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ADs against the ‘’ current abnormal ‘ and ‘ antisocial distancing ‘...Gather here 👍

989 replies

Dowser · 08/08/2020 09:34

New thread
Hello Girls..it’s me again.

Hope your all out and about enjoying this glorious Saturday.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
HeIenaDove · 10/08/2020 18:19

This young woman has waived her anonymity to talk about this after receiving no response from her MP.

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/aug/10/survivors-say-they-are-being-stigmatised-for-not-wearing-masks

Rape survivors say they are being stigmatised for not wearing masks
Campaigners say survivors are being castigated despite fact that covering face can trigger flashbacks and panic attacks

When Georgina Fallows even contemplates putting on a mask, the flashbacks to her rape can be overwhelming and debilitating. She is not alone.

Rape survivors are among those voicing deep concerns about the stigma and ensuing “mask rage” attached to not wearing a face covering in shops, on transport and in other public places, prompting calls for better recognition of legitimate reasons why people are exempt.

A number of rape and sexual abuse survivors have told the charity Rape Crisis they are so scared of being confronted and verbally abused for not wearing face masks that they are avoiding places where they may be challenged.

“A significant proportion of rape survivors had their mouths or noses covered, or were choked or smothered, as part of the abuse and violence they experienced,” said Kate Russell, the national spokesperson for Rape Crisis England and Wales. “Covering their face and nose now can trigger flashbacks, panic attacks and severe anxiety.”

Severe distress is recognised by the government as a reason for a legal exemption from the mandatory use of face coverings. But rape victims still fear they will be castigated.

Russell said: “There’s a lot of assumptions that people who aren’t wearing face masks are behaving that way because they’re selfish, stupid, careless or a combination of all three. This lack of awareness is creating legitimate anxiety among rape survivors that if they go out and about they might not be met with empathy and care.”

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Fallows, a 29-year-old solicitor, suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and cannot bear to have her mouth covered, years after her experience of rape.

“For part of my rape, he had his hand over my mouth. As a result, anything over my mouth – even an oxygen mask – can trigger a flashback. And that is hugely distressing. Physically, it feels like I’m back there again and he’s raping me and I am dying,” she said.

The distress she suffers amid flashbacks can be so severe that paramedics have felt it necessary to call the police to hold her down so they can sedate her. “It’s absolutely horrendous. I would like to be able to wear a mask, not just for my own health, but because I don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. But even the thought of putting on a mask makes me very, very, very panicky.”

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When she tried to get her hair cut after lockdown, another customer interrogated her about her lack of a mask, refusing to accept Fallows’ reply that she was exempt.

“She told me that was ridiculous and said I had no proof. I cried all the way home. She truly believed that I was a self-centred, ignorant girl who didn’t give a shit about anybody else. I felt completely worthless.”

Since then, whenever she has tried to go to an enclosed public space without a mask, she has been challenged. She is now avoiding all shops and public transport which, since she has no car, is severely restricting where she can go. “I can’t see my family, who live two hours away. If I want to go anywhere, I have to walk.”

She fears this could leave her vulnerable to another attack – she was dragged off the street by her rapist – and so spends a lot of time alone in her bedroom. “I’ve tried so hard to rejoin life again, as it were. But it feels like it has all been taken away again

She contacted her MP, local councillor and mayor to urge them to mount a public awareness campaign about the legitimate reasons for mask exemptions, but received no response.

She has waived her right to anonymity to raise awareness. “People feel like they have the right to challenge you, and that is awful. You wouldn’t look at me and know I’d been raped, but I was, and it’s a huge problem for me. I spend most of my time trying to forget what happened to me. I don’t need to be challenged about this three or four times a day, just trying to live my life. All it does is remind me of something I’m desperately trying to forget.”

Rape Crisis wants shops and public transport companies to display signs and remind customers there are legitimate reasons people may not be wearing masks, which may not always be visible or obvious, and discourage customers from challenging each other.

The Oxfordshire Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Centre has compiled a list of ways in which some survivors of sexual violence have found it possible to wear face coverings.

“The list offers support and advice for survivors around face coverings and how they can perhaps make the experience of wearing a face covering less traumatic,” said Russell. She urged any survivor who is distressed or concerned about wearing a face mask to get in touch with Rape Crisis nationally or a local service.

WouldBeGood · 10/08/2020 18:20

Aubergines still slowed though.

PinkFondantFancy · 10/08/2020 18:28

Ha to medical style masks. I always think I look like a try hard attempting to get a bit part in holby city if I go for them 😁 I can't stand either the environmental impact or the sweaty face they cause so I go for fabric when I really need one.

Where's my thunderstorm then? I am absolutely desperate!!!

PinkFondantFancy · 10/08/2020 18:28

Yeah I heard side salads are a massive virus risk too snort

PinkFondantFancy · 10/08/2020 18:30

@helena that's so sad, and not as uncommon as you'd hope. I don't have any trauma but I do find the mask thing very unsettling. Like a permanent reminder of weirdness. I have an urge to rip down the "stay 2m apart" signs that are all over the lampposts too

BakewellTarts · 10/08/2020 18:37

@Taswama

Hello everyone, can I join? I opened this thread this morning to find out what anti depressants had to do with social distancing and have been reading all day while working from home. You sound like a lovely bunch. We went out for a meal on Saturday evening and I asked if it was possible to get a side salad. The barmaid said - is it on the menu? I said there was a Waldorf salad so perhaps we could have that? She said that we didn't want that and she'd check with the kitchen. They said no problem and to put it through the till. It turned put that it had been removed from the menu when they reopened as government advice was to offer a reduced menu, but she couldn't explain to me how that was supposed to help reduce the spread! They were just following government advice.
Welcome I think you'll fit right in Grin. So now a great excuse not to eat salads! More bonkers guidance.
forgetthehousework · 10/08/2020 18:42

(Wails) but I've just had salad for my tea .....

BakewellTarts · 10/08/2020 18:45

@pearlypidge

I have fabric masks for our family because I hate the waste of the disposables, but they are the cheapest plainest ones I could find, and they definitely don't coordinate with my clothes!

I did sew a couple myself at home, but I don't have a sewing machine and they took forever, so sod that, life's too short.

We have fabric masks too. DH black so looks super scary. The girls and mine have pretty flowers on them. They don't coordinate with anything but clashing patterns are a thing in our house.
CruCru · 10/08/2020 18:45

Hi Taswama!

TheOrchidKiller · 10/08/2020 18:45

I don't object to anyone not wearing a mask, or wearing one, or wearing a snorkel & flippers if you want.

I don't object to protests. I think I would feel disturbed by a protest as described in that Mail article, I find that rather intimidating, & I do question the measures & guidelines, in my own way.

I didn't openly object to the shopper in Sainsbury's wearing the serial killer style gloves. She had her reasons, it was none of my business. The sight of them did spark a weird thought of, "I know it can be transmitted on hard surfaces, but I just can't believe it's on these kiwis I'm picking up with my bare hands."

And, "How come something so tiny has had such a massive, horrendous impact?" I don't deny it exists, but I can't believe it's happening, & yet I know it is. Is this weird?

I looked at the ONS map of cases the other day, & as I suspected, the few cases near me are in one care home. Worrying as that is for that care home, every week in winter we get updates at work on outbreaks of norovirus & c-diff or flu in care homes. Sometimes the homes go into a mini-lockdown until the cases have gone. So nothing new there. I won't be able to say that at work, though.

I don't know why this virus has screwed up life to this extent, & I want to scream.

DM has now ventured into a shop for the first time. I got a blow-by-blow account of how they wiped everything down, etc. I suppose it's all new & still scary for her.

The bad news is that she has started getting supplies in, just in case the shops run out in the autumn. JESUS!

TheOrchidKiller · 10/08/2020 18:57

Another thing whilst I'm off on one.

Why the announcements in shops etc, "Our priority is to keep you safe." Well, that's good. But I'm pretty sure from my limited knowledge of the Health & Safety at Work Act (from a past life ticking boxes) that these shops had a responsibilty to keep us safe anyway, at least from slips, trips & falls. What's the difference now?

I've also seen posters outside Greene King pubs declaring that "We are a Pub Safe Pub". What the feck does that mean?! Is it a pub that's safe from pubs? I'm sure the well-dodgy one in town is still a magnet for fights on Friday night, irrespective of track & trace or hand gel on the door.

Anyway, I'm off to risk getting listeria from a bag of lettuce. I have neither washed the inside or outside of the bag. I know how to live.

BakewellTarts · 10/08/2020 19:07

Frustrating day dealing with the NCS (National Covid Service) today. Obviously off on a bad start as trying to get help for something non covid related. Finally got to speak to our GP but they are not taking this seriously as DD1 is still within the "normal" BMI / weight range (at the lower end). The point is her behaviour is worrying has changed and she has lost weight. I would really like to deal with this before it becomes an issue. All I want is a referal letter then I can access help through my companies private medical (yes I am fortunate to have this option). Exploring options via school but also independent counsellors.

ISaySteadyOn · 10/08/2020 19:10

@HelenaDove, that poor girl.

@Taswama, welcome to one of the most supportive threads on MN.

ButterMeCrumpets · 10/08/2020 19:12

I have had salad two days on the trot. Better quarantine myself Grin

MagdaS · 10/08/2020 19:24

No wonder I’m a plague carrier. My holiday diet is beer and salad.

Back to WFFH (the second F entirely deliberate there) after a week off. Totally depressing, and absolutely no end in sight to spending the majority of my time at home rather than in the office.

Also, I managed to shrink my fabric mask on a 60 degree wash so that if I speak in it it slips off my nose as the movement of my jaw pulls it downwards. Useless.

Apparently DH’s pants on head mask is generating comments wherever he goes - but being a 6 foot stocky white bloke, obviously all positive. 🙄 I am still too ashamed to be seen with him so I have not witnessed this.

justasking111 · 10/08/2020 19:45

Such a sad story today friends mum fell and broke her hip the normal cottage type hospital you go to afterwards was covid ridden, the other local nursing homes would not take her because they were afraid she would bring covid in. She is now 40 odd miles away from her husband and family. Covid free they discovered. Heartbreaking Sad

cocopops · 10/08/2020 19:51

Had a day trip to St Andrews today. What a trial. Anti social distancing banners everywhere. A family with a child around 8yrs almost jumped in the air to avoid us at a pedestrian crossing. Once across, the Kid stopped to take a photo of a church and we stopped behind her to patiently wait till she was finished as we wanted to look at it too. The father hurried the child away, muttering about people not being able to keep their distance.

FFS- was next to her for 1 min max- in the open air!! . Utter madness. Then had lunch at an outdoor cafe - at a table far away from everyone else but had to go inside to pay and as a result had to give personal details for track n trace. Utter craziness.

After all that, my DD decided St Andrews University was not the place for her - that’s the reason we were there in the first place.

Don’t know if I killed any grannies today but it fairy increased my blood pressure!

justasking111 · 10/08/2020 19:52

@BakewellTarts

Frustrating day dealing with the NCS (National Covid Service) today. Obviously off on a bad start as trying to get help for something non covid related. Finally got to speak to our GP but they are not taking this seriously as DD1 is still within the "normal" BMI / weight range (at the lower end). The point is her behaviour is worrying has changed and she has lost weight. I would really like to deal with this before it becomes an issue. All I want is a referal letter then I can access help through my companies private medical (yes I am fortunate to have this option). Exploring options via school but also independent counsellors.
Had a couple of friends who have gone all dementorish exercise wise, one spent a fortune on the clothes and has turned into a miss universe, omg the muscles on her, she is thrilled. The other one is running to the moon and back bought a hot tub for her aching muscles. I think it is a coping mechanism. Another friend who was buliemic for years runs a lot does marathons she said it keeps her head straight.
BakewellTarts · 10/08/2020 19:55

@justasking111 I think so too. This is something she can control when the rest of her life feels like a mess which she can't influence or change. I am so sad she feels this way.

BakewellTarts · 10/08/2020 19:57

@justasking111 sorry for your friends mum she must be very shaken up and will need her family.

Taswama · 10/08/2020 20:21

Thanks for the lovely welcome everyone!

DobbyTheHouseElk · 10/08/2020 20:32

I had a strange experience today. Took my car for a service at the dealership. I had to be “called in” as I waited outside. They took my keys and wiped them. Then I had to sign a form which meant touching the grubby pen and step into the silly yellow box.

They were all standing next to each other and touching, zero distancing going on. The whole thing was a total farce. There I was like some quarantined animal with a muzzle and they were happy in 2019 style working.

TheOrchidKiller · 10/08/2020 20:55

@BakewellTarts have you googled CAMHS in your area? I know it varies, & some places won't take self-referrals, but it might be worth a try.

Don't envy you. It was hard enough getting help in non-covid times.

BakewellTarts · 10/08/2020 20:58

[quote TheOrchidKiller]@BakewellTarts have you googled CAMHS in your area? I know it varies, & some places won't take self-referrals, but it might be worth a try.

Don't envy you. It was hard enough getting help in non-covid times.[/quote]
I haven't yet but will try that.

WouldBeGood · 10/08/2020 21:01

@BakewellTarts from experience CAMHMS won’t be the answer. Look up counsellors and check their specialities. Most will give a first meeting to see if they’re a fit and are working online or on the telephone just now. It’s expensive but worth it