dd round. Friend was horrified that I didn't lock or bolt the door to stop Ds walking out into.the road. It had honestly never occurred to me that ds might do that. Her dd would have had the door open in seconds.

Dont beat yourself up. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. He is safe and it won't happen again

That must have been utterly terrifying for you. But please don't blame yourself. I don't think you have done anything wrong. for you and little Houdini.

Ds (who was later diagnosed autistic) was about the same age when he managed to unlock the back door, and the garden gate and get to the front of the house. Thankfully he decided it would be funny to knock on the front door rather than go any further.

He is 10 now and the keys are still kept well out of his reach after that!

Oh no how scary 😕
Years ago I was driving to pick up my boys from school and pulled over because there was a toddler about 2ish running in the middle of a road on our estate. I caught him and took him over to the pavement and sat with him whilst I called the police - accidents happen but what surprised me was there was lots of traffic and there was a bus stop full of people but nobody else tried to help the little boy - he was close to getting on to a huge crossroads and it could have been horrendous.
Took the police about half hour to get to me but they stayed on the phone with me in case the little lad gave me any info that could help identify him and they phoned my boys’ school to let them know I would be late

I could have written exactly the same when ds was that age (our police officer neighbour found him).

What we did-

Put extra locks on doors and windows (he could unlock the front door so needed an extra Yale lock.)

Put alarms on all doors and windows (because he could unlock the patio doors if/when he found the key )

The alarms really helped, especially as for fire safety the window locks had to be kept in an adult accessible place (which he would climb to reach.)

Please don't beat yourself up, having a child with ASD is always a steep learning curve and trying to be 2 steps ahead is exhausting.

for you OP

I think every parent will have at least one near miss, however careful you are.

You are the second poster today to have a child/window incident:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/3999778-Struggling-with-very-near-miss-with-DS

Why should we judge? Your human, you made a mistake, we all do sometimes and nothing serious happened.

Don't be so hard on yourself, parenting a child with SEN is really hard and unless others have done it then they have no real idea.

Best wishes

I found my 20 month old at the top of a scaffold, two floors up, a few years ago. I couldn’t decide whether to stand at the bottom with my arms out in case he fell or go up the ladder as quickly as I could to get to him.

As it happens, I chose the ladder and he decided to try to climb down the outside of the scaffold. That was a fun minute!

He was fine. I still feel panicked when I think about it now.

I have four boys under 10. I can’t even count the number of times they’ve run off out of sight or climbed too high up a tree or scooted off so fast I couldn’t catch them. Buckle up OP!

You’re not a bad parent. He’s fine.

you're not your

Mine went straight out the front door and toddled down the drive to the busy A road.

Honestly do not worry, you weren’t to guess. It’s like they want to keep you on your toes.

My ASD DS1 was an escape artist and a runner!

When he was about 18 months old, he undid the front door and escaped (didn’t realise he could actually turn a key at that stage as he was behind in a lot of things). I was made aware of his escape by a paperboy (god bless him) who noticed my DS, dressed only in a nappy, playing in a puddle over the road by some garages and my open front door. He rang the bell and asked me if that was my baby playing over the road

Another time, he escaped from the garden to go to the end of the road to read the road signs. He also started to climb out of his bedroom room unto the flat roof below - I was hanging the washing out when I noticed that one! He was 5 at the time. And we don’t mention the time at Legoland he ran through 2 restaurants, across the railway line towards the lake with me in hot pursuit and absolutely no one intervened. I, too, am now a toddler catcher....

Sending you hugs OP. Thank God he is safe. You are shook up, that’s all. I have 4 boys and so many things have happened I completely “get” it: climbing out of windows, giving me the slip in public places, one of them once opened a big heavy hotel door (it had no inside lock as it was a “ modern door”!) while I was sleeping, I was so exhausted, and rode the lift up and down in his nappy and pyjamas waking everyone up. The Italian hotel manager thought I was massively negligent. I feel your pain. It is utterly knackering. Glad all is well now.

Oh god you poor love - absolutely no judgement here, just absolute fucktons of sympathy. My DD has never been a runner but a friend whose son was born at the same time - and who now has an autism diagnosis - was/is always chasing him everywhere after escape attempts. Last time they had to get the police helicopter out looking for him and she is still having genuine flashbacks to it, she was really traumatised by it. So take it easy on yourself, look after yourself if you feel anxious and upset. I'd need a very stiff gin!

Hope you are ok - your heart must’ve been in your mouth.

As I child I was always wandering off on little adventures and being returned by neighbours- I once got to the other side of town, and another time was a few streets away and banged on someone’s door to enquire if there was any sort of birthday party happening and whether there would be any cake?

My poor mother had to secure the perimeter of the (large) garden and watch me like a hawk. I was 3 when she basically shackled my to the front door.

My niece aged 2 actually dug like a dog under my dsis back garden fence until she made a hole and escaped. The first my dsis knew was when my dn knocked on the front door to come back in.

@Devastatedm

My lovely neighbour came round immediately to put short chains on the windows. I'm so thankful for humanity today.

Excellent.

An ex neighbour of mine had a two year old boy who did something similar many years ago; he was found around the corner in the playground of his sister's school, wearing only a vest.

Some little kids like having an adventure, they are not old enough to appreciate the anguish they cause.

All over now, op. You poor thing, I'd have had kittens.

Little kids do this sort of thing all the time. If it makes you the world's worst mother you're in good company along with several million others. Including me!

You are NOT a bad parent. You didn't expect DS to do that and you are now making sure he doesn't do it again.

Your neighbour and the police who came round sound like good people.

Don’t be so hard on yourself Devastatedm, kids will always test boundaries and there’s no way you can account for every eventuality but I can understand the shock you’re feeling atm.

Dc3 (so not my first rodeo) was an escape artist and a climber and I have stories that would make your hair curl!

There was a thread on here a few years back where the dh had left floor to ceiling first floor windows open at the bottom and tv e child had walked out!

These things happen but locks and windows do require toddler proofing (and blonds, wrapping cords around necks etc).

my mum was once getting changed to go out to collect me from the school bus and in the instant her top was over her head my 1 year old brother ran onto the balcony and climbed over - she heard a shout and ran out and all she could see were his fingertips and then he let go.
Luckily it was a short fall into a bush and nothing happened but even so she was very shaken

As i imagine you are, OP. But what happened doesn't make you a bad parent. They are little pests at that age and you can't anticipate everything. You'd be a bad parent if you were all "meh, so what?".

OP, this stuff happens to most of us

Great thing is you spotted him before any harm was done. And he's none the wiser and had a great time.

When my NT DS was about the same age, he opened the front door, let himself out and climbed a ladder going up scaffolding in the front garden. A passerby knocked and said 'did you know your kid was up the ladder' He was about 10ft up by the time I got outside

Thankfully no harm done. We double locked the door after that.

He's now late teens and despite a penchant for climbing got through the rest of childhood without serious injury!

one of my dc as toddler bolted in bank tube station. the amount of people who stepped out of the way was unreal.

I am forever grateful to the toddler catcher who took dc to station staff so we could be reunited.

Dont beat yourself up.. have a cuppa, cry if you need to and get the child locks :)
Put it behind you. Dont go crazy thinking what if, it wont help you or your wee one 💕
Be kind to yourself, we've been in something similar(well he didnt jump out but almost to give us a stroke!) so i do understand x