What smug parenting things did you say before you was a parent

[Soubriquet]

Mine

I was going to breastfeed.

Not really smug but I said it in a way before I was old enough to know better that it wasn’t easy...

No dummies

Nope Dd had gone. Ds refused his

Going to use a sling

Did with a bit with dd, more with ds when I discovered better slings

No plastic tat.

Yeah that didn’t last

No screens until they were older.

I discovered I preferred my cup of tea hot

baby led weaning and it was going to be all organic

Mostly baby led. Spoon fed on occasion. Definitely not organic as I remembered I had to eat too

My dd was a master with her dummy. She could talk round it perfectly and twirl it impressively in her mouth...we got rid of it...eventually.

I still cringe every time I remember talking to a friend whose 18 month old was a terrible sleeper. I was heavily pregnant at the time with DC1. We were decorating the nursery in anticipation (Poor dc2 - we just about managed to drag out her brothers old Moses basket before I went to hospital to be induced....). I put the phone down and turned to DH while rubbing my belly in a ridiculous earth mother way and said firmly, "no child of mine will reach 18 months without sleeping through the night."

Ds was 7 before he reliably slept through. That's right, 7.

The only small mercy is that I did not say it to her. Plus DH and I get a good laugh out of it now. God I was a dick.

That I was never going to loose my temper...... 🙄

I was adamant that my child would listen, be a good girl and do what she is told.... She is so stubborn, she doesn't do anything i ask her to do... Eg.:come on, get in the bath, lets brush teeth. Please be quiet your sister is trying to go down for a nap. Nope not once does she listen. Shes 3 and i find her hard work. The baby is so much easier right now. I tried breast feeding twice, i really wanted to, just didnt work for us. To cook fresh food everyday.

No plastic tat. No TV/screens to avoid subsequent addiction. I sort of managed that. Our first TV was for the London Olympics when Son was 9. But I don’t know any more screen addicted teens than him.

My other one, as a teacher, was ‘My child will never be allowed to run out of school & dump all their stuff on me. He can carry it.’ Yeah. He can & could have. But he dumped it on me from day 1.

No painkillers during labour - tick

Only breast feeding - massive cross (tongue tie, inverted nipple, hallucinations from lack of sleep)

No dummies - life saver for two lovely years 😆

No TV in his room - literally lost this battle today (nearly 8) though in fairness by DH has just completed week 20 of just him and DS so bravo to him

I said at my NCT class that ‘we won’t bother with a sleep routine as we don’t want to be rigidly stuck to a certain bed time every day, we want the baby to fit round us...’.

Cue looks of horror from a few of the other couples and NCT teacher.

In reality, I ended up buying Gina Fords book when my son was 8 weeks old and never looked back

My DTs were only going to eat healthy home cooked meals, and would positively love veg. Weaning went swimmingly, I puréed and all was good until they were introduced to chips. Now DD won’t eat anything unless it’s beige, veg must be hidden, and anything not already on the beige list isn’t even tried before being launched.

No squash only water. Water is for playing with only in their eyes, it’s not for drinking.

No peppa pig. Admittedly we’ve stuck to that, but Shaun the bloody sheep is the replacement, and my daughter baaaaas when angry. We’ve been successful at reducing the amount it’s watched though as for an alarming period DD stopped talking and baaaad and moooed instead of using actual words.

I thought kids would fit in to our lives, and we’d be in charge of two adorable agreeable mini versions of ourselves. The kids rule our lives, sometimes adorably but we are most definitely not in charge. DS has some speech issues but has learnt to say ‘no mama’ in a really disappointed I feel so sorry for you you absolute idiot manner.

Thought we’d be a democracy. I’m a dictator. Don’t worry though, the kids don’t care as they don’t listen anyway.

Wooden educational toys only = all of the toot toot range (some in duplicate) and I can’t look anywhere without seeing a plastic toy! To be fair, the wooden toys were bloody brilliant when they were teething.

All toys would be tidied away. Kids didn’t get that memo, standing on discarded duplo is now a way of life. I’m so tired that I don’t always notice.

I thought having twins would be tough but I’d find my rhythm. As soon as I do, they up and change the track so I’m constantly on the back foot, puzzling over how to make our lives flow.

Before having kids I thought videos of twins working together were cute and hilarious but staged in some way. They’re not, and when they’re your kids it’s neither cute nor hilarious. I now have no surface they can’t reach and have taken to blocking cupboards with other items of furniture.

I stupidly thought saying NO would be sufficient. I’d no idea I’d have kids who literally don’t understand this and think it means ‘sure, crack on!’

My toddlers are arseholes. Wouldn’t change them for the world, I hope that they keep their sassy ways as they’ll conquer the world. My only hope now is to live to see it 😂

I love these.
My kids were going to fit around our lives. Merrily took my 3 week old to a friends wedding 2 hours drive away. He screamed most of the way there. Screamed in the ceremony (I took him outside and missed the whole thing trying to settle him). On the way home, we got stuck in traffic, I had to feed him in the back seat. Then he did an explosive poo that went everywhere and I had to try and change him in the back seat. I realised then that things were going to be different now!
I did keep him away from TV and junk food. Now he is addicted to both. When his younger brother came along, I had far fewer expectations and rules. He doesn't really care about TV. Doesn't like sweets or sugary foods and is generally pretty chilled.
I actually miss Peppa pig now all they want to watch are YouTube gamers playing minecraft or something similar whilst narrating in their screechy voices (I thought I wouldn't let them watch this rubbish either).
My friend who's never had kids has many opinions about how to be a great parent. As she never wants kids, she will probably always be a fantastic mum!

Wrote a birth plan.

What’s with all the dummy hate? I think they’re great. Babies are soothed and comforted by sucking. It’s like keeping them clean, warm and with full tummies. Why wouldn’t you want your baby to feel safe and content?
My DS1 had dummies until 18 months when I got rid. DS2 cried a lot and I tried to get him to take one but unfortunately he wasn’t interested.

"We'll do baby lead weaning and he'll eat anything."

In my defence, my nephew was going through that magical (short) phase of it working. Both boys are fussy now.

My child would fit in with me and my plans.

Lol. DS is autistic and can hardly leave the house. When he was little he would basically scream in any place with more than two people.

Beautiful, for me the dummy hate is about the feeling that they are used to silence kids - that’s why they are called dummies, no? Although, in desperate attempt to silence both my babies , I tried to offer to both but neither would have it. I was not that upset about that one. Really not judging tho as I know now we all do what we can to survive.

I think this is so interesting and also a bit sad, says a lot about the pressure we feel around being ideal mothers and the messages we have absorbed about what that is. Also though how you learn becoming a parent that you learn you are in a relationship with a real person who is also part of the equation!

I was, (still am) anti very gendered stuff for kids, would avoid pink and frilly as much as possible (send back stuff people gave me with an internal eye roll). However, DD went to nursery and absorbed all the world told her to about being a princess, fantasising about make up, only girls do x,y,z etc. I still cringe but I’ve enjoyed relaxing my ideals to include this real person who is so delighted by dresses and frills - probably she wouldn’t have been so obsessed if I hadn’t tried to deny them so much. I will still point out where possible how much of a hindrance her dresses are to her climbing and other activities she enjoys tho, but I feel like a sell out. Maybe this is not the tone of this thread tho?!

Same for the screen time. She didn't have any til one and I'd try and keep loose limits. Then lockdown happened and I'm trying to wean her off

Also, wasn't going to let a child take over the house... Hmmm going to need a bigger house

I have to admire my brother. God, he had a LOT of opinions on child rearing and the restof us were desperate for him to have dc.

When he FINALLY did, he basically apologised for the 10 years of judging he had been doing. Was v funny.

“When I have kids they won’t be fussy eaters, they will eat what they are given” Hahahahhaha I have the worlds most fussy eater who is currently having rich tea biscuits and milk for breakfast.

It will get easier when they are older

Oh no it won't

I thought fussy eating was down to patenting. I have had massive comeuppance!

Organic food all the way
I was only going to breast feed
My kid would never have tantrums

And the biggest two that I am so ashamed of

Adhd doesn't exist it's just bad parenting
And single mums on benefits were scroungers.

Every single one has bitten me on the arse especially the last two

I have 2 children with adhd and asd and investigating the 3rd

And I've been a single mum twice on benefits... and I've seen life completely from.the otherside.. i apologise in advance in case I get bashed

And I've got a diagnoses of adhd myself🤣

No Disney

I went from a "no guns" stance to a box marked "Weapons"

Delusion: I would definitely breastfeed.
Reality: Raging mastitis led to us bulk buying the litre cartons of SMA Gold.

Delusion: My children would never look at screens until secondary school, and they would be superlative bookworms.
Reality: Because I boot camped them, when they were 8 they had the reading level of an average 15 year old. But, they rebelled and have determinedly not read a single book for pleasure in years.

Delusion: They would always be beautifully dressed in age/weather appropriate clothing.
Reality: Well, this one I did keep for many years, and they were always immaculately turned out in Monsoon or John Lewis outfits and polished Start-Rites. But, then they got their own opinions, and nowadays their idea of getting dressed up is swapping a Topshop hoodie for a Tommy Hilfiger one. They have both been adamant coat refusers for many years and footwear is only ever high end Adidas or scruffy Vans, ideally with the backs trodden down.

Delusion: Their bedrooms would always be clean, fresh and orderly.
Reality: Again, I kept this up until they turned TEEN. Nowadays, I have to pay the cleaner danger money to venture into their rooms. And, even DH, who has a famously low bar when it comes to tidiness, is shocked at the mess.

One thing I have stuck to is 'sweetie day'. Dd 4 wanted sweets all day every day and so Wednesday became sweetie day 🙂 On special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays etc she can have them. DH family think I'm mean 😁