Harmonising whilst singing happy birthday

[NCParanoia]

Caveat: I know there's bigger and worse things going on in the world that I should be annoyed at, but here we are.

Does this make anyone else totally cringe? I have a family member who always harmonises when we sing happy birthday, especially the last bit. I find it so cringey.. its a bit me me me when the point of singing happy birthday is for the birthday person to be in the limelight. Also isn't it something awful we all sing just because we have to, not because we want to?

Am I alone in this? Do you harmonise when singing happy birthday? If so - why?!

(I promise I'm also a happy, fun person who likes to have a good time. I appreciate i sound like a massive birthday grinch)

Phythonesque I...I don't know whether to laugh or cry

Just a few questions though. Where is the line between making things special for a birthday and showing off? Eg. Buying a really nice present ? (Showing off your wealth)Wrapping a present nicely? (Showing off your dexterity/aesthetics )Making a cake at home? (showing off your cooking skills?)Singing enthusiastically? (Showing off your singing skills) Why is the last one particularly narcissistic ?

Singing the same notes as everyone else, enthusiastically, is fine.

Singing different notes from everyone else in order to stand out from everyone else, and showcase what you consider your superior talents is narcissistic.

Surely, surely you can tell the difference?

The ironic thing is, that whilst the harmony singer is preening in his/her ability to sing this song so much better than everyone else, the rest of the room is inwardly cringing on their behalf.

The only time it would ever be acceptable is if you were in a group (a singing group or the Von Trapps) where EVERYONE was singing a different part, and its a shared activity, which is obviously fine. It's the doing something different to everyone else to show off that is the problem.

Ah stop! A bag of skittles is a present. Harmonising happy birthday isn’t.

There’s no way you can really think that. I guarantee that for most people not doing it is a better gift.

Music graduate from a musical family here. I'm always surprised when everyone sings it in unison. How dull!

My ex boyfriend did this. It is cringeworthy.

On another note..... my friends mother in law gets the family to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus on Christmas Day which I think is absolutely hysterical

It's cringe-worthy most of the time, especially family events.

The exception is if it's a group of musicians or choristers. My old choir used to sing happy birthday for big birthdays and everyone had a joke with it.

Amused by the posters who are unable to control their spontaneous harmonies. I bet that Beyonce's backing singers are able to resist the urge.... If they wish to remain employed

Yesh there's def a distinction if you're 'all in on it' like the choir groups etc people have mentioned (though I guarantee at least a few of them are dying inside).
7 people shuffled around an M&S birthday cake for little Oscar's 8th birthday ain't the time nor place for your au naturel, didn't-even-notice harmonies.

I'm always surprised when everyone sings it in unison. How dull!

I agree!

It's like insisting everyone always drinks water for every meal. Couldn't we have Prosecco for a birthday without being told the person who bought it is an egotist?

Couldn't we have Prosecco for a birthday without being told the person who bought it is an egotist?

Yes, because lots of people enjoy Prosecco as it doesn’t assault their ears.

Yesh there's def a distinction if you're 'all in on it' like the choir groups etc people have mentioned (though I guarantee at least a few of them are dying inside).

And only if you're in a private place. No one else in the pub cares that you're in a choir and nor do they want to hear how amaaaazingly you can all sing.

@GrouchyKiwi

Pretty sure Justin Bieber wrote the third verse.

So so unreasonable lol! (Funny though). I used to work in a uni music department and when staff and students sang people happy birthday, they got it in fully improvised 10 part harmony in the style of a Bach chorale - the glory days!

if you'd want to sing as a gift, (and the recipient would actually like it), then sing them a special song. I go weak at the knees for men who write me good poetry or can play a guitar and sing along with it for me. Singing in and of itself for somebody who would love it (and that's NOT everybody or the majority of people) isn't a more thoughtful gift than any other inexpensive or free gift.

I would absolutely hate one person out of a group harmonising happy birthday to me. If a group of people planned a barber shop quartet version of happy birthday for me I'd think that was very sweet and enjoy it. One person out of 5, 10 or 20 people harmonising would make me cringe terribly.

If only one person out of a group was doing it, it's obviously going to draw attention to that person. If all people are doing it, different story.

And of course you can sing Happy Birthday normally. Even those of us with no singing voice and tone deaf ears can manage it. What you mean is that you can't sing it to your satisfaction. And again, it's not supposed to be about you.

I used to work with someone who sang all three verses...I always thought she made them up! You live and learn.

Anyway YABU. I would rather a bit of harmonising than what my in-laws do, which is don't sing. Miserable fuckers. When it was DHs birthday and the DC were tooyoung to sing it was just me singing. I always felt like a right idiot. It was such a relief when the DC were old enough to sing asking with me. I might start harmonising if they ever come round for DHs birthday again if MIL can be bothered to drive the 3 miles I shall practice using YouTube

@ILoveAnOwl

Music graduate from a musical family here. I'm always surprised when everyone sings it in unison. How dull!

Agreed.

This reminds me of when U2 gave everyone the "gift" of their album automatically downloaded to iTunes for free (or something like that).

The gift that no one asked for and nobody wants.

This thread has turned me into Father Ted. Just sing the f*ing note!!

@Hardbackwriter

Just because people - or indeed, even if you - get paid to do something doesn't make it an appropriate gift for others. I get paid to give lectures on history but if I decided to give an impromptu fifty minutes on the causes of the Thirty Tears' War at someone's birthday party I wouldn't expect them to thank me for it, or indeed not to hate me for it!

🤣😂😆

I love this thread so much. You have all made me cry with laughter and Pythonesque, never have I been so close to the fabled Mumsnet spitting my tea all over my keyboard. If I was drinking tea and wasn’t on an iPhone then the keys would be dripping. In all the different harmonies nonetheless.

My OH is still, 40 years later, severely traumatised by his mother singing harmonies. I can see the stress on his and all of his siblings faces as the cake enters the room. Fight or flight starts to kick in as the inevitable happens. I’m sure his sister is in therapy for birthday parties of yore...won’t somebody think of the children.

I think Happy Birthday is the only song you shouldn't harmonise with. Because it's designed to be a tradition, not a performance.

If any other situation I think harmonising is very good and makes a piece naturally more aurally pleasing provides someone isn't over egging it with their soprano.

If I'm in Church I try to make my voice nice and in the right note but singing Happy Birthday I just speak to a rhythm.

Re harmonising I always see it as using the same lyrics, speed and word emphasis but in a higher or lower note/octave to the others to balance it out.

I am however, not musical I just love music.

Being stuck beside a performance harmoniser is horrendous too.

All that earnest warbling in your ear. Jesus! That’s why I only go to parties with alcohol.

Is it people who don't 'do' music apart from singing along to the radio?

Erm... no, those aren't the only peole who think it's wanky! It's most people who aren't show offs. The people I know who do this are all into musical theatre. Maybe that should tell us something.

@EvaHoffman

I don't have anything else to give ☹️

I am a family dementia carer and one of my children has SEN. I was working and then on furlough but have recently been made redundant. I can't afford presents and I am not skilled at cake making. DP got his DM to make a cake and we sang to DS for his birthday. I am not a professional singer but as an alto in church I have always been taught to harmonise. I honestly don't think I have ever sung HB 'normally' since primary school.

So, for DS birthday we lit candles on DM cake, promised DS a present when we could afford it and sang as well as we could with all of our hearts.

Yeh. Narcissists all of us. We could all afford to spend more couldn't we?

Only on MN.

Totes hilair dahhling

This is nothing to do with the point of the thread, though. What gives you pleasure within your family is completely different to what you do to those outside it. In my family we buy really shit Christmas secret Santa’s and make up cringe rhymes in birthday cards, I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

omg YESSSS!!!!! I've only been made recently aware of this cringetastic "thing" thanks to binge watching The Office (US version). Michael, Andy, and DeAngelo couldn't join in any song without harmonizing - usually in falsetto.

I had a friend back in the '90s who did the same thing, thinking she was an outstanding singer. She wasn't.