Harmonising whilst singing happy birthday

[NCParanoia]

Caveat: I know there's bigger and worse things going on in the world that I should be annoyed at, but here we are.

Does this make anyone else totally cringe? I have a family member who always harmonises when we sing happy birthday, especially the last bit. I find it so cringey.. its a bit me me me when the point of singing happy birthday is for the birthday person to be in the limelight. Also isn't it something awful we all sing just because we have to, not because we want to?

Am I alone in this? Do you harmonise when singing happy birthday? If so - why?!

(I promise I'm also a happy, fun person who likes to have a good time. I appreciate i sound like a massive birthday grinch)

@EvaHoffman oh god stop!

You can't harmonise happy birthday because it makes it about you and your harmonisation and difference, instead of about the birthday person. You're not singing the song to make music, you're singing to say 'you are important to us! Enough that we are celebrating the day you were brought to life! Enough to break our usual social norms and anxieties about singing in public!". Making it fancy dilutes the very critical last point, unless you are all from a performing arts background and then it is par for the (talented but cringy and secretly competitive) course.

My dad would always do really loud harmonies in church and harmonises in happy birthday every time. He’s enjoying himself! And for the pp saying it’s something special I understand you, it’s a special effort on your part! Not necessarily like a nice gift from you but a genuine bit of effort, better than a half hearted Embarrassed mumble.
My dad and family blast me a rendition every year. The first time was funny/cute/bit embarrassing, the second was oh I’ve got to pretend I wasn’t expecting this but the third onwards was predictable in a comfortable way; if it didn’t happen any more I would feel most rejected I’ve Come to know and love it! What’s more as someone who has been in several choirs I’ve picked up the harmony and have to suppress my urge to sing it out myself now 🤣

Things I think are wanky/ showing off /attention seeking when the focus should be on the birthday person instead:

• buying expensive and /0r elaborate birthday cakes or cup cakes

-planning a surprise party

• buying expensive presents

-wrapping a present elaborately

• making something crafty
• making an impressive cake
• making a speech/reading a poem

But apparently the worst thing to do is to sing the harmony part of Happy Birthday (as you have always done since the age of 13 as you are an alto). This is hilariously narcissistic. Apparently. Chit chat about your lockdown weekends in Southwold, deliveries from Ocado, summer holibobs in daddy's farmhouse in Tuscany are all just normal. But, harmonising to Happy Birthday. What a narcissist!

@EvaHoffman your dc have asked you to stop singing harmonised Happy Birthday. Continuing to do so shows your "gift" is about you, not them. That's the difference.

Meh. 3 singers (2 professional) in the family and they all do it. Doesn't bother me (I cant sing so tend to mumble the words).

@EvaHoffman

Things I think are wanky/ showing off /attention seeking when the focus should be on the birthday person instead:

• buying expensive and /0r elaborate birthday cakes or cup cakes

-planning a surprise party

• buying expensive presents

-wrapping a present elaborately

• making something crafty
• making an impressive cake
• making a speech/reading a poem

But apparently the worst thing to do is to sing the harmony part of Happy Birthday (as you have always done since the age of 13 as you are an alto). This is hilariously narcissistic. Apparently. Chit chat about your lockdown weekends in Southwold, deliveries from Ocado, summer holibobs in daddy's farmhouse in Tuscany are all just normal. But, harmonising to Happy Birthday. What a narcissist!

A lot of those things are very show offy too.

Saying you're an alto by way of explanation really isn't an explanation to the likes of me. I don't really know what it means.

I think there's a real difference between what you've described you did for your son, and some of the other examples given.

I guess it comes down to the group and setting you're in and whether its appropriate or not. That's where the cringe or embarrassment comes from, when someone behaves outside the social norms for the group.

@EvaHoffman, you have a real bee in your bonnet about this. Look, no one is going to reach through the internet and smack you on the wrist for harmonising on ‘Happy Birthday’, but doing so cannot be regarded as a gift to the birthday person.

And I honestly don’t see the relevance of (or the narcissism inherent in) discussing your adventures in Southwold/ Tuscany or your grocery delivery, unless you are interrupting a rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ to improvise extra verses about them.

Seems like all the Altos really have a chip on the shoulder. Eva this has nothing to do with money or social class, though you seem to keep bringing that up. Singing is free, but harmonising to happy birthday is cringe even if you're standing next to a giant fancy cake with 50 quid notes stuck in it.

@EvaHoffman are you drunk?? Your posts are completely batshit!

Your own children have asked you to stop. That should show you how unwanted your special addition to the bloody happy birthday song is! 😂😂

Sorry some people are upset but this thread is so funny. I LOVE that couple on the YouTube link

I sing in a choir and play guitar and ukulele. I really wish my extended family was like this. No one appreciates me and my ukulele! I don’t harmonise HB though, I wish my family was like this!

They do, however, sing that third happy birthday verse - cringe!

@EvaHoffman your dc have asked you to stop singing harmonised Happy Birthday. Continuing to do so shows your "gift" is about you, not them. That's the difference.
^ this!

Singing Happy Birthday, a mercifully short, shit song, is not usually a musical performance but a social act that unites participants in celebrating the birthday. All eyes are on the birthday boy or girl, whereas in a performance all eyes are on the performer.

I was one of about eight people celebrating a close friend’s birthday in Spain at an Italian restaurant. A fellow guest was a professional opera soloist who has performed many times at the Liceu and around the world. I promise you that when Julian’s Tiramisu was brought out with a sparkler and we all sang Happy Birthday, I didn’t even notice Luís singing, he must have sung like a normal person, if he’d have used his operatic baritone he’d have brought the restaurant to a standstill.

If you do it as a musical family or group then it’s different, but if it’s a mixed, non-musical bog standard birthday bash then it is wanky. Not a hanging offence, just an eye-roll offence.

This thread also reminds of that episode of Extras where that poor, poor girl is made to perform with her father “Bunny” at her own birthday party. “Custard!”🎵

@picklemewalnuts Also grew up going to church in Wales, where harmonising is just a 'thing' that everyone does, and it works, from the 80 year old soprano to the toddler trying to follow along. It does become fairly natural as a result. When I moved to England and went to an English church as an adult I was surprised that people weren't naturally harmonising/ 'picking a tune' and felt quite out of place! I don't tend to harmonise happy birthday but that's because my natural singing voice sits along that key, but I will if the leader has chosen to start at an unusual note as otherwise the different sounds don't blend together. Same for carols, but again, that's normal where I am and everyone just aims to sing enthusiastically, in key, and in time.
I think people singing enthusiastically at group sing alongs (happy birthday, carols, hymns etc) should be welcomed, whether they're harmonising, singing in tune, or totally off key. The main thing, surely, is that they are joining in, having a good time, and in the case of happy birthday honouring and celebrating the birthday person with their voice alongside everyone else there.

Not necessarily happy birthday, but I used to work with someone in a children's nursery who couldn't just sing along to nursery rhymes she had to harmonise and everything. Drove me barmy, she just thought she was the best singer ever!!

I never realised harmonising was a Welsh thing, that's really quite lovely. When i sang in church I was introduced to a girl who "is really good at harmonising" - fairly sure she was Welsh!

I find it hard not to (attempt to) harmonise to "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" because that goes delightfully batshit at the end...!

We do it sometimes but ironically

I was a reason singer when I was young and was in a number of choirs but I would never do this. I do sometimes get an urge to sing descants at carol services but I'd never actually do so. My days as a first soprano are long gone but even when I could reach the notes I wouldn't have done it if I was in the congregation. That's the choir's job.
I have heard a few renditions of Happy Birthday from people that sound like bad Mariah Carey impersonators and people definitely cringe. There are times and places when it is appropriate to demonstrate your musical prowess and a birthday celebration isn't one of them. And its even worse when you don't actually have much ability!

I do it because I like doing it and it's fun. And I don't give a shit if it's cringey or seems show-offy. It isn't.

If the birthday person told me not to I wouldn't (although I can't imagine that not making me want to do it EVEN MORE) but until harmonising happy birthday kills someone or it's proven to cause clinical trauma - happy birthday to yooou- ooh- hoo hoo

This thread has really cheered me up. It's also great inspiration for new usernames. Should I choose "stratospheric descant", "no one appreciates me and my ukelele", or "Julian's tiramisu"?

Also OP, while you are completely right, it could always be worse: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3636707-To-hate-it-when-people-sing

Adding harmony to Happy Birthday is about enriching the musical result,

I think this is my favourite comment on the thread.

@EvaHoffman why not write a letter in the card about how the person means so much to you. That'd mean so much more than making Happy Birthday a musical performance.

I love it when people do it. I always hope that someone sings descant in church at Christmas too. It’s not wanky or cringe at all-it’s part of the music.

I hadn't thought of writing in a card to say how much the birthday person means to me. How clever you are to think of that idea!

@EvaHoffman it was you that said that singing in harmony was all you had to give which suggests that you hadn't thought of anything else.

Happy to help though.

I’m wondering if there is some reverse snobbery on this thread.

Choral singing is very middle class, middle aged (or older) and white. Knowing what harmony is or what an alto line is are part of a body of knowledge that’s not accessible to most people, as school music lessons and services have been cut so much.

So what feels normal to someone brought up singing in parts looks like showing off their privilege to people who haven’t had that sort of opportunity. And is therefore cringey.