Things you could never imagine saying before 2020

[CompleteBarstool]

Today I found myself saying how much I love doing jigsaw puzzles.

Prior to lockdown the last time I did a puzzle (other than 4-12 piece ones with my DC about 15 years ago) was about 40 years ago.

What things did you never imagine saying?

Do you want to bubble up?

He’s not socially distancing...

Do you need any flour? I’ve just managed to find 2 bags!

Only 2000 deaths today? That’s good going 😩

“Oh fuck, what now?”

“Let’s go for government sanctioned exercise.”

“I’ll see you all in a month” - when leaving the office the other day as I’m going on as infrequently as possible.

Or today’s classic:
“Do you want to go to the garden centre tomorrow?”
“Yeh, it’s something to do but better make sure we’ve got a clean mask”.

Yes! My holiday has officially been cancelled!

Can everyone mute themselves please?

I've forgot my fucking mask

Are they in your bubble ?

I’ll just pop out to clean the gates after the postman.

Oh for gods sake I’ve forgotten my mask - have you got one ?

Flour is starting to come back ! (In excited time even though I rarely bake).

I’m ‘glad’ mum and dad both died just before all of this. They never knew what was about to happen. I’m really glad about that’.

Yay, the shop had loo roll.

Shall we Zoom tonight?

Just do something and email it to your teacher (repeated 10 times a day for 4 months.)

Lucked in today - flour, yeast, eggs, sugar AND loo roll. Woohoo! I know what’s going on my Brexit stash for 1st Jan.

Plus (for bonus points) I’ve found an insurance company that WILL cover you for travel to countries that Grant Shapps has just come home from are off the FCO list.

running out of Sainsbury's 'eee I forgot my mask! Can you get it out of the car please?'

'We can't have proper Yorkshire's because we don't have any flour and the shops have sold out'

'You've made cakes? How? Where did you manage to get flour from?'

'No you went to Asda last week, it's my turn'

'I've just spent £13 on face masks'

Beginning of March - AM to work
'I'm letting you know I've just found out I'm pregnant. I don't know if you need to know this or not beaus was Boris hasn't said anything about pregnant people yet'

Beginning of March - PM to colleagues
'I'm not allowed to be here. I've been told I have to work from home. I don't know how to work from home...'

'I actually like Google classroom it's not too bad'

'Hurry up Boris is coming on!'

On my first visit in 4 months to see my mum with dementia not a care home

Hi mum it's me, I'll just pull my mask down so you can see my face . Sorry mum I need to pull it up again now . Sorry mum I'm not allowed to come and sit by you , I need to stay at the other end of this great long table ...

Followed by me trying to explain the reason for these 'roolz' that would make the slightest sense to my mum and that she wouldn't forget 5 minutes later

"Did you wash the shopping?" and so many posted already. Can't wait for this all to be over

Should read IN a care home

'(Name)'s moved their wedding to next year. Otherwise they would have had to knock the guest list right down for social distancing'

'It was alright but no one was social distancing'

'Asda have taken the arrows off the floor! You can walk up and down whatever aisle you want'

Lastly to my Mum about my 93 year old Grandad who we cared for and who I adored who passed away in January: 'I'm really glad grandad isn't here for all of this - we'd have to choose between caring for him and risking him catching anything off us, or not seeing him at all for months and months and he'd be all by himself...'

What a year

Sorry, you can't go in the playground today

Don't forget to wash your hands for twenty seconds

No we can't pick your friend up on the way as we're not allowed to give people who don't live with us a lift

Yay, it's family zoom quiz tonight!

Also, well the algorithm has downgraded you from a B to an E, so sorry darling.

Can I just do a quick temperature check?

I hope Johnson pulls through.

Keys, phone, purse, mask....

“Are we allowed in other people’s houses?”

“What has Nicola said today?”

“Ah it’s Chris Whitty and Patrick Vallance today, wonder what’s going on?”

'The parks are closed'

'You can't go out twice, it's illegal'

'I went to 7 shops and not one of them had soap or toilet roll'

“Don’t touch those railings!”

“Can’t miss Boris.”
“Bloody hell, next door have got 3 people
In their garden that aren’t their household!”
“Congrats, will hopefully meet the new addition in a few months.”
“WHERE’S THE FUCKING ANTIBAC??”
“Oh it’s lovely in Devon in August.” (Wearing winter coats with hoods up.

It’s been a mixed bag

"It really annoys me when Boris bangs the desk like that."

"I'd love to vacuum that rug."

(both said during daily Covid updates).

The kids have been off school for 6 months.

Not sure I'm sending the kids back to school in September

I only had to wait half an hour to get into Tescos