My 2.5 year old with ASD climbed out the window and ran away. My nerves are shot to pieces.

[Devastatedm]

I've name changed for this.

I'm not sure what I want from posting really, I just need to get this off my chest as I'm absolutely gutted and I'm so upset with myself.

I live in a ground floor flat which is all on one level. It's opposite an old police station which is mainly used as a PSCO hub now.

This afternoon my DS who is 2.5 and has autism was laying in my bed watching videos on his tablet, he was perfectly settled and engrossed in his tablet.

My bedroom window has two openings, a small one at the top left hand corner and a large one which opens outwards that runs horizontally down the whole right hand side.

I wasn't far from the bedroom but the Hoover masked the sound of him rustling the blinds and climbing out. I was out of the room for a matter of minutes and when I went back in he had gone.

The bedroom window opens out into a large driveway / alley which leads to further flats at the back, then at the front of the alley is there is junction leading to three different streets so I didn't know which way he had gone.

I'm running back and forth screaming his name when cars start beeping at the end of the road, I looked and caught a glimpse of his yellow shorts at the end of the block.

The traffic had stopped and people were getting out of their cars.

A kind man managed to catch him and hold him until I could catch up and if he hadn't he would have almost certainly been run over as he would have ran into the road. He has no concept of danger and no understanding

This is a main road where I live and there has been 4 or 5 accidents down here in the period since I moved in so it couldn't have happened at a worse place.

I got him home and he's laughing like he's had a great time, a few minutes later the police arrive to see if I'm ok and what's happened as they could hear me screaming and didn't know what was happening.

I feel like the worst mother I've ever known. Who doesn't get child safety locks for windows for fuck sake?

My only defence, which isn't even a valid defence, is that he hadn't shown any interest in escaping before, but I should have pre empted it. It's basic parenting isn't it.

My nerves are shot to pieces.

I remember seeing something similar on TV once, a toddler escaped and ran away before being picked up by the police, yet I had the gall to judge the parents.

Has anything like this happened to anybody else?

I'm prepared to be flamed. I deserve nothing less.

A friend whose DC has autism climbed out of the loft attic window - fortunately spotted in time. Took them a very long time to get over it.

Yes both of mine with ASD have climbed up and undone deadbolts in the night and escaped from the front door when they were small. We also had near misses with windows when we were with housing association as they fitted new upstairs windows that didn’t have a lock on the big window, as it was classes as a fire escape. Took mine no time at all to master opening them and trying to climb out.

We got window and door alarms so we’d be aware if they opened them.

My two-year-old escaped from my DP’s house a few weeks ago. She managed to open both front doors (we didn’t think she could) and ran off, wearing just pyjamas and socks. We’d left her playing in the living room for two minutes and in that time she vanished completely - there was no sign of her in our street.

I found her running down the pavement in the next street, her socks soaking wet. She giggled when she saw me - she was clearly very pleased with herself.

I was quite shaken up afterwards and we always keep the inner door locked now. Toddlers are tricky, their abilities and interests change so fast.

I know how you feel OP and it is the worst feeling EVER! My DS now 15 didn't walk until he was 6 (SEN/SLD/ASD) but my God he could crawl like a racing whippet!

One day I had my back turned and he snuck out as I shut the front door, he was so quick and by the time I could get to him he was down the drive and just about to head onto our very busy main road!

I thank the heavens every day that there was a lady walking past at the time and she just managed to grab him.

I still have nightmares about it now!

Nothing like that has ever happened since, Thank God but it was awful at the time.

Oh, I feel nothing but sympathy, don't beat yourself up, you can't be watching every second and anticipating all kinds of things, although you start to anticipate a lot more as the years go by. I have had the exact same thing happen, but DS was 6 at the time. He had also never done anything like this before and the window was shut but he somehow managed to open it. When we discovered what had happened I ran out in a panic and ran round the block while calling 911, who really just left me with the feeling they suspected foul play. I only wanted help looking for him! My husband was a big more sensible and drove round the block and found him on someone's front garden - thank God! It was the worst ever feeling in the world while he was missing and such a relief to find him. We now keep the windows and front door locked all the time, apart from the small upper windows.
Please don't fell to bad, it turned out ok, you are more aware for the future

Short of handcuffing him to you whilst hoovering you can't do more than settle him watching tv on his bed. You could not have expected him to climb out, kids are unpredictable and there will always be something. It is just a question of trying to stay one step ahead!!

Don't beat yourself up about it.

Have a look round at his eye level and see what other mischief is possible in the future. Then have a preemptive strike.

My sister was diagnosed with adhd as an adult. Apparently the numerous battle scars she has from doing reckless things as a child (and as an adult I have to say) was one indicator.

Thank goodness he's safe

You never know when they're going to bolt- that doesn't make you a bad parent. DD still does it if she's spooked, and she's 14!

A while ago my husband became aware of some neighbours over the road looking agitated outside their front door. He went over to help and found their 2 year old wedged half way through the cat flap. Somehow they managed to get him out but it just shows the unpredictable things even a neurotypical 2 year old will do. It gave you a shock, you've learnt from it so just move on and don't give yourself a hard time.

What a fright!! Glad he's OK. Mine has never done a Houdini, but when he was in Reception, his friend (aged 4 and tiny for his age) was sent to his room for being naughty and decided he'd come and live with us instead, so he climbed out of the window (ground floor flat), walked about half a mile and crossed a really busy main road to get to our house, only to discover that we weren't in. He then had to cross the main road again and walk all the way back home. Nobody stopped him and his mum didn't realise he was missing until he knocked the front door because he couldn't get in through the window. He then did the same thing again in the dark the following evening before she'd had a chance to fit window locks - luckily we were home the second time!

My special needs child managed to escape from his safe tent bed in a hotel and get into the corridor. I was beside myself when i realised . Thankfully the staff came across him and returned him whilst I was hysterically running up and down shouting help at the top of my voice. It was only a couple of minutes but it was horrendous. I felt such a bad parent but he also has autism and no awareness at all.
I spent quite a long time shaking and crying and beating myself up I can tell you. I second getting the alarms to alert you if he tries to get out the window or door again. And so glad he was ok. Hope you feel better now xxx

It might be worth having a chat with OT. My DD has a different disability but we had an assessment and help with making the house right for her needs. I know they have helped some of families whose children have ASC too - with a risk assessment and safety bits and pieces like door catches, higher fences etc.

Autistic ds is 23 now, but I’ve been there. The downstairs larger windows were locked for many years, high and complicated locks on doors leading outside too. She’d climb out of other peoples windows too, and at school. Amazing how many people don’t believe you until they experience the fear!
Anyway, you’re not a bad parent, you’re a perfectly normal one, albeit terrified! When you are feeling calmer, sit down and make a list of safety measures you can do something about. Keep it on your phone and add things and remove them as necessary. Sometimes it’s crazy things, we spent a night in hospital when she was two due to her eating the toothpaste I’d left on the stairs to take up later. Didn’t know it was poisonous! She’s hidden sweets in the loo cistern too. All sorts of things over the years!

Honestly hope you feel better soon. 💐

Op I got myself dressed, washed my hair under a cold tap and toddled off out on my bike age 3.

Are your blinds the safe ones, ie no loop /neck loose...

This is what small dc do!! Get into mischief, they sense distracted mums like a shark senses blood.

Deep breaths!!

At 22 months old, my DD escaped and I didn't realize for about 10 minutes. She was recaptured by her father 1km away from the house. She had got out the housing area, across the golf course and had turned up at the Mess (this was fortunately a reasonably secure Army Camp, with no 'active' training. She was looking for her father... I was getting her baby sister ready for a walk and presumed she was with her grandmother upstairs, who had presumed she was downstairs with me.

Those were the longest minutes of my life. Children do the oddest things, ASD or not.

Please don't blame yourself. You've taken steps to rectify the situation.

When he was around 2.5, DS1 managed to climb up onto a low radiator in his room & opened his window. The handle must've been damaged because I'm sure it was locked & it was unlockable afterwards. I'd been downstairs & thought he was playing in the lounge while I was getting lunch. I went upstairs to look for him & saw his window wide open & the curtain flapping wildly. Thankfully, he'd fallen asleep on his bed!

That was 5 or 6 years ago & it still makes me feel a bit sick thinking about what could've happened if he'd decided to go exploring.

Dh was spotted by someone coming to Mil's for a committee meeting sat on the roof aged around 3. His bedroom window was a dormer in the attics and he scrambled out and went for a wander. I suspect it's more common than people admit. Climbing trees was another early interest apparently which terrified his parents. He's still annoying fearless.

I locked my parents out twice and took myself for a walk...on a military base as a 2 year old. My mum still has nightmares about the last one and I'm 43.

Twice dd1(asd) gave me the fright of my life without leaving our flat, both times I couldn't find her, the first time after searching everywhere I spotted a lump under the quilt on our bed, she'd been hiding there listening to me search for her, the second time(about a week later) I was on the verge of calling the police when I noticed my wardrobe door was open a crack, once again she was deliberately hiding from me. I'm afraid I lost my temper that time, I'd been terrified that something had happened, thankfully she never did it again!

You are not a bad mother my dd at that age I thought she was asleep in bed. Front door was open to let floor dry she got up and went out for a walk. Its scary but now you know he can do that just fix window so he cant.

I'm impressed too that you got the diagnosis so soon.
My son is 2.7 and we have been waiting a year so far to be seen by a peadatrician and still won't be for at least 6 months

Be kind to yourself

It's my NT child that has the history of giving me the vapours. Fortunately my ASD child is risk adverse (can't even stand a window being open) and he'll stand there clucking "I told you so" as his NT brother crashes bikes in to bushes, climbs up the outside of the play frame at soft play (age 2), gets stuck up trees, tries to run away from Costco and his finest hour, getting lost in a 3 man tent. I searched that tent 3 times with the panic feeling rising; who knew that a 4 year old could squeeze himself into such a tiny ball at the foot of his brother's sleeping bag. Oh the relief when I unzipped it and found his peaceful little face dozing like a dormouse. I'd only told him to put a jumper on because he was cold.

You reacted quickly. You've promptly put measures in place to avoid a repeat. He'll find new challenges for you. You sound so loving and caring.

My two year old sister took herself off to the shops. She got quite far as well. Luckily a neighbour recognised her and brought her home. We was all running around frantically trying to find her. You've had an awful fright op. I'm looking at my windows now without locks

Hugs. Think about the door, too.
Ds1 could reach the door handle but didn't have the dexterity to manipulate the bolt, so we just kept the door on the chain. Then dn who was much shorter (2yo) told him (2.6yo) how to open it, so I came downstairs to find two gleeful toddlers legging it down the pavement towards the A-road 100 yards away...

Used the bolt 6 feet up for the next few years, which was a pain when DP worked late - the two of them cooperated to open stairgates too.

Glad he’s ok. Children are always one step ahead! Each time you think you’ve figured out one behaviour they move to the next!

Look, it was an accident. You can't watch them all the time. You've got it sorted now so he won't do it again, it may also be an idea as he gets older to dead lock the front door.

I would say though, as the police attended and were aware of the situation and how dangerous it was, you may need to prepare for a Social Services visit. It would be seen as a child protection issue. I would make sure his diagnosis letters are nearby or ask your consultant for a letter if possible.
It's standard procedure on anything of this nature.