Anyone else lonely and want to chat?

[Ijustneed]

Feeling pretty lonely at the moment. I suffer with anxiety, so struggle to get out and make friends at the best of times, but lockdown has made it even more difficult.

I moved to the area late last year. Dd19 was home during lockdown, but has since returned to shared uni accommodation. I'm alone with my cats. Recently ended a relationship. The only person I see is my mum once a week. I don't work at the moment, although I hope to change that soon.

Anyone fancy chatting here? Anyone in a similar situation? It would be nice to have someone to talk to.

Hi I’m not in a similar situation but I just wanted to say hi.
I feel you pain as I don’t have hardly any friends as mine moved away and we lost contact.
Feel free to inbox me on here if you fancy a chat. I’m easy to talk too lol

Hi OP, I'm not lonely as such because I'm a solitary person really, but I'm awake and always like a chat, so hello!

I love cats. How many do you have, and how old are they?

Hi @DemDem94 and @CarrieMoonbeams. Thanks for replying. I will try and sleep in a minute, but just wanted to reply quickly.

I've two cats, both currently on the bed with me.

I'm generally quite happy alone most of the time, but recently I've been feeling my life is going nowhere. I need to get to grips eighth the anxiety and start working again, meet some people.

What do you do with your time? I tend to read a lot or watch comedy on catch up.

Forgot to say, the cats are 11 and 8, I've had both since they were kittens.

Sorry you're so lonely, things can be really rubbish. When children leave it is devastating, even if you prepare. You must be feeling rotten, especially only seeing your mum once a week.

There are loads of good free book websites around and bbc iplayer is good at the moment. I am very lonely too, after having children my marriage has deteriorated and I feel like the prototype for Germaine Greer's Female Eunuch. I am always alone and unable to negotiate with my husband. I can't say why as it is identifying and the sort of issues that are involved are hugely complex. I am sad too.

However, within the small window that I do have, I am trying to build up my own resources as a human being. I will not be completely dependent on circumstances for my psychological outlook, I feel like I can choose what to make a part of my feelings, thoughts and behaviours. Feminism us a great thing. You sound like a good mother and daughter, time to build yourself up now.

Thanks @PulyaSochsup. Sorry you're having such difficulties. I hope things get easier soon. If you want to message me instead of posting here, feel free.

I'm trying to be a good daughter, I lived a long way from my mum for a few years and I'm trying to make up for that now. I enjoy visiting her, although find driving very difficult most of the time.

I download a lot of free books and an reading my way through everything on my kindle. I try to walk a bit nearly every day, even if I only manage 10 minutes.

I've no idea how to progress though. I can't make friends without going out and all local groups aren't meeting at the moment due to the situation. I wish I'd tried harder before all this happened. I've never had many friends because I've moved around a lot all my life, so can't even email friends really.

I mainly just spend my time sweating OP, I swear I could heat half of the street with my hot flushes (also the reason why I'm still awake!) 🤣

In my cooler moments though, I love reading too. I used to read a lot of murder stories but found that I read so many of them that I started to guess whodunit all the time. I've started to read some of the classics now and I'm really enjoying them. What kind of stuff do you read?

I like Wordsearch puzzles and sudoku too, and I really love cooking. And eating!

I have a lovely DH and we live a quiet life, just pottering around, doing a bit of gardening, looking after our pets (dogs and a cat) and having little chats to the neighbours.

Cats are such lovely pets, how nice that you've had yours since they were kittens. Ours is a rescue so we don't know how old she is. We had a guess at it with our vet, and decided that the cat's birthday is on Christmas Day so we have an extra celebration for her then!

Christ, no wonder I have no friends, I've probably talked them all to death! 🤣

Sleep well OP, say hello to your cats from me.

Hi OP just wondering how you’re dealing with your anxiety, I ruined a lovely day out with my family because my anxiety levels are through the roof at the moment😥

Hi op. Yes I am terribly lonely sometimes, though I hate to admit it in RL. Chat to old friends on zoom has ground to a virtual halt and that was keeping me going in lockdown. Nobody local I would call a good friend and have nobody to just chat to. I spend most of my spare time playing computer games

Similar situation. mum to young DC so no one to talk to. Left STBEXH and living with family temporarily but it is hard as they clearly have their own lives and working etc., talking to friends on the phone. I really don't have many friends as exDH isolated me from everyone. I realised I was pretty lonely talking to family member and waiting on their reply in silence for ages while they were texting so feel really like I'm a bother. Can't talk to DC as way too young
Need some adult conversation sometimes

I fell asleep, but dcat just woke me up, asking to be fed! He wakes me earlier every day!

Carrie (love your name btw), I remember the sweating , it's awful. I did start with hrt eventually, because I just couldn't cope, I wasn't sleeping either.

I read mostly fiction, all sorts really, currently reading Katie Fforde, quite light and entertaining, easy to read. I like puzzles like Word searches and sudoku too, but these days spend way too much time on my phone, I'm sure it's addictive. I have to force myself to put it down, but I'm working at it.

@Poppet1974 I don't really"deal" with my anxiety. I'm not taking medication because I can't cope with the side effects. I take propranolol if it's really bad. I hate lying awake at night worrying about the next day and what I've got to do, I'm always cancelling appointments because I can't face it, mainly because of driving or getting there.

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity and @genteelwoman, sorry you're both in a similar situation. It's so hard isn't it? I've barely got any old friends left to email, it always seemed to be me emailing/ messaging them and I gave up in the end. If they wanted to stay in touch, they'd have emailed, surely? My dc are all grown up, and moved away, my eldest does video call often, but they're all busy and not able to visit. I miss them and wish they could pop round but one is abroad and can't travel at present, the others don't drive. I miss my old life, when I could still go out, to the pub with friends or dog walking with a friend

I'm sorry OP. My parents are abroad so I video call weekly or a bit more if I have time. Yes I remember letting go of a few friendships because I was the only one making an effort.

You are right tthey would email if they wanted to.

I do love a good read and hoping once I move into my own place and get DC back into a 4proper routine I can rediscover some of my hobbies and get back into doing the things that make me happy like crafting, reading actual books and not hiding ebooks on phone because XH didn't like it.

Am excited at the prospect and future possibilities, but it seems scary sometimes as he did ruin a lot of my confidence. Just have to keep telling myself to be kind to myself

to everyone who's reading this thread and feeling the same.

Hi OP! I don't feel lonely at the moment but have no friends nor family beyond my partner and baby. I love animals and have a black cat :) I'm currently stuck at home working as I WFH and haven't finidy my workload!

Hi, thanks for all the replies. I'm so sick of myself, I'm just wasting my time on my phone. I've no motivation today. This is what I do a lot of the time I need to get a grip.

I'm feeling sad and anxious. I've no one to help if something goes wrong. I'm pretty capable most of the time, but it would be nice to know I could ask someone for help. Little things like maintaining the car for example.

@Fressia123

Hi OP! I don't feel lonely at the moment but have no friends nor family beyond my partner and baby. I love animals and have a black cat :) I'm currently stuck at home working as I WFH and haven't finidy my workload!

I have a black cat too! I love them so much, they're beautiful.

That's awful @genteelwoman. I used to get that from my exh about music, I could only listen to stuff he didn't like when he was out. Not great.

Hi OP (and everyone else here!), ahh, I sympathise with being woken up by a "starving" cat - we had one years ago who must have been a cockerel in a previous life, he woke us up earlier and earlier every day in the summer!

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit low today. I know what you mean about wasting time on the phone, it's too easy isn't it? How about setting yourself a time limit? So say, right, I'll put the phone in the drawer at 3pm, then go and have a cuppa and then get a book to read? I find that an actual book is so much nicer than on a kindle etc, and you can get them very cheaply on Amazon and eBay until the libraries are back to normal. Or go to the shop if you have one nearby, a Sunday Times can keep me occupied for ages (other papers are available!). I know that if I've spent ages looking at stuff on my phone it makes me feel a bit like I've been eating junk food - does that make sense? A bit kind of scrappy and restless, but I don't feel like that if I've read a book or a paper.

If you don't mind, can I also share something that helped me a bit in the past? I was really low at the time (childhood trauma stuff that had come to the fore for a particular reason) and I decided to treat myself as though I was talking to a friend.

Sounds mad eh?! 😂 But basically when I was feeling tearful (and couldn't burden DH with it as he was really unwell at the time), I'd do what I would do for a friend. So I'd pick some flowers from the garden and put them in a vase where I kept catching sight of them all day; or I'd buy myself a bar of chocolate from the shop; plan a dream holiday (not one that I'd ever be able to afford irl!); make my favourite meal for tea, or even just "allow" myself to have a little cry. We wouldn't be annoyed with a friend for feeling down, would we, so why can't we extend that same kindness to ourselves?

Big hug to you OP, hope you're able to get out for a wee walk today, it's a good "drying day" here so I've just hung out a washing and am going to settle down with my cat and my book.

PS - my username comes from my grandpa, he died when I was very young and although I don't have many memories of him, I remember him singing that to me. (it's not too outing but my name is actually Carrie, although only a handful of people know that as I actually go by my middle name and have done since I was about 11).

Thank you Carrie. That makes sense, I'll try being nicer to myself. I just feel really lonely today. I do need to put my phone down, but keep picking it up again because my son's messaging with a minor flea related crisis!

I don't know the song, is it a song or something he used to call you? It's a lovely memory

Well you've made me smile today anyway @Ijustneed, your poor son with his flea related crisis! Hope he's flea-free soon 😂

If you want to have a little smile yourself, go to YouTube and play "Swinging on a star" by Frank Sinatra. It starts with

"Would you like to swing on a star,
carry moonbeams home in a jar,
and be better off than you are,
or would you rather be a..." and the alternate verses are about a mule, a pig and a fish. It doesn't really stand the test of time I suppose, but that's where my username comes from.

Oh and by the way, I had a hot chocolate earlier, that's another one of my happy things.

Have you been able to go out for some fresh air yet? And are you planning on watching anything good on telly tonight? I love Antiques Roadshow, I'm always trying to guess how much things are worth!

I'm glad I made you smile .. just to clarify, it's not my son who's flea infested, it's his cat!

Ah, of course I know that song, it's beautiful.

I've not been for a walk, I'm contemplating it. I have been in the garden to water the plants and I've emptied my car, ready for when I sell it.

I can't drink hot chocolate, it makes me feel sick, but I've just made a milkshake with lactose free milk. I'm going to read a bit. I'll watch TV later, not sure what to watch though .. I don't have a tv licence so only watch catch up.

Hi Op sorry to hear you are feeling down. I think the last 5 months/ lockdown has increased anxiety for lots of people, myself included so I fully understand it 's tough for you on top of your existing anxiety. I am soon to have my Dd going off to uni which I am dreading , for one things is like my best mate and I will miss her so much! You mentioned several times about overuse of your phone not helping and I would certainly agree with that and I have heard this from other sources, they are too addictive and not always great for your mental wellbeing. Perhaps try spending more time on other hobbies or perhaps try a new hobby, there are lots out there. I know actual clubs are difficult for you at the moment for various reasons but I wondered if a book club or something like that might be something you could try? I was interested that you mentioned reading Kate Fforde I have not read her yet but do read Cathy Bramley and Jenny Colgan which may be similar? If you don t mind could tell me a bit about Kate ' s stories please? Apologies for any typos as my tablet is not great for typing on!

Hi, sorry to hear you're feeling lonely. I can feel like that too sometimes and I'm married with DD at home. DD is going to Uni in Sept, it's all she talks about and I'm dreading her going. I'll miss her so much. But I know I have to put on a smile for her. I try to cheer myself up with books that I can lose myself in or my favourite music. I also try not to think too far ahead. I tell myself "just get through today." I enjoy taking our dog for walks, he makes me smile. He's a 10 year old lurcher and daft as a brush. I also love Jenny Colgan books, she's one of my favourites.

Hi @shadypines, thanks for replying. I don't feel I'm able to join a book club, I enjoy the books, but wouldn't know what to say about them really. My memory is terrible these days - due to menopause I think- and I can't remember much about them once I've read them.

I like Jenny Colgan's books too, I've read a few. I've not read Cathy Bramleys books, I'll have a look for some.

Katie Fforde is a similar style. There's one I really love, about a woman who lives on a barge, I think it might be The Rose Revived, but I'm not sure. I sadly no longer have it. I've moved house a lot and took lots of books to the charity shop, now most of my books are on my kindle.

I'd love a hobby I could really get into, but I lack motivation and I don't like doing things I'm not good at, I get frustrated with myself. I've a blanket I'm crocheting on the go, but it's too hot at the moment. I've done a bit of drawing, knitting, colouring, puzzles, jigsaws, but I've no table to put them on now and can't afford one, nor have I space for one. No space for anything really. I've only a tiny desk, completely taken up by my printer.

I miss dd so much too. She's easy to be around, we'd often just sit listening to music and chatting.

Maybe look on the local boards and see if there are any local groups or meet ups?