My 2.5 year old with ASD climbed out the window and ran away. My nerves are shot to pieces.

[Devastatedm]

I've name changed for this.

I'm not sure what I want from posting really, I just need to get this off my chest as I'm absolutely gutted and I'm so upset with myself.

I live in a ground floor flat which is all on one level. It's opposite an old police station which is mainly used as a PSCO hub now.

This afternoon my DS who is 2.5 and has autism was laying in my bed watching videos on his tablet, he was perfectly settled and engrossed in his tablet.

My bedroom window has two openings, a small one at the top left hand corner and a large one which opens outwards that runs horizontally down the whole right hand side.

I wasn't far from the bedroom but the Hoover masked the sound of him rustling the blinds and climbing out. I was out of the room for a matter of minutes and when I went back in he had gone.

The bedroom window opens out into a large driveway / alley which leads to further flats at the back, then at the front of the alley is there is junction leading to three different streets so I didn't know which way he had gone.

I'm running back and forth screaming his name when cars start beeping at the end of the road, I looked and caught a glimpse of his yellow shorts at the end of the block.

The traffic had stopped and people were getting out of their cars.

A kind man managed to catch him and hold him until I could catch up and if he hadn't he would have almost certainly been run over as he would have ran into the road. He has no concept of danger and no understanding

This is a main road where I live and there has been 4 or 5 accidents down here in the period since I moved in so it couldn't have happened at a worse place.

I got him home and he's laughing like he's had a great time, a few minutes later the police arrive to see if I'm ok and what's happened as they could hear me screaming and didn't know what was happening.

I feel like the worst mother I've ever known. Who doesn't get child safety locks for windows for fuck sake?

My only defence, which isn't even a valid defence, is that he hadn't shown any interest in escaping before, but I should have pre empted it. It's basic parenting isn't it.

My nerves are shot to pieces.

I remember seeing something similar on TV once, a toddler escaped and ran away before being picked up by the police, yet I had the gall to judge the parents.

Has anything like this happened to anybody else?

I'm prepared to be flamed. I deserve nothing less.

I’ve partially lived your terror as my then 2/3 year old let himself out the front door whilst I was doing a household chore. I can remember raving from room to room screaming his name and he’s just disappeared. I found him standing outside the front door very happily playing. Obviously a top latch was ordered for the front door that day.

Anyone who hasn’t got locks for their upstairs window please consider doing so. We got them fitted straight after moving in and I’m so glad we did as the kids love opening the windows.

My totally NT kids used to climb out of windows and leg it, particularly if told to go to their rooms as a punishment.

I live in a very rural spot, luckily, but some of them occasionally would do the 1.5 miles to the nearest (tiny) town and hole up with friends.

They've all successfully grown up and become reasonable. I'm glad your escapee had a similar happy ending.

Thank you for all of the replies, I feel alot better for reading all of these.

I'm glad people have mentioned the blind strings as yes they are the long loops. I'm out at the moment so will pop into the hardware shop and get something to put them up high out of the way!

The windows have short chains on now thanks to my lovely neighbour.

Do you really think SS will get involved? The police only came as they heard me screaming, they didn't take any details not even our names. They just wanted to make sure whatever was happening, was sorted.

It turns out they heard me screeching from inside the building

I've been taking the keys out of the door for at least the past year so he can't get out that way, but I'll be getting extra locks put on that now that's for sure.

Yes my asd son was the same at that age. I remember being at the playground in a large london park / took my eye off him for a moment while I have his baby brother a bottle - gone. I found him on a nearby building site. Could have killed himself. He used to climb up trees and over fences into other people’s gardens if you left him for a moment on his own. He is 14 now and much more risk averse - prefers not to leave the house! Be kind to yourself. It is hard work and a constant learning curve, even now, but a rewarding one.

Happened to me. Numerous times with my DS when he was aged 2 and 3. He was a little escapologist and fearless. DS does not have ASD.

My DD never liked to be more than 2 feet away from me, and so never happened.

When we got new windows we were told that we weren't allowed safety locks on window in case you needed to get out. We do have a safety catch on the upstairs children's windows, but that would be easily raised by a 2yo determined to get out. It just stops an accidental drop.

Mine opened the garden gate and escaped to follow me to the post box (there was another adult home), he thankfully for once obeyed when I shouted no stay where you are instead of crossing a busy road

Since then the gate has been bolted high up and the other gates have extra security measures on them

Windows and doors are also locked with keys out of reach.
Near misses are terrifying.

I have a 3 year old ASD little girl and she was 2 when diagnosed , if its obvious whats the point in waiting, the level of support is needs based and not with diagnosis but im pleased it was done and out way,
Ive worried about her climbing out window , as she has no sense of danger or awareness 9f her surrounds. It can be done , im sorry this happened to u

@Devastatedm we use command hooks to keep our blind cords tied up really high.

Your story has reminded me of the time my brother and his mate (8 and 7 at the time) climbed out of the loft velux to sit on the pitched roof. Nobody knew until a neighbour walked past and knocked on the door to tell us!

Hi op, don't beat yourself up over it, it's just something you should put down yo experience and a learning curve. Main thing is that he is ok now.

Mine did that too, he is 3 and decided to bolt on the hottest day of the year, we normally have ground floor windows locked, but due to the temp the windows were open.

I was sick in bed and DH and DM were watching the kids and cooking etc, suddenly a knock on the door followed by raised voices. My neighbour had stopped him a few yards from my house, we were all in shock, needless to say the windows were locked after that day.

But he is very adventurous, wild and loves to explore! And now, he is my view all of the time!!

I'm the mum of a boy with ASD too.He was also diagnosed aged 2.It was pretty clear he had ASD and we had a wonderful local Early years intervention team and a brilliant HV.

Do not beat yourself up;kids can really surprise us with what they can do when we thought it wasn't possible;I've had a few almost shit my pants moments over the years with mine as have most of us.

The important thing is he's okay,he's safe and your getting something done about it to stop it happening again.There was no reason to think he wasn't entertained and safe whilst you got on with some hoovering.

Its ok OP. He's home safe.
My 6 year old has ASD and has run away from me many times ,usually when we are out but he has climbed out the window too.
It's terrifying. He usually ends up crying and screaming "Mummy" then shouts at me because he couldnt find me.

You couldn't have predicted it, everyone is OK
Please don't blame yourself
I doubt SS would be interested from a safeguarding point of view. I don't see what more you could have done. Bloody scary though

Thank you all, you're very kind!

I've picked up some adhesive hooks to tie the blind cords up high, high enough that he won't be able to reach it even if he was able to climb onto something first.

The windows are now v secure with the short chains my neighbour has put on. I must buy him and his wife something as a thank you.

Lessons have been learned today. I'm still a bit annoyed with myself that I didn't pre empt something like this but the main thing is he's ok and I've ensured it can't happen again.

He is a bolter by nature, he's just never tried to get out of the flat before today. When I take him out he stays in his pram 60 percent of the time because he has no concept of danger at all - unless he's calm enough to go on his reins and walk alongside me, which is rare.

I really hope SS don't come and call this a child protection issue as I'm mortified enough as it is. I would hope that as these things are so common, they wouldn't hold it against me.

Accidents aside, I like to think I'm a reasonably good mum. I certainly wouldn't willingly put him at risk.

Oh bless you. What a horrible fright x My house was Fort Knox when DS lived at home (he lives in a residential home now). Everything was locked at all times, multiple door locks etc This happened to a friend of mine many times. Every parents fear and even worse for those of us who have non verbal children.

@Pearsapiece my DS was dxd at 28 months but first diagnosis appointment was 22 months (it was so obvious by 18 months) although at 22 months Paediatrician wanted to wait for 6 months.

You poor thing, you must be very shaken. I can picture how terrified I’d be in this situation and I want to give you a big hug and a cup of tea.

A friend of mine had her 2 year old brought home by a neighbour and he’d been gone 5 mins and she hadn’t actually noticed he was missing. I don’t judge her and I wouldn’t judge you. These things happen, you just don’t know until they do. I remember once my son who would always, always hold my hand to cross the road just bolted across a busy high street road as we were waiting to cross. I had to shove my baby in the pram onto the pavement and chase after him. I shouted SO loudly at him I was so scared he could have been hit by a bus at 30mph.

Now you know he can do it you’re obviously going to get window locks, don’t beat yourself up about it, he is ok. and for you.

I was in M&S in a mainline London Station at rush hour. Behind me in the checkout queue was a Mum with an 8/9 yr old girl and a 2/3yr old boy. As I am walking out the boy belts past with a packet of chocolate and sits on the floor of the concourse. As I head over to him the girl rushes out and instead of getting him she takes the chocolates off him and rushes back to the shop (not what Mum intended I expect!). I grabbed him and started to walk him back to the shop. The look of relief on the Mum’s face when she spotted us. The funniest thing was the girl then rushed out to collect him and gave me a really filthy look like I was trying to steal him rather than bringing him back.

We have window restrictors for precisely this reason ,my ten year old son has severe autism and learning disabilities and kept trying to climb out of the windows .

Oh, lovely, you've had a terrible shock. These things happen to us all. I found myself in quicksand with my five year old. We survived but it was twenty-five years before I dared speak of it. Do all the things people have mentioned, hug the escape artist and be gentle with yourself.

I can't shake the worry of social services getting involved now. Gah I hate that I catastrophise when worried

When the police came over it was only to ascertain that everybody was ok as idiot here (myself) was doing a grade A banshee impression and shrieking "DSSSSS! DSSSSSS!" and flapping about.

When they came, they didn't actually know what had gone on.

I explained what had happened and presented DS to them, I told them he has autism and no concept of danger and had bolted from the house. They were kind about it and expressed relief that all was ok and then went on their way.

It's a good job I did manage to retrieve him before he got off our street and it wasn't the police who found him as then I'm pretty sure I would be In bother.

I appreciate all of your kind comments I really do. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it now. I've cuddled him alot tighter this afternoon though!

Oh, OP my DS has autism and escaped at 3, naked, in the dark, in December. I'd just got him and his baby brother out of the bath and went from his bedroom to the babies to grab a nappy, under a minute - easy. I looked around upstairs but not too frightened - til I felt a breeze from the open back door. It was always locked but DH had forgotten leaving for work late. Luckily a lady caught him just before he got from the bottom of our road but over 3 years later I still have nightmares about what could have happened. He's non- verbal so wouldn't even be able to tell anyone his name.

Please be kind to yourself, you need eyes in the back of your head sometimes.

My now 18 year old climbed out of a high but ground floor window, in just a nappy as he wouldn't wear clothes. I didn't even know he could climb up to and got into the back garden when he was about that age. Thankfully he couldn't get out of the gate.

We were private renting at the time and our landlord refused to let us put anything on the windows so that they couldn't open fully. That meant we had to have all the windows shut in summer in case he tried it again.

It's bloody nerve wracking, I also lost him in a shop once, and as he was non-verbal and didn't respond to his name it meant calling him was useless (though obviously I did) He was found oblivious what seemed like hours later but was only minutes. Security were straight on it though, I was really impressed!

My DS was diagnosed at 2 as well. Sometimes it's really obvious.

Oh wow all of these near misses, children really do scare the crap out of parents!

I'm ordering some alarms for the windows and doors too. I can't risk anything like this happening again.

I've just been reading that parents in the USA can lose custody over exactly this and similar incidents.. very sobering.