Neighbour screamed "call the police" and I did nothing

[cobrapose]

I'm staying with my mum for a few days and my mum's neighbours son came home screaming, shouting and name calling his mother. I heard things being thrown and then she shouted "call the police". I was calling 999 then my mother asked me to stop. She told me not to get involved. I've just argued with her about ignoring this situation as her neighbour could end up dead one day.

I want to send a note in her letter box to tell her to call womens aid because her son is abusive.

I feel so awful for doing nothing.

They've stopped arguing now, but I feel like I should still do something to help.

I'm actually in shock. My neigbours don't do this.

@RaisinGhost I guess that I read it wrong. I read it as victim blaming. Thank you for correcting me.

MN is a strange place. Op is being berated here, even though she clearly said she did call the police, after a delay. I'm not sure what the benefit is of continuing to tell off the op is, given that she has remedied her initial error.

Other posters, including myself, have been told off for calling the police too regularly, on occasions that include public DV.

@Borderstotheleftofme

I’m with your mum. If they think it was you or your mum that called you may well get a whole heap of aggression at your door too now. You should have kept out.

@Borderstotheleftofme Wow. You know you actually wrote that down so other people know you think that?!

Wow. You know you actually wrote that down so other people know you think that?!
No shit

The longer I use mumsnet the more I realise it doesn’t reflect ‘real life’ for most people.

Whether it’s ‘right’ or not or whether you like it or not the reality is most people will not intervene because they will be scared of repercussion.

If you’ve seen firsthand abuse victims angrily go after people who reported, shut down police investigations, defend the abuser, retract statements etc (as I have) and if you’ve known of some very dodgy people throughout your life who wouldn’t hesitate to subject others to harassment and violence for minor indiscretions (as I have) you might also hesitate to get involved.

Especially when you see that the police are often incapable of actually fixing anything if they do turn up, and if they do get a case to court the final sentence is often so pathetic it does nothing worthwhile.

There seems to be a worryingly naive view on here that if you call the police they will come and magically fix everything.
The abusive son will be removed and never allowed to go near the mum again, the mum will be happy and the street will be calm.
The reality is usually very very different.

Borderstotheleftofme The OP's mum lives in a small block of flats.

The police don't rock up and say "We're here because the person at (insert door number) rang us

Any neighbour could've made that call when they heard the poor woman's cry for help.

I have been in this situation.
My neighbour came to my door begging me to call the police her partner had beaten her. I called police came. She pressed charges. Court case pending.
She takes him back. I have a newborn baby and 2 other dc. We have to walk by him every day. He came to my door with a knife to stab my partner (who was a work) i called the police. It was my word against his.
Housing just said keep a record. Police said keep phoning.
Court case came up. I had to take my mum and breakfed baby to court and arrange for someone to pick the other 2 up after school. Neither showed up twice. It was dismissed.
She called the police again and again and again. Told him it was us every single time.Took him back everytime. I had him trying to kick in our door abuse 24/7.
I had to phone someone and talk to them while we entered the house for our saftey- not that anyone else would aknowledge the danger we where in.
I not saying i would never phone again. But i had a knife pulled on me holding my newborn.

I definitely would double think.

To the posters saying the OP is being given a hard time when ‘she’s said she called the police’ ..... Read her posts again ....

‘I rang the police but hung up .. I feel shit’
‘Police are here now, I rang them’
‘Neighbour must have rang them’

That’s why she’s being given a hard time. It’s lies.

Icing on the cake when she moved, she was laughing woth her pal about finally having his rights stripped off his child. And she "made him look nuts"
They where as bad as each other

NeedsAdvicePlease11 that's not the same situation.

It was obvious you called the police because your neighbour came to you door.

This woman screamed "Call the police" in a small block of flats. The police aren't going to tell the son who called them.

the police don't rock up and say "We're here because the person at (insert door number) rang us
No, but the son will have opinions on who was the likeliest.

If the OP is the closest or if they have a reputation for being a bit nosy or if they have had disagreements in the past or if the son heard the OP and mum arguing about calling etc for example the son would probably assume it’s them.

@Borderstotheleftofme

the police don't rock up and say "We're here because the person at (insert door number) rang us No, but the son will have opinions on who was the likeliest.

If the OP is the closest or if they have a reputation for being a bit nosy or if they have had disagreements in the past or if the son heard the OP and mum arguing about calling etc for example the son would probably assume it’s them.

So she might as well have called the police anyway if that's the case, no matter who answered the woman's cry for help

Calling the police is a tricky thing, though. Because it is so unusual, it doesn’t come naturally.

@Nomnomarrgh

Calling the police is a tricky thing, though. Because it is so unusual, it doesn’t come naturally.

It seems like it did to half of Mumsnet during lockdown

[quote LemonadeAndDaisyChains]@Staffy1 what, really?? I thankfully have never had to put up with abuse, but jeez - WTF? You really think if someone is being abused, it's that easy to report it? Other factors like abusive, dangerous or whatever or being so far in maybe not physically but emotionally makes it hard to see clearly.
Bigger perspective needed....[/quote]
Shouting "call the police" would be just as dangerous as calling them yourself surely? (I'm not saying it would be as easy to call the police at the exact time of shouting for someone else to, but if this is going on for years, you are going to have opportunity to call the police at some time over the years).

[quote Yankathebear]@Staffy1 because you think it will stop. You think it will get better. It was a misunderstanding, they didn’t mean to hurt you. You deserved it. If you behave differently it will stop. They’re tired/poorly/stressed. It’s your fault.

‘Some people need to take responsibility for themselves’ this makes me so sad.[/quote]
I was responding to someone talking about years of abuse. At some point you should realise it's not going to stop and that it's not your fault, Surely? Plus if someone calls "call the police" they know what has to be done.

Loving the idea that's it's irresponsible not to rush out naked/ in a nightie to confront a group of teens in the middle of the night, calling the police is the wrong thing to do