Harmonising whilst singing happy birthday

[NCParanoia]

Caveat: I know there's bigger and worse things going on in the world that I should be annoyed at, but here we are.

Does this make anyone else totally cringe? I have a family member who always harmonises when we sing happy birthday, especially the last bit. I find it so cringey.. its a bit me me me when the point of singing happy birthday is for the birthday person to be in the limelight. Also isn't it something awful we all sing just because we have to, not because we want to?

Am I alone in this? Do you harmonise when singing happy birthday? If so - why?!

(I promise I'm also a happy, fun person who likes to have a good time. I appreciate i sound like a massive birthday grinch)

Oh dear, this is my entire family. We all do it, we can’t help it as we love music and love finding the harmonies. At least we all do it together and don’t offend each other! Plus the ukuleles come out at every opportunity

Where is the line between making things special for a birthday and showing off? Eg. Buying a really nice present ? (Showing off your wealth)Wrapping a present nicely? (Showing off your dexterity/aesthetics )Making a cake at home? (showing off your cooking skills?)Singing enthusiastically? (Showing off your singing skills) Why is the last one particularly narcissistic?

Can you honestly not see that all the others are about giving something to the person whose birthday it is, but the singing is just about you? Do you really not see that your beautiful singing is not a gift to others? If you really can't see that then yes, I do think you're a bit narcissistic.

DH is tone deaf but sings enthusiastically, I try my best to keep some semblance of a recognisable version of HB going for DC to join in with but it's hard sometimes! The loudest voice is always the most off putting!

You must have a lot of self control, or self awareness, @ShirleyPhallus . I've done a little of all kinds of dance, and frequently find odd steps pop up in unexpected places. I also accidentally pick up accents and appear to be mimicking people. That's horrendously embarrassing.

I will admit I may come across as a bit odd- I may well be 'listening' to music internally, and might accidentally sing a little phrase while dog walking. I use some antiquated phrases that most people don't. I occasionally laugh out loud at a memory. And yes, I dance. I think I'm just physically expressive. All that I try and reign in when people who don't know me are around, because it's considered weird.

Now I have to reign in singing happy birthday and Christmas carols as well. Because judgemental arseholes are determined to believe its about showing off.

I'm really glad a few of you have had a laugh. It's really upset me.

@CatRamsey

I wanna know how the harmonies go!

Oops I do this. If you are in F major you end the song on the notes C,Bb.A on the 'to you' at the end. Sorry muso here!

Harmonizing is singing two or more pitches from the chord in whichever key you have chosen.. it is not singing in different keys-that would be bitonality or polytonality if there were more than two singers.

There are so many other special things you can do to show a birthday person that you have put extra thought into their birthday eg. Spent money, decorated the house, made an extra special cake. Why is singing in particular more narcissistic than any other extra effort

Because, to your own point (or someone else on the thread), there is no extra effort involved in singing the harmony. It just comes out cos you’re so wonderfully, musically minded that it just happens to showcase your natural talent and isn’t anything to do with the other person. Buying someone a nice present for them to enjoy is about them. Singing part of their one birthday song extra loudly and in a way that draws attention to yourself is about you.

I am now devastated that no one has ever sung in harmony when singing happy birthday to me. I have clearly missed out on an amazing treat.

I have to say @ShirleyPhallus I have never had an Irish dancing lesson in my life but when B*Witched comes on with the Irish jig bit in the middle I turn into the next Michael Flatley, 😂

Ok:

1. Icing a cake is 'all about me and my ability to ice cakes'
2. Buying a nice present is 'all about me and my ability to spend money'
3. Buying a card and writing a kind message is 'all about me and my ability to display my nice handwriting'

I don't have much money. I'm not very good at making cakes. When my family have birthdays I put effort in singing enthusiastically to show I care. Why is that bad??

@EvaHoffman when you're putting the extra effort into singing you're taking the focus away from the birthday person and putting it on you. The person who ices the cake and decorates the bites does that before the party- they don't make a huge song and dance about it during.

This has made me howl after a shit day. We don't do this but I absolutely will be going forward to liven up the shittest celebratory song ever.

Tbh, when I make a big-ass themed cake for my kids' birthdays I am totally showing off.

It's ALL about me.

Don't be upset picklemewalnut: you can come to our sing-y birthday parties 🥳

It's sad because my voice is the only thing I have. I'm not a great singer AT ALL but I do know how to sing in harmony.

I don't have much money as I have been looking after my DM with dementia plus kids (one with SN for several years). So I can't buy fab presents.

I've never been much of a cook and my oven broke and couldn't afford to replace it so I can't make a cake.

I thought singing to celebrate an occasion would be a kind of present in the absence of money and other skills.

Your singing really, really isn't a present to others. It just isn't.

This thread is hilarious!!!

Is there anyone out there who doesn't harmonise themselves who likes being harmonised at??

It feels a bit like the difference between people who find the idea of being serenaded hopelessly romantic and those who find it utterly cringeworthy and would want the ground to swallow them up.... definitely no middle ground!!

Oh Eva, those are your children and it is their birthday. Sing how ever you like.

Lady Catherine will never know.

@ShirleyPhallus

This thread is so brilliant. All these people coming on to assure us it isn’t at all attention seeking but is so natural that they can’t even help themselves doing it

Ah give over. I used to do Irish dancing to a pretty high level and yet I manage to walk down the road perfectly easily without finding myself having covered 100m all the while doing a jaunty jig cos it just comes so naturally to me

Crying!

If singing is nothing then why do so many people pay to listen to it?

It's been kind of funny to read some of these responses and important to think about the fact that often what we give is often done in order to draw attention to ourselves. We kid ourselves it's kind but actually it's narcissistic. I do get that now and I won't sing in any way differently from anyone else from now on.

How can we offer something free to someone if we have no money though? Is singing always narcissistic and out of the question?

I'm with the minority on here. Adding harmony to Happy Birthday is about enriching the musical result, especially when as altos we're dropping down below the tune. If it is done badly or too loudly or distinctively to blend in, then yes it's not going to work. Done sensitively it's fine. In a large group I would probably always harmonise at least a bit, but definitely aiming to blend in! In a "start on any note" group I might deliberately veer away to my own key though :) Whatever is right for the context ...!

At home my children tend to prefer it kept simple - but there's only 4 of us so 3 singing for any given birthday. Both might well harmonise if in a larger group - they are far better and more experienced singers than I am.

I can think of one classic example of an inappropriate "harmoniser" though. Our (fairly recent) vicar sings everything up a third - regardless of whether it works and what harmony is in the organ part (if present). We haven't been to her services for some time so I don't know if anyone has yet encouraged her to be more selective about when she does it.

A couple of Christmases in a row when my eldest was a cathedral chorister, one of the boys had a Christmas day birthday. Lunch was BYO but all crammed into a big room together - about 30+ choristers and families. Happy birthday sung on mass with loads of spontaneous harmonies and always some stratospheric descant from some of the older trebles. (twelve days of christmas was also always sung in the most over the top way possible ...)

When I was in youth orchestra we always played Happy Birthday and the usual instruction was "start on any note". It wasn't meant to sound good but was a great fun cacophony. One time we had a family concert on someone's birthday so we played it in the concert - I think that time our conductor did ask us to stick to one key ...

Finally, I agree with those commenting that harmonising can be as natural as breathing. During lockdown my eldest has relaxed a bit more about spontaneous singing, and is regularly producing counter melodies when her brother is practising Bach on the piano. She doesn't always notice that she's doing it (and prefers not to have it pointed out!). It's much healthier than when she's suppressing instinctive musicality in case others don't like it!

@EvaHoffman your narcissism is breath taking!!

Your rendition of happy birthday isn’t a special present ffs 😂😂😂

If singing is nothing then why do so many people pay to listen to it?

People choose to listen to the music they like.

Much the same way I choose to pay to watch professionals act and dance at the theatre. I do not wish to pay for great aunt Edna doing a theatrical reading of Macbeth at my grandma’s 80th birthday.

My mum and her ex partner used to do this!! I found it totally cringeworthy and would not catch my husbands eye for fear of laughing!

I'm pretty sure my DH harmonises to Happy Birthday But then he also plays guitar for it and all the kids think he's super cool (he kinda is 🤩)

I'm not a great singer and don't know how to do harmony, but occasionally I hit it and he's thrilled 🥰

Just because people - or indeed, even if you - get paid to do something doesn't make it an appropriate gift for others. I get paid to give lectures on history but if I decided to give an impromptu fifty minutes on the causes of the Thirty Tears' War at someone's birthday party I wouldn't expect them to thank me for it, or indeed not to hate me for it!

I don't have anything else to give ☹️

I am a family dementia carer and one of my children has SEN. I was working and then on furlough but have recently been made redundant. I can't afford presents and I am not skilled at cake making. DP got his DM to make a cake and we sang to DS for his birthday. I am not a professional singer but as an alto in church I have always been taught to harmonise. I honestly don't think I have ever sung HB 'normally' since primary school.

So, for DS birthday we lit candles on DM cake, promised DS a present when we could afford it and sang as well as we could with all of our hearts.

Yeh. Narcissists all of us. We could all afford to spend more couldn't we?

Only on MN.

Totes hilair dahhling