Neighbour screamed "call the police" and I did nothing

[cobrapose]

I'm staying with my mum for a few days and my mum's neighbours son came home screaming, shouting and name calling his mother. I heard things being thrown and then she shouted "call the police". I was calling 999 then my mother asked me to stop. She told me not to get involved. I've just argued with her about ignoring this situation as her neighbour could end up dead one day.

I want to send a note in her letter box to tell her to call womens aid because her son is abusive.

I feel so awful for doing nothing.

They've stopped arguing now, but I feel like I should still do something to help.

I'm actually in shock. My neigbours don't do this.

I’m with your mum.
If they think it was you or your mum that called you may well get a whole heap of aggression at your door too now.
You should have kept out.

OK, so when a woman in distress screams "Call the police" and there's the sound of things being thrown, literally no-one should take any notice of her in case of repercussions?

I hope the people saying this are never in need of urgent assistance.

@WorraLiberty

OK, so when a woman in distress screams "Call the police" and there's the sound of things being thrown, literally no-one should take any notice of her in case of repercussions?

I hope the people saying this are never in need of urgent assistance.

When it’s her own son?

If the neighbour is scared of her own son, then it’s reasonable to assume the mum of OP is also scared of the consequences too....

@cobrapose

I called the police. Why are people here so nasty?

Possibly shocked that you could hear a woman screaming for help and you did nothing (your words in your opening post) because your mum said so.

But then five minutes after saying you feel awful that you did nothing you say the police are there and that you called them. Confusing.

I’m so glad you called the police. Oh my heart goes out to her. It is one thing to have a partner doing this, you can get rid. But a son? That must be so painful. Good on you, OP.

You can cal the police without 'getting involved', just don't give all your details and talk quietly if they live next door. (Obviously this is different from being a witness in a court trial) how would the neighbours know it was you that called?

Well done for calling the police

OK, so when a woman in distress screams "Call the police" and there's the sound of things being thrown, literally no-one should take any notice of her in case of repercussions?
I hope the people saying this are never in need of urgent assistance
I can only assume you have never been in contact with or known the sort of people the son probably is, that will make the mums life an absolute living hell if he gets wind it was her that called.

The police won’t do anything much, they can’t, they don’t have the funding or numbers and the justice system isn’t strict enough.

And most likely, the abused mum will side with the son, minimising, lying about what happened.

OP should have stayed out imo

When it’s her own son?

If the neighbour is scared of her own son, then it’s reasonable to assume the mum of OP is also scared of the consequences too....

FFS the woman needed urgent assistance not hand-wringing and navel gazing.

Thankfully someone else must've called them anyway and the police will not say who rang them.

So the OP and her mum could still be 'in the frame' even after doing nothing to help the poor woman.

OP please ignore the unkind comments. You were going to call, you then listened to your mother as it is her neighbour and she may have had more background info, you then sought further advice and made the call. The only thing that you are guilty of is a little dithering whilst you tried to weigh up the situation.

The police won’t do anything much, they can’t, they don’t have the funding or numbers and the justice system isn’t strict enough.

Well they're there now aren't they?

They can remove him from the house after his violent outburst. They can check the woman is ok, not injured and doesn't need an ambulance.

There are many things the Police can do once they actually arrive.

If people are nasty, it's because if someone's life is in danger and calling for help, there's no time to hesitate or time to post a thread on MN.

Hmmmm

I called the police. Why are people here so nasty?

Well, I'm now - your OP said that you started to call the police and then stopped because your mum told you to keep out of it!
Thankfully sounds like someone else heard her screams for help and acted on them if they're there now.

I’m with your mum.
If they think it was you or your mum that called you may well get a whole heap of aggression at your door too now.
You should have kept out.

Even though it was the woman herself who shouted to call them?!

I’d call the police in your situation OP so you did right in my opinion.

I hope no one else is ever in the same situation with no one responding if you feel threatened.

ShellsAndSunrises and even though the Police would never point and say "It was Doris from nextdoor who called us".

@Borderstotheleftofme your post about a lack of action is not true. This sort of domestic abuse is taken very seriously. I cannot believe the amount of people on here advocating doing nothing when someone is calling for help.

Maybe another neighbour did call the police. My mother lives in a small block of apartments.

The police are gone and neighbours son is just sitting outside on the curb with his girlfriend.

I wish people would RTFT before posting. Just change your settings to highlight the OPs posts. It will save you missing important stuff like "I've called the police" and "they are here now".

Well they're there now aren't they?
They can remove him from the house after his violent outburst. They can check the woman is ok, not injured and doesn't need an ambulance
There are many things the Police can do once they actually arrive
Without giving too much information away, I know victims of serious violence, not just domestic, it is unlikely imo that much will come of this.

The abused mum will probably defend the son, even if the police press charges and it goes to court, if the mum refuses to give evidence they may not pursue the case and everything will go back to how it was before.

If the son does twig it was OP and start harassing OPs mum their only option will be move.
The police are unlikely to be able to ‘fix’ it.

I was shocked that it happened at the time. I don't often see my mum bit she says its normal for them to have blazing rows.

Good for you calling the police, op.

Bystander syndrome

Not wanting to get involved

OP the replies are harsh

IRL it's different to what you would theoretically do

Also police aren't much use often

I called 999 after seeing a teen girl being beaten up outside our house. 10 mins to answer. No one came.

I wanted to yell out the window or go out. DH stopped me he said, they'll know where we live.

OP well done for calling.

you may well get a whole heap of aggression at your door too now.
You should have kept out.

Yeah, best just to ignore a woman screaming for help. God people are pathetic!