How did you decide how many children you'd have?

[7seven7]

Particularly if your partner has children from a previous relationship. I have one baby with DP. He has two older children as well. I've been thinking about whether I'd like another child in a few years time. My partner would then have four children which I know isn't unusual but I don't think he is so keen to have four (his decision of course!). I personally think it would be lovely for baby DS to have a sibling closer to his age to play with as I remember all the games I played with my sister. But my pregnancy wasn't easy and I'm getting older so worry about complications. Obviously if DP outrightly said no I'd accept that but I'm just curious as to others decision making processes and (please don't shoot me) whether it was the right decision.

I hoped to have a large family but had DS and then 7 miscarriages and an ectopic then DD and 4 more miscarriages. At that point I decided enough was enough.

Always wanted at least two close in age. Had DS1 with rubbish bloke, split up so didn't get a close sibling for him even though I would have liked to :(

Now have DS2 with DH but the birth was pretty shit so I'm not jumping up and down wanting to have more. Although still have that wistful feeling for two little ones to interact etc. We have fertility issues so have decided to see what happens and if no sibling by about age 3.3/3.9 DH may get snip, unless we change our minds by then.

If we do have DC3 I think probably no more after that as we wouldn't fit in current house, but I can't say for sure. If I have a less awful birth I might consider it

We based ours on space, time and finances. The more children, the less of everything there is to go round and having been that child I didn’t want that for mine.

Exactly this.

Nature. Twins.

How many we could fit in our house. We have 3 bedrooms so we have 2 children. And good job we dont have more because now DH has to work from home the kids have to share at the moment so he can have an office.

mine was no 1 fell pregnant while on the pill
no 2 planned
no 3 fell on the pill again
no number 4because i got sterilised after number 3

When I met dp I had 1 dc and he had 3 ( all late teenagers) and we agreed to have just one child as 5 between us was plenty. My ideal was always 2. We had twins.

We didn't really want children, then had an unplanned pregnancy, so that was child 1. Then we had a second by choice. And both of us agreed that as much as we loved the two we have, we had no desire to have a third. Me because I find pregnancy to be utterly hideous beyond description and post natal hormones nearly made me lose my mind, and him because he didn't want the responsibility of any further children.

Thought we only wanted one. Had one. I decided I wanted more. Dh was still firmly stuck at one. So one it has remained. Mainly because of age, DH feels he's too old, which is his prerogative. It's a shame, as we have space and finances for more.

We didn't. Nature did.
Only have 1 because we haven't been able to have another.

I didn’t choose. Had one and wanted another very quickly. My second son was stillborn and I was told it would be dangerous to have another and I might not survive another pregnancy. I really wanted a daughter but it wasn’t to be.

@VinylDetective

I didn’t choose. Had one and wanted another very quickly. My second son was stillborn and I was told it would be dangerous to have another and I might not survive another pregnancy. I really wanted a daughter but it wasn’t to be.

@torpidcrystals

@VinylDetective

DH is one of 4. I’m an only. We both decided on 2 with a ‘we’ll see’ approach about a 3rd, but we’re just getting on our feet financially after lots of nursery fees, I didn’t have the easiest pregnancies/labours, the first one slept barely ever and I couldn’t cope with another one like that - and I’ve got a wonderful full-time job now where I don’t want to have to break off to have another. So 2 it is!

Had ds, decided that was enough, then once he got past two, thought maybe another would be nice but dp was found to have rather rare and advanced cancer, cue some fairly full on treatment with some scary statistics on survival, plus almost guaranteed infertility. Dp is now ok, five years on, but even if we could have more the age gap is to big now and I wouldn't want to start again. I feel terribly guilty ds is an only child, particularly at the moment when he's not really seeing friends or been at school.

I was broody for my first and I just wanted a second, I can’t explain the feeling I just wanted another.

After that I knew I definitely did not want anymore and got sterilised!!

We only wanted one or two. Our second was born with some health complications that have made even the thought of another pregnancy terrifying. We are definitely done!

I never wanted children but DH hit 40, had an existential crisis and decided he wanted to breed. We compromised on one, which was the right decision as I had a traumatic labour and severe PND. DH had a vasectomy soon after our baby was born.

Limited by the number of hands.

DH and I have a sibling each. DD will be an only child. This wasn’t the plan- DH wanted 2, I wanted 3 or 4. Reasons are:

• I had an awful pregnancy and was very poorly throughout. We feel it would be unfair for DS to miss out on months of decent time with me.
• Had a similarly awful birth- lost a lot of blood, DS ended up in SCBU. DH feels the risks to me are unacceptable.
• Impact on my MH from pregnancy and birth has been significant- I really only just feel totally like myself again, 4 years on. Similarly, physically- the thought of being frail like I was in pregnancy terrifies me.
• Having said all of the above, I think we would feel we were ‘done’ now, even if everything was perfect. I feel very much that DS completes our little family- I don’t feel sad parting with baby things. I am excited by the things we can do as a family that we wouldn’t be able to do with a baby in tow. I’m also conscious that we would struggle financially with another child. DH and I aren’t close to our siblings, so that probably helps in a weird way- neither of us feel that ‘but he’s missing out’ thing, because we haven’t had it either.

My concerns are:

• DS being lonely, which he has been during lockdown. I accept that we will have to have a very ‘open’ home, take his friends on holidays, etc. This doesn’t come naturally to me as an introvert!
• Sharing etc: I hope that nursery and school will help with this. We also encourage play dates. I’m not concerned yet- he’s not great at sharing, but tbh neither is his best mate, who does have a sibling.

As soon as I was pregnant we thought we'd just want one.

The doctor trying to induce labour joked I'd be back in a year .... whilst doing my 7th sweep!

He was wrong, we are still 100% one and done. She's been a dream and we're scared we wouldn't get so lucky second time round. Plus I wasn't a huge fan of the newborn stage.

Our house is just the right size, especially with lock down. She's got a pretty active social life/nursery and the lazy part of me doesn't want to add more work and stress to our lives if we don't particularly crave it.

Some families thrive on the bustle of a busy house, ours is content with the (relative) calm.

^ I have a DS. DD is a typo.

I definitely wanted to have a sibling for DS1 but I didn't think much beyond this. Now I have 2 I cannot imagine coping with 3.
I want my career to expand and more time to myself too.

I also had constant nausea in my pregnancies. Yep, 2 is plenty!