Help me pick wedding flowers

[misschoices]

I would like mumsnetters to help me pick wedding flowers!

The first one or the second one?

Btw, just tell me to go away if I'm bugging you.

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

No. She is picking the flowers with the florist. I just gave up and told her she has much better taste so I can move on to hair and makeup.

I told her I want my bouquet to be white with some greenery, hopefully she will not surprise me with red roses

Oh lovely, hope it will all go well . Make sure you do mention the bouquet though, and at least insist on that. Good luck.

Your mum's ideas seem quite old-fashioned. And I'm in my 60s! And that last one looks like it should be sitting on top of a coffin.
Your first choice was so pretty. I'd say thank you for the in-put and ideas - it's been really helpful in focusing my mind - and then choose what you like best. Your mum had her own wedding!

Hi Op, too be honest I like all the flowers. I personally prefer a bit more colour than just white as they can blend in a bit, especially a bridal bouquet against a white dress.

However, having greenery lifts the white as per your choices. I got married in October, & flowers were going to be a bit expensive, as a lot of flowers I like were out of season. I and my 3 bridesmaids had good quality artificial flowers in gold & browns for our bouquets.

Table decoration were hurricane lamps, & choc brown rose petals scattered. Hotel supplied a real flower arrangement for the registry table, which was moved onto the buffet table. This was ivory flowers, with greenery & hypericum berries.

Don’t be pressed into having anything you don’t want!!

@katy1213

She is old fashioned, v. Traditional. She and dad said 'there's nothing wrong with tradition', even if I scream that it's ugly!!

I'm just so glad I don't have to wear her dress- she looked fab in it, but it's just not my style.
She did happily pay for my wedding gown, she's been superb until now with the flowers. Dad was a bit grumpy about the cost and said it's only one day, surely she can find something that cost less? Mum said absolutely not.

Dad wants us to buy a house soon, so does my DP, and wants to gift us some money for that. DP and I have some savings together, and I'm way under the average cost of weddings, so I will happily wear my own wedding dress!

Whites and greens are so simple and elegant. I'd stick with that if it's what you like.

Mum just texted my bouquet will have my mums dress as the ribbon/bow. I didn't want a ribbon or bow on the bouquet. May I scream on this thread!!!!!

Scream away, rant,rave then collect yourself, put your thoughts in order and make sure at least the bouquet is what and how you want it. She can have free reign with everything else,but the boquet is your yours and you'll be the one carrying it.

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

I am starting to think mum is sad that I'm getting married- dad said she's 'happily crying' to herself about all the wedding details.

I feel awful telling her I don't want her input. But I will not be having her dress draped over my bouquet. How do I tell her nicely- as she seems to be sad that I'm not going to be officially married soon?

I don't normally say this but it seems like you're going to have to put your foot down here. Her taste is just so different from yours. You don't want to regret it on the day

I would go another way and just add a simple coloured table runner on top of your white tablecloths. A restful green (or something in a similarly coordinating colour, but very subtle) would add a counterpoint to the white linens and that way your flower arrangements will have something to ‘pop’ against. You should definitely go with the flowers that you love though! It’s your day! Don’t be guilted into doing what someone else wants.

@misschoices I would probably go with

"Hey mum, I'm glad you and the florist are making progress and I can't wait to see what you two have picked . I'm sure they'll be beautiful. However I have a very specific vision for the bouquet, and since I've got my dress I've had this whole image in my head and I would like to stick to that,as I absolutely love it! I'll let the florist know exactly what I mean. Thank you so much for your input and all your help."

It's very wishy washy and pandering but you DID ask for nice.

And make sure your florist knows what you want for your bouquet (she can rein mum in a bit too) and discuss with her personally the details of it and be clear mum has no say on it.

DP coldly told me that I'm creating a rift over flowers and how would I feel if our future children treated me this way? I asked in what way exactly!!!!

I'm starting to have second thoughts about DP.

I just wanted a simple string around a delicate, small white bouquet- not a jumbo size whatever mum has in mind. I didn't envision ribbons or bows flapping around. It's not my style, mum knows this. My dress is statement - I don't want a jumbo bouquet to take away from the dress.

I'm furious now.

*my dress is the statement. (Sorry about ranting typos).

This is interesting, actually a couple of the images your mum has sent are a lot more current (in terms of fashions/trends in floristry) than the first inspiration images you posted. Maybe they have come from the florist? Footed bowls etc are a definite trend.
Do you have Pinterest? The florist would probably appreciate a board with images you like on there - as personally speaking I would definitely want to know what the bride wanted. I have only once dealt with the MOB as the bride lived abroad but we still shared images.
Would a compromise be that you choose your bouquet and your Mum can sort the others? Your bouquet will be the thing you see on your photographs - you will frame a photo of you and your partner, not one of a lovely table set up. I strongly think the bouquet is the one place you shouldn't compromise. A florist will want you to cry happy tears when you see it so they will for sure want to know your opinions.

@Flowersupnorth

Yes but it's my wedding, not hers. Our florist is talking to whoever is footing the bill.

My mum wants a vomit of flowers everywhere and I don't!!!! I don't really care what is trendy or what looks better - I have a vision and it's no longer worth anything due to her.

Hopefully I can convince mum that those flowers - as lovely as they are- are just too expensive and wouldn't she rather just go simple? Simple like they ones I've chosen for the florist? Much easier and less money spent?

@misschoices

DP coldly told me that I'm creating a rift over flowers and how would I feel if our future children treated me this way? I asked in what way exactly!!!!

I'm starting to have second thoughts about DP.

I just wanted a simple string around a delicate, small white bouquet- not a jumbo size whatever mum has in mind. I didn't envision ribbons or bows flapping around. It's not my style, mum knows this. My dress is statement - I don't want a jumbo bouquet to take away from the dress.

I'm furious now.

Whoa OP are you ok? This escalated really quickly. Can you leave it all to the side for tonight, sleep on it and have an honest face to face chat with your mum tomorrow/soon?

This doesn't mean your mum/DP aren't unreasonable of course.

On the second thoughts... think carefully, but it's never too late if your heart really isn't in it anymore/have serious doubts.

I'm ok, just exhausted. Had to explain to DP that I wouldn't choose our future children's birthday cake, I wouldn't dictate which decor they wanted for their parties, how silly of me to say white cake is more delicious than whichever flavour they happen to like.

He has apologised, but he is adamant he wants to stay out of it. He likes my mum too much-and doesn't want to be a part of this, even privately siding with me.

He doesn't think picking a yearly bday cake is same as seeing your child start a family of their own, but he said he understands that I want to be independent of mum, yet he also understands her feeling like she's losing me.

What is mum so sad about? I'm not moving to another country.

Dad is being being quite as well and acting like nothing is happening. He's been stressed about coronavirus and doesn't really want any more added stress- and I think DP is feeling the same way.

Thank you all for the suggestions! I am happy, healthy and looking forward to a lovely small celebration full of now 'David Austen roses' per mum.

OP a few things?

1. Why are you thankful you don’t have to wear your mums dress? Why was that even a remote possibility?
2. If you don’t want colourful flowers you need to say. Don’t look back on the photos and hate them.

Just message her and say thank you for the ideas but you’ve thought about it and you really love the classic white and foliage look, it’s timeless but you’d love her help choosing which specific flowers and what does she think about x or y. Make sure you like either of those two flowers and just go with whichever one she chooses.

1. No it’s not a problem that your DP isn’t interested in the flowers. It’s a bit a bad sign.

I’m getting married and I’m just going with gypsophila as it’s cheap. For me spending hundreds on loads of flowers is a colossal waste of money and I don’t really care about them but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about my wedding or that other people are wrong to spend however much they want to on them.

What about telling your mother something like “white and blush rustic”. It brings up a ton of hits on google and would rein her in from going too bright.

get the flowers you like op dont worry about colour palates

Hey, you said earlier jokingly we might have the same mum but the more you've written the more true that might be. So, if it helps, this is a bit more about my mum and my wedding and what I realise looking back.

She was thrilled about it. She loves DH and couldn't have been happier. But she fixated on what where, to me, weird details. She wanted it to be perfect because she was scared of letting me down by not getting it "right" for me even though the things she cared about didn't matter to us. Looking back she knows she would have enjoyed it more if she could have relaxed but obsessing about details, like the shade of flowers were her way of making sure she did her very best.

Two days before she cried because she thought MIL's dress was too plain and wouldn't look right in the photos. I was just impatient with her throughout all this and I think if I could have earlier on talked through why she was so intent on it being perfect and got her to relax a bit it would have been better.

If your mum is anything like mine she is maybe similarly anxious about it being just right because she cares so much and is fixating on flower ribbons because it's one thing she thinks she can influence and isn't seeing the bigger picture.

We had many a tense row about her nitpicking and my relaxedness about lots of details was actually making her more stressed.

@DappledThings

We absolutely have the same mum.

Mine is a bit anxious- tries almost too hard to make Christmas 'perfect' every single year. Also birthdays. Always asking me what I want, what dad wants, dad is always asking her privately to take a break, sit down a bit, let us help her, etc. I literally just now pretend to be deaf and do the dishes for her because she never lets me. 'My child doesn't need to clean up after everyone!'

DP thinks she is being a bit overbearing due to feeling like she's 'losing me', but I think it's more about her putting too much pressure on herself to make sure this wedding is 'perfect'. Like she is going to let me down - yes- if anything is just not 'grande'.

I am going to sleep on it and have a talk with her next week, I'm furious with her t the moment- I don't like roses!!!!

Yeah, are you actually my secret long-lost sister?! They do sound very similar. With mine she just couldn't see why her ideas of what made it perfect weren't important to me. But they were so important to her that she got even more fixated on them and we just kept clashing.

But we had a great day in the end. 9 years later she can see she went a bit bonkers. And she's a much more chilled out granny than she was a mother-of-the-bride.

Hope you can have a good chat about it once the dust has settled on the roses!