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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Anyone else lonely and want to chat?

110 replies

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 00:51

Feeling pretty lonely at the moment. I suffer with anxiety, so struggle to get out and make friends at the best of times, but lockdown has made it even more difficult.

I moved to the area late last year. Dd19 was home during lockdown, but has since returned to shared uni accommodation. I'm alone with my cats. Recently ended a relationship. The only person I see is my mum once a week. I don't work at the moment, although I hope to change that soon.

Anyone fancy chatting here? Anyone in a similar situation? It would be nice to have someone to talk to.

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Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 17:08

I don't think there are any meet ups at the moment? I live in a small town too, so might not be any, but I'll have a look.

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SerenityNowwwww · 09/08/2020 17:10

Maybe virtual ones!

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 17:12

True!

I've just searched, but the last posts were in 2012!

I've joined a group on fb but they're not meeting up yet.

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SerenityNowwwww · 09/08/2020 17:27

Maybe you need to try to set up a local MN group!

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 18:10

I've dug out my puzzle books, my colouring stuff, my sketching pad ... I'm going to have dinner now and watch TV .. nearly got through another day then! But tomorrow I'll do something different. No walk today, but tomorrow I'll go out, at least briefly!

How's everyone's Sunday been?

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SerenityNowwwww · 09/08/2020 18:14

I’ve pulled the muscles in my back so am flat out on the floor. Been better...

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 18:15

Oh no Sad Do you know how it happened? Hope it improves s. Have you tried a heat pad, painkillers?

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SerenityNowwwww · 09/08/2020 18:22

No idea! It’s a bit dodgy so every so and often ‘goes’. Luckily it’s not a slipped disk (boy does that hurt) and just feels like the muscles have gone into spasm. I must’ve bent and twisted to pick something up but I don’t remember doing that at all.

Chels182 · 09/08/2020 18:27

I feel lonely too OP - but feel like I shouldn’t.. I live with my bf, 3 cats and our dog but I live in England and my family are in Northern Ireland, lived here 5 years now. I have one close friend from uni, people I work with however distanced myself from one as she was extremely toxic.

My bf has a huge family but he doesn’t really get involved with them or I don’t feel like I could ring them up or anything. He’s a talker and a bit old fashioned so instead of texting he calls and he talks to his friends near enough everyday, meets up with them for bike rides and records music with them etc (that’s his job).

I just feel like I have no one for things like that? My friend has just got a full time job teaching in Sept, so she is super busy atm. I just miss being able to go to go see my nan, or my siblings - we would go out for dinner together nearly every Sunday! My best friends are also back home!

Now I could easily become a hermit, of course I can text my family and friends but it’s not the same and everyone has their own lives. If I was home right now I’d pop to my parents for sunday dinner.

We have a plan to move to N.I but I feel like it might not happen and I don’t know what I’d do then. I guess I’m homesick and it’s making me feel horribly lonely. Plus I have anxiety too and I am an introvert but I feel moving here has made me worse! I used to be so outgoing, If that even makes any sense.

mrswhiplington · 09/08/2020 18:38

I've spent half the day trying to stop a leak under the bathroom sink with DH. Seems to be ok for now. Sat in the garden enjoying the sunshine and the birds, not too hot here. Just been for a walk with barmy lurcher to DH's allotment across the fields. I always feel calmer when I'm outside. Keep taking pictures of the flowers to remember the summer by. I use them to change the background picture on my phone. They cheer me up.Smile

SerenityNowwwww · 09/08/2020 18:42

Hope the leaks ok. We had a doozy under the kitchen sink and it turned out that there was a join in the pipes where metric met imperial... a fit of duct tape around the narrower pipe fixed that.

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 18:47

@chels182 that must be difficult, being separated from your family. I have barely any family, I'm an only child, my mum is too, grandparents are dead, my dad died 5 years ago. I've a cousin but I've no contact with her, as she criticises me all the time and makes me feel worthless. I do visit my mum once a week, but it's just the two of us.

@mrswhiplington I love my garden, I often take photos of the flowers. I've not lived here long, it's my first summer here, so it's been lovely seeing all the plants start to flower. I've also grown some tomatoes, lettuce and green beans, which felt like an achievement.

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Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 18:50

I miss having a dog, but couldn't at the moment as I can't afford another pet and wouldn't trust myself to walk it every day. I joined a website where you offer to walk dogs for other people, but couldn't leave the house a lot of the time and was letting people down Sad

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mrswhiplington · 09/08/2020 18:58

Do you have a bird bath in your garden? I love watching the sparrows drinking and splashing around. The wood pigeons plonk themselves in it sometimes and just sit there, cooling down. It's hard to find a bit of joy in the day sometimes and even just the little things help. Well done for growing some food, we get quite a bit off the allotment, tons of blackberries at the moment. Really look forward to the autumn when the apples and pears are ready. My favourite season.

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 19:08

I'd love a bird bath, but haven't got one because of the cats. One of them catches birds sometimes, I don't trust him. I'd love to watch them too but tbh I wouldn't be able to see them very easily from the window.

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mrswhiplington · 09/08/2020 19:17

Oh! I forgot you had cats. Yes, that would be a problem.Sad Try and get out for a walk tomorrow if you can. I don't always feel like it but am always glad I did afterwards. Pop to a local shop and get yourself a treat. Chocolate or wine always do it for me.Smile

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 19:28

Yes, that's what I was planning on doing today, but it didn't happen. Tomorrow ...

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Foolsand · 09/08/2020 20:54

Hello OP,

OP, I think you sound depressed because you cannot focus on new hobbies. I really hope you can manage some walks as the change of scenery is good for you brain and nature is a gift to us all.

I think a lot of us solitary/lonely people are quite invisible to the world.

People move cities, divorce, lose family members or have families that they don't want contact with, and end up alone. That's my situation.

I have got so used to being alone I actually went on holiday overseas last year. I did love my holiday and it was worth it to brazen it out as a solitary diner at expensive restaurants. I decided I can't wait to have someone in my life to go with or I may never go. I was hoping to go away again this summer, but, well, you know...

And although I feel I have become a very strong person something happened the other day that was upsetting.

I was booking an elective surgery and forgot I would need someone to pick me up after!! The surgery coordinator said who is going to wait for you and take you home? I hadn't thought about it. I said I was planning to take an Uber. She actually laughed. I think she thought I was joking. I lied and said my son will be there but I don't think he will be able to take time off work as it's a new job.

I don't actually have even one person I could ask to do this. Before lock down I started going to a couple group things because I know logically I need to expand my horizons, but then they shut down.

I am not sure what to do about the surgery. I might just tell them on Monday that I don't have anyone. I don't think this ever happens to them because the coordinator did laugh at first, so it would seem no one else ever said that before? Hmm Confused

I think I will call them tomorrow and just brazen it out and see if they have any suggestions or not. I am getting sick of places that require you to have someone else, frankly.

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 21:12

Oh no @Foolsand that's very difficult. I'd be in the same position, I don't know anyone who could collect me, I'd have to take a taxi. I don't know what the solution is .. do they offer patient transport?

Yes I think I am depressed, but I've tried antidepressants and the side effects made me feel awful. I'd rather struggle on and hopefully become stronger on my own. I know they work for many people, but I have health anxiety as well and feeling ill just made things worse.

I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship again. I've no interest in sex since my hormones plummeted and I don't want to adapt to having someone else in my house Blush .. it would just be easier if I had some friends.

I do try to walk every day or as vlose as, today just wasn't a good day. I've arranged to meet someone from a fb make friends group tomorrow for coffee at an outside cafe. It's a step in the right direction but I feel incredibly nervous. I can't cancel because no one else is going so that'll make me go. I'll post afterwards to let you all know how it went!

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Foolsand · 09/08/2020 21:23

Oh good ijustneed I am happy to hear you have a coffee meet up. Smile I hope you really enjoy it.

I understand what you mean about the antidepressants. I have had them in the past myself and they either knocked me out by 7pm or going off them made me very very ill. I tried CBD oil as an alternative and found it didn't much of anything.

shadypines · 09/08/2020 21:30

@Ijustneed I totally understand re the books and memory, I am the same at the moment...those damn hormones!! No worries, and thank you at least you have given me a push to look into Kate Fford.

You sound lovely btw and I'm glad you get to see your mum each week, and oh I understand this bit...
miss dd so much too. She's easy to be around, we'd often just sit listening to music and chatting. as my Dd will chat to me for hours. How often do you speak on the phone? Does she come home each holiday?
You write very well, have you ever considered this as a hobby? And perhaps even some calligrapy, it's nice to hear you are trying your sketching etc and I am jealous you can crochet. I tried my hand at this back in Feb and then the whole virus thing kicked off, DS was ill and I just stopped (and I was just getting going).
I usually feel a bit better after a walk but often don't motivate myself to go out. I hope you enjoy your cafe meet up tomorrow, good for you.
Also, some Flowers for you.

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 21:43

Thanks @shadypines and @foolsand.

I'd love to write a book, but I've no idea where to start really. I've a few ideas, but I don't think they will stretch to a full book. I'm a perfectionist and get frustrated if it doesn't go to plan.

Even if the coffee meet up isn't great, it'll involve sitting in the sea front, so that's something. And a 15 min walk to get there, se, so walking as well! Ticking all the boxes!

I don't crochet particularly well, my grandma taught me a long time ago and I had to look it all up as I couldn't remember much.

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Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 21:45

I talk to my youngest a couple of times a week, with my eldest about once a week and my son messages frequently but isn't one for phone calls really. Youngest dd comes home in the holidays Smile

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Foolsand · 09/08/2020 22:38

Sitting on the sea front how wonderful! Can you go swimming there?

Ijustneed · 09/08/2020 22:54

I could go swimming, but it's very full with tourists, so I mainly stay away from the beach during the day.

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